I became more self aware after DMT tripping but...

[Aeroman]

When I joined this forum, I was in the process of experimenting with various psychedelic substances with the goal of becoming more conscious and self aware.
Well I have to say, it worked! DMT experiences in particular made some profound changes in my life.

The biggest change was becoming more self aware and mindful, this is mostly positive however, coming from a narcissistic family it has created a new set of problems.

I was previously narcissistic, boastful and constantly seeking external validation but on the other hand, quite the avoidant introvert with low self esteem. Since my psychedelics-triggered awakening, I no longer feel motivated to seek validation and attention but I am now more aware of my narcissistic mother and brother's coping mechanism so can't be in their presence without being in self defence mode. I believe my avoidant behaviour must have been a natural coping mechanism to protect myself from their toxic bullshit. My father is passive and just puts up with the BS and my sister has her own family so has enough to deal with. I now feel like an outsider in this family.

I've been watching self help videos on YouTube, the experts make it clear that my family's narcissism is never going away. So I will have to fix my issues on my own.

Has this happened to anyone here? Any ideas about where to start undoing the damage (of the dysfunctional upbringing). I feel like I know exactly what the psychological problem is but could do with some very targeted counselling.

 

[Tomtegubbe]

Thank you for sharing your story. People in the Amazon call this substance the medicine and the healer for a reason.

For my part I can say that the healing that has started with me has brought about healing to people around me too. It's a long and tough journey, but it's happening. One important step in my opinion is to develop your energetic independence. That is, live your life, be kind to others (or strict if necessary), but do not depend on their validation. The biggest dependence is the one you have in your head and heart.

Take your family as your spiritual training ground. Learn to calm yourself and develop mindfulness, so when you run into annoying situations you can be energetically stronger and brighter than them. That is, when dark and chaotic energies arise in those situation, you don't let them bring you down.

This is very much what you already told, so I believe you are on a very good path already.

Something else to consider is to practice meditation, develop spiritual practices like gratitude, pray for your family and take good care of yourself. Develop love towards yourself so you have love to share to others too.

Psychedelics can be one part of the path but they are not the path. Love is.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I resonate with your experience. My father is extremely narcissistic and it caused me to become avoidant also. My mom was the more passive one. It's hard my friend. For financial reasons, I stay with my mom and disabled sister. There is a bit of a divide between all of us, and it is mainly due to my father's machinations to keep us separate and disconnected in our home. None of us really talk to my father. He's just too toxic. I'm the one that speaks to him the least because I refuse to deal with him at all.

It hurts, you're an outsider, but you're where you need to be. You're evolving and as such will want and need to be around others that are doing the same. No matter who they are, if they're toxic, let them go, or love them from a distance.

One love

 

[Aeroman]

Thank you for sharing your story. People in the Amazon call this substance the medicine and the healer for a reason.

For my part I can say that the healing that has started with me has brought about healing to people around me too. It's a long and tough journey, but it's happening. One important step in my opinion is to develop your energetic independence. That is, live your life, be kind to others (or strict if necessary), but do not depend on their validation. The biggest dependence is the one you have in your head and heart.

Take your family as your spiritual training ground. Learn to calm yourself and develop mindfulness, so when you run into annoying situations you can be energetically stronger and brighter than them. That is, when dark and chaotic energies arise in those situation, you don't let them bring you down.

This is very much what you already told, so I believe you are on a very good path already.

Something else to consider is to practice meditation, develop spiritual practices like gratitude, pray for your family and take good care of yourself. Develop love towards yourself so you have love to share to others too.

Psychedelics can be one part of the path but they are not the path. Love is.

Great advice, thank you Tomtegubbe!
I definitely need to reduce the noise in my brain, it is distracting me from creating a better life. Meditation and gratitude are better things to focus on.

 

[Aeroman]

I resonate with your experience. My father is extremely narcissistic and it caused me to become avoidant also. My mom was the more passive one. It's hard my friend. For financial reasons, I stay with my mom and disabled sister. There is a bit of a divide between all of us, and it is mainly due to my father's machinations to keep us separate and disconnected in our home. None of us really talk to my father. He's just too toxic. I'm the one that speaks to him the least because I refuse to deal with him at all.

It hurts, you're an outsider, but you're where you need to be. You're evolving and as such will want and need to be around others that are doing the same. No matter who they are, if they're toxic, let them go, or love them from a distance.

One love

I resonate with your story too, for financial reasons I moved in with my elderly Parents, my brother doesn't visit much. I lived in another country during the past few decades so it was easier to get on with them, this is a new challenge but on the positive side I am receiving clarity about who I am. I think you're totally correct about me being where I need to be.