This post discusses suicidal thoughts. please proceed reading only if you are not sensitive to this subject.
Using a prefilled cart 1g:1ml I believe, maybe higher as I melted the crystals after a few early uses with a heat gun. Attached to ooze twist slim pen 2.0 set to 3.0 volts. (mod and RTA still in the works for my next batch to help with breakthroughs using a 1g-2ml ratio juice.) dosage was an initial pre-heat using the 2 press function on the pen. A 10 second intake followed by a 5 second intake for this trip. Likely dosage somewhere between 20-30mg? Hard to tell until I have my new setup.
Inexperienced at only a few months at this point, starting with really low dosages, and anything close to a breakthrough only in the past month or so. I don’t think I’ve gotten there yet, despite the amazing experiences I’ve had with it so far, but I will know more when my new setup is done.
Mental was not great, just had a big fight. I am aware that set and setting are important but I was not in a good spot and did not care in this moment. My previous experiences have helped me to appreciate life and that is what I needed and thought I would get. I did but just not how I expected.
The trip takes place in my truck in a dimly lit parking lot. I am listening to the album “music for nine post cards” by Hiroshi yoshimura, starting from the top with “water copy”
the trip goes as expected with the typical disconnection and heavy visuals. But then something feels very wrong. I feel a piercing screech or vibration in my core, bones, or veins, it’s hard to describe but I have felt it before when going from reality to the trip, and I breathe my way through it as that is all I feel I can do.
I then find myself back in my truck, but a dark disconnected version. I believe my eyes are open at this point but I cannot tell. Everything outside is a dark void, and my truck is dark and wrong with a purple glow and feels like outlines more than shapes. I feel like something is wrong and that something irreversible and permanent has happened.
I have a brief flash memory and a sudden thought that I had shot myself in a moment of weakness. I have an overwhelming sense of regret, thinking of all the things I had wanted to do, and a wish that this wasn’t real. An over-watching presence tells me that this is real, that they’re sorry, and that they’ll be here with me. I feel that I am in a purgatory or afterlife, and mostly filter between feelings of fear, regret, and disbelief. I think to myself that I would not do that, that yes people do this but I was not that distraught, I had things I wanted to do. Again, I am told that this is real and has happened, but that I won’t be alone. This continues for what feels like perhaps 10-15 minutes. Until the scene begins to slowly clarify. I get the feeling that I am trying to be made more comfortable by the presence, by providing more space and clarity to my surroundings.
Around begin to notice my surroundings again but everything feels fake in that moment, and I am visited by a repeating presence separate from the one over watching me. The new presence has often checked on me in my trips, especially bad ones. It is a distinctly feminine presence, typically made of a humanoid outline with a bright shining light centered in the chest area. I often get the sense of “are you alright, are you okay?” Whenever they visit.
At this point most of my truck comes into focus and I begin to recognize the exterior environment as well, but everything is still altered. I make note of the music and the returning to reality and feel a reluctant relief, as I begin to feel that I did not do that irreversible mistake. After a few more minutes, I am back grounded in reality.
My afterthoughts of that moment are mixed. A blend of “I am okay” followed with “no, I am not okay” for the first 15 minutes of reality. These first 15 minutes feel as though I have avoided something or as though I had almost killed myself. And are filled with a mix of relief, and of appreciation for my life.
After 30 minutes reality has grounded itself more, I understand that I never did go out to do anything like that. I believe there is a subconscious or small part of me that felt that was an option and the DMT pulled that out and showed me how much I would regret it. I am still processing my feelings on this, I feel that it was a valuable experience, but a very terrifying one. I do believe that under better mental conditions and better preparation, terrifying experiences like this do not need to be experienced to gain a similar appreciation of life. But I would be curious to hear from anyone else who may be more experienced and may have had a similar experience.
If this isn’t appropriate I will moderate my posts in the future, but I do appreciate this experience and the introspection it has spurred in me.
Using a prefilled cart 1g:1ml I believe, maybe higher as I melted the crystals after a few early uses with a heat gun. Attached to ooze twist slim pen 2.0 set to 3.0 volts. (mod and RTA still in the works for my next batch to help with breakthroughs using a 1g-2ml ratio juice.) dosage was an initial pre-heat using the 2 press function on the pen. A 10 second intake followed by a 5 second intake for this trip. Likely dosage somewhere between 20-30mg? Hard to tell until I have my new setup.
Inexperienced at only a few months at this point, starting with really low dosages, and anything close to a breakthrough only in the past month or so. I don’t think I’ve gotten there yet, despite the amazing experiences I’ve had with it so far, but I will know more when my new setup is done.
Mental was not great, just had a big fight. I am aware that set and setting are important but I was not in a good spot and did not care in this moment. My previous experiences have helped me to appreciate life and that is what I needed and thought I would get. I did but just not how I expected.
The trip takes place in my truck in a dimly lit parking lot. I am listening to the album “music for nine post cards” by Hiroshi yoshimura, starting from the top with “water copy”
the trip goes as expected with the typical disconnection and heavy visuals. But then something feels very wrong. I feel a piercing screech or vibration in my core, bones, or veins, it’s hard to describe but I have felt it before when going from reality to the trip, and I breathe my way through it as that is all I feel I can do.
I then find myself back in my truck, but a dark disconnected version. I believe my eyes are open at this point but I cannot tell. Everything outside is a dark void, and my truck is dark and wrong with a purple glow and feels like outlines more than shapes. I feel like something is wrong and that something irreversible and permanent has happened.
I have a brief flash memory and a sudden thought that I had shot myself in a moment of weakness. I have an overwhelming sense of regret, thinking of all the things I had wanted to do, and a wish that this wasn’t real. An over-watching presence tells me that this is real, that they’re sorry, and that they’ll be here with me. I feel that I am in a purgatory or afterlife, and mostly filter between feelings of fear, regret, and disbelief. I think to myself that I would not do that, that yes people do this but I was not that distraught, I had things I wanted to do. Again, I am told that this is real and has happened, but that I won’t be alone. This continues for what feels like perhaps 10-15 minutes. Until the scene begins to slowly clarify. I get the feeling that I am trying to be made more comfortable by the presence, by providing more space and clarity to my surroundings.
Around begin to notice my surroundings again but everything feels fake in that moment, and I am visited by a repeating presence separate from the one over watching me. The new presence has often checked on me in my trips, especially bad ones. It is a distinctly feminine presence, typically made of a humanoid outline with a bright shining light centered in the chest area. I often get the sense of “are you alright, are you okay?” Whenever they visit.
At this point most of my truck comes into focus and I begin to recognize the exterior environment as well, but everything is still altered. I make note of the music and the returning to reality and feel a reluctant relief, as I begin to feel that I did not do that irreversible mistake. After a few more minutes, I am back grounded in reality.
My afterthoughts of that moment are mixed. A blend of “I am okay” followed with “no, I am not okay” for the first 15 minutes of reality. These first 15 minutes feel as though I have avoided something or as though I had almost killed myself. And are filled with a mix of relief, and of appreciation for my life.
After 30 minutes reality has grounded itself more, I understand that I never did go out to do anything like that. I believe there is a subconscious or small part of me that felt that was an option and the DMT pulled that out and showed me how much I would regret it. I am still processing my feelings on this, I feel that it was a valuable experience, but a very terrifying one. I do believe that under better mental conditions and better preparation, terrifying experiences like this do not need to be experienced to gain a similar appreciation of life. But I would be curious to hear from anyone else who may be more experienced and may have had a similar experience.
If this isn’t appropriate I will moderate my posts in the future, but I do appreciate this experience and the introspection it has spurred in me.
