High psychedelics views on sexual dominance, feminism, relationships.

[dio]

This is the thing that I am having trouble figuring out right now in my meditation. For some reason a whirlwind of energy has been thrown at me the past month or two that has made me have to just reorient myself sexually and how I relate to sex and view it.

What I really struggle with is the degree to which the male is supposed to dominate a female sexually. This might not seem like a psychedelic subject, but as you'll see this is really me trying to philosophically nail down one of our base dualities, and I think psychedelic states of mind are really great in figuring such things out.

I am more of a goddess worshipper than a god worshipper, not that I worship anything, just the divine does register to me as more feminine than how our culture portrays masculinity. In this way I have always instinctually wanted to sort of bow to the feminine principle, let it be, give it all power, be more feminine myself. A lot of times I would court a girl then straight up just ask her "Do you want to be sexual with me?", because I have this thing about trying to bootstrap feminine consciousness into taking full control of the situation. If I sense a girl wants me to dominate, get more primal, kind of even run on the 'rape' instinct of just jumping at her and having my way no matter what, I always back away, and wait for her to become more conscious and decisive in our relation. To make things more explicitly, I have a thing about wanting to feel feminine force and have it be overtaking. Which is the only thing I really enjoyed about sex for a long time, I am the type that only really cared about the female, the sex was for them, I only liked seeing them in pleasure, seeing them get off was the only thing that could get me off.

If I've gotten a bit personal there I don't mean to, these things need to be explained. And the reason why I am explaining this and kind of struggling with what I am about to further explain is because I see the sexual interactions of people as really a microcosm of mass societal structuring. How men and women deal with their sexuality, and dominating one or the other I see as a root of how such dynamics grow out into the macrocosm of our societal setup. So keying in on this base sexual instinct and interaction I feel is really paramount to a wider perspective.

So my handing over of sexual control to the female I really saw as sort of a microcosmic change to hand over the control of society to the feminine principle.

But something happened these past months where I encountered a girl who, honestly first came to me in a dream, then I found her through some crazy synchronicity. I fell in love with her easier than I ever have with anyone. It was crazy intense bond and sexual passion. But she wanted to be dominated. She didn't want to get off, she wanted me to use her. She would even verge on a bit of 'rape' fantasy and even wanting to be tied up and fully submissive. Which typically when I encounter a girl like that I feel it is just leftovers of a dying paradigm, for a female to log out consciously during sex and have a male overpower her. If it wasn't for the fact I first found this girl on the astral plane, then was led to her by synchronicity, and then had such immediate connection, I would of probably dropped her the moment I found out she had this submissive instinct that is so weird to me, and I see as so unenlightened. But I ended up like falling in love with her, really easily. But then losing her like a month later due to various things, largely there being another male in her life.

But it's really made my sexual identity do a run around, and it's been the only thing floating across my mind in meditation. Is masculine dominance really wrong? Should the masculine principle be over dominating to some degree. To what degree should the masculine principle dominate, and the feminine principle submit and log out consciously (let go). How much should the masculine principle impose it's will, or demand things? How exactly should the yin and yang energies interface with each other, how much full conscious agreement, versus submission to primal instinct should there be? I always thought the masculine principle should step down a bit, but after this girl and the heartbreak, it made me think, maybe I should of been more over dominating? Maybe thats why her path was meant to cross with mine, to bring up the more domineering aspect of my yang principle, maybe society can't fully surrender to the feminine principle, and the feminine isn't the fully healing all pervading force. I really don't know. This is a hard question I know, but these things are swirling around my mind with no solidity now. Does anyone have any thoughts on any of this?

 

[nen888]

..i think neither principle should dominate, but arrive at balance..

if the feminine principle is 'receptive', then this means being open, but not the same as 'dominated'..

a woman grabbing and jumping on a man is not necessarily any more 'balanced', just reversal of the dominant paradigm..

if a woman makes it clear that she is 'open' (interested) and then waits for the male to then take the lead, then you could see this as a great invitation of the feminine..being receptive is still 'will'..

rape, on the other hand, is someone being dominated/forced against their will..without asking for this..
a true 'rape fantasy' is a very sad and distorted conditioning..

i wish i had a lengthy, thought out post for you dio, and i understand your aversion to the 'dominant male' paradigm, so often seen brutally in society and it's sexual depictions..it disturbs me too..

for now, though, i think true balancing of masculine/feminine in sexuality is about both sides being open, and taking a lead..neither one nor the other..equal play..
in 'goddess/god' terms, a true 'dance', in which it takes two to tango..
.

