Fear itself.

[DeltaSpice]

For the past week or so i have been hitting the Changa daily. vine alks + spice infused to shredded vine on a bed of mullein in a rizla. On top of that i am constantly taking tincture.

I take some tokes then hit play on the music and don the blindfold and lay back.

Then comes a dose of fear, i am sure we can all relate. Fight or flight time. I can panic remove the blindfold and deny or accept and appreciate. I've been doing this for a long time so i no longer panic but i still have the fear at onset.

Last session whilst under, i went into deep thought about this fear and why it occurs. This is what i came up with:

I am safely tucked away in my body behind layers, comfortable and protected but as soon and the plants take effect i rise up through those layers out of comfort and into a pure reality. What i have trouble putting into words is how it feels like a raw reality, totally exposed. More real than the reality i am in whilst typing this, the shock/feeling of this is the cause of the fear.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

I hope everyone is doing well.

Thanks

 

[northape]

I am safely tucked away in my body behind layers, comfortable and protected but as soon and the plants take effect i rise up through those layers out of comfort and into a pure reality. What i have trouble putting into words is how it feels like a raw reality, totally exposed. More real than the reality i am in whilst typing this, the shock/feeling of this is the cause of the fear.

I feel like people don't really appreciate the ego structure enough. The ego only wants to survive and does everything for survival. It was developed over millennia of evolution. Our everyday sense of peace and confidence comes from this part of ourselves. It gives us a shield and protection from the stress and craziness of others, from traffic, and from work demands. It's the ultimate coping mechanism made by Nature, in Nature, for Nature.

So, of course, it's going to feel raw when the ego starts to shut down. Reality is totally insane; it's beyond our capacity to comprehend and control. The death of the ego feels like dying because it's our default reference point. How difficult is it to let go of this old friend, even if he's a jerk most of the time? We know nothing beyond this construct because we live through it. It's a pair of glasses that we never take off. It's so close to us that we see it as ourselves.

So, what's on the other side? It's a mystery. It's far beyond the ego's domain, so language falls short. All we have is awe, wonder, and pure, spacious awareness. Awareness that has no limits, beginnings, or ends. It's turtles all the way down, my friend.

 

[Tripolation]

I know what you are talking about. It was this very thing that lead me into ritual and ceremony. It is a preparation to embark on a journey. When I prepare, I have less fear or none. Ritual and ceremony is very important to me in my psychedelic practice. It was born out of necessity. It allows me reverence and respect for the medicine I am using, a guiding force for intent and integration and allows me to let go, surrender and trust that the universe will provide me with what I need in the experience.

 

[premeditated]

For the past week or so i have been hitting the Changa daily. vine alks + spice infused to shredded vine on a bed of mullein in a rizla. On top of that i am constantly taking tincture.

I take some tokes then hit play on the music and don the blindfold and lay back.

Then comes a dose of fear, i am sure we can all relate. Fight or flight time. I can panic remove the blindfold and deny or accept and appreciate. I've been doing this for a long time so i no longer panic but i still have the fear at onset.

Last session whilst under, i went into deep thought about this fear and why it occurs. This is what i came up with:

I am safely tucked away in my body behind layers, comfortable and protected but as soon and the plants take effect i rise up through those layers out of comfort and into a pure reality. What i have trouble putting into words is how it feels like a raw reality, totally exposed. More real than the reality i am in whilst typing this, the shock/feeling of this is the cause of the fear.

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this?

I hope everyone is doing well.

Thanks

It bothers me quite a bit bc I've had only positive experiences. But I'm super scared everytime. Frustrates me bc when I was an addict I was never afraid to put stuff into my body that can kill me and do irreversible damage.