First DMT exp. Psychedelic crisis

[Stelliferous91]

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: all Right (i thought)
(physical condition) Set: no ilnesses
Setting (location): my cosy appartment
time of day: (12 or 24 hour system, daylight? starlight? overcast?) late afternoon.
recent drug use: (list also any kind of medication) No
last meal: (Time and type)

PARTICIPANT
Gender: (m / f) man
body weight: (in kg pls)
known sensitivities:
history of use: (experienced, novice, first timer - in general and for this specific substance/form) novice in dmt. Experienced with stimulants and psilocybin

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): (list all taken substances) changa
Dose(s): (in the same order as Substances pls, use metric system i.e. g/ mg/ �g) 80 mg of 1/4
Method of administration: (dissolved in water, capsuls, insufflated, vaporized...) smoking


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:00 (expand this if you used delayed administration for multiple substances or the same substance with multiple doses. Use indices.)
Duration: (x hours) 15-20 minutes
First effects: instantly
Peak: (estimate a time range and note as e.g. T=2:00-4:00 for a range of 2 hours beginning 2 hours after administration)
Come down:
Baseline:

Intensity (overall): (use HRS-like scale i.e. 0-4: 0 = "Not at all;" 1 = "Slightly;" 2 = "Moderately;" 3 = "Quite a bit;" 4 = "Extremely.") 3 i Think
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: (0-4) 0
Implesantness: (0-4) 4
Visual Intensity: (0-4) 3
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: (0-4 ; what type of impleasantness ; duration) 0
Afterglow: (0-4 ; what type of positive effects ; duration) 0


REPORT
(write your trip report as you would normally write it here)

Hi there and welcome to my first DMT exp.

Tonight i smoked 80 mg of 1/4 DMT changa mixture. I have tried mushrooms sevral times and usually have some Pretty easygoing exp on that substance but i grew tired of it. Got tired of the bodyload and didnt Think the intensity of the exp was immense enough. So i decided to aqquire som dmt and make changa. Tonight i felt ready to hit the glass Bubbler and go see for myself about this potent hallucinogen that i had been Reading about for some time now.

For background info i Can Tell this about myself. I am 30 years Old male. Studying medicine and working part time as a Assistant nurse. I quitted smoking and drinking after aqquring a habit of Them both a little less than a year ago. Mostly my life is all Right. I have a few Nice friends, am usually in a good mood and have No history with mental illness. Some things in my life fells unfulfilled though. I dont exercise enough and havet been able to uphoald a lasting relationship with any woman the last couple of years. Mostly short relationsships with tinderdates. As all other people i live a life of average imperfection but as all other people i Try to make it all work and as i Said mostly i am happy and humourous and honestly i didnt Think these issues would be so massive in my exp.

When i inhaled the smoke from the 80 mg the first feeling that struck me was the kind of light headedness one might feel when about to faint. I put the bubbler down and laid myself back into the bed and i experienced a fast come up. Behind closed eyes i Got shitloads of geometris visuals and behind it all somewhere deeper inside my mind these scenes involving myself started to emerge. Me at work, me at the School, me working with my hobbies, me in my last relationship with a woman i dumped, me reccoveing from alcohol addiction all resembling How f****** S***** me and my life is. There was No reconsillation. No mercy. No “hey you quitted smoking and stopped drinking and you are good at your studies and a cool guy at work” just this “you suck, you are a faliure, you are inferior, you have so much to do before you are even starting to catch up with where you should be”. It was all mixed up with a psychedelic pase i have never experienced before. Intense visuals which i would on mushrooms gaze upon with deep awe, but they were all so frigheting and tormenting. I was just “ What the f*** is this ? Why would anybody want to do this when the emotional tone is equivalent with being helt Captive at ISIS or under prosecution in North Korea?” I was telling myself “go with it. It Will all be over soon. Relax and go with it” but it was NOTHING BUT evil. It didnt change tone, it didnt mellow out it was just plain evil until the effects faded back and reality slowly reestablished around me.

