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high++ dose aya to destory me

Migrated topic.
It's a tool. You don't lay a hammer on the ground next to some nails and come back the next day and have a house built. You must put a lot of energy and learn skills to be able to use those tools to complete the task you have set forth. And no matter the amount of preparation you take before going into this task, the amount of maintenance you perform afterwards is the difference between living in a hovel or a well built house.

You seem to be aware of some personal deficiencies that make you unhappy and it sounds like you would like to change and would like to use this as what sounds like a magic bullet to change everything. That will not happen. Period. To quote a bumper sticker, you must be the change you want to see. Nothing comes for free my friend.

The use of powerful psychedelics catalyzed massive and positive change in my life but only through doing a lot of that preparation before hand and work afterwards.

In order to add as many mixed metaphors in the one post as I can, once you have gotten on the road to your destination, it's sort of like managing a house, Constant vigilance and maintenance is needed. You got to sweep those floors and dust those curtains and all that crap.

Simply put, it ain't easy. If you expect it to be you're going to be disappointed and you are going to fail in your intent. Peace and be good to you. Best wishes and good luck friend.
 
I love your post null24 :love:

I'll try to gloss that a bit:
that constant "work" to stay afloat, might come across as a lead heavy labor, and for some undetermined time experienced as really so. It even might feel forced.

The real key transformation IMHO lies there, that this burning of your old wood, this work that never stops, this finding more and more wood to burn where you first wished that this pile was limited, that you transform in a way that you start to get the hang of it, that dealing with the "work" looses gradually its "lead weight", that it becomes a child-happy thing to do that work, that this work becomes an exponent of love in general. So this never ending maintenance work becomes fuel for your joy. This transformation is key IMHO.

Whats the purpose of life?
"Chop wood, carry water." Someone answered.
This is all about that, of how and in what vibe you perform that inescapable task. Not that you do it, but with what a color of sparkle one does it. Transformation, alchemy, not from material lead to gold, but from energetic lead to energetic gold. It totally determines your life experience and health.

Aho (because it was a prayer)
:d
 
LibertyforAll said:
re-read the title.. he wants to be de-storied, not destroyed :oops:
indeed harmala alkaloids and tryptamines alike can do this!!!
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ha just caught that.... i think its a typo but good point de-storied is very different than destroyed
 
This is an interesting thread and a rather common idea. Push the button and revolutionize your persona...

Unfortunately a single experience - no matter how harrowing or deconstructing it might be or seem - is unlikely to have a lasting effect. Our minds, the patterns of our personality are usually very robust, meaning that even if we go through something like a psychedelic experience, a mystical experience or a near death experience, a lot of these patterns will resurface eventually.

That's not to say that change isn't possible. Or that one experience can't be the beginning of a chain reaction towards positive (or negative) change. One very important aspect of change is letting go of what no longer suits us, or as Jees put it, burning the old wood. But doing this is hard, it's like breaking an addiction and breaking up with a lover and leaving home all at once. You cannot change without leaving the old you. The old you, however, will not be left behind without a fight - it's an ex-lover that will stalk you and do anything to try and stay with you, do anything to stay alive. If we try to repress rather than to outgrow things might get even more complex.

So what is the recipe for change? Many have said it here before. Hard work. Psychedelics can be a great initiator, a first impulse or a first glimpse at what may lie ahead. But after that comes lots more. Maybe more sessions with psychedelics, maybe other things. Real life changes that break the patterns little by little are essential. What is also essential is an understanding of the process, an awareness of your psychology and deliberate training.

Take it from someone who changed their life entirely: patterns of our personalities are very very hard to get rid of. You may find them resurfacing years after you thought you'd left them behind. No matter the initial impulse, it's up to us to keep walking and keep improving ourselves. Change is not the result of some psychedlic bolt of lightning that magically burns the bad out of us, but the result of hundreds of thousands of little steps towards a better version of ourselves.

Good luck with your endeavor and godspeed
 
Yes a good thread it is.

I'd like to think that for not-changing, for being stagnant in the old habits, there has to be made efforts and work too, to keep it at that level. But this kind of work one has gotten so used too, automation works, but still efforts nonetheless. But this repeat-works are kind of veiled by a weird form of obviousness due copy-paste repeat patterns. I mean, if one thinks to escape "hard work" by omitting the change-game, is a false idea.

Nature loves/stimulates change. To change personality and soul vibe, maybe just stop doing the unseen maintenance works done to keep that old fortress survive. Perhaps changing requires less hard work than all those efforts to let survive the none-changed version.

Shining light, love, embrace, understanding, smile or better laugh, acceptance, etc, to the hard works done that maintain the old, is disclosing them, exposing them. I believe the ball start rolling from there in a natural way, like nature knows how to deal with it as it wants change like a universal law principle.

I believe the "change" is the way of highest opportunity, least "hard work" eventually.

