How to encourage a loved one to quit smoking?

[DreamWaves]

My girlfriend smokes around 1 - 2 packs a week. She's been doing for about 2 years. It seriously bothers the hell out of me, because I know these things are bad. There have been phases in which I got on her about it, but that just causes stress and she gets frustrated, etc. I bought her some nicotine gum, but she's very picky and dislikes the taste.

I'm just not sure how to go about this. People say you're not suppose to do anything, as it is their own decision, but standing back doesn't seem right to me. I really want to be able to help her help herself.

Do any of you guys have experience in this? I'd love to get some advice first hand from you guys.

 

[Citta]

It's pointless to tell someone who smokes to stop smoking. This is something they'll have to figure out themselves. I used to smoke alot of cigarettes and I were often told by my loved ones that I really should stop. This advice went in the one ear and out the other, until I finally found out myself that I had to quit. And so I did. In my opinion there is little you can do, except encourage her when she/if she decides to stop that shit.

 

[L_Star]

It's pointless to tell someone who smokes to stop smoking. This is something they'll have to figure out themselves

Couldnt put it better any other way.

One has to either deal with it or deal with out it.

But smoking is a nasty habit, just as addictive as some of the controlled substances.

R*R
L

 

[soulfood]

When I used to smoke, if someone gave me any shit about it, that person became the most annoying thing I knew of. I think rather than pressuring someone to stop smoking verbally which is very counter productive, you should start studying the habits of that person and start noting what triggers them to smoke. i.e. some people smoke when they have little else on their mind and then have a cigarette as it occurs to them that they can, so keeping the mind occupied stops the thought entering the mind.

I will say this though... 1-2 packs a week for 2 years is a pretty well controlled habit. There are a large majority of smokers who will put those 2 packs away in one day and have been doing for many more years than that. I smoked 10-20 cigarettes per day for 8 years then one day I just stopped suddenly. It was really easy as I just decided by myself I didn't enjoy it anymore. But it had to be my decision. If it got to the stage if people would steal my cigarettes or my lighter or whatever, I'd probably avoid that person like the plague. My brother did that with his girlfriend and she did end up quitting, but that guy has annoyance down to a fine art form

But yeah... study, but be subtle about it. Anything is possible.

 

[LawnBoy]

I don't have experience telling loved ones to quit smoking. I have the experience of everyone telling me to quit. It is very frustrating; someone telling me that I need to quit or even just shaking their head when they see me smoking, pisses me off. It's mostly the facts, that I do know that I should quit and that I know I am not strong enough to. I start thinking less of myself, because I can't quit as easily as people think I should. I feel like people think of me as being weak, addicted, stubborn, stupid, etc. I know that they care, but that's not what comes to mind, when someone tells me to quit. It just brings up bad feelings about myself and towards that person. I tried to quit, Dec.13th. I failed and tried again on New Years day. Failed again, and over 2 months later I started taking varencline.

This stuff is amazing. I have been 3 days without smoking and I have only been on varencline for just under 4 weeks now. I don't get all of those horrible physical ailments of nicotine withdrawal, and I barely ever mentally crave a cigarette. By the end of the first week of taking varencline, I dropped my pack-a-day habit down to 3-5 cigarettes a day. Everyday I go without a cigarette the easier it gets. Varencline helps me much more than nicotine patches or lobelia tincture. Never tried gum, inhaler, lozenge, etc.

