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I feel like I have initiated an irreversible process

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protostar

Rising Star
Hi,

As mentioned in the title, I feel like I have initiated an irreversible process by ingestion of psychedelic tryptamines, most notably DMT and 5-meo-dmt.
I always hear strange tones when I am completely sober; I have pains in my skull, I have lucid nightmares where the a vortex or portal is opening above my head and controlling the direction in which I am going, manipulating my actions; and when I sit to practice meditation, a slow-motion reliving of my only 5-meo-dmt experience takes place.
Also, when I lay down, I feel that entities are coming towards me from all angles, and they are rather unfriendly entities.
Is it possible that I am being monitored and harassed by some form of psychic police system or occult government?
I think my psychic difficulties and serious life problems truly began when I first started smoking salvia divinorum leaves a very long time ago.
This is certainly one entheogen that I wish I never ingested in any form.
Out of both the desire to share with others, and also the unwillingness to consume any more, I gave away several grams of DMT to friends, and also threw away a few grams.
In retrospect, I wish I hadn't done this, because then I would still have a nice amount left, and be able to explore the spaces that it can bring one to, many more times.
If anyone has any advice or suggestions regarding my situation, I would greatly appreciate it to hear it.
Thanks.
 
I think staying off drugs for awhile sounds like a really good idea.

I seriously doubt that you are being persecuted or followed by occult forces, and if you are then going into hyperspace will only make them notice you more.

Maybe learn some banishing/protection rituals?

Nervine herbs could also be nice. Skullcap, milky oats...
 
Yeah man I’m with urtica here. You know how set and setting are so important? Well, your “set”, that is to say “your mindset “, is not where it should be right now for entertaining the thought of DMT. It’s already dangerous enough as it is.
 
Definitely discontinue use of psychedelics (and preferably all psychoactives, especially cannabis and ideally caffeine as well) and focus on self-care: healthy eating, exercise, plenty of rest, this kind of thing.

While diagnosis based on a forum post isn't possible or advisable, the described symptoms do fulfill DSM criteria and it sounds like they are impairing your daily functioning. I would strongly advise scheduling an appointment with a mental health professional, if only for a short-term intervention to address the acute symptoms you are experiencing.
 
You have been opened excessively and it created a state of unbalance. It is not only a reflection of yourself but the culture you were born into. You made mistakes and will have to live with them.

If you do this, if you realize this and comes to term with what it means, you will have understood which our culture cannot. You will get stronger as you come to understand that culture and how it influences you. Your eye will be more cunning, you will see through the night and its illusion, the illusions that the mind projects more easily in the night.

Our culture is full of garbage, that is it does not translate things well, it does not see them with cunning eyes seeing the truth and it gets buried somewhere underneath where it grows into something more painful. You have to learn how to translate what happens, there is truth in each things, each things is a side of the truth. And remember, don't do things in excess.

You are a sun rising, but the road is long, immensely and so very very long. You will have to endure. However long it takes and however painful it is, if you learn from the pain and from the mistakes you have made, you will become a far better you.

If you do not you will stumble again and again until you stumble in a confortable illusion where stumbling and not getting up is the norm.

Whatever you endure, your breath will always be there. That is, movement will always be there. Even if you die, and however how many times, you will realize you are dead, then you will see: you are still aware. You are still moving and so you are still breathing. The core of who you are remains unchanged, as it is, ever changing.
 
Thanks everyone for the replies.
But I didn't expect this thread to turn into something resembling a Dr. Phil anti-drug seminar.
Also, to the poster above me, with all due respect, what gives you the right to blatantly state that I have made mistakes and will have to live with them?
You have no idea who I even am!
I could say the same thing about you, without even knowing you, and it would also be equally as invalid.
 
There's no need to take it so personally, we have all made mistakes and have to live with them.

Just remember how the bright light of morning can make your eyes sting after a long night's slumber. They get used to it after a while.

If you post an OP like yours you can only expect people to reply with their perceptions of the situation. It seems you're having trouble integrating your experiences and thus it would be wise to avoid embarking upon further explorations until you have integrated the previous ones. These substances are not a magic bullet that fixes you just like that. There is work to be done.

Are you in a position where you are receiving expert guidance on your process of emergence and transformation? That doesn't appear to be the case.