So if you want to be destroyed or de-storied (good one there ;) ), good news: you have nature laws at your side, so mainly decrease performing those sweating practices to resist it.

This I recognize in myself too: sometimes you'd rather die than change, isn't that the biggest joke ever :lol:
 
As for the original question as to what dose for a remake... apart from all the advice that was given, and all the philosophy about internal and external work in order to achieve change, let's look at some more practical aspects:

I understand the desire to go all in with one trip, but unfortunately that way has a high chance of failure and not doing you any good. Especially with things like Aya, where potency and effectiveness aren't always proportional, it makes sense to get to know your entheogen a bit first, so you can judge for yourself. Take a few test doses before you go for the big one - start small, then raise the dose and try to estimate at what point you will be overwhelmed.

With the small doses you can get an idea of whether you even want to be overwhelmed at all. IMO overwhelming experiences are very interesting, very harrowing and with the right mind set and integration can be very beneficial. But with the wrong mindset or at the wrong moment in our lives they can turn into a nightmare that might leave us traumatized afterwards.

Maybe small doses are a better fit, maybe not. But it makes sense to try them first. People respond differently to different psychedelics, the only way to get a good idea of what dose is right for you at this particular moment is to build up to it. That doesn't mean you have to do a hundred sessions before you get to your sweet spot, but three or four might be a good estimate. And along the way you might adjust your idea of what you really need or how you can actually use psychedelics to help you progress as a human being.

A good idea is to continuously reevaluate yourself and your position on all of this and adjust as you see fit. Trust your intuition and intelligence, don't give in to despair, fear, recklessness or delusions of grandeur. Don't be afraid to change your approach - as you change.
 
Enoon said:
This is an interesting thread and a rather common idea. Push the button and revolutionize your persona...

Unfortunately a single experience - no matter how harrowing or deconstructing it might be or seem - is unlikely to have a lasting effect. Our minds, the patterns of our personality are usually very robust, meaning that even if we go through something like a psychedelic experience, a mystical experience or a near death experience, a lot of these patterns will resurface eventually.
...
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This is actually not true.

Numerous studies have shown that things such as near-death experiences, mystical experiences, and some types of psychedelic experiences often (but not always) have a lasting and significant transformative effect on people.

For example:

A single session with MDMA can eliminate PTSD in some individuals who couldn’t find relief via any other means. Follow-up studies show that the PTSD does not return.

Iboga has been shown to quickly eliminate opiate cravings and break addiction more quickly and effectively than any conventional approaches.

A single dose of psilocybin can lead to profound and transformative experiences which lead to permanent and positive psychological changes. Follow-up studies years after administration have confirmed this.

Near-death experiences often permanently change the outlook and personality of those who have them. These changes appear to be permanent.

It is the transformative potential of psychedelics in general and DMT/ayahuasca in particular that lead many people to seek them out.


That being said…

There does seem to be an implied unwillingness to change voiced in the OP. Consuming potentially transformative doses of psychoactive substances while at the same time taking no other action to change seems unlikely to lead to positive transformation.

But who knows?
 
Enoon said:
This is an interesting thread and a rather common idea. Push the button and revolutionize your persona...

Unfortunately a single experience - no matter how harrowing or deconstructing it might be or seem - is unlikely to have a lasting effect. Our minds, the patterns of our personality are usually very robust, meaning that even if we go through something like a psychedelic experience, a mystical experience or a near death experience, a lot of these patterns will resurface eventually.
Click to expand...

This has been my personal experience thus far though I understand there are reports to the contrary. Something interesting in The Secret Chief (therapist who used psychedelics underground for 35 years) was the retrospectives written almost all had 30-40 experiences over years.
 
greenmoss said:
Hi,

I have a high tolerance to many drugs. To be honest, I want to take aya to destroy me because I really am a abusive greedy monster. I mean, I really am a not the best.

Really, lets say I even take MDMA and turn into a new person, but only for that day. Its the same thing every time.

I would like the aya to completely destroy me.
What mixture may you recommend me please?

What should I take?
Click to expand...

A look in the mirror?

At least identify the beast.

Choose to be better?...

High dose DMT is not necessarily the most transformational psychedelic in this respect either, IME. It can however leave you traumatized and worsen certain issues. Psilocybin, LSD and MDMA have been more useful for myself. However, without some kind of mediation practice, and an effort to be in the world in a more healthful way(with work, friends family etc) it can just be another high point you look back on and wish to return to.

I have grown weary of self hated and a longing for destruction, when that desire is combined with psychedelics.
 
You think that because you have a high tolerance to things like opiates and benzos that its going to be the same with ayahuasca/DMT. I had addiction issues in the past so i know why you think this way. Your not going to be immune to every medication on the planet so get that out of your head right now. DMT is the most powerful psychedelic known to man and it can make you mad. Start off small then work your way up. Please don't make the same mistake as me.
 
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