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/ignore in chat

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elru

elru

Rising Star
OG Pioneer
Could we please have a /ignore option to cause whomever we /ignore to not see our posts and for us to not see theirs in the chat?

I would like to use this when people go on and on about CT. Rather than trying to convince them to stop I would just like to ignore them so I can enjoy a pleasant chat.
 
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I would like to very, very strongly advocate for a regular female chat moderator and nominate Sally and/or elru for immediate consideration.
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Elru is a senior member.

Besides that, i'm not sure what to make of these gender talks. I think it's an outdated concept. There are females more male thann me, and there are males more female than me. That being said, i'm against offering females jobs because of gender..their individual perspective should be what matters. You can't just say that a person of female sex is different because of their sex. Let's not push this into a direction of gender pride. The reason there are more "high ranking" males on the nexus is , that this forum is propably composed of 90% male members.
 
obliguhl said:
I would like to very, very strongly advocate for a regular female chat moderator and nominate Sally and/or elru for immediate consideration.
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Elru is a senior member.

Besides that, i'm not sure what to make of these gender talks. I think it's an outdated concept. There are females more male thann me, and there are males more female than me. That being said, i'm against offering females jobs because of gender..their individual perspective should be what matters. You can't just say that a person of female sex is different because of their sex. Let's not push this into a direction of gender pride. The reason there are more "high ranking" males on the nexus is , that this forum is propably composed of 90% male members.
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Okay, I'll harp a bit. Is it outdated when women are being called cunt in chat?

Is it outdated when a mod says he hears sounds of domestic abuse, a male member says "Did you fuck her?" and male mod replies "Hell yes?"

You see, my point, is that being in the majority, even the most WELL INTENTIONED majority members, gives one a different perspective. In my opinion, a perspective that sees things quite differently from those in the 10%. I do not speak for my gender, just for myself, but I request reasonable thought for this.

Glad to see elru is a senior member. That information is not publicly available. Beginning to move in a good direction here.
 
Okay, I'll harp a bit. Is it outdated when women are being called cunt in chat?

Is it outdated when a mod says he hears sounds of domestic abuse, a male member says "Did you fuck her?" and male mod replies "Hell yes?"
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No, that is horrible (without knowing the context). Not sure if this is a typical male perspective though. All male/female clubs do seem to invite some form of hrsh talk about the other gender it seems. So a strong female presence is a good thing. Still, sometimes i get the feeling that some people are very easily offended by sex talk alone.

Glad to see elru is a senior member. That information is not publicly available.
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It is.. just click on a members name :)
 
Those were two isolated incidences that happened within 72 hours. I do NOT believe that this embodies the current culture of chat nor frankly an ongoing attitude of the male members. I hang out there daily - I have a vague sense of folks and they are good people and very well intentioned.

BUT, I have, personally, noticed some disturbing trends. They are minor imo, but they add up and make for irritability, lack of attendance by cherished members and fear to speak up by others. I'm so sorry it's always me folks, but I'm NEVER gonna shut up. I'm always gonna speak up when I think I perceive something wrong. I'll be the first to admit it may just be my perceptions that are wrong, but I'm still gonna speak up.

I'm not just pulling this stuff out of my rear. Real precipitating events are occurring. I am going to complain when it doesn't feel right. In this context I will not name names.

All I ask is reasonable thought and consideration to the posts I have made here. This began with what I felt was an idea that would have solved this irritation and discomfort factor for a number of people while still allowing members (e.g. males having a good time being one of the guys) their free speech.



btw, there are well over 11,000 current members, I don't know how many female. There are a decent number of female chat participants. I wouldn't have thought to start clicking on individual names to check status. Frankly, though it may make perfect sense, that's really outside the box for the way my mind works.
 
I can't see any reason why promoting a couple of our female members to mod status is not a good idea.

I wonder why you won't accept being a mod Pandora? You are in chat every day, you have a sane and wise head about you, and you seem to genuinely and actively promote what is in the best interest of nexus at all times. Perfect candidate IMO.