So Well here i am. 7 houers later and feel just fine. The things i was shown in there is things that sort of exists in a deeper layer of my conscious on the boundary of my subconscious i know, but the things i Got thrown in the face in there is things i am already working on. Giving up addictions and sort of working myself up to get more exercise and be good at my studies so What did i get out of it? Well a sort of reminder of the importance of theese things i am doing and need to do but i really already knew that. This isent news to me. I feel like i approached something very potent with the hope that i would experience visuals beyond comprehension and i sort of Got that but in an emotional acid bath. I feel sad now because i had so many expectations to this drug. Thought that this migh be an amazing source of experiences but now i seriously dont know Why i would ever want to do this to myself again. Why torment myself in a life that is already troublesome and hard enough for most of us all? Mabye i have grown away from hallucinogens.. Mabye it just isent the Right Time Right now. I really hope that the last one is the answer because i really feel that dmt carries a tremendous potential for visual experiences (which is my primary reason for during hallucinogens) and i would be really sorry if this was just it for me, but if dmt had a personality and wasent just a compound and all personality of drugs really is just something the user carries within i would say that dmt is a psychopathic bitch of the first degree.

Sorry for the many typing errors. Im writing on my iPad and batteling my Big manly fingers and the autocorrect feature at once.

Well that was it. Pls leave a comment. I would love to get som inputs from spaced out cool cats and kittens.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Greetings and welcome to the Nexus my friend.

If you could be so kind, and edit your post for the following reason

Watch your language. Communication is comprised of not only the explicit but also the implicit messages, which are transmitted through choice of words and general tone of speech. We do not want curse words and immature slang in the Nexus! Please use language in a dignified manner.

.

I understand that you may not have been aware, so it's not a big deal, but more information about the attitude and culture at the nexus can be found here.

I'm sorry your first journey was so rough and left you feeling down. It's an extremely powerful and unpredictable substance.

I'll try to share various opinions and observations without trying to make them seem as they are facts, considering no one really has an answer for a great deal of what we deal with with regard to DMT experiences and hyperspace.

One thing, is DMT seems to assess an individuals intention for partaking and acts accordingly. If your intent is relegated to intense visual hallucinations, you may foreseeably continue to find these journeys very difficult. Without appearing to talk down to you (because I am definitely not trying to) I think it would benefit you to perhaps delineate for yourself other intentions as well. Understanding, instilling a new habit, insight into x or y, etc. I never go into it without stating an intent (though some travelers do), even if it's something super simple like healing (which is very often at least one intent in almost any given journey).

"DMT always has something new to show you." Try to drop any expectations. That could be another reason for your disappointing journey.

For me, DMT does have a personality, and I have been working over the years at developing and actually building a relationship with the molecule. It is, at this point, a very in depth and intimate relationship with a great deal of beautiful reciprocity. Treating the molecule with reverence and respect can usually lead to more fulfilling journeys. That's not to say that you won't still have some rough ones (I do) but they can also be easier to manage.

Managing and handling ourselves in the space, regardless of it's domain (all in our heads, a place actually external to us, etc), is an exercise in self-mastery and discovery. Give it time, integrate this first experience and try again later. I look forward in the coming days, weeks, months, whatever timeline it happens to be, to hear how your next journey goes.

One love

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

I think some of the older folks refer to this as a hyperslap.
DMT has never been like this for me unless I am projecting my psychological issues during the experience. Have you ever considered seeing a therapist? Psychedelic drugs wont fix you or your life but may give you a higher perspective to approach hard to face problems with your self and this is extremely useful if you have a qualified professional to talk to about your problems. My therapist is totally cool with me talking about tripping and I'm sure she's not the only one considering the science coming out about psychedelic use and mental health.

If you're looking for a new high I've found that a great alternative to tobacco and alcohol is cannabis. It's a lifesaver. However, I would stay clear if you have problems with drugs taking over your life because cannabis does seem to do that for a lot of folks.

DMT isn't for everyone but I'm glad that you at least got to experience the bliss that is the afterglow. It is divine.

 

[Stelliferous91]

Lol sorry about the language. Ill keep it clear from here.

The thing is that i dont really understand What travleres mean when they talk about “intention” with the trip. I know that many people on Forums says that they use it to work their Way around different psychological themes as if they were Consulting a therapist which also manifest itself in the surge in psychedelic therapy theese last years but i never really had that relationship with any drug. I tried to give up alcohol some years ago but dident succed in the Long run and i was trying to use mushrooms to “understand” why i was drinking but i didnt really get any answers just a new habit of using mushrooms quite occasionally instead of alcohol. Could you mabye elaborate on What kinds of intents you approach the drug with?

