What is happening to me?

[Afx]

Hi dmtnexus.
I am going through "something" in my life, and I cannot pinpoint what or why is it happening, I saw this thread and kinda got an Idea to ask you about it.
I apologize for the grammatical errors or weird explanations..English is not my main language.

- A bit of info about me so you get what type of person I am.
I am a good friend.
I think I am a good person.
I am a silent person..(I can talk, get a girl etc..but I'm kinda inward oriented)
I think I have below average intellect, and kinda crappy memory.
I was always kinda depressive..a inborn sadness.
I work great under stress (perks of my job)
In the late 40-s, have gf, ok job..
..so:

- I used to be a spiritual person, and a person interested in spiritual growth, loved to dance, play guitar, explored new worlds with mushrooms and dmt.
I started to feel empty around the year dmt stopped working for me as it used to: lost the closed-eye visuals.

As time progressed, I kinda got this feeling like Im loosing my spirituality and becoming kinda empty.
I stopped enjoying things I used to enjoy..heavent touched a guitar in a year, not enjoying music anymore, no interest in going out or having sex.

..now, you could say *depression*, but Im kinda experienced in depression, I know the feeling..where does it lead me..how I feel before and how I feel after..but,
this is not it.
This feels like I am empty inside, without any will to do or enjoy anything..even when Im not sad, I feel empty and tired..not connected to my soul or body.

- The main reason I posted this here is because this is a collective with more opened views, so I wanted to ask, ..for a second, imagine that the problem is not depression, what could it be?
Could the "no closed-eye visuals" be somehow be connected to that? Why do I feel like my spirituality left me, why do I feel like an empty shell?
..anyone felt like that? How long did it last? Got any theories? I am just exploring..

 

[Caminante]

Hormonal changes?; nutritional changes?. Sometimes I tend to ask myself similar questions. I don't know if I'll ever get an answer. As a basis for ruling out other possibilities, I try to eat the best and healthiest food possible, consuming foods that promote the production of serotonin (bitter cocoa, for example). Some physical activity can also surely help. I hope the answer serves you!.

 

[FlagellaStink]

How often do you use psychedelics?

Too much can certainly lead to a lack of visuals, and it can also lead to a feeling of disconnection from the world or yourself. This sounds like a larger issue than just this though, but ultimately a mental one. You're in control of your own mind, and you're responsible for taking care of it. What are you unhappy with in your life? Why do you feel unfulfilled? What is your passion, and what can you do to pursue it? These questions are a start to making changes in your life to make you happier in your mind.

Sometimes these feelings come up for no identifiable reason and you just have to ride the wave until the sun begins to shine through again.

To me, this sounds like a lack of direction in life - the "mid-life crisis" - and you've lost your passion without a solid identity to attach yourself to. Don't dwell on this, because the great news is you can find it once again, and that you are capable of shifting your own perspective on yourself. This will take work, and it will take a desire from you to work towards it. The fact that you reached out means you're already on the path towards recovery.

 

[Afx]

Well, I didn't use them for almost a year..I really did not feel the urge to do so. I'm trying to find the answer for this, because I cannot say that there is a reason that I can pinpoint as the cause of my unhappiness or emptyness, to be exact..I should be happy..or at least ok, but I am not.

Hormonal changes?; nutritional changes?. Sometimes I tend to ask myself similar questions. I don't know if I'll ever get an answer. As a basis for ruling out other possibilities, I try to eat the best and healthiest food possible, consuming foods that promote the production of serotonin (bitter cocoa, for example). Some physical activity can also surely help. I hope the answer serves you!.

Hm, I will look into the production of serotonine. Thank you.

If anyone has something to add, please do..I am open to suggestions.

 

[Caminante]

I forgot to mention that you have to check your testosterone when you reach a certain age. It influences too many things; among them, our mood, sexual desire, etc.
For the rest, I have never been more unhappy than when I have insisted on being happy. The search for happiness makes us very unhappy. In the end, without realizing it, we are pursuing an unreal concept, which is surely imposed on us as a social mandate that is impossible to fulfill (like beauty standards, for example), and which makes our existence bitter. The mind is very complicated and deceives us in very subtle ways. There is a book that talks a little about all these things (it is in pdf on the internet), and that transformed my existence completely, and that I recommend: "I am That", by Nisargadatta Maharaj.
And from a more mundane perspective, a good rest (vacation?), a good trip, getting to know people, places and cultures, can also help a lot, because it takes us out of our daily reality, and the mind focuses completely on new experiences that are happening.
A classic approach as therapy is also the "way of service": helping others, people and/or animals, defending a noble cause, etc., makes the mind open to otherness, and comes out of its self-absorption. Nothing I've said is an unquestionable statement, and it doesn't have to help you. I am only passing on my experience and what has been useful to me, in the hope that it will help you too.