I had quit smoking for a year and a couple of months in the past, but just started back up for no good reason. After a year after I quit, there wasn't anybody telling me "keep up the good work" or "you're doing so well." That stops after a couple of weeks. She might act like she's annoyed by it, but the "cheerleading" actually is a great encouragement. Without, the addict feels alone. After getting clean of nicotine, it is easy to go back, so don't assume the fight is over. The most important thing I can tell you is to always give encouragement, don't ask "why haven't you quit yet?" And remember she may lie about her addiction or hide her addiction. It'll be easier to hide cigarettes from you, than to quit smoking them.

good luck, you may need it:wink:

 

[Virola78]

Maybe tell her that you are worried about the aging of your skin. Riples etc. Make a 'big deal' about it more than once, so it really sticks in her head. Probably she will say it is not that bad etc, to comfort you. Then one other day she will not only judge your skin, but also her own skin. She will see some riple here and there and start worry about it. Then work this feeling in a subtle way, but DONT mention cigarettes. One day she will realise it is the cigarettes that are causing the skin to age.

So maybe you can use her vanity to your advantage..

Lol
just a wild idea ofc

btw I have been off cigarettes for few days now

 

[d*l*b]

Please stop harassing her. You aren’t helping either of you!

As a smoker of over 21 years at the age of 32 I am trying to remove the control over my life that nicotine and THC exert. I made this decision through realisation that came from me. I love smoking, but I hate the lack of control I have. I would not have done this for anyone other than me, and being the awkward bastard I am if you had told me to stop I would probably have smoked more. You cannot imagine how I annoyed I was when I discovered last week that I started my plan on No Smoking Day. I almost shelved it for that alone.

You cannot make someone give up their addictions. It really is a place you need to get to yourself and of your own volition.

I myself will start smoking again once I feel I have control. I really like smoking and have no want for complete cessation, I just don’t want to be a slave.

 

[kyrolima]

I did not yet somebody convince of quitting tobacco.
But, i'd try it that way:

She could reduce it step by step, you could reward her for every cigarette she's not smoking. Or she could do it the ZEN way:
She should smoke a cigarette as slowly and conciously as possible. Deeep inhalation while watching it in detail.

Smoking is a nonsense activity in my opinion. I smoked once when I was 16, i smoked a whole pack of cigarettes a day.
Gone jogging the next morning and realized how much it fucked my lungs.

I smoked because i thought it makes me cooler, an adult somehow. It's all about the peer pressure i think...

Since that jogging experience where i finally realized how bad this habit is, i quit completly and bought myself a vaporizer to inhale the green herb.

 

[Jumper]

Here's a way to persuade someone to quit smoking:
Show them some pictures of black, tar filled, cancer riddled lungs.
Then show them some pics of Iron Lungs.
Then show them a pic of a 50 year smoker with really bad nicotine stained teeth.
Get the picture? If they dont have a reaction to that, then there's not much you can do.

If they don't want to make a change for the better then that's fine.
People are going to do what they want, no matter if your intention is good and
you are genuinely concerned for their health. Learn and let live.

BTW, swim was a smoker for 16 years. He quit cold turkey after taking ayahuasca.
That was many years ago. Havn't touched a cig since, and don't even have cravings.

One of the best things he ever did.

 

[88]

I've been a heavy smoker since I was 13 ... so that's um 25 years now. I fucking hate that I smoke. But anyone else telling me its bad for my lungs, heart, skin etc, selfish, smelly, anti-social - it doesn't help much. Just induces a mild panic and makes me feel like shit. I know it's bad. I know. It's fucking evil and hurts those who love you.

 

[Jumper]

... But anyone else telling me its bad for my lungs, heart, skin etc, selfish, smelly, anti-social - it doesn't help much. Just induces a mild panic and makes me feel like shit.

Hey, I just put the information out there for people to consider.
What you do with it is your business.
But, I'll tell you this: Only YOU make YOU feel like shit.
No one can make the change but you.

 

[88]

Hey, I just put the information out there for people to consider.
What you do with it is your business.
But, I'll tell you this: Only YOU make YOU feel like shit.
No one can make the change but you.

I wasn't responding to your post specifically, jumper - t wasn't up when I posted . So no need to get upset.

I'm not blaming anyone else for making me feel shit about smoking, and yes, I know no one can change the fact that I smoke but me.

