Salvinorin x LSD Reflections ~
This Moment Longer
"My whole life, I've been running with my gaze, from moment to moment. Everything I see, pulls me in, so I shift my gaze, again. And again. And again. I reset, I switch, I skirt around, with my eyes, ever shifting moving. Looking at anything, which will house me for a fleeting moment. My soul is nomadic, without a home, yet having found refuge in many along the way. If I look into your eyes for longer than a moment, I must cast my gaze aside. Who knows what will happen? It's scary. It doesn't feel safe. My eyes have been running from, everyone, and everything. My eyes have been running from every moment, always, they must keep moving. Run! keep moving, Run! keep moving. When will I finally stop, running with my eyes, and be at home, with you? Why do I run from the whole world, from every music note, from every little leafy plant, from every soulful gaze of a fellow human, from the morning sky??? Why do I run from EVERYONE? For my eyes ~ what an unfamiliar world it is. Scary. So here I am, and now, I choose to risk, getting to know this moment. I have traveled far and wide, and not found but the same fleeting moments. I would like to know what home is like, so, Yes ~ please let me stay, this moment longer."
This reflection came from a recent Salvinorin(Quidded) x LSD trip. I wrote it just now, a few months after the experience, after reading a Nexus status update that I found inspirational. While the LSD is very powerful, it also feels dreamy to me, and many hours can pass. This poetry specifically has a lot of the voice of quidded salvinorin in it, I would say ~ on/with LSD, but mostly Salvinorin. You could interpret it as a poetic trip report. The Salvinorin and LSD are _VERY_ synergistic, somehow. The Salvinorin really, REALLY has started teaching me how attention and focus shift, flow, seek, or even are or do. I realized that my style of attention has a lot of anxiety and fear. I am not willing to travel into much of anything in this universe. Salvinorin really game me a sense of this. The Salvinorin is scary. Yes ~ SCARY, but somehow in a clear, raw, beautiful way perhaps. I don't quite know yet, but I'm sure I will explore this further.
One reason I have been sitting with this trip for a few months however (the LSD was only 120ug and Salvinorin quid was also low), is that, I am noticing (in my everyday life!) the Salvinorin. It's a persistent effect. Perhaps slowly wearing off with time, but very persistent. Salvinorin really does 'real-itate' everything in reality, in its own raw way. I had mentioned some of these things in a previous trip post regarding that trip.
In having been sitting with the trip for several weeks now, I feel a little bit, like, in learning to realize whatever it is you focus is on, through Salvia's teachings, you also learn a little bit about not-realizing. And non-focus. For instance, even though Salvinorin has made my focus sharper, more often than not, I feel like my focus LESS SHARP, even though, I have reason to believe that it is, functionally in reality, more sharp. Perhaps this is a similar effect as seen when eating healthy for a time, and then eating unhealthy. You might notice in starker contrast, how unhelthy and intoxicating the unhealthy food is! Does this mean you are unhealthier, because you feel so bad? No! In this same sort of dynamic, studying what focus is, with Salvinorin, has made me more aware of the ways in which I may be unfocused or dreamy or unconscious. The feeling of the real-ness of reality, and its capacity to inhabit the mind clearly and luminously, is also acting similarly within me. I feel more aware of how 'vague' / 'foggy' / ethereal / dreamy reality is when I'm not focused on it. Other types of consciousness like emotion and thought feel even more real. This is not in any negative way. It's nice to have very real thoughts, emotions, or imaginations, etc ~ however I feel like I am more conscious of how MUCH all these other activities can de-realize reality, as we still pass through it. Not that de-realizing reality is bad at all! We all love to travel throughout the mind, to great healing effect as well. It's just all these various dimensions feel a bit more articulated and distinct to me now, and that has given me a lot to reflect upon.
I always like to take my time with the first step of a psychedelic to reflect in such a manner.
