Gender on the Nexus

[112233]

Louie CK on "the N Word", it can be applied to "the C Word".

Language is so incredibly nuanced that a certain amount of swearing, in the proper context, should be allowed. But, of course, then everyone would think their use of fill-in-the-"offensive"-word-here was apropos.

Fun example: "I smoked a fag this morning," the British man thought.

Change that to: "I smoked a f*g this morning," the homophobic assassin recalled.

Change the context, change the meaning completely. This is fun, I wanna do another:

Thanksgiving was going very well. Halfway through the meal, the men started talking football and who would punt the first pigskin of the day.

Little Shirley, a seven year old, asked from the kiddie table: "Daddy, what's a cu*t?"

Little Shirley didn't understand until years later why her innocent comment had caused such a hearty uproar of laughter from the adults.



Ahhh I could do this all day, but I'll spare you such pain.

 

[Randomness]

Bit off topic but the best thing I have heard that was lost in translation was some friends of mine called there rave soundsystem "merkin beats".

Now merkin in gangsta rap is killing ie murder. Merkin in old English is a female pubic wig used by prostitutes to cover up syphilis scabs. They were not best pleased when I pointed this out

As I said intent can be different from perception as language can be used in so many different ways by different people.

 

[112233]

Merkin in old English is a female pubic wig used by prostitutes to cover up syphilis scabs.

That's the greatest thing I've ever heard! I've got to find a way to bring that up in conversations at least once a day.

"Ah, this damn merkin is itching like crazy!"

 

[Pandora]

Just for the record - Nemo and I never use hate language in private, out with friends, etc. The ONLY context we find these words acceptable in is quoting ignorant folks and true haters who DO use them. As I did here.

I have walked the walk EVER since my family burned to death and my savings were spent on the funeral. Two jobs and 15 college units - got to finish this ASAP or I'll go into debt. Great in subject GPA and no way to go to Graduate School - that's $$$ - got to get to work!

This reality caused me to find myself living in a low-income working community where I was the minority, I started living full time with folks who came from VERY different backgrounds. And now not only am I very uncomfortable and offended by hate language, but am very happy to find myself in very diverse company and NOT scared.

For Nemo it was the night his lady friend burned her bra and he stayed up all night walking and tripping on acid with his African American friend who also had a draft card letter. He realized everything he had been told was lies wrapped up in masculinely in white paper, so to speak and from that day forward refused to live by dominate culture values or mores, stared really listening to people, did not see himself as a victim. Just someone born into something very nasty and he no longer was willing to play by the rules. Now he lives by an ultra radical method - understanding he lives in an oppressive society but relating to everyone personally as if they are just human. This way when he sees nothing but old male, white faces (similar in a way to his own but fatter and less healthy looking) in power situations he is not afraid to comment on it and knows it has nothing to do with him and how he chooses to live his life. As do his diverse friends.

Once we went to a kinky event in SF and saw an amazing transvestite in the store. Nemo smiled, looked eye to eye, introduced himself and complimented this person on their shoes.

I sure married the right guy.

After a few decades of truly walking the walk you quit noticing UNTIL someone in this very diverse and progressive (though sadly super high violent crime) uses hate language.

Sound familiar? We become educated and/or ignorant by the communities we live in and how leaders of said communities choose to behave.

I gave up on larger society long ago (we will have to change what it means to be human - we will get over this when gender reassignment is as easy as going to the bathroom) but am very disappointed in the posts of Senior Members and Moderators here. All I can say is thankfully the ignorance and hate here has NOT spread outward from the core (as in many other institutions) as evidenced by posts of Snozzleberry, Enoon and The Traveler. It instills me with new hope and for that I thank you.

 

[Randomness]

Merkin in old English is a female pubic wig used by prostitutes to cover up syphilis scabs.

That's the greatest thing I've ever heard! I've got to find a way to bring that up in conversations at least once a day.

"Ah, this damn merkin is itching like crazy!"

If you like that you should check out a program called QI with Stephen Fry it has loads of interesting bits like that. Like did you know at one point in time it was assumed that blowing smoke up your bum would revive you if you were drowning. There were little bellows kept by rivers (just like rubber rings) to use in case of an emergency.

 

[hug46]

This discussion has opened my eyes to the more subtle influences of patriarchy, but other arguments I feel are making something from generally nothing.

I agree.

After a few decades of truly walking the walk you quit noticing UNTIL someone in this very diverse and progressive (though sadly super high violent crime) uses hate language.

