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friend in trouble

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polytrip

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A very good friend of me told me 2 years ago that he is gay.
Now he suddenly denies this and he wants to marry a girl he doesn't realy love, constantly trying to act very manly.
This concerns me, because it's a great tragedy waiting to happen. Aren't there enough failed marriages already?
I do not realy know how to deal with this. If i tell him not to deny his own feelings he will probably deny he denies his feelings. If i tell him i think he's doing great and on the right track with his life i would be lying.
I advised him to go see a shrink, but i think there's a good chance he will quit this shrink the moment he starts asking difficult questions.
 
All you can really do is tell him to be himself, he's gotta take it from there.

Just encourage him to follow his heart... maybe an Aya' session is in order?
 
Remember that sometime people have to fail to see the truth, even if that will take years of painful, slow progression.

The wrong thing to do is trying to change a person, people in general don't like to change.
The right thing to do is to point at the facts and let the person decide by himself what to do. Also stand by his decision whatever it is.
 
Well, you can't go up to him and say, "ferreal dood, i thinks ur a gay." All you can do is support him in whatever he does. As a friend, you just gotta make sure that his decisions are exactly what he wants, and not what he perceives others might want to see.
 
it seems spice and friends are going to be very valuable medicines for showing people who they really are on the inside
 
Is it possible that he's actually bi, and has decided he only wants to entertain his straight side? If that was the case, then they could be very happy together. Also, sex isn't necessary for some people to facilitate a happy marriage, for many it's more about companionship... gay men have been marrying for centuries and I'm sure these marriages weren't all so disastrous.

On the other hand, your misgivings could be right. Being honest with him by telling him your concerns might be the right thing to do. A true friend is prepared to tell their friend something they don't want to hear, because you care for them, even if it means them getting annoyed with you for doing so. If you do it right in a heart to heart (choose the moment very carefully and keep it unconfrontational) then I don't think he'll begrudge you. You seem to be an exceptionally reasonable person so I expect this won't be hard for you. After that conversation, just let him make his own choice and be supportive, keeping your views to yourself from then on. There's no need to feign approval, just respectfully hide your disapproval from then on, and just concentrate on being his friend as before.

Some people do deny themselves- the two I know did it for their religion, but that's their choice, and their choice should be respected however miserable it may make them. Their god was more important to them than their sexuality, so maybe it was the right choice for them after all. People are free to make their own mistakes, and you never know, it could work out ok in the end.
 
[quote='Coatl]All you can really do is tell him to be himself, he's gotta take it from there.

Just encourage him to follow his heart... maybe an Aya' session is in order?
[/quote]

Nothing says be yourself like a good strong aya concoction. Though, not sure if it's for everyone.
 
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