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Im done here
- Thread starter Akmida
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Hey.
Talk to us.
I can understand these feelings, quite well. Can you tell us what is going on in your life to make you feel this way?
Please if you don't want to post here and are able to, pm me.
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Talk to us.
I can understand these feelings, quite well. Can you tell us what is going on in your life to make you feel this way?
Please if you don't want to post here and are able to, pm me.
Mods, if nursery members are unable to pm, can this member have temporary access to?
Jin
yes
when enlightenment is very close it can feel like this ,
........relax into it
life is just a trip ........there are good trips and bad trips ......but no matter what , ride it out
ride it out , just like a overwhelming entheogenic experience
relax into it ,
edit :
most importantly ...... know this
good trips can turn into bad trips
bad trips can turn into good trips
things change
everything is changing all the time
........relax into it
life is just a trip ........there are good trips and bad trips ......but no matter what , ride it out
ride it out , just like a overwhelming entheogenic experience
relax into it ,
edit :
most importantly ...... know this
good trips can turn into bad trips
bad trips can turn into good trips
things change
everything is changing all the time
Running Bear
Rising Star
Akmida there really is help out there. I've been there myself and now things couldn't be any better. Please don't give up. You wouldn't only be hurting yourself but hurting the people around you.
Running Bear
Rising Star
Im not feeling alive.
And thats a while, im feeling this way.
I dont like me. Cause in a normal day, im triying to avoid to talk to people, because i dont know how to have a conversation. And if there happend something awesome to me, im like the biggest asshole i know. Im feeling like im better then every other else i know.
Beside of that, i really dont know how to act like a human.
Im such a weirdo and i dont have many friends, because no one understands me. Actually, im ok with that. But since our society is like "u have to connect to people", im feeling not comfortable.
Otherwise, i dont know what to do in that Reality.
Its feeling not real to me.
I remember, as a kid, i thought when im getting older, the Reality will change, but it doesnt.
I've got Dreams like luzid ones and normal ones, they fell more realistic, then this Reality...
Im 25, and Cannabis was the tool to Open my mind.
I know, it sounds wierd, but im very sensitive and cannabis can make me go spirutual.
There was this ONE Time, i thought i would break to matter, so like a breaktrough, without knowing there is sonething, thats called a breakthrough experience, when you do for example DMT. I smoked cannabis before i kneew DMT.
I dont like the life of a human being.
I dont like how wie use to think or get our stuff done.
Ive got THE feeling, that there where a place before i was born and i was too short there, because i Miss this place.
As a kid i also didnt thought this life were real. I was asking my self very often "is this real?"
I think this Place, before i was Born, was my actual home and now i want to go back. I realy dont like this experience.
And thats a while, im feeling this way.
I dont like me. Cause in a normal day, im triying to avoid to talk to people, because i dont know how to have a conversation. And if there happend something awesome to me, im like the biggest asshole i know. Im feeling like im better then every other else i know.
Beside of that, i really dont know how to act like a human.
Im such a weirdo and i dont have many friends, because no one understands me. Actually, im ok with that. But since our society is like "u have to connect to people", im feeling not comfortable.
Otherwise, i dont know what to do in that Reality.
Its feeling not real to me.
I remember, as a kid, i thought when im getting older, the Reality will change, but it doesnt.
I've got Dreams like luzid ones and normal ones, they fell more realistic, then this Reality...
Im 25, and Cannabis was the tool to Open my mind.
I know, it sounds wierd, but im very sensitive and cannabis can make me go spirutual.
There was this ONE Time, i thought i would break to matter, so like a breaktrough, without knowing there is sonething, thats called a breakthrough experience, when you do for example DMT. I smoked cannabis before i kneew DMT.
I dont like the life of a human being.
I dont like how wie use to think or get our stuff done.
Ive got THE feeling, that there where a place before i was born and i was too short there, because i Miss this place.
As a kid i also didnt thought this life were real. I was asking my self very often "is this real?"
I think this Place, before i was Born, was my actual home and now i want to go back. I realy dont like this experience.
Running Bear
Rising Star
We understand you. You have friends now.
Running Bear
Rising Star
You have friends here. Virtual only in the sense that we are behind computer screens, I can honestly tell You that this community has helped me through many tough times. Give it a chance.
You and I sound very similar. You may very well be weird, but I tell ya, that's a good tHing. I am quite the misanthrope too, don't really like people and spend most of my time alone. And yes, I can be a real jerk too. What I have found to be of the greatest service to me is to be in service to others.
In my town, some friends began a meetup group to discuss transformative entheogen experience and a little over a year later we have over 500 members and we now have twice monthly topic meetings, host speakers regularly and are preparing to partner with another non profit group working towards the goals this site promotes. Being a primary organizer of this group giVes me purpose and hooks me accountable for my self. Look outside the constraints of what folks tell you can and cannot, should and should not be done. Dream and reach for them.
