Friends, drinking, drugs, and having fun....

[Serenity]

Lately, I've been finding it very difficult to want to go out and "do things", and I'm feeling alone/unfulfilled as a result. This isn't a new problem for me, but I think I'm getting to the source of it, finally. Before reading, please know that I keep a journal to record and self-resolve these kind of issues, but sometimes I really, really want to hear someone else's opinion. Thank you for reading this far.

When I go out with friends to have fun, it almost always leads to a situation involving just drinking, or mainly drinking. When this happens, I find myself not having a good time. When this isn't the case, and maybe just a J is in order; I usually have a great time. This is a simple observation.

I look back on my life and realize the majority of my friends and almost everyone I've even met have been drinkers. This is hard for me to believe, but it's what I can recall to the best of my recollection and judgement. I used to drink in excess whenever I drank, and that was often. I also find myself being selfish, arrogant, ignorant, and a whole list of other bad side effects (primary effects??) including physical discomfort/stomach tumors/disease and easily blacking out. Sometimes after just 2 drinks the rest of the night would blur away. This was my life. DMT and other entheogens helped promote this to change. I am forever grateful.

I used to "love" drinking. I came to realize I was simply enjoying the altered state and I had a great desire to connect with my friends--knowing this would be the easiest way to open them up as they were used to it. I now realize there are better altered states that actually reward you, and that connection to my friends doesn't require me to use the same substance or even one at all. But, if we ARE talking substances easy to use, enjoy and connect for the average meat bag, I admit I wish they would switch to MDMA

I'm fed up with drinking. I'm too aware of what it does to me for me to enjoy it. Quite simply; I hurt myself and others WHENEVER I drink. A drunken state is profoundly difficult for me to manage evasion of this. This is something of a life ambition to avoid--hurting others. If I cannot help someone, then at the least I don't want to harm them. When I am around friends who this is the substance of choice for (almost everyone), they hurt each other as well. They don't realize it until the next day when they are feeling down or maybe anti-social, and blame it simply as "a hangover".

Lately, IF I hang out, I smoke MJ throughout the night. Maybe I'll have one drink, but I find the amount of willpower needed to control my impulsive desires after even one is staggering. As a result, those days are now over. Since I can now fully recall the nights when we hang out, they then ask of their nights previous actions, and I inform them. This is when they realize a whole list of injustices they've committed, yet it doesn't sink in. I then, if asked to, illustrate the detail of things they did and how they subsequently harmed even more people while they were "having fun". After enough gained skill in detailing these events, my friends are STARTING to realize what they're doing to each other when they drink in excess like this. I hope they're beginning to realize where the fights, self-loathing and passive aggressiveness is coming from. Yet...they return to it. I don't blame them because I'm sure it's simply "for lack of a "feasible" better option" in their minds or something else that makes sense to who they choose to be everyday. However, this frustrates me immensely. I realize I cannot change anyone. They can only change themselves if they want to. So, I am patient. I wait for them to come to me. I am now very lonely.

I'm trying to make new friends, but it is proving difficult with how defined my values and interests have become, for lack of a better phrase (Sorry. Smoked a little much.) I am very grateful for the Nexus. The Nexus makes me feel embraced in being everything I truly am. Yet, I need face-to-face interactions. Most of all, I WANT TO GO HAVE SOME FUCKING FUN!!!!

It just sucks balls, man. Is getting high and playing frisbee that weird?? Is hiking up a few miles to a serene lake and enjoying it with a J NOT FUCKING AWESOME? Is getting a bunch of friends together and candyflipping NOT THE FUNNEST TIME EVER!?!?

WTF?

 

[Metanoia]

What you're describing has been my life for many years now. I used to drink when I was younger, and blame all the ill effects on just being hungover or drinking too much. Then I found out I actually have an enzyme imbalance that makes it really difficult for my body to break down alcohol, so I'm basically allergic to it. I still wanted to be social, but all my friends drank. To be honest, it's still that way. I have a couple friends who don't drink, but they don't do anything else either. They're straight edge (no alcohol or drugs, and they're vegans). So I can go out and have a good time with them on occasion, but if I want to go out and have a wild adventure, trip with some friends, that rarely if ever happens.

