i am 22 and i dropped out of college 1 year ago, have been getting high and mindlessly scrolling on the computer / doomscrolling / avoiding my feelings , compulsive avoidant behavior 24/7, im dissociated and living in a shut down state, everyday is the same thing, i know what i need to do but i just can't do it, is this familiar to anyone? what do i do? i know what i need to do but at the same time i cannot do it, i am currently in emdr therapy, but i just feel the urge to leave my family and just go out and finally start living, i feel as though i have been holding a breath my entire life, and i have been waiting for the exhale for years. want to be free, want to move somewhere far away, feels like a performance every day, im in my head, i dont know what to do, theres a muscle in my stomach and chest that is always tight and it always hurts, i cannot do anything, there is a resistance whenever i try to do anything and i've been stuck in my head, dont know what to do. advice???? anyone????? what medication for this?
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how to start living? need advice
- Thread starter hello10121
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I would steer away from any classical hardcore psychedelics unless it's microdoses or anything. Or under the supervision of an expert guide, as in proper ayahuasca ceremonies. Best what I would suggest is looking into daily use of (low dose) harmala, be it in tea or extracted alkaloids.
what is the meaning of life?
I do not know what that question entails, however, it strikes me as a similar question: "What is the purpose of life (for a Homo sappien)?"
If a person were to ask me the latter, I would say that the purpose is to end the reincarnation cycle and merge with Brahman.
I don't know to what substance you are alluding to, but within the shamanic tradition as well as other esoteric paradigms, it is believed that (abuse of) substances can open the door to astral parasites.
As for the comment "mindlessly doomscrolling" I would not be surprised if a person were to become depressed by not developing themselves in any capacity. Either by wasting 'time' by scrolling or doomscrolling. Perhaps it's an idea to see what kind of area/topic you are interested in. And take up a course so you can invest your time in learning and/or developing skills concerning that topic. Being productive in that capacity. Could indeed provide a source of importance to your life.
I'm no medical doctor, and this is not meant as medical advice seek proper counseling.
But perhaps it's an idea to read the following book, as you wrote in another post that you have underlying trauma.
Healing Trauma - A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body by Peter A. Levine
While you are entitled to make your own decisions, I would advise against making sudden decisions, stability is one of the most important things that we as humans can have in our lives, especially if there is a lot going around. Be it physical, mental, emotional, or on other levels.
You could give up on thinking about doing it and wanting to do it for a while. It's not like you're doing it anyways, whatever it is. After a period of deliberately renouncing to do what you need to do, you can then reconsider how you feel about it, if that's still what you need, and if you still feel like you can't do it.
IMO you are right that you will get out of it by doing something, breaking your cycles and feedback loops, and changing your situation. But it's likely that first you need to give up for a while on the idea of doing it just to experience that it is you who ultimately decides whether to do or not do so, that it's not really being imposed on you.
I also advice to avoid looking for a "fix", chemical or otherwise. You already know that action is what will change your situation.
what would be the catalyst for change? i dont have the strength to do it and am i in control of whether or not i get better? i am not really in control of my body or my thoughts, does this make sense?
how do i merge with brahman? is this hinduism? when will i be free?
Action. But it's a loop where you feel like you need change to act, and you need to act to change. Don't worry because an exit is almost certainly possible. I have been in a similar situation when I was your age.
You won't know that until you try. But I'm not suggesting for you to try right now.
Makes sense because I've felt like that for some years, yes. What I personally learned is that reality is more complex. You're never neither fully in control nor fully not in control.
That's why I'm suggesting you to embrace your situation for a while. As you are not changing it, you may as well accept it temporarily and try and see how you feel about it. This is so you can see that you can, in fact, decide some things and act upon them (such as staying where you are, how you are), and to lower the sense of struggle for a while. After a while of purposely not changing anything or thinking about changing it, you can reconsider what to do and how you feel about it.
There's a trick the mind sometimes plays on us, and that's that obsessively thinking about something is equivalent to a point to doing it. If I feel trapped and I'm thinking constantly about freeing myself, I feel up to a point as if I'm doing something to free myself. But that's not true, and it eventually gives rise to feelings of impotency, and takes a lot of energy from you that could better be used elsewhere. So IMO it's a good exercise to temporarily give up on changing anything (which you aren't doing anyways), and see how that feels.
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