Hi all,
I've been working with oral dmt for over 15 years. I'm a man, look manly with hair and muscles, hight... I never thought much of my gender, nor saw the world as gender, "this is my female friend..., I'm going out with all male friends... "
At some point of trips I entered a world of a big goddess and small goddesses. It was all in fractals but that was the meaning. The feeling was: - I don't belong there, I'm not a female, and that world is threatening, I felt I'm uninvited.
Last trip was worst. I was becoming a woman, this time it was realistic. The visions became like high fashion pictures, 007 look of a women. Once my face was woman face, but she was belong and different race than mine and unrelatable.
I tried to work and take , ok im a woman but immediately bounced off as false because I'd know that my body is different, and that I'm not a woman.
I saw on YouTube an interview where histrionic personality was described, that a person feels in gender way, or that one gender had the power. She said she has dreams when powerful that she's a boy.
I grew up in matriarchy, grand mothers been through wars, younger ones not. These women were nothing like the American/western version. They were like man as it comes to emotions, because one has to survive first, putting emotions, empathy...aside. EDIT the understanding of gender by the West doesn't apply here...
I don't know how to work with this? Am I stripped from power? Am I afraid of women? Are they dangerous for me? What do they want from me? Am I pleasing them, in fear?
These are some questions. I'm not in therapy, and I was in analysis but it didn't come out as a topic. I'll continue soon, but now not sure how to take it.
Any thoughts?
Best Yu
I've been working with oral dmt for over 15 years. I'm a man, look manly with hair and muscles, hight... I never thought much of my gender, nor saw the world as gender, "this is my female friend..., I'm going out with all male friends... "
At some point of trips I entered a world of a big goddess and small goddesses. It was all in fractals but that was the meaning. The feeling was: - I don't belong there, I'm not a female, and that world is threatening, I felt I'm uninvited.
Last trip was worst. I was becoming a woman, this time it was realistic. The visions became like high fashion pictures, 007 look of a women. Once my face was woman face, but she was belong and different race than mine and unrelatable.
I tried to work and take , ok im a woman but immediately bounced off as false because I'd know that my body is different, and that I'm not a woman.
I saw on YouTube an interview where histrionic personality was described, that a person feels in gender way, or that one gender had the power. She said she has dreams when powerful that she's a boy.
I grew up in matriarchy, grand mothers been through wars, younger ones not. These women were nothing like the American/western version. They were like man as it comes to emotions, because one has to survive first, putting emotions, empathy...aside. EDIT the understanding of gender by the West doesn't apply here...
I don't know how to work with this? Am I stripped from power? Am I afraid of women? Are they dangerous for me? What do they want from me? Am I pleasing them, in fear?
These are some questions. I'm not in therapy, and I was in analysis but it didn't come out as a topic. I'll continue soon, but now not sure how to take it.
Any thoughts?
Best Yu
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