Lifting yourself up out of despair can seem impossible, but take baby steps. Make positive changes in lifestyle; diet and exercise are very important to a well functioning and balanced mind. When I'm down like that, getting up can be the hardest thing to do but once you do you will gain momentum.
There's a lot more to say, and really, pm me if you'd like to talk. I'll even give you a (safe) email address if you'd like. I'm sorry this post isn't the most eloquent thing I've ever written, im very tired, lol.
25 can be a tough place to be with so many expectations and hopes and so much resistance to them. You'll get through it.
Let me leave yiu with this. I attempted suicide twice in my 30s faiLing both times, once bring miraculously saved. Even in my toughest days I'm so grateful for those failures. On the good ones even more so. And I can tell you some other things that will make you think twice about it being am effective, or even a, way to escape pain. It will only make it worse. And if you do that the agony the act inflicts on those left...
I can't tell you its all going to be better real soon, you may have a few more miles of hell to trudge through but I can tell you that you are worth it. This world needs more people like you, questioNing the status quo and trying to grow in ways you aren't trained to do.
We are here we love you and want to hear more from you, we want to hear from you as you mange your way thru this.
And that's what you have to do. Can't go around it, can't go over it, you just gotta go through it.
Peace and please be good to YOU.
And again, you're welcome to pm me.
You and I sound very similar. You may very well be weird, but I tell ya, that's a good tHing. I am quite the misanthrope too, don't really like people and spend most of my time alone. And yes, I can be a real jerk too. What I have found to be of the greatest service to me is to be in service to others.
In my town, some friends began a meetup group to discuss transformative entheogen experience and a little over a year later we have over 500 members and we now have twice monthly topic meetings, host speakers regularly and are preparing to partner with another non profit group working towards the goals this site promotes. Being a primary organizer of this group giVes me purpose and hooks me accountable for my self. Look outside the constraints of what folks tell you can and cannot, should and should not be done. Dream and reach for them.
Lifting yourself up out of despair can seem impossible, but take baby steps. Make positive changes in lifestyle; diet and exercise are very important to a well functioning and balanced mind. When I'm down like that, getting up can be the hardest thing to do but once you do you will gain momentum.
There's a lot more to say, and really, pm me if you'd like to talk. I'll even give you a (safe) email address if you'd like. I'm sorry this post isn't the most eloquent thing I've ever written, im very tired, lol.
25 can be a tough place to be with so many expectations and hopes and so much resistance to them. You'll get through it.
Let me leave yiu with this. I attempted suicide twice in my 30s faiLing both times, once bring miraculously saved. Even in my toughest days I'm so grateful for those failures. On the good ones even more so. And I can tell you some other things that will make you think twice about it being am effective, or even a, way to escape pain. It will only make it worse. And if you do that the agony the act inflicts on those left...
I can't tell you its all going to be better real soon, you may have a few more miles of hell to trudge through but I can tell you that you are worth it. This world needs more people like you, questioNing the status quo and trying to grow in ways you aren't trained to do.
We are here we love you and want to hear more from you, we want to hear from you as you mange your way thru this.
And that's what you have to do. Can't go around it, can't go over it, you just gotta go through it.
Peace and please be good to YOU.
And again, you're welcome to pm me.
DmnStr8
Come what may
Take a step back from how you are feeling in this moment Akmida.
Look at it.. feel it all.. don't avoid it. You are on the edge of two ways of thinking. You are thinking that you don't belong here. You don't fit in you say. You are expressing that you feel uncomfortable here in this reality. All these feelings and thoughts are completely normal for a sane person. You are not alone in this. Many people have been down that road.
Jiddu Krishnamurti stated that it is no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society. Think about that. Take some solace in knowing that you see more than most. You feel something is wrong. Don't take it out on yourself for your insights. Don't beat yourself for not fitting into the mold. You can take your feelings and thoughts and turn them into something new.
You have every right to feel the way that you do in this moment. Try and look at yourself from another perspective. Give yourself more credit. You connect with people in ways that you cannot see. You matter in so many ways. You may not see this now but it is true. We all bring something to the table. Your perceptions at this time are an awakening on many levels. It can be very uncomfortable. Use this time to change for the positive. Use this struggle to make yourself stronger.
If you don't like this experience then choose to change your experience. Create what you want to see in your life. Dream awake. Enable to really find what you want in life you must create it for yourself. You have to believe that you can create it for yourself. The responsibility is yours alone. If you want to connect with people then imagine that you do. If you want to be happy then imagine that you already are. First you have to accept your current thoughts and feelings. Take a look and decide if this is the way you want to think and feel in this life. If not, then change the way you are thinking. Choose to be happy. Choose to connect. It is entirely up to you.
