First Bufo (5-MeO-DMT) trip - white out - terrifying with a bit of serenity

[Moonbow]

I like the Attitude and Support - in it "harrowing" is listed as a trip option. That was my experience for the first 15 minutes of my journey with Bufo alvarius (5-MeO-DMT).

I'm scared of psychoactives and avoid them because of a bad LSD trip. I really wanted to work with nature medicine though to hopefully help heal/breakthrough some developmental trauma.

The facilitator (a friend) and my partner were present. I was terrified to smoke the pipe but did - slowly and held it. Within a few seconds I was in another dimension (hard to describe) and seeing my partner's face through a wormhole or something. I was instantly extremely terrified by the intensity, and saying things like, "I'm so scared", "I knew I should not have done it."

After those initial seconds I only had three brief snapshots for the next 15 minutes: me clinging onto my friend, then my partner, and hearing him cry (because of my suffering). And I do somewhat recall a sensation of swirling around in another place or dimension. Around 15 minutes in (apparently) I heard "Surrender!" and I softened. Then I briefly saw the beautiful mandala painted on the wall with glowing white light around it, and it felt serene and comforting.

20 minutes in and I'm lucid again. Lying on the floor of the shala. Covered in sweat. My body shaking intermittently, which I thought was my trauma somatically leaving but maybe it was from the intense trip?

The two people present shared that I was in terror for the first 10 minutes or so, kicking so much they were unable to get close to me. Like I was fighting something or someone off me. And speaking in fragments about being scared, etc. It was so intense my partner was really shook up. My friend had been calling out for me to surrender many times and chanting but I only heard him that one time.

I posted on another forum and I was told that my dose was way too high (I am very sensitive, which I explained before the ceremony). Seems it was a "white out" and I am curious about the benefit of such an experience given I recall so little, and maybe it was more traumatizing than healing? I feel a bit foolish to not consider dose amounts (he said he tries to give 0.1g/100 mg), and part of me is proud to have done it. I'm also wondering if that was an initiation of sorts for facing a lot of fear.

I've had a few flashbacks, which have been serene. I've been meditating for years so that feeling is somewhat familiar to me but it's had more intensity and a mystical feeling like when I briefly gazed upon that beautiful mandala.

Love

 

[○]

Welcome

You're referring to bufo alvarius when you mention 'bufo trip' yeah? I figure that's what you mean here, considering what you'd written.

If that's the case, then yeah you're definitely not alone in what you'd experienced. This can be an overwhelming experience for some [or most], given the magnitude of the dosage needed [quite a few factors less than NN-DMT], personal sensitivity, the given phenomenological power of the experience, etc. Alot of caution seems to stem around 5MeO and the experience that it can take you into. It seems to have very few frills about it, taking you right to TheBig?!*!.

Glad to hear you'd made it through relatively unscathed.

As far as the dosage, there's reports here of alvarius secretions being around anywhere from 15-20% 5MeO.

Secretion dosages seem to range anywhere from 50-70mg [therapeutic], 80-100mg+ [breakthrough/release]. And obviously these numbers can vary somewhat depending. So your friend using 0.1 with you, yeah that had probably did it for you. 0.1 seems to be a dosage many end up taking from what I've read.



***EDIT: Saw someone edited the post to relfect 5MeO, thanks to the OP or the mod who'd changed it.

 

[Moonbow]

@tatt Thank you for replying. That gives me more perspective. Seems 0.1g/100mg is a high dose, and it was eyeballed so potentially more (or less). Plus I weigh 130 lbs and I'm very sensitive. I've been even more sensitive since my journey. I'm wondering if that will ease off?

On another forum I was told my journey wasn't helpful because I had a white out and didn't consciously experience much.

(Yes, I edited to add Bufo alvarius (5-MeO-DMT). Thanks for clarifying.)

 

[○]

On another forum I was told my journey wasn't helpful because I had a white out and didn't consciously experience much.

They could have something to what they're saying, then again your experience is your experience. I'd try not to let someones opinions on what you experienced weigh too much on ya, whether being too overwhelming or just enough to where you're able to string coherent memories together to form somewhat of a picture of the experience, either to me can be valid in their own ways. I suppose take from it whatever you can, learn from it and keep on truckin.

I've been even more sensitive since my journey. I'm wondering if that will ease off?

Hard to say. Sometimes after a harrowing experience or a string of them sensitivity can change, sometimes drastically. Has for quite a few people I've seen. As time's went on less is certainly more now for me personally. Even just the sensitivity of everyday mind, thought, etc.