An important part of the Nexus is harm reduction. That means we won't senselessly egg you on in the pursuit of altered states of consciousness if you appear to be doing harm to yourself, psychologically or otherwise. Maybe you are unaccustomed to the concept that being told to slow down sometimes is a good thing.

Can vaporizing DMT or smoking DMT-enhanced leaf help me on my quest towards spiritual enlightenment, and growth and development?
"Self-actualization can not be intended directly, but happens as unintended side effect of self-transcedence." (V.Frankl)

"My experience agrees with Frankl´s, that people who seek self-actualization directly … don´t, in fact, achieve it … I agree entirely with Frankl that man´s primary concern is his will to meaning." (Maslow)
(Thanks to tseuq, in the Quote Room :thumb_up: )

 
I had a difficult experience with oral DMT which I will probably be posting on the forums at some point. With a strong tolerance I have difficulty getting my extractions right and this experience was the result of that. I was quickly propelled into the fractal laden multiverse and my ego was dissolved slowly and painfully. Psychedelics are not for the faint of heart my friend. At some of the really high doses there is nothing that is really going to save you from yourself. You cannot blame the entities or the spirits. Oh well I've really done myself in this time you think. But you'll resurrect because it's not toxic. I have read of others saying they even left this reality altogether. I think even with "breakthroughs" you don't really know if you broke through. But maybe I have just not gone nearly as deep down the rabbit hole as some members have.
I have never had any adverse psychological reactions afterwards though. This rests solely with yourself. Our culture does not at all prepare us for this experience. I have found that the best thing you can do is to let go of fear. I did this and I was overwhelmed with a feeling of love centered around the heart area. I felt that to love others is all that really matters in life. It's important to look out for yourself too though.

I have always encountered the same entity or spirit and some would refer to her as the Gaian mind. She is an infinitely complex being without a physical anthropomorphic form. I still approach psychedelics with a strong feeling of apprehension especially after that trip. I am not even sure I will ever have the balls to take that much again. It was something like double that high dose advised in the section of the Nexus on extractions. I would try not to get hung up on this "possession" or fear of evil beings.I have never really encountered anything "evil".

I think low doses can be healing too though so just stick with those and try to eat more healthy and talk to someone if you feel comfortable discussing your tripping with them.
 
I would lay off the stuff for a good while .
Try to rewrite the narrative about what your experiencing.

People are getting Dr Phil on you for good reason based on
the conflicting nature of what you what you wrote.
Take a break do normal shit.
 
protostar said:
Thanks everyone for the replies.
But I didn't expect this thread to turn into something resembling a Dr. Phil anti-drug seminar.
Also, to the poster above me, with all due respect, what gives you the right to blatantly state that I have made mistakes and will have to live with them?
You have no idea who I even am!
I could say the same thing about you, without even knowing you, and it would also be equally as invalid.

I've made some of the same mistakes. Not being able to recognize your mistakes will keep you from growing toward who you are, or are meant to be. It is unhealthy. It's impossible to not make mistakes in this culture we were born in when you approach the entheogenic realm, only because the entheogens will make burst to the surface all the mistakes that are the foundation of your culture, that culture that is a big part of who you are. It will create dissonance.

When you reach new state of sensitivity, you are at dissonance with the un-sensitive culture out there. So you go looking out for strangers on the internet to talk too.

Indeed I don't know who you are, and I'm speaking to you with tiny little dots on a screen, I can't see your eyes, how you move, how your lips move, and the whole of that. But I do breath, and I have learned all I could, and will learn still ever again from my breath, and you do breath too. So I'll say I know at least that part of ourselves.

I don't know all the shades of you. I'm just offering what I can give, what I feel is necessary to be given, on the very little I can perceive of you. I'm not forcing anything upon you. You take what you need.
 
Hey OP, I just want to add my two cents because I identify with your problem at a personal level. With my senseless forays into altered states of consciousness, I have also felt that I have made terrible, irrevocable cognitive mistakes.

It seemed very much that "outside" forces were monitoring my consciousness. They would leave me alone as I was "sober", but upon thinking too much, or smoking weed or using psyches, they would detect my presence, like I had entered some cognitive "red tape zone" where I was not allowed. I would sense malignant entities honing in on me, and many, many times, I was absolutely sure they were about to "pull the plug" on me so to speak. Very scary times.

