Best wishes to everyone who blasts off in the bright light of The Most Wonderful Day of the Year! (What can I say, I LOVE SUNSHINE!)
I'm going to have to work up the nerve to smoke... solstice strikes at 10:16am tomorrow and I actually haven't smoked for a few months now.
I actually haven't had a positive + productive DMT trip since last year's solstice... that was the last really wonderful and memorable trip I've had, came after many months of an apex of diet/lifestyle/circumstantial harmony... a little golden moment that fell very hard and very fast shortly after. Nothing, no matter how sweet, lasts forever.
So I guess it's a big day for me tomorrow, in a lot of ways... to get back up and keep going, to reassess my reasons for getting up and going... TO HYPERSPACE!
I'm scared. I feel like I've lost touch with synchronicity... the part of myself that knew love and bliss for so long. I feel distanced from myself. I've tripped, but haven't been able to get IN to tripping for something like the past 6 months. It's even made me despondent at points (another reason, perhaps, for part of my absence).
I'm not sure how to tune back in... AND part of what I found in those days shortly after last year's solstice (barley and beyond), I just had no idea how to process all of it.
Maybe I can find that tomorrow. Maybe I can find myself tomorrow.
I have no friends, no community (I left it all behind), and I live in a very cruel part of the world. I feel like any outlet to express myself I have to forge on my own (it's a grueling battle in process), and I can't always cry when I want to. It's like emotional and psychic constipation.
I haven't even wanted to talk much to anyone... I have the most perfect and blissful domestic life, but anything beyond the four walls of my home can be hell some days. I'm not doing something I love... I'm not doing anything good for the world.
Anyhow, I'm not complaining, it's not like my life is terrible, I'm just aching to reconnect with a part of myself that I was so deeply intimate with for so long. I know it's there (absolutely, of course), it's what possessed me to listen to hours of REM the other night.
And what better day to do it, than the solstice!
Cheers, to everyone, and to whatever you feel the need to seek inside the right side of your brain... The solstice is a MOST MAGICAL day to do so.
I should probably drink some Ayahuasca, too. But part of smoking is the symbolic gesture of working up the guff to plunge headlong into hyperspace...
I'm going to have to work up the nerve to smoke... solstice strikes at 10:16am tomorrow and I actually haven't smoked for a few months now.
I actually haven't had a positive + productive DMT trip since last year's solstice... that was the last really wonderful and memorable trip I've had, came after many months of an apex of diet/lifestyle/circumstantial harmony... a little golden moment that fell very hard and very fast shortly after. Nothing, no matter how sweet, lasts forever.
So I guess it's a big day for me tomorrow, in a lot of ways... to get back up and keep going, to reassess my reasons for getting up and going... TO HYPERSPACE!
I'm scared. I feel like I've lost touch with synchronicity... the part of myself that knew love and bliss for so long. I feel distanced from myself. I've tripped, but haven't been able to get IN to tripping for something like the past 6 months. It's even made me despondent at points (another reason, perhaps, for part of my absence).
I'm not sure how to tune back in... AND part of what I found in those days shortly after last year's solstice (barley and beyond), I just had no idea how to process all of it.
Maybe I can find that tomorrow. Maybe I can find myself tomorrow.
I have no friends, no community (I left it all behind), and I live in a very cruel part of the world. I feel like any outlet to express myself I have to forge on my own (it's a grueling battle in process), and I can't always cry when I want to. It's like emotional and psychic constipation.
I haven't even wanted to talk much to anyone... I have the most perfect and blissful domestic life, but anything beyond the four walls of my home can be hell some days. I'm not doing something I love... I'm not doing anything good for the world.
Anyhow, I'm not complaining, it's not like my life is terrible, I'm just aching to reconnect with a part of myself that I was so deeply intimate with for so long. I know it's there (absolutely, of course), it's what possessed me to listen to hours of REM the other night.
And what better day to do it, than the solstice!Cheers, to everyone, and to whatever you feel the need to seek inside the right side of your brain... The solstice is a MOST MAGICAL day to do so.
I should probably drink some Ayahuasca, too. But part of smoking is the symbolic gesture of working up the guff to plunge headlong into hyperspace...