I went to a rock concert this past weekend with a couple friends who both drink. I felt completely out of place. I don't hang around with them much anymore, so that added to the awkwardness. I usually don't even smoke cannabis anymore either, and we smoked probably four or five joints before even getting into the concert hall. I was so paranoid that they wouldn't let me in at all and I would miss the performance. Then all goes well and we get in, and they immediately get in line to get some beers. They're waiting for more than half an hour, and miss almost the entire set of the band that was opening. I just don't get it. Then they pound back two beers each and are immediately back in line again to get more. They ended up getting six or eight beers each, and still wanted to continue drinking after the concert. They tried to drag me into some club and I refused. I ended up leaving them there, and taking a bus home. Also, I forgot to mention, that we had driven down there, and at the end of the night one of them did drive home (after who knows how many drinks). I just don't find the fun in drinking until you can't walk and then driving home, potentially killing yourself and some innocent person in the process.

Their whole excuse for this night was, "It's Octoberfest man, chill out and get hammered!"

Over the years I've just gradually gravitated away from friends like that. I don't find I have much in common with them anymore and I disagree with a lot of things they do and say.

I had an idea recently about an online psychedelic community where you could meet people. Friends or serious relationships, whatever. It would have a be a pretty exclusive community though, pretty underground, spread by word of mouth. So it would make it difficult for those who aren't "in the know" to find it anyhow. I don't know how you could work something like that out, but it's a good idea. People could plan events and meet new people with common interests and ideas. I desperately want something like that to come along The Nexus is great, but something where you could meet people in person and hang out would be the next step.

 

[byallmeansart]

Man, I really feel bad for both of you. I have a core group of about 10 or 15 friends, and they all take psychedelics, drinking far less than most of our peers. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have people like that that I could relate with on a regular basis.

No, getting high and playing frisbee is NOT weird, camping with psychedelics is one of my favorite things to do, and candyflipping with a bunch of people is a pretty great time.

There are other people out there like us, so don't give up looking. Maybe try going to shows or something where the music caters to a more psychedelic crowd?

 

[PsilocybeChild]

Maybe try going to shows or something where the music caters to a more psychedelic crowd?

I met one of my best friends this way. & well because i was wearing a mescaline molecule shirt. :d
we connected & i gave him an extra ticket i had to get inside free.

 

[ms_manic_minxx]

it almost always leads to a situation involving just drinking, or mainly drinking. When this happens, I find myself not having a good time. When this isn't the case, and maybe just a J is in order; I usually have a great time.

Too bad you can't hang out with me.

I moved about a year ago and my social circle is excruciatingly small, for the exact said reasons. But quality > quantity. Just be happy being happy and be happy being who you are... eventually people that resonate will gravitate, you will meet new friends.

 

[Sublime]

I used to "love" drinking. I came to realize I was simply enjoying the altered state and I had a great desire to connect with my friends--knowing this would be the easiest way to open them up as they were used to it. I now realize there are better altered states that actually reward you, and that connection to my friends doesn't require me to use the same substance or even one at all

I realize I cannot change anyone. They can only change themselves if they want to. So, I am patient. I wait for them to come to me. I am now very lonely.

I've been in that same boat and find myself in it even now and have been thinking about it recently, too. I used to drink a lot all the time almost everyday. Gave me an ulcer, stomach problems, hangovers, drinking to cure hangovers, blacking out often, and being a fool and treating others badly. Not enjoyable at all, when you stop drinking and review it you realize how bad it really is for you, and you can't believe you did it for so long. This year I have only drank occasionally which I am happy for, although I have found myself using opiates a few times a week. I am ashamed of it and believe I do have a problem, whether it be with personality or brain chemistry, or selfishness. Its hard for someone like me to not drink in a social setting. I smoke weed occasionally and am still a novice in hallucinogens--but, it gives me true experience, is beautiful really, changes my perspective, something alcohol only takes away.

I do have a few very close friends but I am just trying to stay occupied and focused within my own life and realize I can be happy no matter what if I do the right things, care for those around me and be REAL and HUMBLE with myself and find things to do that I enjoy and be positive. Its tough to be at points in your life when its hard to find new friends or feeling empty and alone, but they will come..whether it be with a new job, a random acquaintance, a party, an activity or hobby you go out and do, etc. Finding those interested in psychedelics however seems very difficult but that's also why I love the Nexus and am glad this community is here for that. "Find the others." That's what the internet and social networking is great for, you can access that easily. I just wish it would be easier for us to meet in person and have experiences that are tangible. Keep it up you know what is going on.