Something inside me is telling me that i should leave it until Christmas earliest. Get going with the exercise and the things at my study that needs attention and then mabye trying again and see if it has changed because the apparent jittering anxious laver beneath my more or less Calm conscious has settled down a little. Mabye.

Thank you for your kind reply,

 

[Stelliferous91]

Re: seeingisbelieving

Haha hyperslap Thats is exactly the Right Word. hypermaul mabye more adequate.

I am attending groups regarding my alcohol addiction but not anything besides that. Other people have mentioned it before but i never did see one.

I most certainly am looking for a new High but cannabis was a Big thing for me when i was a teenager and i ended up getting paranoid from it and havent done it since. Psychedelics is in my scope because its not addictive and Can be really amazing when it is best. i would really love if dmt could be a doorway to such awe inspiring experiences but there is something about either my approach or my life in general that dosent swing with the dmt Vibe. Apparently

 

[Voidmatrix]

Lol sorry about the language. Ill keep it clear from here.

The thing is that i dont really understand What travleres mean when they talk about “intention” with the trip. I know that many people on Forums says that they use it to work their Way around different psychological themes as if they were Consulting a therapist which also manifest itself in the surge in psychedelic therapy theese last years but i never really had that relationship with any drug. I tried to give up alcohol some years ago but dident succed in the Long run and i was trying to use mushrooms to “understand” why i was drinking but i didnt really get any answers just a new habit of using mushrooms quite occasionally instead of alcohol. Could you mabye elaborate on What kinds of intents you approach the drug with?

Something inside me is telling me that i should leave it until Christmas earliest. Get going with the exercise and the things at my study that needs attention and then mabye trying again and see if it has changed because the apparent jittering anxious laver beneath my more or less Calm conscious has settled down a little. Mabye.

Thank you for your kind reply,

Certainly. I find with my guide-work studies that intention is mentioned, but rarely discussed in depth what it means. Intention is an aim or a plan. In medicine it refers to the process of a wound healing. With regard to psychedelic therapies, that would be psychological, spiritual, emotional wounds. The first definition is broad, and in the context, technically, you did have an intention: more intense visual hallucinations. So we then need to make a distinction into various kinds of intentions. We could say there are intents of desire, and intents of benefit, your initial intent falling into the former (not to say that the desire cannot be related to the benefit, but perhaps the benefit component should get put at the forefront). If you were to say have an intent for healing of a specific issue you've dealt or are dealing with (like depression in my case), then that helps keep the goal not only in your mind, but within full view of the molecule. If an intent is around abstaining from alcohol, then you'll be focused on that, with your mind opening in many ways, showing you examples perhaps of what your life may be like without alcohol, or neurologically resetting your habituated neurons in an effort to reach said goal.

With DMT and intention setting, one can have several layers of experience at the same time. For example, if I am trying to learn to navigate a difficult relationship of some kind, and that is my intent, my experience can generally be that of being somewhere interactive in hyperspace, while my cognitive capacity may be looking at a variety of facets and permutations to the issue in question. So it teaches us to focus.

Sometimes intention setting can set the tone for the trip. In focusing and requesting assistance from the molecule in healing, I have expereinced a wide array of journeys. There's times where it coaxes me and soothes me, other times allowing me to purge with vomit or tears, other instances invigorating me to dance and balance my energy that way. I've even ended up in a "tentacle" space, where tendrils would enter my body, cleaning and clearing me out, and resetting me in a more beneficial mindset.

Some of my personal intentions are; healing, understanding/learning (sometimes about something specific), to practice the experience, to be in touch with a potentially deeper reality, to develop more of my relationship to the molecule, opening my heart, broadening my mind. I could keep going, but I think you're probably getting it by now. Generally, I find intent is always growth focused in one way or another.

Listen to that intuition. If you feel you should wait, then I'd advise doing so. Having ourselves in a balanced state, both mentally and in our lives, lends itself to more fruitful journeys. Instill those habits, and see how different the experience is. Just keep in mind, it isn't always the same every time, and you may never see some spaces more than once.

Meow

I hope this helps.

One love

Edit: Note- Some would disagree with me on this, but you also don't have to "go the distance." Sub-breakthrough and lower level journeys can have huge benefits as well. Many seems to find these uncomfortable experiences, but it is a manner in which one can work themselves up to deeper experiences. I rarely shoot for a breakthrough at present.