P.S. - These words also apply to Elru and I support that choice. I'd also support some of our other female members being promoted to mods but I don't see them in chat as frequently as I see Pandora and Elru.

My $0.02 for what it's worth
 
Well I've always felt the female presence here is one of the absolute very best things about the Nexus, so anything like this (ie female chat-mods) that encourages more female input is a good thing in my book.

I know we don't like "giving jobs because of gender", but a minority group does sometimes need extra protection if it feels threatened by the majority (eg entheogenistas from mainstream society!).

Whether it will actually have any effect on what goes on in the chatroom is another question though.

By the way, I should imagine Enoon is a Senior Member too.
 
I feel the need to chime in here because gender issues are close to my heart.

I don't think the lines are so clear anymore, Pandora. A simple 90/10 breakdown of "male/female" is just too restrictive. I'm a gay male - where do I fit? Should I get upset at the numerous "gay" comments I see in chat? Or, just smack those people crossing the line and let them know it's ignorant?

Where do my lesbian friends fit in? Where do my transgender friends fit in? Should I get upset there's not a regular presence of a lesbian chat mod and a gay chat mod and a transgender chat mod, etc?

I'm not taking sides here, but I just don't think things are as simple as male/female. Ignorant/non-ignorant yes...

You're in a chat with a bunch of 20-something year old males - what kind of behavior do you expect?
 
Pandora said:
Is it outdated when a mod says he hears sounds of domestic abuse, a male member says "Did you fuck her?" and male mod replies "Hell yes?"
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Pandora, this is a gross misinterpretation of what happened. Honestly, I'm really quite disappointed that you didn't read the whole chat buffer to see exactly what context that statement came from.

The conversation went something like this:

I stated that my house wasn't a very trip friendly place because I purged too loud one night and had the cops called on me.

House then stated that where he is, he hears domestic disputes all of the time and no one ever calls the cops.

I stated that I'm in Florida and how the people here can't mind their own business.

House then stated something along the lines that Florida is a bitch.

Then someone asked House if he fucked her, referring to Florida, NOT the domestic dispute person.

I can't fully speak for House, but I have a feeling that he has the same stance as me. Joking about battered women is NOT cool.

Maybe Trav can pull the chat log so you can re-read it in the CORRECT context.
 
Melodic Castrophe,

Very helpful response. Sounds like one of the examples I detailed was out of context.

Okay, wow, thanks for that clarification. You know I did scroll up a bit, though not the entire log.

I mean given all the jokes I hear about FL being America's you know what - I did not come up with that interpretation (the person asking house "did you fuck her?" was in fact referring to the state of FL rather than the female domestic abuse victim) for that text for the life of me. Even in context. Not my brightest moment, I admit.

So, given that I misinterpreted what had been said, it really blew me away, what with my exposure to domestic violence in this building where I live (we have had a number of rather ugly 911 incidences over the years) to see that appear in chat less than 72 hours after the previous really rude and (from my perspective) woman-hostile incident.

I hope you can understand why I interpreted that the way I did. I really appreciate your clarification here.






Although Nexus chat is populated by a majority who identify as hetero Euro male aged 18-24, it is immensely more diverse than that. The chat, given its' small number of regular participants and occasional visitors relative to the Forum, embodies a tremendous amount of human diversity currently, along all lines of race, gender identification (not just 2 you know!), sexuality, abilities, ages, education, beliefs, etc. Much more so than the Forum imo.

a1pha, you made some GREAT points.There is clearly no easy solution. I just hope to achieve a tad more respect for everyone in the chat. I cannot help but remember what the attitude link says, "We respect each other and support each other, because we know that anyone willing to make these journeys automatically deserves respect and support." I want folks to remember that this means ALL women, ALL gays, ALL minorities, ALL (any difference), all the time in chat. It's not that hard. It is simple human respect. Like Mom taught me. But for EVERYONE. Seems like we've been spiraling down a bit in this department lately. And as I am sure you know, different people from different backgrounds, have different perspectives. I'm glad you spoke up.


I thought /ignore would help but it was nixxed and I respect that.