I think it is good that you are expressing yourself here. You took the time to attempt a connection in this medium. Here you are connecting with people. We feel you. We see you. We connect with you. Express yourself more here. Many people can read your words and relate. This conversation can be helpful to not only you but many others who read of your struggles.
I know you will find a way out of the suffering. Listen to the positive within you and create the life you want. Create the world you want to live in. We are all creating this world together.
I wish you luck in your facing your problems head on. You can do this my friend!! You have support here to help you through this difficult time in your life.
Peace.
Some resources for you if needed -> 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Suicide prevention hotline -> 1-800-273-8255
Look at it.. feel it all.. don't avoid it. You are on the edge of two ways of thinking. You are thinking that you don't belong here. You don't fit in you say. You are expressing that you feel uncomfortable here in this reality. All these feelings and thoughts are completely normal for a sane person. You are not alone in this. Many people have been down that road.
Jiddu Krishnamurti stated that it is no measure of health to be well adjusted in a profoundly sick society. Think about that. Take some solace in knowing that you see more than most. You feel something is wrong. Don't take it out on yourself for your insights. Don't beat yourself for not fitting into the mold. You can take your feelings and thoughts and turn them into something new.
You have every right to feel the way that you do in this moment. Try and look at yourself from another perspective. Give yourself more credit. You connect with people in ways that you cannot see. You matter in so many ways. You may not see this now but it is true. We all bring something to the table. Your perceptions at this time are an awakening on many levels. It can be very uncomfortable. Use this time to change for the positive. Use this struggle to make yourself stronger.
If you don't like this experience then choose to change your experience. Create what you want to see in your life. Dream awake. Enable to really find what you want in life you must create it for yourself. You have to believe that you can create it for yourself. The responsibility is yours alone. If you want to connect with people then imagine that you do. If you want to be happy then imagine that you already are. First you have to accept your current thoughts and feelings. Take a look and decide if this is the way you want to think and feel in this life. If not, then change the way you are thinking. Choose to be happy. Choose to connect. It is entirely up to you.
I think it is good that you are expressing yourself here. You took the time to attempt a connection in this medium. Here you are connecting with people. We feel you. We see you. We connect with you. Express yourself more here. Many people can read your words and relate. This conversation can be helpful to not only you but many others who read of your struggles.
I know you will find a way out of the suffering. Listen to the positive within you and create the life you want. Create the world you want to live in. We are all creating this world together.
I wish you luck in your facing your problems head on. You can do this my friend!! You have support here to help you through this difficult time in your life.
Peace.
Some resources for you if needed -> 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Suicide prevention hotline -> 1-800-273-8255
Koornut
Rising Star
Hypersensitivity to cannabis can be a blessing when complemented with a steady yoga practice. Especially if you find yourself spiritually inclined when under the influence. It feels a little goofy at first, but persistence is the key. The trick is to close your eyes, listen to the instructor intently, and forget you're on a planet while in the class.
This, above all other techniques, I have found to be the only thing to counteract the 'super heady-ness' that cannabis can often cause, it brings you into a more harmonious relationship with your body.
This, above all other techniques, I have found to be the only thing to counteract the 'super heady-ness' that cannabis can often cause, it brings you into a more harmonious relationship with your body.
Sounds like you're in the middle of a depression. Do you smoke cannabis daily?
If so, try to cut down for a couple of weeks. Cannabis to me is like a bless but in episodes of daily use, I easily can feel the start of depression sneaking in. At that point I always cut back on use.
Try to accept yourself for who you are. Also keep in mind that all those ' connections ' people make via social media are not what friendships are about. Most people have only 1-3 really close friends, the rest are superficial relationships.
Keep strong!
If so, try to cut down for a couple of weeks. Cannabis to me is like a bless but in episodes of daily use, I easily can feel the start of depression sneaking in. At that point I always cut back on use.
Try to accept yourself for who you are. Also keep in mind that all those ' connections ' people make via social media are not what friendships are about. Most people have only 1-3 really close friends, the rest are superficial relationships.
Keep strong!
Yes.
But in this case, the problem lies in human consciousness itself...to feel alienated from your own cognitive processes, no? I get this too from time to time. The way i process thinking, feeling, breathing, eating...pooping ...i grow tired of it.
That's why i believe that we need to take a break from our consciousness from time to time.
Have you visited the dmt nexus chat?
Alles gute!
Psykronom
Rising Star
Akmida.
I too have a history of severe depression, with way too many years thrown away on drugs and pure blackness. I tried suicide once, and failed and today I am so glad that I did!
I don't know you, or your history but from one fellow being to another, please give tomorrow a chance. Then give the next day a chance.
As another member here pointed out, small baby steps in the opposite direction from where you are now can make all the difference.
Try finding a way to take a break from yourself without finnishing youself.
Have you got someone who you trust and whom you feel safe with?