 

[Stelliferous91]

Certainly. I find with my guide-work studies that intention is mentioned, but rarely discussed in depth what it means. Intention is an aim or a plan. In medicine it refers to the process of a wound healing. With regard to psychedelic therapies, that would be psychological, spiritual, emotional wounds. The first definition is broad, and in the context, technically, you did have an intention: more intense visual hallucinations. So we then need to make a distinction into various kinds of intentions. We could say there are intents of desire, and intents of benefit, your initial intent falling into the former (not to say that the desire cannot be related to the benefit, but perhaps the benefit component should get put at the forefront). If you were to say have an intent for healing of a specific issue you've dealt or are dealing with (like depression in my case), then that helps keep the goal not only in your mind, but within full view of the molecule. If an intent is around abstaining from alcohol, then you'll be focused on that, with your mind opening in many ways, showing you examples perhaps of what your life may be like without alcohol, or neurologically resetting your habituated neurons in an effort to reach said goal.

With DMT and intention setting, one can have several layers of experience at the same time. For example, if I am trying to learn to navigate a difficult relationship of some kind, and that is my intent, my experience can generally be that of being somewhere interactive in hyperspace, while my cognitive capacity may be looking at a variety of facets and permutations to the issue in question. So it teaches us to focus.

Sometimes intention setting can set the tone for the trip. In focusing and requesting assistance from the molecule in healing, I have expereinced a wide array of journeys. There's times where it coaxes me and soothes me, other times allowing me to purge with vomit or tears, other instances invigorating me to dance and balance my energy that way. I've even ended up in a "tentacle" space, where tendrils would enter my body, cleaning and clearing me out, and resetting me in a more beneficial mindset.

Some of my personal intentions are; healing, understanding/learning (sometimes about something specific), to practice the experience, to be in touch with a potentially deeper reality, to develop more of my relationship to the molecule, opening my heart, broadening my mind. I could keep going, but I think you're probably getting it by now. Generally, I find intent is always growth focused in one way or another.

Listen to that intuition. If you feel you should wait, then I'd advise doing so. Having ourselves in a balanced state, both mentally and in our lives, lends itself to more fruitful journeys. Instill those habits, and see how different the experience is. Just keep in mind, it isn't always the same every time, and you may never see some spaces more than once.

Meow

I hope this helps.

One love

Edit: Note- Some would disagree with me on this, but you also don't have to "go the distance." Sub-breakthrough and lower level journeys can have huge benefits as well. Many seems to find these uncomfortable experiences, but it is a manner in which one can work themselves up to deeper experiences. I rarely shoot for a breakthrough at present.

Fist and foremost. I like that you have a kung-fu manifold as a profile pic. String theory is the bomb

Seriously this reply really made the concept of intention much more comprehensable for a guy like me who likes to get down into the concrete essence of concepts. I Think that on a deeper level i hope that drugs such as dmt Can be the blast that i miss from my life now that i dont use alcohol or stimulants anymore. Something that Will make the ordinary everyday life a little less ordinary but it seems to be a substance which apparently demands more of the user than mushrooms for example. I hope that i Can establish a relationship with it as you have. Reciprocal, fulfilling and useful. I guess only time Will Tell for me.

 

[Voidmatrix]

Fist and foremost. I like that you have a kung-fu manifold as a profile pic. String theory is the bomb

Seriously this reply really made the concept of intention much more comprehensable for a guy like me who likes to get down into the concrete essence of concepts. I Think that on a deeper level i hope that drugs such as dmt Can be the blast that i miss from my life now that i dont use alcohol or stimulants anymore. Something that Will make the ordinary everyday life a little less ordinary but it seems to be a substance which apparently demands more of the user than mushrooms for example. I hope that i Can establish a relationship with it as you have. Reciprocal, fulfilling and useful. I guess only time Will Tell for me. Smile

Thank you very much . They're beautiful with resonant complex symbolism for me.

I am really glad that I was able to help. And I have to agree that DMT seems to ask for a great deal more from us than many other substances. I feel that not only can it add that little bit of stimulation and excitement to our lives, but also can help condition us to see beauty and excitement in our ordinary daily lives. It's a remarkable molecule.

