This is my first trip report with smoking Salvia Divinorum, dry leaf, maybe about less than a gram. Not much I know but I wanted to approach it this way.
What happened during this trip?
I ensured the set and setting was good: mellow red light lamp on, ceiling light off, OM chanting music in the background (actually I was listening through the headphones), Dragon's blood burning in the long jostick box, tv off, chamomile tea brewed, room cleaned and hoovered. I was set and ready to take the leap into the unknown.
As the OM music chanted through my headphones, the first thing I felt after the second try at the bong, was a strange, but subtle churning feeling as though everything around me, including my torso and face, especially my lips, was slowly being pulled into a warping reality effect.
It was subtle and not strong, it was slow and deliberate, and not fast or overwhelming, but I felt something was going to happen like I had a sense that I am about to experience something that I may not like, and that was because I felt like I was becoming part of this weird churning reality. It felt a bit foreboding, as though whatever was happening to me I would inevitably "lose my sense of self" and blend-in with this churning feeling that also seems to be making everything smaller as though everything was being pulled into a single point. That frightened me a bit, but I didn't panic.
I looked to the left of me and noticed a shadow closing in, and it reminded me of an overhead roofing closing. This was very brief. My stomach tightened and my breathe shortened and I began to shiver and shake, but not uncontrollably. I could no longer hear the OM chanting from my headphones as my focus seemed to be on the experience. I told myself that whatever happens I am in control and that nothing can harm me.
The experience continued. The warping of reality continued, and at one point I thought "Okay, it wants to take me into the cream-coloured wardrobe on the right hand side of my room, but my wardrobe was a thin slither of itself as if it was being pulled in and round in a whirl. And it felt like my lip was joining it. My face also felt like it was being pulled and bended towards the wardrobe. This was a bit unpleasant. I felt like my face was being stretched and bended very slowly towards this center. But I couldn't see a center, I just felt like there was a central point where this goes, and the whole room and my face was being pulled-in in that direction. As the experience continued, it looked or felt like it wasn't going to get any stronger but would just continue to swirl me into the bendy beige wardrobe.
I picked up an object from the table as a way of taking focus off of this bendy wardrobe, as if to prove to myself that I can move and can will myself i.e., I am in control. The object was a speckled stone I used in my old fishtank. I notice that this is a self-coping mechanism when a person is under some stress they grab something and caress it, so I started to caress the stone and noticed its beauty, and the stone seemed to form three large speckles in the center in the form of a triangle of sorts. I though nothing of it. That was a relief because at that point things went back to normal. My stomach felt a bit tight. The wardrobe was back to normal. I felt disoriented. I grabbed a piece of chocolate and eat it.
Some people might think that what I experienced here was just a trifling thing, like nothing to write home about. But wasn't the experience that made this a bit frightening, but the anticipation of what could happen. I thought that I was going to lose myself and become one with this swirling reality that is slowly pulling me in.
I actually thought I was going to die but in the sense that I could at any point lose consciousness and never come round or wake up. I thought that with this little amount of Salvia that I smoked actually contained a big dose and there is no going back. There's no antedote. My mum isn't here to comfort me. It's just me being pulled into this whirly warping reality and there is nothing else that can take me away from this pulling. It felt like time had stood still during the experience, but after the experience had worn off it felt like I had undergone this experience for hours.
The pulling feeling was difficult because it was pulling and a strange curving movement. I thought it was also pulling my chest but that could have been a tightening feeling because the last inhale from the bong was more intense than the first. I noticed the first inhale was a bit weak, so the second (or it might have been the third) attempt I ensured I got a lung full. I held the smoke in for about 20 seconds and let it out very slowly through the mouth. And then it started.
Overall the experience was slightly unpleasant and a bit frightening but no mad panic. I reckon on a higher dose I may have panicked. I don't know. The thought of blending into everything like that whilst thinking you are going to "lose" yourself forever is very frightening.
So what's next? I'm tempted not to try again, but on the other hand I am tempted to try the same dose again and see what happens. One part of me says don't try this again and another says stick with it. The nature of Salvia has shown me how it effected me this time. I know that if I have a big dose I am going to experience some kind of death.
