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Forgiveness

Tripolation

Tripolation

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Forgiveness is something that I struggle with immensely. Holding grudges is not healthy and I know it. Resentment and anger remain even after I attempt forgiveness. Forgiveness does not require proximity as some of those I seek to forgive are no longer living, no longer in my life or a long distance away. I say the words, I forgive, and yet memories remain unable to forget. It remains an unresolved issue in my life that I struggle with deeply. I have silently distanced myself from some of my family members who lack boundaries, create chaos and drama, manipulate and drain my energy. I feel like I have all the tools and knowledge in my mind and know the answer to forgiveness yet I still struggle with it. Perhaps I am just stubborn. I need to get it through my thick skull somehow. Perhaps I somehow became so accustomed to carry around these burdens that I simply just continue down the road used to carrying the extra load.

I seek advice for forgiving and examples or anecdotes of forgiveness. I have done a lot of reading on this topic lately and some of the stories I have read touch my being in a profound way. Many of the stories I have read, these people have been through far worse than me and yet find the strength to forgive and I find it absolutely amazing and beautiful. I become teary eyed hearing stories of forgiveness and long for true forgiveness in my heart. Why is it so hard for me I wonder? I know I need to let it go yet keep it close. Like holding onto a hot coal and allowing it to burn me. I could give advice to others regarding this topic yet struggle to do it myself.

I meditate on this topic. I wish to hear your story of forgiveness. How and why did you forgive? What to do with the memory of pain caused by another? How did your life change after you forgave?

Thanks ahead of time for your contributions to the thread. I think that this could not only help me, but other people as well who may be struggling with forgiving.
 
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In my mind one cannot forgive the deeds of others, as they have happened and are irrevocable. But one can attempt to understand the driving forces that created their deeds. By attempting to understand the driving forces, one can redirect the same processes within themselves and alter their outcomes.

Behaviors are often passed down for generations and can be traced far back into the family tree.

From what you wrote you are well on your way to recognize and redirect the negative behavioral patterns and create your own improved reality.

Make sure your children (when they are of appropriate age) know the whole story, so that any remnants of negative behavior that managed to seep through, can potentially be recognized by them and adjusted by themselves.

There is a theory that trauma can also be biologically passed down on the offspring and can also skip generations. This theory is often observable with children that have behavioral trades that the grandparents had, but the parents did not display. Genetically passed down behavior? Who knows, science can not measure it so research into this becomes murky at best. However, I do see this phenomena within my own children, so for me it resonates.

And in the end what really matters is what resonates with you, for only when it resonates will you be able to recognize. If you can recognize, you can adjust your perception and therefore your behavior. When you change your behavior you will change the reflection of the reality you perceive.

🦋
 
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Thank you for creating this thread Triploation. It comes at a time when I'm personally needing to reflect on this topic and can appreciate the perspective this thread provides. It's ok to feel embarrassed as you are shedding the grips of the ego that is fighting to exist. I'm constantly fighting it but it helps to make an amends with it. When I'm struggling with forgiveness is when I feel it's directly tied to the ego to exist.

Another aspect to reconciliation is the act of repenting or asking for forgiveness through an apology which is a very powerful act that requires to put ones ego aside and empathize with the one who has been harmed. A meaningful apology is not needed for forgiveness but can kick start the reconciliation process.

Sacred clowns are powerful teachers who defy the norms of society by skillfully using their antics to push the bar of what is acceptable which I feel Fire is tapping into in this thread. Much love fam!
 
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🌺🔥🫧 said:
I've been diagnosed with exhibitionism, so is it okay to do it here? We can still take it anywhere you like though❣️
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I think i need a translator with you fire. lol
if you had no bad intentions then its all good. Been going through a rough time and perhaps I have been a little sensitive lately. Do your thing.

Any one speak fire?
 
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I believe it’s important to create a safe and supportive space grounded in psychological safety, allowing those who need it to feel comfortable opening up and receiving healing. Personally, I’ve experienced dark and traumatic times, and I’m uncertain if this thread is the right environment to share those stories at this moment.

The concept of forgiveness can feel simplistic at times, especially for those of us who have been on a spiritual journey for years. Many of us have moved beyond revenge, recognizing it as a waste of time and energy. In my view, forgiveness means reaching a place where you feel neutral toward those who have wronged you—holding the same emotions as you would toward a stranger on the street.

That said, for people deeply entrenched in cruelty, expending excessive energy in prayer for them may feel like a drain, particularly if the world might be better off without their influence. To focus on the positive, trauma can often ignite a sense of purpose. Consider reflecting on how your experiences could shape your impact: Would you write a book? Support a nonprofit? Donate to research?

Two prayers have personally helped me find more peace and release:
  1. The Loving-Kindness Prayer:

    “May ___ be filled with loving-kindness. May ___ be well. May ___ be peaceful and at ease. May ___ be happy.”

    Start with those you love, then extend to those who have hurt you, yourself, and eventually all beings.


  2. A Traditional Tibetan Prayer:

    “In all my future lives,
    May I never fall under the influence of harmful companions;
    May I never harm even a single hair of any living being;
    May I never be deprived of the sublime light of Dharma.”

Wishing everyone strength and healing on your journey.
 
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Tripolation said:
Any one speak fire?
Click to expand...

Every Fire is unique in her presence. Get too close and you'll get burned, stay too far and you'll be cold. To keep Fire going depends on the fuel you give her, so it is always a good idea to have plenty of dry witty fuel on hand. Apparently you also may need a bucket of ice-cold water, in case she gets out of control and exposes too much. Not sure if the cold water bucket should be applied to oneself or to contain Fire... ;)

🦋
 
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rkba said:
In my mind one cannot forgive the deeds of others, as they have happened and are irrevocable. But one can attempt to understand the driving forces that created their deeds. By attempting to understand the driving forces, one can redirect the same processes within themselves and alter their outcomes.

