First Breakthrough was Pretty Frightening. Help!

[Skr9]

Hey Fink. Thanks for still reading and responding to me. It really helps. This is hard.

The funny thing is I didn’t get a sense of chaos in there. It was the realisation of the connotations of what I was being told. All the while I was “what is happening here? Why?” I just had no idea it was going to be this.

You’ve been on the other side a lot. This is my first time. You must have had some good experiences to go again.

Don't stop to discover, and you'll find the answers.

 

[northape]

I think these hard journeys are the best. You've been shown what you were most unaware of, imo.
It's going to open you up and change your life in a number of ways. Just don't be too much in your head.
You can't quite fully understand it. All we do is create a bunch of stories after the fact.
Enjoy your everyday life, be kind to others and yourself, cultivate presence of mind and Love.
I think this illusion is a good place to do your homework. By changing yourself, you change what is possible.
And later on you can always revisit and see what's on the other side. Experiences are endless, but the presence is One.
All the best

 

[Here&Now]

So, this was visceral. Something grabbed me and told me how things are. I remember sentences. Not just impression or feelings. It was so profoundly starling. I am not a person who believes in spiritual things let alone religious type experiences. So, I’m also dealing with what I would describe as ontological shock.

Right, I'm someone who was agnostic at one point, but then suddenly convinced about the reality of spirituality. There's a strong aspect of self-authentication built into these mystical experiences, and the obviousness of their truth only becomes more apparent as you delve deeper. I went through a destabilizing period of shock myself, but you should know that it's possible to come out the other side with a renewed vigor. It would appear that the human experience is much broader in its scope than anyone could have guessed, and a clear path to higher states of consciousness has already been laid out by those who came before via the esoteric aspects of the world's religions. When spirituality is matured, reality's nature as sat chit ananda stands out prominently, as opposed to the horrors of devious higher-dimensional beings forcefully revealing your never-ending state as the only thing in all of existence.

 

[CosmicRiver]

Hi @ReverseConcaveSpoon
I hope you are still reading the forum. Don't worry about the experience you had. I'll explain why you shouldn't.

I once read the report of a person on a forum. Every time this person smoked Salvia divinorum, he found out that they were a carpet hanging on a wall and that in front of them there was an elephant head, and that it was the real world, while everyday life was an illusion. Does it make sense to you that we're carpets hanging on walls staring elephant heads? You should take your experience with the same scepticism.

Let's suppose you visited a really existing place (like another dimension). Maybe those entities were just making fun of you. Or more probably IMO, you were just confronted with one of your fears.

Now talking about this fear or anyway this thought that frightens you, that only you exist and it's all an illusion. This can't be the ultimate reality. Because ultimate reality goes beyond all mental concepts, and "Only I exist" is a mental concept, an extreme. "Oneness", "multiplicity", "existing", "non-existing" are among such extremes or mental concepts. Reality is beyond all of them. So don't worry about only you existing. That's not the truth.

And don't think that those entities were right just because that realm was hyper-real. The hyper-realness of a realm doesn't mean that the entities you see in it are real, or that they tell the truth. They can be just manifestations of your mind, of your fears.

In that state, you have the potential to recognize your true nature, but only if you are not distracted by the projections of your mind, by your fears. If you manage to keep your firmness against those entities and what they say, and tell them "I know you are just manifestations of my fears inside my own mind", believing your words, they will disappear just like they have appeared, and the nature of your mind, the nature of reality, will shine, and you won't fear anymore. You don't have to take DMT again to do it, you can do it in meditation.

Meanwhile, enjoy life on Earth knowing it isn't an illusion, and that the light of the nature of reality shines through it, even when you can't see it.
Take care and don't worry

 

[nvrbored]

Hey everyone. First time poster. I’ll preface by saying I’m a fairly pragmatic guy. Open minded but a dose of healthy scepticism. Tried a few low doses. Highly interesting. First times I’ve seriously visually hallucinated. I did perceive ‘entities’ in one of them.