 

[Super Radical]

I'm in the same boat really. I met a lot of people through going out drinking. Then back in April I got a dui after getting blasted off free drinks at a leather bar, I'm a girl but that's just where my coworkers went and the bartenders loved us. After the dui I stopped drinking completely. I lost my drinking buddies, but my pothead friends are way better. I've found that the people you meet through mj are just better people imo. I thought about it and decided to look at what drugs are around what activities. Drinking goes incredibly well with cocaine and coke heads, who aren't nice people anyway. Smoking goes very well with psychedelics, and those people are awesome.

 

[SpireCatalyst]

But quality > quantity. Just be happy being happy and be happy being who you are... eventually people that resonate will gravitate

Agreed.
Very well put.

 

[SHroomtroll]

Havent gotten drunk in years really, i guess most of here comes from that backround.

The best thing ive ever done was to leave 90% of my old friends and just start all over, hanging out at raves not knowing anyone at first but it´s amazing what mdma can do for you, now i almost only hangout with trippers or similar people.

Although i don´t get out much anymore, the police is fucking up the whole rave scene i our country, raids are more common than not and they are fucking hard on.

Anyway just do what you feel is right, if you friends don´t wan´t to try new things then i think you need new friends tbh.

 

[Infinite I]

I met a whole new bunch of friends recently who are into raves and the free party scene, im into that kind of music and thought I was into mdma and the like, went to some underground club had a great time then come 4am im ready to head home, its scotland in sepptember it isnt exactly warm lol, they all want to go to this party at some loch and take acid im like meh cant really be bothered with that with a bunch of people ive just met, some of them are older than me and some of them were 18 taking acid for the first time, im 31 btw A lot of them looked at me as if I was a let down and they thought I was into this sort of thing, ten years ago maybe, point being everyoen starts with alcohol then moves on to these ecstasy tablets and well I could smell amphetamines and know the alcohol is the beggining of a heavy session for these folks, guy offered me an ecstasy tablet and looked at me funny when I declined, I had my own stuff, pure good clean mdma, first time in a long time and I had had my raving fill of ragga jungle lol

So I had already had my fun and well as far as im concerned the fun was over I wasnt going to run around looking for other partys, just far too old for that. A friend was telling me about this crowd and how a lot of them take psychedelics indiscriminately and think they are cool or aware or whatever, I dont think im cool or aware but well these folks just swallow what they can get a hold off have a good time then repeat the process the next weekend, dont think they have learned any lessons far as I can see.

When I discovered ayahuasca then the forums then smoked dmt and these forums the getting smashed all the time for the sake of it tapered off along with getting older and like you OP some of my friends still do it, luckily two who are into psychedelics like me dont, im usually the one trying to coerce them lol but I had an amazing time the other week but when its done Im mature enough to say enough is enough and im in no rush to go do it again, thats me for another 3 motnhs at least, all about moderation and I do love dancing so much I can hardly walk for a week :lol: I do drink red wine with my parents from time to time and think its great, the whole getting really wasted is long gone for me, although usually myself in my room on psychedelics it could be classed as being totally wasted but then its not exactly social, I do like high doses every few months of something, makes me feel grteat after it, sorry im going on a bit sure ive said what I meant to say, as manic minx said friends will come to you, im leaving the country so have to make new friends and well getting drunk once in a while can be good for social bonding but im not a regular lets get smashed nowadays!

 

[SpartanII]

Maybe ditch the drinking buddies and work on having fun without people. Do new things that are opposite of your old unhealthy routines. Explore hobbies, open up your creativity and passions. Meditate and explore your consciousness. These are all recommendations that don't require other people. Once you learn to be happy and have fun on your own, then your new "vibes" will pull positive, like-minded people into your life who you can befriend if you choose.