Eventually though, I embraced sobriety for awhile and just cultivated a more healthy consciousness. I focused on developing devotion and love through "bhakti-yoga" (check it out, it's awesome!(if you want)) and came to a lot of great realizations in a totally sober state of mind through the ancient Indian holy texts about my situation.

Eventually, I smoked some more weed, and came into this mindset again, this scary mindset. But bhakti is about surrender, so I just surrendered and loved and all that fear was instantly trans-mutated into love and joy and acceptance!

I learned, it really is about our mindset, and how we let culture effect our thoughts. It was my immersion in American Christian culture, which is guilt-based, restrictive, blah blah, that led to my bad experiences. It's like a trap of sorts.

But, ignoring those aspects, delving into a more mature culture, with a more gentle and loving mode of spirituality about my mind, the same elevation of consciousness took me into friendly territory, instead of nasty places.

So, hope that helps! Be sober for awhile, cultivate love, humility(this helps with further ego dissolutions) surrender(same) and learn to embrace fear(because fear is an incarnation of the divine, something we can teach ourselves to love... CONJUGALLY!)

And then, when you feel ready, probably just try it again.. Lol, idk, that's what I'm gonna do. Hopefully it won't bite me in the ass again.
 
You tell me to look into ancient indian teachings, whereas your problems are stemming from your american-christian cultural programming.
Well, I am Indian and was born in India as well, and my problems ALSO stem from cultural programming and brainwashing.
So I find all of this quite ironic.
I don't really care for bhakti yoga, because I don't believe in surrendering to some entity which I neither respect or believe in.
But what you said about being monitored I can agree with one hundred percent, and if I even want to feel like altering and enhancing my consciousness by smoking weed, I many times have very negative experiences, and sometimes have very positive experiences, so it is rather hit or miss.
If i want to smoke DMT and try and find higher truth or meaning, I suddenly have really bad trips which I cannot control at all.
And the beliefs that I have held within myself, plus the ones that were forced upon me, paired with my actions throughout life and my thoughts, have created a literal hell in which I am completely enslaved, and there is nothing that I can do to liberate myself.
Your western conditioning lead you to Eastern philosophy and spirituality, whereas my Eastern background and upbringing ruined my life.
Thanks for sharing your perspectives, I do appreciate it.
 
protostar said:
...And the beliefs that I have held within myself, plus the ones that were forced upon me, paired with my actions throughout life and my thoughts, have created a literal hell in which I am completely enslaved, and there is nothing that I can do to liberate myself...

That is the nature of beliefs.

The etiological root of belief is the word "lie".

Therefore, a belief is simply a lie that one tells oneself. That is the enslaving power of beliefs.

Once liberated from one's beliefs, one is liberated from the perceived enslavement.


May you find Peace.
 
@protostar Dang dude, you sound like you are seriously subscribing to some hardcore victimization, especially saying there is "nothing" you can do to "liberate" yourself.

If you took the essence of my comment instead of focusing on the details, you would have seen that I never advised you to look into Indian literature. I said that's what I did, to gain a different perspective, to wear down the old, toxic perspective.

You can just look to whatever you want, but the point is that belief guides most of these mental processes, and by changing your belief in some positive way, you can alter your perception.

What I ACTUALLY advised was:
1. Sobriety
2. Cultivation of love, humility, and ability to surrender to experience.
3. Learn to embrace fear.

You seemingly did not realize this, based on your previous comment, so I felt obliged to re-iterate my point.

Stop being the victim, the root of all of your problems and solutions lie within, but you will never see it without actually seeking in some way.

Also, you claim to have no belief nor respect in "some entity" but that's an obvious lie, because you claim fear and recognition of the presence of multiple entities in your OP.

So its obvious that you do believe in entities, or else the thought of being monitored by them would not be so heavy.

Also, do you eat beef? That stigma is so deeply engrained, I'd be surprised if an Indian human could escape the subconscious guilt of eating cow.
 