But I RAIL against what I feel that leaves me with. Whether well-intentioned majority members perceive it or not, there's some funky stuff going on at times and I suspect that more diversity in chat moderators could help to encourage this universal human respect that is sometimes lacking. I'm always gonna speak up against what I feel is wrong.

I apologize if this increases discomfort, but I do believe in speaking up.
 
It's no worries Pandora, I can understand where you are coming from.

Please realize the true value in this little situation we had here.
Always try to get the full story before jumping to conclusions.

I mean seriously, even though we haven't spoken very much, I was kinda hurt that you would assume that I would joke about something like that. I do my best to present myself with Love, Peace, Respect and Integrity. And I don't know House very well but I would be VERY surprised to hear him joking about battered women in the way you described. He has too much Love and Integrity as well. At least that's the vibe I get from him.

Anyways... I'm glad I could shed some light on the matter and I hope you don't take this response the wrong way.

<3
 
a1pha said:
You're in a chat with a bunch of 20-something year old males - what kind of behavior do you expect?
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That is sort of how I feel about it and why I just dont go in there nearly as much as I used to. If I have questions I go in there or if I randomly log in and end up talking to certain people. But in general, it is just not the level of discussion I would be interested in. Then again I dont really like loud parties where I have to talk over 100 other people while hearing random parts of other conversations I dont care about at the same time..so maybe it is just me.
 
fractal enchantment said:
Then again I dont really like loud parties where I have to talk over 100 other people while hearing random parts of other conversations I dont care about at the same time..so maybe it is just me.
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Yeah, this resonates with me as well.

Maybe the solution would be to make another room or two. I was thinking that a dedicated extraction chat would be helpful. Sometimes it's hard to give/receive extraction advice with everything else going on.

Another room could be for our more mature members and any kind of unwelcome horse play would be dealt with accordingly.
 
Pandora said:
Ooh Melodic Catastrophe, I didn't think you had anything to do with that incident. I saw you and Purges talking about purging and Florida and thought nothing of it. Sorry that my misinterpretation caused that ripple. Not good.
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((Hugss))
 
fractal enchantment said:
a1pha said:
You're in a chat with a bunch of 20-something year old males - what kind of behavior do you expect?
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That is sort of how I feel about it and why I just dont go in there nearly as much as I used to. If I have questions I go in there or if I randomly log in and end up talking to certain people. But in general, it is just not the level of discussion I would be interested in. Then again I dont really like loud parties where I have to talk over 100 other people while hearing random parts of other conversations I dont care about at the same time..so maybe it is just me.
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I remember not so long ago when you would spend the better part of every day in chat, before you and minxx got together. Don't get me wrong I think it's great that you are out there living your life instead of spending all day staring at a computer screen, much respect for that. But I'm kind of surprised by your abrupt change in attitude about the chat saying that it's no longer on the level of discussion you wish to partake in when just, oh say 6 months or so ago you were a staple in the chat.

to be honest I kinda miss having you around and rather enjoyed conversing with you in there.
 
I stopped comming into the chat before I had ever even met minxx, due to certain things that went on in there at one point that I dont wish to discuss right now. It had/has nothing to do with anything other than certain sitautions that were directly related to my experience being in there. I have gone in after that periodically but I just dont feel any real desire to frequent it anymore like I used to after what I experienced in there.
 
I think its a great idea to have either pandora or elru as a chat moderator. I'm in there quite a bit and see no reason why either of them wouldn't be able to do that job very well.
 
I am very happy with the way this resolved and am very hopeful of improvement. Many mods have been added in chat, including a very strong push for diversity by Traveler by adding a1pha, elru, Enoon and Sally.

I just want to say I SINCERELY hope I will see mods and folks act up and speak up. Complacency allows ignorance, hurt and hate to only grow. Please don't just sit by and squirm if you feel uncomfortable and are not in majority opinion or group. If someone is being incredibly rude, disrespectful or trollish, please do not hesitate to call them (loudly and frequently) on that behavior and if you are a mod, please just kick them right out if they do not respond to your warnings. If you kick me out I can return soon afterwards - it is not permanent. Perhaps upon my return my attitude will have cooled a bit.
 
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