Behaviors are often passed down for generations and can be traced far back into the family tree.

From what you wrote you are well on your way to recognize and redirect the negative behavioral patterns and create your own improved reality.

Make sure your children (when they are of appropriate age) know the whole story, so that any remnants of negative behavior that managed to seep through, can potentially be recognized by them and adjusted by themselves.

There is a theory that trauma can also be biologically passed down on the offspring and can also skip generations. This theory is often observable with children that have behavioral trades that the grandparents had, but the parents did not display. Genetically passed down behavior? Who knows, science can not measure it so research into this becomes murky at best. However, I do see this phenomena within my own children, so for me it resonates.

And in the end what really matters is what resonates with you, for only when it resonates will you be able to recognize. If you can recognize, you can adjust your perception and therefore your behavior. When you change your behavior you will change the reflection of the reality you perceive.

🦋
Click to expand...
Great advice. As a parent I have explained my family dynamics and let's say issues of the family. She is a well adjusted happy kid. I do my best to show her the truth of the world with creating unnecessary fears or concerns. I know behave much differently around my kiddo than anyone else in this world. She has softened me tremendously. I wish to behave in the world as I do with her. Love the world like my kiddo is a hard thing, but I will work on it. Old habits die hard as they say, I am a work in progress. Thank you for the thoughtful response!
 
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Kobranek said:
Thank you for creating this thread Triploation. It comes at a time when I'm personally needing to reflect on this topic and can appreciate the perspective this thread provides. It's ok to feel embarrassed as you are shedding the grips of the ego that is fighting to exist. I'm constantly fighting it but it helps to make an amends with it. When I'm struggling with forgiveness is when I feel it's directly tied to the ego to exist.

Another aspect to reconciliation is the act of repenting or asking for forgiveness through an apology which is a very powerful act that requires to put ones ego aside and empathize with the one who has been harmed. A meaningful apology is not needed for forgiveness but can kick start the reconciliation process.

Sacred clowns are powerful teachers who defy the norms of society by skillfully using their antics to push the bar of what is acceptable which I feel Fire is tapping into in this thread. Much love fam!
Click to expand...
Understood and definitely appreciated. If I have done or said anything wrong I do apologize. Thank you for the chance to see a new perspective, one that I had not really thought about until now.
 
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Jungleheart said:
I believe it’s important to create a safe and supportive space grounded in psychological safety, allowing those who need it to feel comfortable opening up and receiving healing. Personally, I’ve experienced dark and traumatic times, and I’m uncertain if this thread is the right environment to share those stories at this moment.

The concept of forgiveness can feel simplistic at times, especially for those of us who have been on a spiritual journey for years. Many of us have moved beyond revenge, recognizing it as a waste of time and energy. In my view, forgiveness means reaching a place where you feel neutral toward those who have wronged you—holding the same emotions as you would toward a stranger on the street.

That said, for people deeply entrenched in cruelty, expending excessive energy in prayer for them may feel like a drain, particularly if the world might be better off without their influence. To focus on the positive, trauma can often ignite a sense of purpose. Consider reflecting on how your experiences could shape your impact: Would you write a book? Support a nonprofit? Donate to research?

Two prayers have personally helped me find more peace and release:
  1. The Loving-Kindness Prayer:

    “May ___ be filled with loving-kindness. May ___ be well. May ___ be peaceful and at ease. May ___ be happy.”

    Start with those you love, then extend to those who have hurt you, yourself, and eventually all beings.


  2. A Traditional Tibetan Prayer:

    “In all my future lives,
    May I never fall under the influence of harmful companions;
    May I never harm even a single hair of any living being;
    May I never be deprived of the sublime light of Dharma.”

Wishing everyone strength and healing on your journey.
Click to expand...
Man.. you guys are so awesome. I really like the prayers and will say them. I specifically have not mentioned the things that happen to me for a reason on this thread. This is about healing and letting go as far as I intended anyway. I didn't want to have anything to trigger anyone and I didn't want to tell a sob story, war story or bring in the negative as best I could. I would elaborate in a private setting with no issue. We all go through pain and I didn't want the focus to be all on me. I would like anyone to read through this to find something said that may help in the forgiving process. My intent was to help myself and hopefully someone else on the way. Thank you for your kind words. What you said deserves refection and I will think about it for sure.
 
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Through sufficient analysis, we now seem to have analyzed, the next step of this quest. I was hoping to contribute but I didn’t even really know what you meant by the word “forgiveness”, so I didn’t have much on my mind to share. Also, is there a word for unforgiving which doesn’t mean “not-forgiving”??? That’s so vague and seems like it could mean anything!
 
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"Unforgiving" has a sense of "gruelling", "relentless"and "intensely difficult" to it, IME of its common usage. That's something of a linguistic tangent, rooted in the metaphorical usage of "forgiving" in the sense of "not overly challenging" and so on.

The word "draconian" springs to mind, on further contemplation of "unforgiving" - interesting exercise…
 
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What a beautiful thread.
Sounds like you took a big leap forward here.

I feel like forgiveness is the culmination of acceptance, the Wheel stopper.
Which ultimately is acceptance of self.

We get caught up trying to solve the problem, which in turn firms up our grip to it.
Its instinctual, visceral.
A contraction of the body.
To then release the grip, take the loss and go on the ever loving Mid-Way.
 
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