 

[glorf]

sexuality is one of the best topics for psychedelics, it has the most nonsense around it needing to be stripped away. go ahead and take some more but i don't think you're going to understand women unless you go gay or something.

keep in mind that our sexual nature was fixed before we had language, most of it probably while we had tails. dominance and submission is still around, it's just more subtle and hidden because it's popular nowadays to attach negative attributes to it. it operates subconsciously in the background and affects many little everyday actions.

men and women and boys and girls have these feelings and don't know what to make of them because of the nonsense each culture applies to sexual matters. look at porn now it's all choking and spitting; even the freely highly sexualized can't really grasp the most basic instincts and it comes out all negative because of our twisted minds aka "that which makes us human". lots of clueless people out there...

women just want a good hard pounding by an alpha male, whether they realize it or not.

 

[Jox]

women just want a good hard pounding by an alpha male, whether they realize it or not.

Technically they want all you sad but not from "an" but "many". The reson is that woman can have more sex then man, and is more sexual than man. But for woman it takes more time to get arroused, by that time man is finished and needs some time off to get hard again, yet the woman is hot, and wants more.

This is in short, do research for more. But this is the reason why woman is not good for quick, yet for long.

The reason is that clitoris is made for multiple partners to make fertilization more possible, woman can have multiple orgasms when man can't.

Jox

ps duckduckgo your own references plese, or read books.

 

[glorf]

by that time man is finished

speaking for yourself...silverback-like now i have access to sex tools i didn't in my 20's my supposed sexual prime...hint 1, very relevant here: it's counterintuitive but the more animal you are the less sensitive you become...i used the word good before, but was just as likely to have said instead long...hint 2 if alleged sex tips are allowed at the Nexus is be aware of a subconscious unit flexing; it's what makes the minuteman but it can be stopped if you have the will and realize what's happening...the flexing makes you extra sensitive at a certain trigger spot...she'll be warmed up if she knows what she's in for.

i'd expect our natural hunter-gatherer selves, unable to exist anywhere in large numbers for long until quite recently due to a lack of domesticated food sources, are more wolf, deer, and monkey-like, with harems or alpha females. it would probably often happen that some bachelor group would find a girl for the whole group but i doubt this resulted in even half of births even though grabbing a stranger girl by the hair was a good thing, genetically.

and the inner yin and yang, you know we all start out female and men have a female could-have-been inside. there's no manual on how much to toss it aside, but what we call overly macho behavior now would have been barely passable as male back in the baboon days. it all depends on how evolved and domesticated you want to be.

 

[dio]

women just want a good hard pounding by an alpha male, whether they realize it or not.

this statement produces disturbed feelings in me because my experience with 'alpha male' types has been somewhat abusive... it kind produces a feeling of disgust women want to be dominated by that

just an honest feeling... I don't know what it means, or if theres really something wrong with me

 

[glorf]

i was as far from alpha as it gets in high school and always wondered why the girls went for the assholes and it was all Chinatown for me. i've learned a lot about women since then.

is female desire for textbook alpha males not accepted the world over? iirc my anthropology textbook also mentioned wife-stealing as not being uncommon not too long ago. we wouldn't be here if not for ugly but realistic desires on both sides.

people like to think we're too intelligent for primitive genetic memory but you know they say now we're part Neanderthal, some of us more than others. we're innately set up for aggression and a primitive, how-things-used-to-be lifestyle, like it or not.

imho it's all completely understandable if you can imagine that the noisy pounding of which i speak is some genetic memory from back when men were men and they had penile spines (remnants of which you noticed probably early on), and such treatment (repeat for several days) was necessary for ovulation.

