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First couple of times "breaking through"?

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CorySpaceCowboy

Rising Star
I made a couple of posts on a far less active forum that I'd like to share and seek insight on:

Post 1:Im new to DMT but have been doing quite a bit lately and juat wanted to share my most recent expieriance... After hitting the pipe really good a couple of times i shift into this other dimention where everything looks cartoony and plasticy... This seems to be common for me and happens most of the time... The reality is very strange... It really seems to be an alternate reality. I sence a consious force often although I can not see it, it often feels like there is a presence of at least two dieties of spirits there. But anyways, the last time this happened I think I got the best hit Ive ever had, went to the cartoony plastic dimention and embraced the alien energys that I am sencing, but I really started to get shakey and found myself in a strange loop of movements and the cartoony visuals were even looping as well, all while my mind was loosing itself. I paniced realizing oh shit this isnt stopping and I really thought I had like got stuck between two realities... I dont know why but its so hard to believe this is just a halucination. It really feels like your mind tunes into another frequency. But in the panic I was able to break out of the loop. And it was as if I woke from a dream but the loop didnt want to stop.. It was a crazy feeling... But as soon as i canceled the loop it was like I realized I was snapping back from a psychotic break... And for whatever reason i was like oh no, oh my God... I felt as though I had killed my mom and little brother and i was freaking out, i literally thought i lost my mind, murdered then, and i was snapping back into reality, i felt as though blood splatter was everywhere but i couldnt see it because im insane... I start crying and freaking out and then i realize my mom and brother never existed but they were just reflections of who i really am (they do really exist) i then fell to the ground overwhelmed and crying trying to bring myself back to sanity, scared to death of what i had done and trying to figure out who i am and what had happened, is my family real or did i invent them, and if they are real did i kill them? It was the worst thing Ive ever expierianced... i slowly figured it all out and as soon as i did i felt like this sensation that i was an egg cracking and i urinated on myself... Because it seemed appropriate to do or something...

It really disturbed me... And i never get any of the closed eye visuals or fractile visuals... My dmt trips are nothing like what i expect, i just go to this cartoon world if im lucky and feel as though im being set to some frequency like i said... Im always pretty aware of whats going on though except this last time... It was very traumatizing and its making me think theres no way i could handle breaking through because to me it seems like im not even able to get close to breaking through but its still a mindblowingly powerful expieriance...

But yeh, be careful with this stuff o_0 and has anyone expierianced anything like this before??

EDIT: something I just thought to add. I have probably been doing this too often Im thinking and should probably learn to take longer breaks as ive probably been going to this cartoon reality several times a day for like a week straight... Im doing this too often could be what was responsible for the strange expieriance I had.

REPLY I GOT DAYS LATER: This is just my personal opinion but it seems very possible that your frequency of use could be responsible for your more negative experience. That seems to be a common theme to DMT use which is too frequent.

From my perspective to me it seems like you have indeed broke through. If that is not breaking through in your opinion what are you expecting out of the experience of breaking through?

Overall it sounds like you had a pretty powerful and intense experience. Thank you for sharing. What do you think it was trying to show you?

Post 2:First of all thank you so much for replying.

I just came back again... Yes I get what your saying.. if this isn't breaking through what is.. how often is too often? And I almost don't think it is too often.. they say if you've broken through you'll know it. So I get why maybe I should have known it there, and by that measurement I just broke through again..

As far as what I expect... All the artwork everywhere... Everyone talks about the colors and closed eye visuals, everyone makes it seem like its this out of body expierience or a dream state... Mine is not like that... I just end up not knowing what is going on or what I did and nothing makes since and I just feel like something happened that I can't remember and now I'm crazy.. that's the best way I know to describe it..

I'll just attempt another trip report and please share your thoughts.

I took a nice long hit, everything sorta popped into this not quite the cartoon world I'm used to bu everything looked really smooth, maybe "glassy"

Took another massive hit, I remember the pipe can into huge focus, sit the pipe down and hold my hit in and it's like the next thing I know I just don't know anything no more and my brain just starts trying to figure out what's going on.. I thought I killed my family again... For some reason I think I'm trying to figure out what's going on and I just always feel like something unbelievably tramatic happened and I think my mind just assumes if I'm just a lunatic now I must have done something unimaginally fucked up... And then just thinking the words mother or brother just start to seem so abstract, and then I start doubting that they even exist, I guess I went outside, I dunno my next memory is laying on the porch just trying to wrap my mind around what's going on and I start getting these false realizations that everything is "this way", I don't know who I am if I exist really, am I dead? and it's just so stressful, I seem to have the capacity to think I've gone crazy but I have no idea what normal is, I start chanting "Jesus, my saviour" but I can't figure out the meaning of what I'm saying, but I feel as though it means something. I do remember I was able to tell myself it's gonna be over soon, but I couldn't figure out how I knew that, if I was right about it, I couldn't remember what I did to cause all this, and it really causes you to wrestle with your sanity.. It's like nothing existed before this expierience, but there's all these subconscious memories that just don't add up... I urinated on myself again too lol... And it's just such a strange process but so relieving once reality starts coming back but there's still pieces of the puzzle that haven't.. I dunno, but once I have it figured out for the most part it's such a relief.. but man this stuff is just too unreal...

As for what it was trying to show me... I realize I love my mom and little brother so much... They are embedded into my subconscious so deeply, they seem to be the first thing I always think of... I see how they've made me who I am, so much to the point that I keep seeming to confuse the two of them with myself and can't figure out if I'm me or if I'm them... I also feel like it might have given me an understanding of what skitzophrenia might be like.. lol, but seriously I feel like it showed me that more than anything.

CorySpaceCowboy added 8 Minutes and 54 Seconds later...

Just a few more things I felt like adding, when I'm "gone" I don't know what being human is anymore, it's like I literally don't know anything about this world and existence any more, it's all forgotten except these deep subconscious memories that I know mean something but I can't figure out who they are about, if these people are people, the concept of people and just everything.. there's just so little since to be made of anything while it's going on... Your since of time is so screwed on top of everything... Sigh... There's just no describing it really..

CorySpaceCowboy added 16 Minutes and 43 Seconds later...

One last thing... Could my problem be that I'm not laying down and closing my eyes after I take the last hit? I feel like I'd still end up getting up moving around trying to figure out what's going on and feeling as though I've lost my mind.
 
:) Hello
Yes, you could definitely stop walking around and close your eyes....(we think) If there is bewilderment, the spiciness will use that bewilderment as a vehicle. Not sure if that is what you want ...? Take moar time (breaks) to find your personal way (integration).

There is no spoon feeding, but a lot what you experienced has a deeper truth to it. And there is interesting stuff to read and contemplate on..... 8)

Peace
 
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