If there's any advice that I would feel compelled to give with our discussion at this point is to develop an ongoing meditation practice. Your future self will thank you.

And I encourage taking your time. As with most things, building something lasting takes time.



One love

 

[Stelliferous91]

Thank you very much . They're beautiful with resonant complex symbolism for me.

I am really glad that I was able to help. And I have to agree that DMT seems to ask for a great deal more from us than many other substances. I feel that not only can it add that little bit of stimulation and excitement to our lives, but also can help condition us to see beauty and excitement in our ordinary daily lives. It's a remarkable molecule.

If there's any advice that I would feel compelled to give with our discussion at this point is to develop an ongoing meditation practice. Your future self will thank you.

And I encourage taking your time. As with most things, building something lasting takes time.



One love

I Will look forward to share my next exp with you. That tentacle exp. By the Way sounds…. Really wierd in a fascinating Way, Got a report about that?

 

[Voidmatrix]

That tentacle exp. By the Way sounds…. Really wierd in a fascinating Way, Got a report about that?

I'd have to hunt through my trip reports shared, because I'm not sure if I've written about it here, or simply journaled about it. I do know that I've recorded it somewhere. I'll try to see what I can find after finishing a trip report from a journey had about 30 minutes ago.

One love

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Behind closed eyes i Got shitloads of geometris visuals and behind it all somewhere deeper inside my mind these scenes involving myself started to emerge. Me at work, me at the School, me working with my hobbies, me in my last relationship with a woman i dumped, me reccoveing from alcohol addiction all resembling How f****** S***** me and my life is. There was No reconsillation. No mercy. No “hey you quitted smoking and stopped drinking and you are good at your studies and a cool guy at work” just this “you suck, you are a faliure, you are inferior, you have so much to do before you are even starting to catch up with where you should be”. It was all mixed up with a psychedelic pase i have never experienced before.

For me DMT has two sides. There is this healing and comforting side and then there is this challenging, sometimes harsh side. What I've learned is to not take everything the molecule presents you at face level. I have been to some very dark places with her and learned that the negative things that manifest have something real in their core mixed with phantasy.

I shared an experience about half a year ago that made me realized this. I was under lot of stress and was very strict about keeping my morning schedule. However, I broke this and made an appointment for 8 a clock in the morning (I usually start the work at 9). Later, when I engaged with DMT, the hyperspace realm mocked me for making the worst mistake in my life. I remember seeing a colorful grid with stop signs and all kind of nasty symbols telling that this is absolutely something you should not cross and I have just done it. Well, clearly this was a gross exaggeration. Absolutely nothing bad happened apart from having to endure a little more stress and that appointment led to quite nice things later. It was my fear that manifested, not the reality of things. However in the core of my fear was the fact that I was very stressed and was struggling to handle it.

The visions are visions and it's up to you what you make of them. There is often some truth or lesson behind them, but they have a riddle-like nature to them.

Welcome to the forums Stelliferous91!

 

[Stelliferous91]

I'd have to hunt through my trip reports shared, because I'm not sure if I've written about it here, or simply journaled about it. I do know that I've recorded it somewhere. I'll try to see what I can find after finishing a trip report from a journey had about 30 minutes ago.

One love

Well that sounds interesting to read too

 

[Stelliferous91]

For me DMT has two sides. There is this healing and comforting side and then there is this challenging, sometimes harsh side. What I've learned is to not take everything the molecule presents you at face level. I have been to some very dark places with her and learned that the negative things that manifest have something real in their core mixed with phantasy.

I shared an experience about half a year ago that made me realized this. I was under lot of stress and was very strict about keeping my morning schedule. However, I broke this and made an appointment for 8 a clock in the morning (I usually start the work at 9). Later, when I engaged with DMT, the hyperspace realm mocked me for making the worst mistake in my life. I remember seeing a colorful grid with stop signs and all kind of nasty symbols telling that this is absolutely something you should not cross and I have just done it. Well, clearly this was a gross exaggeration. Absolutely nothing bad happened apart from having to endure a little more stress and that appointment led to quite nice things later. It was my fear that manifested, not the reality of things. However in the core of my fear was the fact that I was very stressed and was struggling to handle it.

The visions are visions and it's up to you what you make of them. There is often some truth or lesson behind them, but they have a riddle-like nature to them.