 

[dio]

thanks for the responses I think this is kind of honing in on something for me

really this whole thought train came about by one particular girl. She seemed super assertive and independent. Running around talking to everyone, controlling the situation and whatnot, kind of a strong-willed feminist type but in a good way, not feminism as how its turned into being some weird thing nowadays for some women. But when I got her to bed she was completely submissive. Which ok thats cool too, it was enjoyable I can do it. But she herself had a dichotomy where, she wanted to be this strong willed feminine type, but instinctual she was extremely submissive. I realize now all this confusion I feel is actually her confusion, I kind of absorbed it and took on her karma. She wanted to be physically over powered, and her body would get turned on she would get very wet, breathing heavy, ready for sex. But then sometimes she would say 'no my mind isn't there', like her body went off of primal instinct, but her mind was saying no, don't do it, do it differently. Which would send us in all these crazy loops of, ok should I just force myself and ignore her, even though her body is saying yes and she'd like it, but somewhere philosophically in her mind she's saying no she wants it different? Or should I, which is what I did, back off and try to help her decipher it, meditate on it. Which I think ultimately didn't satisfy enough 'genetic memory' cues to really fully intertwine ourselves, and she left, interestingly though she found another guy younger than by 7 years, and extremely feminine, makes me wonder despite what her body said, is she actually even further running from her genetic memory by going to someone even more feminine? That perhaps I brought out the primal nature in her too much and she didn't want it.

Its weird cause there is that tug of the primal instinct saying dominate and overpower, but at least I feel this deep emotional and spiritual need to stand back and let their goddess-ey self flourish and grow and be flowery how it naturally does. But at the same time they only want that so far and don't really know what or where the boundary of these things is.

I want that beautiful spiritual relationship with a fully conscious and in control goddess. But it seems I'm having to ignore that and satisfy primal genetic memory? I mean it must be so, it is what it is, but I'm having trouble seeing how to balance that of basically overpowering a girl and then at the same time letting her be fully conscious. I've basically come to realize (for lack of better terminology) my head chakra, heart chakra and root chakra are not uniformly integrated. I switch between root and head and heart at what seems like the expense of each other. I want that full manifestation genetic memory primal passion, but at the same time I want it to be with the third eye fully open and flying through hyperspace, hearts intertwined to maintain stability. I can't see how to unify all three, I get one or the other.

 

[glorf]

she sounds like a very nice girl.

btw everything you've ever read about sex is nonsense, because everything that's ever been written is nonsense. we've put on a certain set of glasses and you see things through them, maybe they're nice well-meaning politically-correct glasses but you're still wearing glasses. our sexual nature comes from the animal part of our brain and is supposed to be very simple and straightforward, but it's immediately stimulated and repressed and twisted by the human part. maybe you don't know your inner caveman or cavegirl very well, but he/she's there. imho caveman is best except for the showers...soap is the best invention ever. otherwise...accept the caveman...especially in sexual matters...he's the smart one, actually. cavemen never set out to destroy the planet.

 

[Mandukeya]

I want to add that just because you are dominant in life in general doesn't mean you can't enjoy submissive sex.

And just because you enjoy submissive sex doesn't mean you are a woman (or gay or whatever).

I was like you and was equally chocked when I first discovered that my girlfriend at the time really enjoyed getting dominated in bed. I have since noticed that almost all girls I've been with prefers me to take charge.

Dominating my sex partner also seems to be quite healing. It seems I can release frustrations this way. Yes, I am sexually punishing my partner for anything that bothers me. All while making her happier. Win-win!

I am also a switch, meaning in this context that I not only enjoy dominating my partners, but can switch to a sexually submissive role and enjoy that side of things too. I am also very aware of and happy with my feminine side and enjoy a "mental sex change" every now and then.

Anyways, these power games are there, in bed and outside bed. I don't think suppressing them with morality is a great idea.

 

[Ryusaki]

There is word for that?
OK then i proclaim here proudly that i am a switch too.
And i am a lazy person, why should the man do all the work?
Lying on my back, relaxing every muscle and watching the girl do all the work
i never felt submissive, because whenever i want to i could take control.
And this is what makes it interesting imho.


And i also never felt overly dominant (even if i was more active).
I was quite shocked when my last GF told me how much she enjoys it how i "handle" her.
In retrospective i know now, that i can be fairly dominant, but its a role, a game to turn the woman on, then i switch and let her lust overpower me. Which then turns me on, and i take control again.
Taking control, letting go, its an giving and taking, and all is in harmony.
Honestly, i can never imagine to be locked only into one mode.
I think overly submissive girls would bore me to death.