That frightens me.
What happened during this trip?
I ensured the set and setting was good: mellow red light lamp on, ceiling light off, OM chanting music in the background (actually I was listening through the headphones), Dragon's blood burning in the long jostick box, tv off, chamomile tea brewed, room cleaned and hoovered. I was set and ready to take the leap into the unknown.
As the OM music chanted through my headphones, the first thing I felt after the second try at the bong, was a strange, but subtle churning feeling as though everything around me, including my torso and face, especially my lips, was slowly being pulled into a warping reality effect.
It was subtle and not strong, it was slow and deliberate, and not fast or overwhelming, but I felt something was going to happen like I had a sense that I am about to experience something that I may not like, and that was because I felt like I was becoming part of this weird churning reality. It felt a bit foreboding, as though whatever was happening to me I would inevitably "lose my sense of self" and blend-in with this churning feeling that also seems to be making everything smaller as though everything was being pulled into a single point. That frightened me a bit, but I didn't panic.
I looked to the left of me and noticed a shadow closing in, and it reminded me of an overhead roofing closing. This was very brief. My stomach tightened and my breathe shortened and I began to shiver and shake, but not uncontrollably. I could no longer hear the OM chanting from my headphones as my focus seemed to be on the experience. I told myself that whatever happens I am in control and that nothing can harm me.
The experience continued. The warping of reality continued, and at one point I thought "Okay, it wants to take me into the cream-coloured wardrobe on the right hand side of my room, but my wardrobe was a thin slither of itself as if it was being pulled in and round in a whirl. And it felt like my lip was joining it. My face also felt like it was being pulled and bended towards the wardrobe. This was a bit unpleasant. I felt like my face was being stretched and bended very slowly towards this center. But I couldn't see a center, I just felt like there was a central point where this goes, and the whole room and my face was being pulled-in in that direction. As the experience continued, it looked or felt like it wasn't going to get any stronger but would just continue to swirl me into the bendy beige wardrobe.
I picked up an object from the table as a way of taking focus off of this bendy wardrobe, as if to prove to myself that I can move and can will myself i.e., I am in control. The object was a speckled stone I used in my old fishtank. I notice that this is a self-coping mechanism when a person is under some stress they grab something and caress it, so I started to caress the stone and noticed its beauty, and the stone seemed to form three large speckles in the center in the form of a triangle of sorts. I though nothing of it. That was a relief because at that point things went back to normal. My stomach felt a bit tight. The wardrobe was back to normal. I felt disoriented. I grabbed a piece of chocolate and eat it.
Some people might think that what I experienced here was just a trifling thing, like nothing to write home about. But wasn't the experience that made this a bit frightening, but the anticipation of what could happen. I thought that I was going to lose myself and become one with this swirling reality that is slowly pulling me in.
I actually thought I was going to die but in the sense that I could at any point lose consciousness and never come round or wake up. I thought that with this little amount of Salvia that I smoked actually contained a big dose and there is no going back. There's no antedote. My mum isn't here to comfort me. It's just me being pulled into this whirly warping reality and there is nothing else that can take me away from this pulling. It felt like time had stood still during the experience, but after the experience had worn off it felt like I had undergone this experience for hours.
The pulling feeling was difficult because it was pulling and a strange curving movement. I thought it was also pulling my chest but that could have been a tightening feeling because the last inhale from the bong was more intense than the first. I noticed the first inhale was a bit weak, so the second (or it might have been the third) attempt I ensured I got a lung full. I held the smoke in for about 20 seconds and let it out very slowly through the mouth. And then it started.
Overall the experience was slightly unpleasant and a bit frightening but no mad panic. I reckon on a higher dose I may have panicked. I don't know. The thought of blending into everything like that whilst thinking you are going to "lose" yourself forever is very frightening.
So what's next? I'm tempted not to try again, but on the other hand I am tempted to try the same dose again and see what happens. One part of me says don't try this again and another says stick with it. The nature of Salvia has shown me how it effected me this time. I know that if I have a big dose I am going to experience some kind of death.
That frightens me.