Rideronthewheel
Rising Star
- Merits
- 42
Hi all,
I finally broke through last night for the first time. I went into the experience after having a bad day. It was really a bad day that was the culmination of multiple bad days. I was feeling very bad about myself, my physical appearance, my prospects at love, and so forth. I was wary that I might have a bad trip because of this negative mindset, though I wanted to try to breakthrough again for some reason. I managed to calm down and clear my mind as I sat in bed, ready to go. Lights off, late at night, noise-canceling earbuds in listening quietly to a great 'Om chant' meditation track. No distractions, perfectly comfortable. I took multiple large hits, fell back and left. Here's what I wrote after my experience. It was written in a very abbreviated style as it was near 2am.
"Took 3 or 4 hits. Some very big. Pressure built. Frequency in my head. Colored, star-pangled blackness took hold of my vision. Within 20 seconds of starting I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed. Rushed through the ‘mandala’ phase . I don’t remember much about it. Initial image was of a rainbow-colored, kaleidoscopic pattern. Very quickly that gave way to a dark, gray ‘chamber,’ Arrived before a council of tall, looming Egyptian statue-like black shadow entities. They felt masculine, though they were more or less featureless. Main figure in middle. Side ones too. I’d say maybe three total, but maybe 5. Wordless communication. Feeling and experience dominated. Highly visual, though. I was sort of crying, though no tears fell, saying, “I’m trying, I’m trying…[but it’s hard]” and was comforted or consoled like a baby by ethereal female forms, fluid and vaporous like wind but formed beautiful female faces. These ‘spirits’ made me feel better, made me know things would be ok. All silently. I remember at one point being oriented in a sort of cradled position, with my upper self leaning to the left. The female beings washed over me from the left. I experienced multiple body ‘highs’ after this where I involuntarily and quite forcefully smiled as much as possible and expressed joy and amazed elation with all my body. I could not prevent myself from smiling and wanting to giggle. I experienced the profound truth of human existence (or part of it). The ‘me’ of this trip was myself in pure consciousness form. I then felt myself being animated back into bodily form. Felt at times like being birthed. Could feel the organic-nature of human life. Felt my body as skeletal and muscular. Was very much like taking control of a body suit or something. I was being downloaded, animated into human form. I felt my body. Moved my jaw around and was marveling at the feeling of incarnation. Then the trip began to fade slowly. I remember kind of falling away from this place, from the beings. Still very affected, I felt my whole body. Took many huge breaths. Very emotional. Felt strong. Infused with vitality. Felt very invigorated, like my battery was recharded. Real vitality. I remember gripping the lighter in my right hand, other fist clenched, flexing my muscles and gasping for breaths. Not in a panicked way, but more like coming back to life or turing on. Then felt extremely calm. At some point in the mix I was made to realize about life that, “it’s just a ride...”
This trip was exactly what I needed. It dealt with my insecurities about my body, about finding love, about seizing life rather than continuing my kind of stale, course-less life. Amazing. So amazing. I’m so humbled. So appreciative of the experience and of being alive. Very profound. It was the best therapy session. The best mother-son bonding moment. The most profound, real, and awakening thing.
Based on this experience, I think consciousness or the ‘spirit’ is something that manifests in a human body. The human body and especially brain is mere organic machinery. A host. All biology. Consciousness is like the essence of one’s being that’s almost installed in a person’s core. It is, however, affected greatly by the sort of storm of human emotions and urges that circle around it. I think dmt removes your spirit from your body and brings it ‘back home to this hyperspace.’ Only upon reentering your body does one have a troubling experience making sense of things because their judgmental machinery distorts their thinking. They are the ones who cannot process the experience correctly and therefore are disturbed by it. It's not the experience, it's the brain trying to analyze it and failing. That is bad. Also, those who wrestle with the power of the experience and refuse to let go of control have negative experiences. It dissolves boundaries and the ego loss is very real. If you can’t handle that, the experience is bad because you aren’t ready, not because the drug is bad. Everything has a positive and negative side. DMT can be used positively and negatively too, but those potentials are determined by the user, not what’s being used."
Very powerful stuff. I could go on about how it changed my views on life, consciousness, and about what happens at death. I'd feel really embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty if I were to go back before taking some steps with my life. I really would expect them to be there waiting, and to ask why I'm back again so soon. They knew me, they knew what I needed. It was cathartic and therapeutic. I'm in awe. Will I know when it's time to return? Am I right in feeling I need to apply these teachings first?
No amount of philosophizing, rationalizing, or logical deduction can make one understand this state and these experiences. They cannot be described or conveyed adequately through language. It may all sound like metaphysical lofty idealism to people, but anyone who experiences it will realize otherwise. Realer than can be imagined.
Thanks for this wonderful site and community!