When the mind is unsettled and full of thoughts of any kind it can lead to a very unhealthy state. I found it can also create states of delusion and fear. In the past I have been in both the unsettled and settled states of mind. I began meditation in groups to allow myself to be influenced by those that had been practicing mediation for many years. After many months I felt completely different. I began to manifest things in my life, and it was almost startling at first. I realized that I was living in tune and connected to that ever present loving consciousness and my thoughts influenced my life. My thoughts grew from a dark fear based state with dilusions to a light loving base state and along with the inner peace came outer peace and life just seemed to fall into place without much effort. I know we are always looking for the instant enlightenment magic pill, but I believe it is a path that we choose to go down and in time we arrive at our destination. It takes focus and practice. Just as building the physical body at the gym, our minds need focus and work to bring us to a stronger state.
Hang in there and stay dedicated to thinking positive with thoughts of love. Where there is light there is no darkness.
 
dmtsurfer said:
When the mind is unsettled and full of thoughts of any kind it can lead to a very unhealthy state. I found it can also create states of delusion and fear. In the past I have been in both the unsettled and settled states of mind. I began meditation in groups to allow myself to be influenced by those that had been practicing mediation for many years. After many months I felt completely different. I began to manifest things in my life, and it was almost startling at first. I realized that I was living in tune and connected to that ever present loving consciousness and my thoughts influenced my life. My thoughts grew from a dark fear based state with dilusions to a light loving base state and along with the inner peace came outer peace and life just seemed to fall into place without much effort. I know we are always looking for the instant enlightenment magic pill, but I believe it is a path that we choose to go down and in time we arrive at our destination. It takes focus and practice. Just as building the physical body at the gym, our minds need focus and work to bring us to a stronger state.
Hang in there and stay dedicated to thinking positive with thoughts of love. Where there is light there is no darkness.
<3
 
Hi protostar.

Disclaimer: I'm not a medical professional.
You listed both physiological and psychological symptoms. I would postulate that one follows the other. I think it's more likely that a physiological cause would result in a psychological effect than the other way around. I think it's VERY rare for even regular psychedelic use to cause ongoing auditory disturbances and headaches. What you describe may well be a vascular issue or something equally serious. It seems prudent to tell your physician about your symptoms if you haven't already. I'll go one step further than advising against psychedelics at this point. If I had similar symptoms I would be careful to maintain a low stress lifestyle and keep the blood pressure low at least until your doctor can check you out. I'd be asking for a CT scan myself.

So maybe lay off the goodies for a while longer. You have plenty of time.

"Is it possible that I am being monitored and harassed by some form of psychic police system or occult government?"

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you sometimes feel like you are being monitored and harassed by psychic police. Hell, someday I'll tell you about the slave market that rented my existence out to any alien with the price of a ticket. Repeatedly, over a period of months. Yeah. Heck, I had fun with it.

A word on belief and ego.
I agree that what we believe is, from the most solipsistic perspective, a lie we tell ourselves to facilitate functioning in society. IMO ego is the collective of these lies. Ego death is fine while tripping on Ayahuasca or 5 MEO but it's a piss poor way to pay the rent.

"When I was a man I spake as a man and put away my childish things". Nice biblical allegory reminding us that as a rule we need to work to eat but it doesn't imply we can't come back to our childish things from time to time. Calling the use of psychedelics a "childish thing" is a bad analogy but my point stands. Put the internal quest on hold for a while, sounds like the external (physical) world needs all your attention for now. Odds are there is nothing wrong physically, find out for sure. The spice will find you when the time is right.

Your post hits me right in the feels. Thanks for sharing. I absolutely want to hear more from you as things go forward.

Your pal Entre.
 
Some great advice to the OP here! So impressive!

If you are getting a message from DMT then heed the advice from the teacher. Listen. Really listen. Take a break and integrate the lesson.

I have taken long breaks from DMT. Sometimes I would go and it was like I was knocking on some strangers doors. The door opens and it's like "Yes... can I help you?" oops... wrong door.. lol

Or maybe the teacher has given the lesson and does not want to see the student until the lesson has been learned.

I second what others have said here. Take some time and be sober. Improve your eating habits, exercise, get out and go be with nature. Do positive things for people. In fact I would say doing nice things for people can dramatically change a negative frame of mind rather quickly. It's powerful medicine. Go back and see DMT when you are able to laugh freely and be relaxed and at ease.
Laughter is the best medicine by far. Don't take life too seriously!

Bill Hicks said:
“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we … kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok … But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.”
 
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