 

[Caminante]

I forgot about psilocybin microdoses! It is a very powerful tool, to be used wisely.
But I would definitely start with a general medical checkup, first.

 

[Subtlevibrations]

Hi @Afx

Sorry to hear you're in a funk. Sounds a bit like a proverbial "dark night" to me.

Before I write too much; have you changed any medications lately? Do you take prescription medication or self medicate daily? Has your regimen changed? I am thinking another substance could be part of your lack of depth when partaking?
Following the biochemical trail, there are some folks who have testable genetic indicators that predispose them to mental health difficulties like depression. You might be surprised how available this type of testing is, if you live in the States anyways.

Regardless, it sounds like you are feeling adrift in the sea of life. This may be a good time to revisit your beliefs, both conscious and unconscious, about life and it's meaning. Life comes in seasons. We have a "winter" now and then.
There are many treasures in the Gita, one of them is this verse:
"In this [spiritual discipline], there is no loss or adverse result, and even a little effort saves a man from the Great Fear."

If I was going to guess, knowing nothing about you besides your post; perhaps your current life situation doesn't exactly align with your values and beliefs, thought and unthought. You are at an age where both the blessings and consequences of life are felt more intensely. Do you feel like you are living in an way that is authentic to who you truly believe yourself to be?
Have you explored talk therapy or self-help oriented therapy such as DBT workbooks?

Peace,
Sv

 

[stinkyfish]

Hi dmtnexus.
I am going through "something" in my life, and I cannot pinpoint what or why is it happening, I saw this thread and kinda got an Idea to ask you about it.
I apologize for the grammatical errors or weird explanations..English is not my main language.

- A bit of info about me so you get what type of person I am.
I am a good friend.
I think I am a good person.
I am a silent person..(I can talk, get a girl etc..but I'm kinda inward oriented)
I think I have below average intellect, and kinda crappy memory.
I was always kinda depressive..a inborn sadness.
I work great under stress (perks of my job)
In the late 40-s, have gf, ok job..
..so:

- I used to be a spiritual person, and a person interested in spiritual growth, loved to dance, play guitar, explored new worlds with mushrooms and dmt.
I started to feel empty around the year dmt stopped working for me as it used to: lost the closed-eye visuals.

As time progressed, I kinda got this feeling like Im loosing my spirituality and becoming kinda empty.
I stopped enjoying things I used to enjoy..heavent touched a guitar in a year, not enjoying music anymore, no interest in going out or having sex.

..now, you could say *depression*, but Im kinda experienced in depression, I know the feeling..where does it lead me..how I feel before and how I feel after..but,
this is not it.
This feels like I am empty inside, without any will to do or enjoy anything..even when Im not sad, I feel empty and tired..not connected to my soul or body.

- The main reason I posted this here is because this is a collective with more opened views, so I wanted to ask, ..for a second, imagine that the problem is not depression, what could it be?
Could the "no closed-eye visuals" be somehow be connected to that? Why do I feel like my spirituality left me, why do I feel like an empty shell?
..anyone felt like that? How long did it last? Got any theories? I am just exploring..

It left me also and does more everyday the more we work. At least that's how it is for me. The more we work the less spiritual we become. The monetary system is disgusting and putrid!!!

 

[Afx]

Hi @Afx
Sounds a bit like a proverbial "dark night" to me.

I read something about that..I guess it is gonna be better?

have you changed any medications lately? Do you take prescription medication or self medicate daily? Has your regimen changed? I am thinking another substance could be part of your lack of depth when partaking?

I never took any medicine, so that could not be it..a headache pill here and there when I need, but nothing else.

I forgot about psilocybin microdoses! It is a very powerful tool, to be used wisely.
But I would definitely start with a general medical checkup, first.

Did the medical on the basics..but it all turned kinda ok, bit lower on the Iron, but It should be ok because Im suplementing it for a while.
Just got the pdf of the book..thnx

The monetary system is disgusting and putrid!!!

True..true..