 

[mrwiggle]

Maybe ditch the drinking buddies and work on having fun without people. Do new things that are opposite of your old unhealthy routines. Explore hobbies, open up your creativity and passions. Meditate and explore your consciousness. These are all recommendations that don't require other people. Once you learn to be happy and have fun on your own, then your new "vibes" will pull positive, like-minded people into your life who you can befriend if you choose.

...this, when one no longer needs anyone or thing to be particularly pleased with themself, then you dont feel like you want or need to go have fun, cause your already having fun, once this occurs you will suddenly find yourself in the midst of equally fulfilled people

 

[Wax]

Wow Serenity, I had to wonder for a minute if I wasn't the one who posted this topic.
I've been going through almost the exact same thing, so I feel you.

All of my friends drink...heavily, I used to drink quite a bit and even when I quit drinking a lot I would still get smashed every time I did drink.
The only difference with our stories are that my friends have all taken MDMA and psychedelics but the ones that like them the most still just take them to have fun and get fucked up
I feel like I am the only one in my group that feels so strongly about entheogens and the great things they are meant for.

So all I can say is that yes MDMA would be a lot better for you and your friends to connect and what not but I wouldn't count on it to reverse the mindset of "lets get fucked up"
Like I said all my friends have taken loads of MDMA/ecstasy and yes it was very fun and beneficial for our relationship but then it started to become a problem for us and thats when I quit taking it for a long time.
My friends would roll almost every night and be taking four or more pills , I wouldn't roll as often but still I would take the same amount as them.

I realized that drinking is the most accessible drug for most and it doesn't make you ....well, think.
It is easy to get lost in alcohol and not think about your life critically as with smoking weed or with psychs.
I think that if your friends are already in the mindset that they like getting fucked up, then it doesn't matter what substance they are using, it will still be abused in the end.

I will be moving away from all of my friends soon and I'm sure I will have a hard time finding friends in a new city with all of my values but I will sure try, or at least be happy with my self and my family.

Best of luck to you Serenity, I hope you can find a solution to your situation, I know it is hard to be so distant among friends.

 

[kyrolima]

Well basically you are on a turning point! I am also shifting atm.
It's about enjoying life and communication without help of substance.
You can become who you wanna be.
But you got to nurture a desire to be who you really wanna be!

If you do that and act on it - YOU will succeed!

Try to reduce phobia as much as possible!
By doing what?
Love

Be aware of what you believe and think and feel.

You are powerful - you can modify and alter and change a LOT!

 

[proto-pax]

Yeah, drinking excessively (more than a beer or two) is a pretty destructive activity to anyone involved in the slightest bit, hope this realization leads to good vibes in your future.

 

[Lichen]

This thread.

Looking around, I thought I would have noticed you all sitting around - in the proverbial boat we are all aboard - a little sooner. I too share your despondence.

Even though I have since moved on and upward away from my drinking buddies (and happy to depart from such a destructive lifestyle), I'm left with the predicament of trying to find a new social group who also strongly identifies with my own values regarding psychedelics/entheogens and making moral and ethical life choices.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that in the last three years or so I have actively, though slowly, distanced myself from modern western culture (Australian, English, American consumer culture) and as a result I have found myself very far away from 'the norm'. Often over the last few years I have found myself acquiescing to this standard, (often in the context of drinking, never for other substances however) just so as not to rain on the parades of my friends. I constantly find myself gritting my teeth when in conversations with people just to save argument; if I didn't do this, I feel I would constantly be in argument with people stemming from the most mundane things.

It is getting to the point where I just want to be a part of a social group who shares my same interests, passions, beliefs, taste in music and I can just be me and, like Serenity, just have fun!

I think this - and the borderline obsessive intrigue for DMT - is what draws me to the nexus so deeply. "Find the others!" - precisely! I feel that this is a place where I can actually share - with humour and humility - a thought provoking and quality discussion on anything, from the fundamentally important to the downright absurd, with people I have common ground with.

 

[onethousandk]

I have a friend that is caught up in the drinking game with his social circle. Even a DUI wasn't enough to pull him out of it. He critiques it but then goes back because they're the people he's known for so long. There's some great advice in this thread. Take it to heart everyone. There are more of us out there than we realize. Be a good person and good people will be drawn to you. All you have to do is make yourself available.

