Whispers
Rising Star
Today was my first time trying DMT, I only managed a single hit on both the occasions I tried and I'm left with mix feelings.
The first time I set up a chair in a field, this field overlooks a valley filled with trees and a town in the distance.
I used my newly acquired VG and it was difficult to know when I had taken a hit, I smoked the DMT neat and didn't find it to be as harsh as everyone says it is, but maybe I didn't get a dense enough vapour.
I held the vapour in for over 10 seconds and got the clay like effect, on one hand I could see far in to the distance, but I started to feel almost claustrophobic as I became more aware of how my limited senses are my only access to the outside world, everything I see touch and hear is just an illusion of the brain using my primitive sensory tools to make sense of it.
I decided to rest my VG and lighter down and my hands felt quite distant, my whole body seemed slow and sluggish but my mind was wide awake.
I noticed that my mind seemed to be trying to see faces in things, kinda crude mask like faces, they were on the flowers that swayed in the wind and amongst the trees, some were happy and some were sad, I couldn't focus on them however, as if my mind stopped manifesting the faces when it realised there werent actually faces there when I took a better look.
I started to think I shouldn't have done this outside as there was a lot to take in, I forgot to close my eyes, not even sure if I blinked.
As things started to come back in to focus it just started to rain so I went back inside.
I pondered the experience for a while, and concluded so far that there was nothing particularly spiritual or mystical about it, Its reasonable at this point to believe that its just tricks of the mind, the sense of feeling part of everything makes sense when you are essentially blind to the world around you and all you have to rely on is your senses.
I decided to try again, i got in bed this time and took another hit, I think this was stronger than the last one but was pretty much the same, again my mind was manifesting faces and the longer it went on the more unhappy the faces got, I closed my eyes and could see the fractals but they made an image of my room outside of me, likely because it was the last thing I looked at when I closed my eyes, I was getting anxious, it wasn't really all that pleasant, so I started to chant, the faces seemed to start smiling more than frowning, the visuals werent that vibrant but there seemed to be a dark hole appearing in front of me, as I chanted I felt like I was being beaconed towards it but I wasn't ready for whatever was to come next so I opened my eyes again.
The visuals were still pretty strong, I felt lonely, I didn't feel great, but then I decided to look at my hand, wow, it was ugly, I looked at every flaw thinking hey look, this is you, this gross organic creature. I liked this more than the visuals in my room because It felt more real, I was seeing a clearer image of my body than I usually see, seems like my mind blocks out a lot, making even my hands look a whole lot prettier to me than they are in reality.
I came back down shortly after this.
Even on small doses its pretty overwhelming stuff compared to other drugs I have tired, I want to go deeper but its difficult to remind myself to take that second hit.
I do get the sense that if you don't smoke more then you are wasting your time, I cant tell if the DMT was disappointed that I was just looking around my room instead of taking another hit or if I just felt more anxious an this was manifesting as frowny faces.
So a lot of mixed feelings, think I will have to share this with a friend if I want to go deeper.
The first time I set up a chair in a field, this field overlooks a valley filled with trees and a town in the distance.
I used my newly acquired VG and it was difficult to know when I had taken a hit, I smoked the DMT neat and didn't find it to be as harsh as everyone says it is, but maybe I didn't get a dense enough vapour.
I held the vapour in for over 10 seconds and got the clay like effect, on one hand I could see far in to the distance, but I started to feel almost claustrophobic as I became more aware of how my limited senses are my only access to the outside world, everything I see touch and hear is just an illusion of the brain using my primitive sensory tools to make sense of it.
I decided to rest my VG and lighter down and my hands felt quite distant, my whole body seemed slow and sluggish but my mind was wide awake.
I noticed that my mind seemed to be trying to see faces in things, kinda crude mask like faces, they were on the flowers that swayed in the wind and amongst the trees, some were happy and some were sad, I couldn't focus on them however, as if my mind stopped manifesting the faces when it realised there werent actually faces there when I took a better look.
I started to think I shouldn't have done this outside as there was a lot to take in, I forgot to close my eyes, not even sure if I blinked.
As things started to come back in to focus it just started to rain so I went back inside.
I pondered the experience for a while, and concluded so far that there was nothing particularly spiritual or mystical about it, Its reasonable at this point to believe that its just tricks of the mind, the sense of feeling part of everything makes sense when you are essentially blind to the world around you and all you have to rely on is your senses.
I decided to try again, i got in bed this time and took another hit, I think this was stronger than the last one but was pretty much the same, again my mind was manifesting faces and the longer it went on the more unhappy the faces got, I closed my eyes and could see the fractals but they made an image of my room outside of me, likely because it was the last thing I looked at when I closed my eyes, I was getting anxious, it wasn't really all that pleasant, so I started to chant, the faces seemed to start smiling more than frowning, the visuals werent that vibrant but there seemed to be a dark hole appearing in front of me, as I chanted I felt like I was being beaconed towards it but I wasn't ready for whatever was to come next so I opened my eyes again.
The visuals were still pretty strong, I felt lonely, I didn't feel great, but then I decided to look at my hand, wow, it was ugly, I looked at every flaw thinking hey look, this is you, this gross organic creature. I liked this more than the visuals in my room because It felt more real, I was seeing a clearer image of my body than I usually see, seems like my mind blocks out a lot, making even my hands look a whole lot prettier to me than they are in reality.
I came back down shortly after this.
Even on small doses its pretty overwhelming stuff compared to other drugs I have tired, I want to go deeper but its difficult to remind myself to take that second hit.
I do get the sense that if you don't smoke more then you are wasting your time, I cant tell if the DMT was disappointed that I was just looking around my room instead of taking another hit or if I just felt more anxious an this was manifesting as frowny faces.
So a lot of mixed feelings, think I will have to share this with a friend if I want to go deeper.