This is the first entheogen community I have joined after being led here to the nexus as well as the psychonaut from various Google queries about dmt. I am quite a new user of entheogens.
This past summer I had a disappointing trip with 2.5 g of mushrooms and also tried to smoke dmt a couple times. I did not break through, to my disappointment. In the interest of brevity, I will say that I simply believe I smoked it wrong. Being introduced to weed my junior year in high school, I took a particular fondness to it. Unfortunately, I also smoked a lot of Diablo (AM-2201) the summer before my senior year in high school. This was the summer of 2011. This summer before going to college, I smoked weed every day until the beginning of August.
Surgery and other complications decreased my marijuana use to a couple times a week. With surgery came a large prescription of hydrocodone pills. I abused these for almost a week. When I decided to quit I was obviously addicted, leading to a highly unpleasant altercation between my parents and me. When I came to college, I did not want to be here. I had another first choice but with the money hanging over my head, I complied.
Various circumstances culminated with me visiting the school psychologists of my own volition. Diagnosing me with social anxiety (something I have always been latently yet keenly aware of) and depression (and adjustment disorder), they strongly recommended I seek outside psychiatric help and long term counseling.
My first psychiatrist visit I was prescribed lexapro 10 mg and managed to wring out a xanax prescription as well (I enjoy trying new drugs and being in an altered state of mind). The xanax was to serve a dual purpose: temporarily reduce my social anxiety until the lexapro began working and help me fall asleep at night. I also began seeing an outside LPC. I prefer uppers to downers but used xanax and a red bull to have a great time at a party. Unfortunately, despite my sociability, I remember very little of that night.
The xanax was mostly ineffective at helping me sleep. I was then prescribed 10 mg of ambien. This knocked me out but I awoke three hours later. Pissed off, I took 2 mg of xanax. Instead of knocking me out it simply made me high. Extremely angry at my inability to sleep, I walked around campus at 4 in the morning. Eventually choosing to call my psychiatrist, I was allowed to take more xanax or another ambien. I am now on lexapro 10 mg, 10 15 or 20 mg of ambien, 3 mg xanax total (as needed), and 30 mg remeron.
My insomnia and depression are under control. My social anxiety is mostly dependent on how much xanax I choose to take. After going to my first party here this weekend, I decided that I wanted to stay at my college and try to enjoy myself. Several weeks prior, when the lexapro kicked in, I experienced somewhat of an epiphany. I decided that I wanted to completely rework my personality to be more compatible with people and society in general.
I also abandoned my parents' religion, choosing instead to simply identify a nebulous higher power while I searched. I have not declared this abandonment to be absolute, but rather a part of my search to bring about personal happiness and self fulfillment. If I can find fulfillment in Christianity I have no logical qualms to returning.
I do not know if my awkward stage in high school would have ended sans drugs. However, I believe that AM-2201 negatively impacted my brain chemistry. I also have struggled with rejection in my life, likely another major cause of my social anxiety. This coupled with an unsupportive family environment with negative perceptions of psychiatry caused further problems.
Based on forums I have perused, DMT: The spirit molecule, and conversations with my psychologist, I make the medically unsubstantiated claim that DMT is a solution to my neurological problems. Suicidal for a time, but no longer, I do not fear death in most senses of the word.
I believe that breaking through with DMT will allow me to more immediately confront and resolve the issues behind my anti social symptoms. From what I have read, this is a community of open minded and educated people. I appreciate your input.
This past summer I had a disappointing trip with 2.5 g of mushrooms and also tried to smoke dmt a couple times. I did not break through, to my disappointment. In the interest of brevity, I will say that I simply believe I smoked it wrong. Being introduced to weed my junior year in high school, I took a particular fondness to it. Unfortunately, I also smoked a lot of Diablo (AM-2201) the summer before my senior year in high school. This was the summer of 2011. This summer before going to college, I smoked weed every day until the beginning of August.
Surgery and other complications decreased my marijuana use to a couple times a week. With surgery came a large prescription of hydrocodone pills. I abused these for almost a week. When I decided to quit I was obviously addicted, leading to a highly unpleasant altercation between my parents and me. When I came to college, I did not want to be here. I had another first choice but with the money hanging over my head, I complied.
Various circumstances culminated with me visiting the school psychologists of my own volition. Diagnosing me with social anxiety (something I have always been latently yet keenly aware of) and depression (and adjustment disorder), they strongly recommended I seek outside psychiatric help and long term counseling.
My first psychiatrist visit I was prescribed lexapro 10 mg and managed to wring out a xanax prescription as well (I enjoy trying new drugs and being in an altered state of mind). The xanax was to serve a dual purpose: temporarily reduce my social anxiety until the lexapro began working and help me fall asleep at night. I also began seeing an outside LPC. I prefer uppers to downers but used xanax and a red bull to have a great time at a party. Unfortunately, despite my sociability, I remember very little of that night.
The xanax was mostly ineffective at helping me sleep. I was then prescribed 10 mg of ambien. This knocked me out but I awoke three hours later. Pissed off, I took 2 mg of xanax. Instead of knocking me out it simply made me high. Extremely angry at my inability to sleep, I walked around campus at 4 in the morning. Eventually choosing to call my psychiatrist, I was allowed to take more xanax or another ambien. I am now on lexapro 10 mg, 10 15 or 20 mg of ambien, 3 mg xanax total (as needed), and 30 mg remeron.
My insomnia and depression are under control. My social anxiety is mostly dependent on how much xanax I choose to take. After going to my first party here this weekend, I decided that I wanted to stay at my college and try to enjoy myself. Several weeks prior, when the lexapro kicked in, I experienced somewhat of an epiphany. I decided that I wanted to completely rework my personality to be more compatible with people and society in general.
I also abandoned my parents' religion, choosing instead to simply identify a nebulous higher power while I searched. I have not declared this abandonment to be absolute, but rather a part of my search to bring about personal happiness and self fulfillment. If I can find fulfillment in Christianity I have no logical qualms to returning.
I do not know if my awkward stage in high school would have ended sans drugs. However, I believe that AM-2201 negatively impacted my brain chemistry. I also have struggled with rejection in my life, likely another major cause of my social anxiety. This coupled with an unsupportive family environment with negative perceptions of psychiatry caused further problems.
Based on forums I have perused, DMT: The spirit molecule, and conversations with my psychologist, I make the medically unsubstantiated claim that DMT is a solution to my neurological problems. Suicidal for a time, but no longer, I do not fear death in most senses of the word.
I believe that breaking through with DMT will allow me to more immediately confront and resolve the issues behind my anti social symptoms. From what I have read, this is a community of open minded and educated people. I appreciate your input.
!..i enjoyed and sympathised with your essay..