This takes me to last night. Finally decided to go for the breakthrough. I went in with no expectations. A small hope it might be like some of the nicer things I’ve read and heard about. Boy, I’m a little envious of those now.

I pulled on the emesh I’d set up. 30mg. I had that ‘mind fired out of a cannon’ sensation and within moments I was landing in the strangest of places. It was like my mind inverted on itself and I now recognise this as the breakthrough. As soon as that happened a fairly unfriendly presence was basically poking fun at me by saying heee’s back! You know this place don’t you! You remember. I thought “ohhh fuck! I’m here again.” I don’t know where ‘here’ is but is was very familiar and more real than real somehow. Let me say this is already by far the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced in my 40 something years.

It continued to goad me saying “and now you remember the joke, don’t you. This is the real place and all that other stuff that’s you ‘life’ is the illusion!.” I recall the words joke and illusion vividly. And I did remember. I remembered that I always for get that this is how things really are and I always go back to ‘life’ to avoid this. This place is lonely. Nothing exists here except me.

I began to fret. I didn’t want all the people and things I care about and love to not be real. I started to try to remember things about my life. Trying to find meaning. This presence was still mocking me. “Ok, what’s a dog? Is that even a thing? What’s a lover? Do you remember who that is? It’s all fictional.” I was trying to think.

“Meaning? What does this mean then?” And more laughing. And all these weird symbols started popping up and dancing around.

I was slowly starting to come down by then. I was both bewildered and disturbed. I tried to explain to my friend what I’d experienced but I don’t think he could fathom it. I was having enough trouble.

So here I am feeling a lot of existential crisis. How the fuck did my mind produce this. This thing just grabbed me and dragged me through oblivion. Nothing except me existing? I hate solipsism. It’s such a depressing concept.

Can anyone with experience with these kinds of things offer advice? I’ve not found any other accounts quite like this.

Thanks for reading.

Sounds similar to my first breakthrough... trying to find meaning stuck out big time... but it lingered not the visuals but the feeling of wanting to find meaning in absolutely everything.... thanks for sharing.

 

[ReverseConcaveSpoon]

Right, I'm someone who was agnostic at one point, but then suddenly convinced about the reality of spirituality. There's a strong aspect of self-authentication built into these mystical experiences, and the obviousness of their truth only becomes more apparent as you delve deeper. I went through a destabilizing period of shock myself, but you should know that it's possible to come out the other side with a renewed vigor. It would appear that the human experience is much broader in its scope than anyone could have guessed, and a clear path to higher states of consciousness has already been laid out by those who came before via the esoteric aspects of the world's religions. When spirituality is matured, reality's nature as sat chit ananda stands out prominently, as opposed to the horrors of devious higher-dimensional beings forcefully revealing your never-ending state as the only thing in all of existence.

I am starting to realise that perhaps I have been confronted with something within myself I was not fully aware of. It might be the fear of being alone. It might be more complex than that. I have some exploration and calibration to do. The Hindi themes you mention have never been of much interest to me until now. There really does seem to be some kind of authenticity to it in the context of these experiences.

One way or another what I have discovered is that things are faaaaar more fascinating that I could have realised.

 

[ReverseConcaveSpoon]

Hi @ReverseConcaveSpoon
I hope you are still reading the forum. Don't worry about the experience you had. I'll explain why you shouldn't.

I once read the report of a person on a forum. Every time this person smoked Salvia divinorum, he found out that they were a carpet hanging on a wall and that in front of them there was an elephant head, and that it was the real world, while everyday life was an illusion. Does it make sense to you that we're carpets hanging on walls staring elephant heads? You should take your experience with the same scepticism.

Let's suppose you visited a really existing place (like another dimension). Maybe those entities were just making fun of you. Or more probably IMO, you were just confronted with one of your fears.

Now talking about this fear or anyway this thought that frightens you, that only you exist and it's all an illusion. This can't be the ultimate reality. Because ultimate reality goes beyond all mental concepts, and "Only I exist" is a mental concept, an extreme. "Oneness", "multiplicity", "existing", "non-existing" are among such extremes or mental concepts. Reality is beyond all of them. So don't worry about only you existing. That's not the truth.