Neil
I finally broke through last night for the first time. I went into the experience after having a bad day. It was really a bad day that was the culmination of multiple bad days. I was feeling very bad about myself, my physical appearance, my prospects at love, and so forth. I was wary that I might have a bad trip because of this negative mindset, though I wanted to try to breakthrough again for some reason. I managed to calm down and clear my mind as I sat in bed, ready to go. Lights off, late at night, noise-canceling earbuds in listening quietly to a great 'Om chant' meditation track. No distractions, perfectly comfortable. I took multiple large hits, fell back and left. Here's what I wrote after my experience. It was written in a very abbreviated style as it was near 2am.
"Took 3 or 4 hits. Some very big. Pressure built. Frequency in my head. Colored, star-pangled blackness took hold of my vision. Within 20 seconds of starting I couldn't tell if my eyes were open or closed. Rushed through the ‘mandala’ phase . I don’t remember much about it. Initial image was of a rainbow-colored, kaleidoscopic pattern. Very quickly that gave way to a dark, gray ‘chamber,’ Arrived before a council of tall, looming Egyptian statue-like black shadow entities. They felt masculine, though they were more or less featureless. Main figure in middle. Side ones too. I’d say maybe three total, but maybe 5. Wordless communication. Feeling and experience dominated. Highly visual, though. I was sort of crying, though no tears fell, saying, “I’m trying, I’m trying…[but it’s hard]” and was comforted or consoled like a baby by ethereal female forms, fluid and vaporous like wind but formed beautiful female faces. These ‘spirits’ made me feel better, made me know things would be ok. All silently. I remember at one point being oriented in a sort of cradled position, with my upper self leaning to the left. The female beings washed over me from the left. I experienced multiple body ‘highs’ after this where I involuntarily and quite forcefully smiled as much as possible and expressed joy and amazed elation with all my body. I could not prevent myself from smiling and wanting to giggle. I experienced the profound truth of human existence (or part of it). The ‘me’ of this trip was myself in pure consciousness form. I then felt myself being animated back into bodily form. Felt at times like being birthed. Could feel the organic-nature of human life. Felt my body as skeletal and muscular. Was very much like taking control of a body suit or something. I was being downloaded, animated into human form. I felt my body. Moved my jaw around and was marveling at the feeling of incarnation. Then the trip began to fade slowly. I remember kind of falling away from this place, from the beings. Still very affected, I felt my whole body. Took many huge breaths. Very emotional. Felt strong. Infused with vitality. Felt very invigorated, like my battery was recharded. Real vitality. I remember gripping the lighter in my right hand, other fist clenched, flexing my muscles and gasping for breaths. Not in a panicked way, but more like coming back to life or turing on. Then felt extremely calm. At some point in the mix I was made to realize about life that, “it’s just a ride...”
This trip was exactly what I needed. It dealt with my insecurities about my body, about finding love, about seizing life rather than continuing my kind of stale, course-less life. Amazing. So amazing. I’m so humbled. So appreciative of the experience and of being alive. Very profound. It was the best therapy session. The best mother-son bonding moment. The most profound, real, and awakening thing.
Based on this experience, I think consciousness or the ‘spirit’ is something that manifests in a human body. The human body and especially brain is mere organic machinery. A host. All biology. Consciousness is like the essence of one’s being that’s almost installed in a person’s core. It is, however, affected greatly by the sort of storm of human emotions and urges that circle around it. I think dmt removes your spirit from your body and brings it ‘back home to this hyperspace.’ Only upon reentering your body does one have a troubling experience making sense of things because their judgmental machinery distorts their thinking. They are the ones who cannot process the experience correctly and therefore are disturbed by it. It's not the experience, it's the brain trying to analyze it and failing. That is bad. Also, those who wrestle with the power of the experience and refuse to let go of control have negative experiences. It dissolves boundaries and the ego loss is very real. If you can’t handle that, the experience is bad because you aren’t ready, not because the drug is bad. Everything has a positive and negative side. DMT can be used positively and negatively too, but those potentials are determined by the user, not what’s being used."
Very powerful stuff. I could go on about how it changed my views on life, consciousness, and about what happens at death. I'd feel really embarrassed, ashamed, or guilty if I were to go back before taking some steps with my life. I really would expect them to be there waiting, and to ask why I'm back again so soon. They knew me, they knew what I needed. It was cathartic and therapeutic. I'm in awe. Will I know when it's time to return? Am I right in feeling I need to apply these teachings first?
No amount of philosophizing, rationalizing, or logical deduction can make one understand this state and these experiences. They cannot be described or conveyed adequately through language. It may all sound like metaphysical lofty idealism to people, but anyone who experiences it will realize otherwise. Realer than can be imagined.
Thanks for this wonderful site and community!
Neil
) I was given a hyper-slap and the door TOTALLY hit my ass on the way out! They don't like to be ignored, especially with something as basic as oral hygiene; ignoring them on reckless use of DMT would probably wind up with the user begging for mercy from the wrathful side!