I'd think time's the common denominator mostly. Giving it time. That and living the best life you can attempt to given the circumstances. Just some opinions. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[null24]

It sounds as if maybe you were not prepared sufficiently for this experience, not that anyone really can. With your levels of anxiety, it almost seems contraindicated to do something like 5meo. Surrender is the single most important thing with that substance and if it becomes an impossibility, I may want to agree with the folks on the other forum you mentioned.

You mention however that your sensitivity has increased and whether that will subside. This raises yet another reservation I have with toad facilitators, or at least those who self-appoint themselves to that status. Anyone who gave it to you should have prepared you for the period AFTER you take 5meo. And they should be there for you with actionable, experienced and rational advice.

Certain people have dubbed that the 'reactivation" phase since you can spontaneously experience changes of consciousness for quite a long period of time after a 5meo trip. It can be incredibly disconcerting, and without guidance seems to be what is responsible for so many people losing their reason and deciding to become healers, despite being sick themselves.

Personally, I would recommend that you try to ground yourself if this is happening. Rather than engaging in breathwork or meditiation, throw your self into your work or art or craft. Be active and see how your experiences and actions align-or don't- with the internal feelings that may arise from your experience. You may find a real personal quest as a result.

This is a good community to connect to in the absence of such a thing IRL. You won't get a lot of useless guru-style advice here, but will interact with people who know what's happening, and may be able to parse this thing out to benefit yourself.

One of the interesting things about 5 is that it isn't over when it's over.

 

[Moonbow]

@null24 Thank you for your response. Agreed. I did have too much anxiety, and I naively trusted the facilitator too much. He supported me a bit afterward.

Since I last wrote I've had 2 reactivations of the terror I felt. I was able to breathe through the anxiety though and accept it. My anxiety seems to be lower since about 3 days after Bufo. Also now over 1 1/2 weeks later I feel changed a bit for the better. Less anxious and more integrated. Time will tell.

One burning question, which may not be answerable, is -- was my terror partly my babyhood trauma resurfacing? I hope so because somatically releasing trauma is important. Given I wasn't conscious as such I'm not sure how I could have been terrified of the actual trip if I wasn't consciously aware of it?

Thank you all for this forum.
Love

 

[rOm]

Hello Moonbow, and welcome here.
First, it's good you had the courage to do this given your anxiety and previous LSD difficult experience. I mean, one could think you shouldn't even apporach that, but I think given your situation, you had the courage to ride back after falling into your anxiety attack like on horse falling.
100mg Incilius alvarius secretion is a serious dosage, and like you, the first time I touch this form of 5 MEO DMT, I 've been given the same dosage and the ride in itself wasn't easy, but also I had some things to fight off, and like you, am so grateful I jumped and faced the harshness, cause like you, I felt very much better afterwards, from landing back into our consenscus realm to the days later and weeks later.
ANd I also noted I had the results I set my intention onto, I was also battling a serious bacterial infection ( staphillococcus ) and the conventionnal medecine didn't helped me and thankfully,the toad finally met me maybewhen I needed it the most as I was start to worry about this as you know staphillococus infections can kill poeple and welost a freind practitionner to similar skin infection as I have two years ago in mexico.
I know the animals secretions have some serious power, I used kambo, then leeches andnow also incilius alvarius to adress issues that are serious in my case and could likely shorten my life.
That being said, of those three animal secretion I work with, the incilius ( bufo ) alvarius one is also the best to work on psychological unbalance such as anxiety depression and addictions.
LIke Kambo, say if you do opiates and want to stop, sometimes as little as one treatment can really help you not withdrawing badly and thus helping you to keep you will power strong.

IN your case, I think integration and grounding and trusting the complex mecanism is all you have to do now as I see it,it's working on easing you from this anxiety.
IF you came with the intention to work on this issue, it is pretty much guaranteed you will have positive effects.

THsi sort of substance ( 5 MeO DMT ) doesn't come without risks, as some poeple hardly find balance after, but in many cases and when you respond well and also have good set setting ( careful with who you do it with, and know that doing it alone is very risky as some poeple simply fall breathless and have to get help to breath again, so this is particularly much less "safe" physically than n,n DMT vaped, but in my experience also, more rewarding,atleast for me ).


SO you onlyhad one LSD experience as psychedeclic grounds, and jumped straight to this one after ?
Now youdid a realeasedose,ifyou wantto do later,you canalso use lower dose suchas 25 to 50 mg secretion ( we are talking about the toad incilius secfretions dried here, puresynthetic 5 meo DMT dosage aremore between 1to 15mg maximum and around 5 to 10 mg vaped for medium low to high dose ).

 

[fink]

I did have too much anxiety, and I naively trusted the facilitator too much. He supported me a bit afterward.

Hi Moonbow. Are you a little upset with this friend?