 

[Jumper]

I wasn't responding to your post specifically, jumper - t wasn't up when I posted . So no need to get upset.

Who's getting upset?? I'm only stating what I know, that's all. Please excuse my brash demeanor.
We all make mistakes in life, and I'm no exception. I ask that you love me, and disregard the original response.
Peace.

 

[endlessness]

Smokers, for fucks sake, DONT THROW CIGARRETE BUTTS ON THE FLOOR!!!!!! Thats one of the things that pisses me off about some smokers, as well as the inconsiderate ones that smoke in closed places, or just next to you when you're eating. But otherwise, its one's choice, poison yourself as you wish ..

I always feel its a contradiction, though, the people that are 'alternative' and against big industries, against mainstream things, or even vegetarian people and so on, but that smoke cigarretes.. Thats one of the reasons I dont smoke cigarrete, not only for health but also because its a shit giant conscience-less industry, definitely not the people I want to give my money to ..

My dad smokes for many many years.. I hope he wont get some lung cancer or other nasty disease from it, because then not only he suffers the consequences but us too... I tried telling him to stop but soon realized its no use. It just gotta come from one's own inner will, otherwise it doesnt work

 

[polytrip]

I don't want to insult anyone, but quitting with a bad habit is NOT difficult at all when you're not in an extraordinary stressfull situation. And smoking is one of the easiest bad habits to quit with.

Tell the person you care for her/him and that you don't want her/him to suffer and that you're there for them if they would need some extra help.

If in spite of that, this person continues smoking than it's very unfortunate that your friend lacks any real spine.

 

[Pandora]

DreamWaves,

This is so difficult man, I know. But, from the little life has taught me about addictions and quitting them, there is nothing you can say other than, "I love you, care about you and want you to live a long & healthy life."

Support her if she suggests quitting and be ready to take a lot of stress if she does quit - she will need all the support she can get - and that includes leaving her the frak alone if that's what she needs at the moment, etc.

Otherwise, the truth is brutally simple - addicts will either a.) withdraw or b.) tell "naggers" exactly what they want to hear just to shut them up.

I wish you both only the best in this path. I believe that cigarettes are one of the most addictive drugs in our society today.

Peace & Love,
Pandora

 

[d*l*b]

Tell the person you care for her/him and that you don't want her/him to suffer and that you're there for them if they would need some extra help.

If in spite of that, this person continues smoking than it's very unfortunate that your friend lacks any real spine.

What if she likes smoking? I believe there is nothing inherently wrong with smoking – I just dislike the addiction.

 

[DMTripper]

I wasn't responding to your post specifically, jumper - t wasn't up when I posted . So no need to get upset.

Who's getting upset?? I'm only stating what I know, that's all.

jumper - t wasn't up when I posted .

Look at the time stamps on the message headers and try telling me that again.

The window with the thread might have been open for 20 min.or more before he posted his reply. Then your post would not have been there. This happens quite a lot on forums like this. Weird you haven't realized that.

 

[Ginkgo]

I always feel its a contradiction, though, the people that are 'alternative' and against big industries, against mainstream things, or even vegetarian people and so on, but that smoke cigarretes..

I have noticed this too, and I actually smoke on and off. My hypothesis is that there is a correlation between the genes coding for addictive-seeking behavior and alternative thinking. Just think about it, people that need in more or less extent to modify or escape from reality, tend to have a higher concentration of alternative thoughts than main-stream. Or am I completely wrong here?

 

[The Traveler]

...

The window with the thread might have been open for 20 min.or more before he posted his reply. Then your post would not have been there. This happens quite a lot on forums like this. Weird you haven't realized that.

People new to the workings of a forum mostly have a steep learning curve as to understand the inner workings of a forum, the reading between the lines, the hidden meaning of words and member karma buildup. I'm pretty sure this is the case here and it has already been resolved behind the curtains.

So lets continue with the original topic and let this rest.


Kind regards,

The Traveler