And don't think that those entities were right just because that realm was hyper-real. The hyper-realness of a realm doesn't mean that the entities you see in it are real, or that they tell the truth. They can be just manifestations of your mind, of your fears.

In that state, you have the potential to recognize your true nature, but only if you are not distracted by the projections of your mind, by your fears. If you manage to keep your firmness against those entities and what they say, and tell them "I know you are just manifestations of my fears inside my own mind", believing your words, they will disappear just like they have appeared, and the nature of your mind, the nature of reality, will shine, and you won't fear anymore. You don't have to take DMT again to do it, you can do it in meditation.

Meanwhile, enjoy life on Earth knowing it isn't an illusion, and that the light of the nature of reality shines through it, even when you can't see it.
Take care and don't worry

Hi CR.

Thanks for your thoughtful response. The anxiety is starting fade. I guess I was simply not ready for the insane (almost literally) level of profundity of this experience. Nothing is comparable. Not even close. I am changed. So many things I’ve read and heard about this are very real. Not just some abstract. I will return to it at some point whenever the time and situation is right.

 

[ReverseConcaveSpoon]

Sounds similar to my first breakthrough... trying to find meaning stuck out big time... but it lingered not the visuals but the feeling of wanting to find meaning in absolutely everything.... thanks for sharing.

I recall going into it with zero conscious expectations. Guess not. Lol. I very much am the kind of person who contemplates things though. Ever since I was a kid I can recall thinking “what is this place? Why is it here?” I guess that what brought me to the experience. I’ve studied evolutionary biology. Learned about nucleosynthesis. Read about Newtonian physics and relativity. Quantum physics and the more speculative M theory. There are always more questions, of course. And this experience no different, every bit as rich and much more than that.

 

[NeitherHere]

a recommendation, don't look too deeply into the matrix... it'll drive you to insanity. enjoy knowing you don't know everything you'll be much happier that way.

 

[ReverseConcaveSpoon]

a recommendation, don't look too deeply into the matrix... it'll drive you to insanity. enjoy knowing you don't know everything you'll be much happier that way.

That’s all I can take out of it ultimately. This is stuff we cannot understand. I already knew we don’t know everything. Now perhaps I know something about why. If I ever dip back in I won’t be expecting things on any terms.

 

[Skr9]

a recommendation, don't look too deeply into the matrix... it'll drive you to insanity. enjoy knowing you don't know everything you'll be much happier that way.

No, I was looking, and I shall.
Not looking into it drives you to insanity. Look at modern society - it's completely crazy. They don't look into matrix, they are an insane matrix, just an animal flock driven by others.
Looking into the matrix, on the other hand, drives you to sanity and wisdom.
Never stop your pursuit of understanding the world.

This is stuff we cannot understand.

Never say never, never say "we can" or "we can't"... People have great potential for self-awareness.

 

[Transform]

No, I was looking, and I shall.
Not looking into it drives you to insanity. Look at modern society - it's completely crazy. They don't look into matrix, they are an insane matrix, just an animal flock driven by others.
Looking into the matrix, on the other hand, drives you to sanity and wisdom.
Never stop your pursuit of understanding the world.


Never say never, never say "we can" or "we can't"... People have great potential for self-awareness.

@NeitherHere wasn't saying not to look, though. They said "don't look too deeply" which, admittedly is a nuance that doesn't necessarily help in knowing how deep too deep might be.

Ime, that type of crazy can be integrated in the fullness of time, and then one can have another look - if it still appeals…

 

[Skr9]

admittedly is a nuance that doesn't necessarily help in knowing how deep too deep might be.

Ime, that type of crazy can be integrated in the fullness of time, and then one can have another look - if it still appeals…

Yeah, I think when you look, you should look 100%, as deep as you can. Otherwise, it's like going to the theater and being stuck behind the curtain.