Epic Fail

[Azot]

So for a while i was enjoying journeying on the spice so i could take back some images to draw, as i had been getting some awesome inspiration.

Then there came an experience where an entity was angry with me, i asked it, "why are you so angry at me?" to which i got a response to the effect of, "you can't just come here and take pictures like a tourist, you're missing out on something far more profound" At this point it was as if i was suddenly kneeling before this great divine spiritual teacher, i went into 'sacred appreciation mode' so to speak. I took the message firmly and gratefully and started approaching the spice from a more humble and sacred approach.

So a week later, i spent an hour or so setting my intention and getting into this spiritual head space. I hadnt experienced a directly spiritual journey on the spice yet and was really hoping to.

While taking the second hit i saw an OEV in the flame of the lighter i was using, so i knew i was going deep again. I closed my eyes after the third and was immediately inside a brightly lit dome with tesselating patterns on the walls. Everything was still and silent, which i found very unusual. There was a bright light above me and an energy presence which i felt as 'psychic energy' on my crown chakra. It felt as if this energy was trying to pull me out of my body through my crown. I had a previous experience which began in a similar fashion which was too much for me, i was trying to brave through it but my fear won out and i resisted. As i resisted it was like a thousand holy goddesses were calling me from behind the light and energy, saying softly and with love "dont be afraid, come with us, this is what you asked for."

My fear had won over on me again and i was left with the bitter taste of self dissapointment, as when i finally get the experience i was after i bottled out. Still, i learnt the hard way that i still have work to do in dissolving that fear and i once again find myself humbled.

 

[SnozzleBerry]

You cannot be a tourist among the spirits. (7:07, if the link didn't pre-load )

Welcome to the Nexus and thanks for sharing.

Many of us encounter fear/anxiety/apprehension when working with DMT. It's completely natural when dealing with a substance of this magnitude. Letting go of this, in the moments you can, will aid greatly in deeper experiences. If you can take the vapor in in one hit, that may also aid in rapid transitions, giving less time for hesitance/trepidation.

 

[Azot]

Thanks for the link and the warm welcome SnozzleBerry, its almost creepy that the guy describes the journey i've been through so far on the spice, one of being tested for strength and told not to be a tourist, i'm sure thats pretty typical of course but i handt thought about it like that.

I like to think that it would be boring and less useful if you could just get a nice easy peak experience on the spice. In computer games you can't just fight the final boss straight off the bat, the joy is in the journey to the boss, and thats where we get stronger. Its a great journey to be on!

 

[ab381]

Pretty interesting story Azot, i often feel that way during meditation actually. When i start meditating it takes me about 5 minutes to reach an extremely intense peak of vibrations that start from my feet and end in the middle of my forehead around the third eye region. I know for a fact if i keep meditating i will have an out of body experience but that fear of letting go is something i have struggled with for the last 2 years. The intensity when peaking is something that i get worried about every time and i always end up backing out and opening my eyes at the last minute which isn't particularly pleasant either due to the fact that i feel spaced out for the rest of the day if i don't follow through.

Having said that i would probably feel much more comfortable with someone meditating with me or watching over me during this time, and maybe then my fears of having an OBE would be allayed, although finding a trustworthy trip companion is the problem in my situation. Regardless i say do whatever you need to do to personally feel at the most comfortable in your tripping environment like having a person there or being somewhere where you are at the most ease. Apart from that you can also maybe take Terrence Mckenna's advice on dealing with fear which was to smoke a high enough amount of DMT so that its impossible to resist letting go or holding onto anything that keeps you grounded in this reality; which i found was quite an insightful and alternative way of approaching DMT trips when compared to working your way up slowly in amounts.

 

[anrchy]

I wouldn't call this an epic fail by any means. I toyed around with lower doses for quite some time. During this period I experienced prebreakthrough experiences just like you many times. This is where I learned a lot of lessons.

 

[Azot]

Wow that sounds like a pretty intense meditative experience ab381! good luck with moving through the fear, no doubt a wonderful experience is awaiting you on the other side. I definitely feel more comfortable with a good sitter, but like yourself i don't have one available most of the time. I've taken a big dose before to try to get over my fears but it didnt go so well, don't think i'll go overly big again!

I completely agree Anrchy, the power and utility of sub-breakthrough experiences shouldnt be underestimated, ive taken so much from such experiences and they're easy to handle and integrate, cant ask for more than that.

 

[Infectedstyle]

Don't be so hard on yourself

I think that fear is a natural obstacle to overcome. My advise is to let the fear be your anchor and let your inner strength guide you towards this anchor instead of letting your strength pull you away from ur destination