Welcome to the forums Stelliferous91!

I Think What you say is very accurate. It seems like the drug takes whatever you bring into the trip with you and inflates it in an extremely intense and very very VERY psychedelic manner. My mind was like boiling with insane and really unique imagery, if they just wasent so full of self loathing it would have been nothing short of THE most interesting psychedelic trip i ever had. If i have a subconsicous stream of anxiousness and self loathing it definately manifested itself in there.

Here today after a good nights sleep i really fell that i entrered that place in spite of something inside me told me that i was not ready. That this was not the time. That i was to anxious about partaking, but i went along and did it anyway. Mabye it was stupid, mabye it was useful in some ways. I certainly Got some respect for it and now Im here talking to you fine people about important stuf. I guess Thats not so bad.

 

[bismillah]

Part of your post that struck me the most is when you said you were sorta floating through life (not exercising, no deep relationships, so on). You said it doesn't really bother you but I have a feeling it really does. If nothing else DMT makes us aware of how little time we have to do the things we want.
We all have things we are called to do in this life, and an internal ideal to live up to. It causes us pain under the surface when we fall short but we ignore it to keep going if the keeping going is working well enough.
But I think you got the message this time!

 

[Stelliferous91]

Part of your post that struck me the most is when you said you were sorta floating through life (not exercising, no deep relationships, so on). You said it doesn't really bother you but I have a feeling it really does. If nothing else DMT makes us aware of how little time we have to do the things we want.
We all have things we are called to do in this life, and an internal ideal to live up to. It causes us pain under the surface when we fall short but we ignore it to keep going if the keeping going is working well enough.
But I think you got the message this time!

And hey, you are probably Right. The things that i actually have full control over i Can and should manage before i dive into the dmt exp. again. It isent that i didnt know these things, i just live on and dont torment myself In everyday life with not being a suprême individual. No one are. I felt in the dmt exp. that because i am not that suprême individual i should just kill myself. That was my thought process really. So the question is: is the major task for me to Try and become that individual by improving myself or is it to come to peace with that inner turmoil i apparently have under the surface. Probably the answer is somewhere in between i guess. As with so many things the key is balance.

 

[Tomtegubbe]

And hey, you are probably Right. The things that i actually have full control over i Can and should manage before i dive into the dmt exp. again. It isent that i didnt know these things, i just live on and dont torment myself In everyday life with not being a suprême individual. No one are. I felt in the dmt exp. that because i am not that suprême individual i should just kill myself. That was my thought process really. So the question is: is the major task for me to Try and become that individual by improving myself or is it to come to peace with that inner turmoil i apparently have under the surface. Probably the answer is somewhere in between i guess. As with so many things the key is balance.

This is a complex issue and something that DMT has made me to ponder as well.

There is a fine line between genuine personal growth and the cult of self-development that just keeps up the cycle of desire and dissatisfaction. Alcohol is a common way to say no thanks to this cult, but it comes with the price of seriously hindering your genuine personal growth as well.

Today we know quite a lot about health and individual psychology in a sense that some people manage really manage to optimize their lives. Those tricks are useful to a degree. It's better to live a healthy life than an unhealthy. But the pursuit of living a perfectly optimized life is in my opinion idolatry and will leave you empty inside. If you manage to get to the top you can feel good about it, but you probably won't make people around you feel better. In my culture there is saying that if you have got the fortunate lot in life, it's best kept secret. That's exactly opposite of what the social media promotes.

Going against the flow is difficult. Our time is ruled by very superficial values. Everywhere you go or look there are reminders of what you haven't achieved. If you only had a better body, spouse, job, house, hobbies, your life would be good. Certainly those things can add to your happiness, but the philosophy behind the craving is crooked. Instead of learning to be happy with what you have you are constantly pushed to finding happiness in having more. That is a path that leads nowhere.

I believe one of the keys to good and successful life is gratitude. In an environment where you are constantly reminded of what you lack through social media and successful people making a show of their success, developing gratitude is quite an exercise. But every time the opportunity comes, it should be embraced. Of course, there is also legitimate sorrow for the things you could have had, but didn't. It's good to allow that sorrow surface too when there is time for it.

All the best to your journey

 

[Stelliferous91]

This is a complex issue and something that DMT has made me to ponder as well.

