First off, I apologize for posting and deleting a thread. I'm experiencing some serious brain fog due to the previously mentioned PAWS and the fact that the circumstance of my life at this point is pretty dire. But this is maybe more what I wanted to say. Thank you for reading this wall of text.
If anyone here knows me, they know my life has been a struggle to say the least. It has been marked by tragedy crisis and loss. I understand though that nothing has ever happened to me, that everything I work is just that,a manifestation of some aspect of my consciousness. I don't know why my karma is so hard to work out, but it is.
I have been a horrible human being in the past, and even now, I'm not so great. I've done things repeatedly, that served to satisfy my need to end some pain or another.
It is through tears that I write this. There are things I've run from long enough. I see now that I must face that which has chased me with ravenous relentless. My trauma and grief must be gone through now. I'm ready to face my killer.
When I was 18, I was held captive in my own apartment by a burglar I walked in on for three hours, Beaten repeatedly, at one point a shotgun put in my mouth jammed when he piled the trigger and he then knocked me out and left me hogtied with electric wire in the bathtub that with some superhuman feat of survival strength, I broke and got free. My apartment has burglar bars and double keyed deadbolts-safety features that almost sealed my death.
I've thought I has dealt with this- I "forgave" the son of a bitch, but not even close.
It caused me to run from my hometown to the woods of Oregon, which I consider my home now. But everything has been tainted with the memory. It helped create a 25 year long addiction too heroin. The paths carved into my mind from this, and all the things I've done to escape it have createda life I'm increasingly finding intolerable.
I've been a herron addict. I'm clean now, three months off methadone, but the past is destroying my present. Potential employers find my old mugshots in a simple Google search, for example. I don't have connections in thus town to help. Social services are tapped, especially for a 44 year old guy. In trying, but my best efforts aren't good enough, and I think I know why.
I've never dealt with what made me run. I would like some advice. I believe in the power of psychs with all my being. They are sacred substances that communicate healing on a deep level, they connect us with the divine. I want to access this healing, to save my life and release the potential that has always eluded me. It is time. I need help, I reach out to the community the has helped me in the past, particularly to the healers here. Are there any resources in the healing community that work with people like me, who have no money, but are in desperate need?
I have been in the medical world, the psych doctors and their meds-anti psychotics to help one sleep and so forth, the drug treatment works too, and I'm as amazed I survived that s loo am my addiction, please.
I love you people.
If anyone here knows me, they know my life has been a struggle to say the least. It has been marked by tragedy crisis and loss. I understand though that nothing has ever happened to me, that everything I work is just that,a manifestation of some aspect of my consciousness. I don't know why my karma is so hard to work out, but it is.
I have been a horrible human being in the past, and even now, I'm not so great. I've done things repeatedly, that served to satisfy my need to end some pain or another.
It is through tears that I write this. There are things I've run from long enough. I see now that I must face that which has chased me with ravenous relentless. My trauma and grief must be gone through now. I'm ready to face my killer.
When I was 18, I was held captive in my own apartment by a burglar I walked in on for three hours, Beaten repeatedly, at one point a shotgun put in my mouth jammed when he piled the trigger and he then knocked me out and left me hogtied with electric wire in the bathtub that with some superhuman feat of survival strength, I broke and got free. My apartment has burglar bars and double keyed deadbolts-safety features that almost sealed my death.
I've thought I has dealt with this- I "forgave" the son of a bitch, but not even close.
It caused me to run from my hometown to the woods of Oregon, which I consider my home now. But everything has been tainted with the memory. It helped create a 25 year long addiction too heroin. The paths carved into my mind from this, and all the things I've done to escape it have createda life I'm increasingly finding intolerable.
I've been a herron addict. I'm clean now, three months off methadone, but the past is destroying my present. Potential employers find my old mugshots in a simple Google search, for example. I don't have connections in thus town to help. Social services are tapped, especially for a 44 year old guy. In trying, but my best efforts aren't good enough, and I think I know why.
I've never dealt with what made me run. I would like some advice. I believe in the power of psychs with all my being. They are sacred substances that communicate healing on a deep level, they connect us with the divine. I want to access this healing, to save my life and release the potential that has always eluded me. It is time. I need help, I reach out to the community the has helped me in the past, particularly to the healers here. Are there any resources in the healing community that work with people like me, who have no money, but are in desperate need?
I have been in the medical world, the psych doctors and their meds-anti psychotics to help one sleep and so forth, the drug treatment works too, and I'm as amazed I survived that s loo am my addiction, please.
I love you people.