I don"t understand this. Are you saying the folk in your neighbourhood can be super violent but rarely use hate language while going about the business of robbing, shooting, raping etc? If that is the case i think i"d rather take my chances with the bad language that is rife in my community. There are studies that claim bad language has beneficial mental and health benefits.

I gave up on larger society long ago (we will have to change what it means to be human - we will get over this when gender reassignment is as easy as going to the bathroom) but am very disappointed in the posts of Senior Members and Moderators here. All I can say is thankfully the ignorance and hate here has NOT spread outward from the core

I have not seen any hate in the posts that i have read in this thread. Maybe a bit of ignorance but we are all guilty of that on occasion.

 

[Randomness]

We are all born ignorant and without hate. We do however fear the unknown. If we don't learn of the unknown we continue to fear it and that fear turns to hate.

If we listen to each other's opinions and can understand them and respect them even though they may differ from our own we can turn that fear into knowledge break the cycle of ignorance and open ourselves up to a whole new way of thinking.

We are all different yet deserve to be treated the same. It would be nice to be able to celebrate our differences rather than hiding from them.

 

[jbark]

------

JBark, I spent a good portion of yesterday mulling over your words. They really struck me in a profound way and I think you are entirely correct: my use of empowering was not at all the appropriate terminology. I got caught up in what I was writing and now, having some distance, agree that it was a wildly inappropriate phrasing. I hope the deeper ideas that I was driving at with regards to self defense and traumatized states have not been irreparably marred by my phrasing, but I wanted to thank you, sincerely, for calling me out.

back.

I just calls it as I sees It! I do get the gist of what you were saying though, and as I have stated agree for the most part. I just think double standards work both ways and the amount of leeway given the offended side has to be kept in check - if it teeters too far it is just outright hypocrisy. (not calling you a hypocrite, for the record!)

Cheers and thanks for that note Snozz


JBArk

 

[hostilis]

....

My 2 cents.

 

[soulfood]

Once we went to a kinky event in SF and saw an amazing transvestite in the store. Nemo smiled, looked eye to eye, introduced himself and complimented this person on their shoes.

I sure married the right guy.

Are you really sure?

 

[Pandora]

How would you relate to that person? Would you laugh and mock? Cuss and beat? Be fearful or secretely jealous? Or be radical like Nemo and Snozz and just relate to them as a fellow human being?

So very often ignorance is not willfully hurtful. Frequently it comes wrapped up in a package of humor to hide itself. I personally prefer a style of humor that makes fun of life and culture and is self-deprecating. That's not to say I personally do not suffer from ignorance (and make others suffer).

The crime that goes down in our neighborhood is not committed by community members. Folks decide to go "downtown" to take down a corner store or grab a woman off the street, or whatever. I don't know how they speak - I wasn't there. They probably use very hateful language. I'm saying that is not how WE speak. In ANY context. Other than quoting haters or ingorance as stated.

These crimes are not committed by the folks who do not look like us on our street. Nor by the members of the Islamic community center two streets down. Nor the folks who do not love like us one street over. How do I know? I have gotten out and spoken with these folks. I know my neighbors and the reality of my neighborhood. Table your fear and talk to folks who look and live nothing like you would be my advice. Better yet, really listen.

It makes sense that those who are in the dominate power group do not see it. Do you see air? Do you see things that are so ubiquitous that they saturate? Afterall, they are probably ignorant of history and think, 'That's not how we live," and feel their hungry family members (or whatever) have received no personal benefits for being members of this group. My brother often makes arguments like this. He is white and male but has never had an easy time or had much of anything handed to him.

Funny, Nemo has received no personal benefits ever since rejecting culture, the head on drunk driving killing of both his parents and the burning down of their house to ashes in a brush fire. Yet he never sees himself as a victim. He knows he's a member of the dominate group - as do I racially - but that does not stop him from recognizing what is going on and in everything he does and says to reject that wholeheartedly.

For me, these kinds of things, are walking the walk.

 

[soulfood]

How would you relate to that person? Would you laugh and mock? Cuss and beat? Be fearful or secretely jealous? Or be radical like Nemo and Snozz and just relate to them as a fellow human being?

So you think treating a fellow human being like a fellow human being is radical?

Taxi!

edit: I'll leave that comment to stand as it supports the origin of my original intention in which I implied that your husband my harbour sexual thoughts for masculine characters. I don't actually think that, but I implied it in the name of funny. I also make jokes about inuits and cot-death. If you found the joke to be in bad taste... having stray sexual thoughts is not a big deal. I can imagine how having a gay husband could be distressing as it would decrease a lot of the genuinity in the vows. But if that's his choice, I respect it.