 

[Not Sure]

Reading some posts in this thread I feel like I am so much more alike the people on this forum than the people I used to consider close friends. Drinking is such a different creature than psychedelics.

My closest friend told me that I was no fun anymore cause I didn't drink and party like I did in the past. Really sucked to have him tell me that while he was living rent free in my place. I didnt kick him out or anything at all I let him stay until he got a job and place to live. When I was a drinker I really didnt have much and was not responsible enough to have my own place. DMT changed my perspective and allowed me to make those changes out of love. I wish it could have help my friend the same way.

Partying for me is getting the hell away from public and connecting with close friends and the earth. I find myself not able to do it as much as in the past but I have an excellent girlfriend that is my trip buddy for life, I feel fortunate for her.

 

[Purges]

I can relate to all on this thread. My use oof drugs dwindled a few years ago when I realised I was damaging my body and making myself depressed, MDMA, Alcohol, E pills, Cocaine, Ketamine, Nitrous, Acid, 2cx, Weed, Valium etc etc would be consumed most weekends, raving, not sleeping much and having a poor diet really weren't doing me any favours, so I stopped going out, and started only taking things very occasionally. Now it is only weed, psyches, and a nice beer or glass of wine every now and then, and this works so much better for me.

My friends still do a lot of going out and getting fucked up, and ocassionally they will have a go at me for not being as social or messy as I used to be, but they understand my current situation, and love to hear some of my mental tales from the other side. A few have boldly ventured into the unknown with me, but tbh I think they find it quite a daunting prospect. But they never judge my usage, and we have great times together while sober and will trip on less 'out there' substances every now and then which is great. I do get sucke into the odd drinking bender, but it is usually just polishing off a bottle of wine over a meal, and having one too many, or shooting the breeze at the pub enjoying a fine ale or three, which I see no issue with. None of my friends are the yobbish type and are generally still good humoured, intelligent and fun to be around even when under the influence of alcohol. These last couple of days I have actually been considering how lucky I am to have a crowd like them around me, so this thread is a little synchronistic!

My GF is very supportive, and we have tripped on many different substances together. She has begun her explorations of Spice, and I think she is starting to see the allure. We are planning a nice dissosciated Sunday indoors listening to music, cooking, and loving this week end, and this to me, is better than any rave.

I just wanted to add that you guys shouldn't judge people on the substances they choose to imbibe - I have many close friends who I share my life with who don't even really know what DMT is, but that doesn't make our friendship any less special

 

[Serenity]

There's simply too much good advice on here to quote everyone and comment. I'll save you the tl;dr

Thank you for your kind words. I found a couple of non-profit jobs to apply at which should help improve this situation. Also, one of these close friends of mine showed up at my house last night absolutely exhausted and distraught. They hadn't slept in days, and were pumped full of caffeine and alcohol during those times. In a half-awake state, we talked, and it would appear they've shifted their mindset as they slept and had the same feelings in the morning. Still, I've seen this behavior before, so time will tell, and I'm doing my best not to worry myself with more than what I can help with.

Like you, I just moved to this area a year ago as well, Minxx, and I have few "friends". When it was commented that I find how to be alone and be happy, at first I was in denial because I thought I had already made this shift. I do not see people throughout the day, save maybe one or two. So we're not talking about someone who has a job and by necessity must interact with people but finds them self avoiding them. We're talking about someone who quite literally rarely see's people, and it's usually the same one(s). I make efforts to go out and interact with the public when I run and exercise, but most are shallow interactions. Still, I realized that I could look into more hobbies and ways to creatively express myself, like making music and maybe picking up my drawing habit that was so intensely obsessed over when I was younger.

I discussed this (forgive how tactless this is) lack of good friends with the other of my two close friends here who quickly began looking up shows in the area to attend. Today we have a collection of a few to go to, being that we live in a large metropolitan area.

One last thing that I began to ponder after Purges comments. Girlfriends have been strongly avoided by me for many years because I thought I had an inability to cope in relationships without being overbearing and a list of other unwanted attributes. I think it's a good idea to look to yourself for the answers whenever something doesn't workout, so I always assumed it to be my fault. Looking back....I'm really starting to think I simply haven't selected very wisely in the past......

Things look to be moving in the right direction.

I am grateful for all of you.