There is a fine line between genuine personal growth and the cult of self-development that just keeps up the cycle of desire and dissatisfaction. Alcohol is a common way to say no thanks to this cult, but it comes with the price of seriously hindering your genuine personal growth as well.

Today we know quite a lot about health and individual psychology in a sense that some people manage really manage to optimize their lives. Those tricks are useful to a degree. It's better to live a healthy life than an unhealthy. But the pursuit of living a perfectly optimized life is in my opinion idolatry and will leave you empty inside. If you manage to get to the top you can feel good about it, but you probably won't make people around you feel better. In my culture there is saying that if you have got the fortunate lot in life, it's best kept secret. That's exactly opposite of what the social media promotes.

Going against the flow is difficult. Our time is ruled by very superficial values. Everywhere you go or look there are reminders of what you haven't achieved. If you only had a better body, spouse, job, house, hobbies, your life would be good. Certainly those things can add to your happiness, but the philosophy behind the craving is crooked. Instead of learning to be happy with what you have you are constantly pushed to finding happiness in having more. That is a path that leads nowhere.

I believe one of the keys to good and successful life is gratitude. In an environment where you are constantly reminded of what you lack through social media and successful people making a show of their success, developing gratitude is quite an exercise. But every time the opportunity comes, it should be embraced. Of course, there is also legitimate sorrow for the things you could have had, but didn't. It's good to allow that sorrow surface too when there is time for it.

All the best to your journey

Thank you for some really decent answers here. Sorry for the late response. Sort of had to put the whole thing at a distance for some days.

I really do agree on you with the adversity of following the self-optimization ideals of the present time. They really tend to render most people unhappy because through a whole life these ideals get very hard to live up too at some point. I really Try to be Aware of the hollowness they incite into the poor people Living by Them yet i find myself in a dmt frency mocked by their precense within myself.

These last couple of days the exp. Has put some things into perspective about my life and actually made me quite unhappy. I dident really realized that beneath it all i felt so low. Perhaps this too has something to do with why i Got addicted to alcohol because it makes me wanna get back on it and take a full scale bender, but i wont. It wont help. Actually alcohol would be the worst thing to use Right now.. Something Else needs to be done and i have to make that change one peace at the time. On small action at a time which in the Long run adds up to a more fundemental change in my attitude towards myself and life in general.

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

Go see a therapist! You wont regret it. If you find someone who is interning it wont be expensive. You can even do the appointments through the zoom app on your phone.

 

[Voidmatrix]

These last couple of days the exp. Has put some things into perspective about my life and actually made me quite unhappy. I dident really realized that beneath it all i felt so low. Perhaps this too has something to do with why i Got addicted to alcohol because it makes me wanna get back on it and take a full scale bender, but i wont. It wont help. Actually alcohol would be the worst thing to use Right now.. Something Else needs to be done and i have to make that change one peace at the time. On small action at a time which in the Long run adds up to a more fundemental change in my attitude towards myself and life in general.

A meditation practice may be really good for you at this time. A practice in which you sit in stillness with some particular focus and a great deal of introspective observation may help you sew the proper strands together in understanding your current feelings and situation. And good for you for resisting the desire to hit the bottle. While it's never been an issue for me (I simply don't drink because it's not interesting or enjoyable for me), it has been for some that I am close to, and by being a witness to their struggles am aware of the high degree of difficulty that can lie therein.

You seem to be getting a handle on things, but just know, if you need it, you have support here.

One love

 

[Tomtegubbe]

I really Try to be Aware of the hollowness they incite into the poor people Living by Them yet i find myself in a dmt frency mocked by their precense within myself.

I find this very interesting, because I have experienced this too. I want to share a bit more, because I feel this is related. Last time I was belittled about my spiritual ambitions, like don't I understand that if I really want to have the fulfillment I'm seeking for I'm wasting my time living the urban life and I should know by now about the people living the secluded life approaching nirvana.

After that experience I wrote in my notebook that my goals and my deeds don't align and that causes unhappiness. I had to process this for a few days and this morning I had by sudden a very clear moment of thought: I'm not moving to the mountains for now. I have a life and purpose here and I better commit to it. It's the craving, even when in spiritual form or disguise that distracts me from the path I already am on. DMT gave me an important lesson making visible what I kept unresolved in my heart. However it was I who needed to do the work to decide what I'm going to make of it.