I'm also aware that I've probably dug myself into this so deep I should probably apply for planning permission, but I can do so as I sit here without guilt of the fact and as we're in the humour and fun section, well it's all just subjective isn't it?

I guess where I'm coming stems from the fact I would still treat rapists and peadophiles like humans as I've never been one to cast the first stone. So the suggestion that I may harbour ill will to another human being just because of their own individuality is laughable.

All that besides the fact that if this character was so stunning, they're probably used to getting compliments all the time... I mean what's the point in telling a fashion model they have a stunning figure and threads, right? They'd be like "thanks, I guess."

 

[hug46]

Once we went to a kinky event in SF and saw an amazing transvestite in the store. Nemo smiled, looked eye to eye, introduced himself and complimented this person on their shoes.

I sure married the right guy.

Are you really sure?

Perhaps Pandora and her husband"s love was initially kindled by a shared passion for quality shoes.

 

[soulfood]

Once we went to a kinky event in SF and saw an amazing transvestite in the store. Nemo smiled, looked eye to eye, introduced himself and complimented this person on their shoes.

I sure married the right guy.

Are you really sure?

Perhaps Pandora and her husband"s love was initially kindled by a shared passion for quality shoes.

Maybe they were donald ducks slippers?

 

[RhythmSpring]

soulfood, give it up. You're not being sensitive--you're being mocking as you dodge around the issue that Pandora is quite earnestly trying to show you. I think you are a prime example of why she's been tentative in her relationship to the Nexus.

It would please me if you showed some respect.

 

[nexalizer]

I'm really not sure where all this is coming from, it's pretty obvious that women are treated as second class citizens across the board. Current employer has told me as much regarding hiring decisions, body language instilled in girls vs boys at a yooung age body image issues that are so rampant in our culture. It's absolutely a huge deal, I call inanimate objects he sometimes. That's how ingrained it is.

Default = male.

Maybe where you come from. Where I come from, women are granted seats in the parliament just for being women, same goes for the board of directors of big companies.

They are put first for social help - first women, then couples (there's a woman there), then single males.

If SHTF, they are not expected to defend the country. If the ship sinks, it's women and children first, males be damned.

Where I come from, women have already surpassed men in university, and yet more and more subsidies and government help target helping women succeeding. So much that the educational system is no longer a good environment for boys, who apparently have to be medicated with powerful drugs so just that they can behave more like little quiet girls.

Even though they will live on average 9 more years than the men, women get to retire 5 years earlier, and even though prostate cancer kills far more men than breast cancer kills women, there is, in comparison, essentially nothing being done about it.

Where I come from, if you get married, as a man, you can be sure that in the very likely event of divorce, you will lose half your possessions, and definitely any children.

She can abort without your consent, because it's her body, but if she gets accidentally pregnant good luck to you as a man, if you don't want to go through with it. Because you have no choice and will have to pay child support for 18 years.

Anyway, I could go on, but in the interest of brevity.. I have done my fair share of travelling and this is the situation in many western countries right now. To say that women are second class citizens is ludicrous, really.

Really think about it. Us in general, but western women in particular are some of the most privileged humans to have walked the face of this planet.

 

[dreamer042]

Whenever I meet people I always approach them from the standpoint of the most basic things we have in common. We each have a physical structure, a mind, emotions. We are all born in the same way and we all die. All of us want happiness and do not want to suffer. Looking at others from this standpoint rather than emphasizing secondary differences such as the fact that I am Tibetan, or a different color, religion, or cultural background, allows me to have a feeling that I'm meeting someone just the same as me. I find that relating to others on that level makes it much easier to exchange and communicate with each other."
-Tenzin Gyatso

 

[jamie]

sometimes some people take everything too personal and become offended. Why are people offended by what soulfood said?...does it matter?...do you gain from it?

It's an old thread anyway. Just relax and don't read too deep into one sentence or paragraph one person wrote.

 

[○]

sometimes some people take everything too personal and become offended. Why are people offended by what soulfood said?...does it matter?...do you gain from it?

It's an old thread anyway. Just relax and don't read too deep into one sentence or paragraph one person wrote.

 

[Orion]

sometimes some people take everything too personal and become offended. Why are people offended by what soulfood said?...does it matter?...do you gain from it?

It's an old thread anyway. Just relax and don't read too deep into one sentence or paragraph one person wrote.

Who was offended? I certainly wasn't.

RhythmSpring, you get to politely disagree with a thread post, but outright requesting a person desists is a little overboard.

To nobody in particular:
If people are going to have their own personal reactions to a more light-hearted attitude touted as THE prime example of 'how this whole thing works', then they are part of the problem.