You must not feel that you are a burdon to the people that love you, now is the time to cash in and let their love and compassion help you whether its a family member or a friend!
I wish you all the best my friend
I too have a history of severe depression, with way too many years thrown away on drugs and pure blackness. I tried suicide once, and failed and today I am so glad that I did!
I don't know you, or your history but from one fellow being to another, please give tomorrow a chance. Then give the next day a chance.
As another member here pointed out, small baby steps in the opposite direction from where you are now can make all the difference.
Try finding a way to take a break from yourself without finnishing youself.
Have you got someone who you trust and whom you feel safe with?
You must not feel that you are a burdon to the people that love you, now is the time to cash in and let their love and compassion help you whether its a family member or a friend!
I wish you all the best my friend
EssCee
Rising Star
1. You are ok, honestly.
2. Everyone has the "grandeur" and "I am the biggest jerk I know" feeling.
3. There is no rush.
Do me a favor, once a day if you can sit with the sunlight on your eyelids. At first, keep your eyes open know who you are, what you like, what you don't like, where you are.
Then close them and relax, for the next 3-4 minutes try to look at the back of your eyelids and pay attention to every sound and how the wind feels.
When you are done, just go on with your day. Do that 2-3 times a day for 2-3 days. Think about your goals, and begin to focus on what is keeping you from them.
Over a small amount of time, this "forgetting everything" by concentrating on everything may give your mind some time to work on the things you are trying to get through now.
Much love man. Good luck.
2. Everyone has the "grandeur" and "I am the biggest jerk I know" feeling.
3. There is no rush.
Do me a favor, once a day if you can sit with the sunlight on your eyelids. At first, keep your eyes open know who you are, what you like, what you don't like, where you are.
Then close them and relax, for the next 3-4 minutes try to look at the back of your eyelids and pay attention to every sound and how the wind feels.
When you are done, just go on with your day. Do that 2-3 times a day for 2-3 days. Think about your goals, and begin to focus on what is keeping you from them.
Over a small amount of time, this "forgetting everything" by concentrating on everything may give your mind some time to work on the things you are trying to get through now.
Much love man. Good luck.
really think of it, do you really know anything of how we came here or where we will go? i believe you will be back here, right here, nothing will change, if you are tired, if you "want" to go then you will not pass you will be thrown back here.. mortals are not welcome there.
you have to ride it all the way out, that's the only way home, at some point maybe after many eternities where nothing is pushing you anymore, you close your eyes and you leave.
i'm sorry i know it's hard
you have to ride it all the way out, that's the only way home, at some point maybe after many eternities where nothing is pushing you anymore, you close your eyes and you leave.
i'm sorry i know it's hard
someblackguy
Rising Star
Desiderata
Geh deinen Weg gelassen im Lärm und in der Hektik dieser Zeit,
und behalte im Sinn den Frieden, der in der Stille wohnt.
Bemühe dich, mit allen Menschen auszukommen, soweit es möglich ist,
ohne dich selbst aufzugeben.
Sprich das, was du als wahr erkannt hast, gelassen und klar aus,
und höre anderen Menschen zu,
auch den Langweiligen und Unwissenden, denn auch sie haben etwas zu sagen.
Meide aufdringliche und aggressive Menschen,
denn sie sind ein Aergernis fuer den Geist.
Vergleiche dich nicht mit anderen, damit du nicht eitel und bitter wirst,
denn es wird immer Menschen geben, die größer sind als du,
und Menschen, die geringer sind.
Erfreue dich an dem, was du schon erreicht hast, wie auch an deinen Plänen.
Bleibe an deinem beruflichen Fortkommen interessiert,
wie bescheiden es auch sein mag;
es ist ein echter Besitz in den Wechselfällen der Zeit.
Sei vorsichtig in deinen geschäftlichen Angelegenheiten,
denn die Welt ist voller Trug.
Lass dich jedoch dadurch nicht blind machen für die Tugend, die dir begegnet.
Viele Menschen haben hohe Ideale, und wo du auch hinsiehst,
ereignet sich im Leben Heldenhaftes.
Sei du selbst, und was ganz wichtig ist, täusche keine Zuneigung vor.
Hüte dich davor, der Liebe zynisch zu begegnen,
denn trotz aller Dürreperioden und Enttäuschungen
ist sie beständig wie das Gras.
Nimm den Rat, den dir die Lebensjahre geben, freundlich an,
und lass mit Würde ab von dem, was zur Jugendzeit gehört.
Stärke die Kraft deines Geistes, so dass sie dich schützt,
wenn ein Schicksalsschlag dich trifft.
Doch halte deine Phantasie im Zaum, damit sie dich nicht in Sorge versetzt.
Viele Aengste wurzeln in Erschöpfung und Einsamkeit.
Uebe gesunde Selbstdisziplin, doch vor allem sei gut zu dir.
Du bist ein Kind des Universums, nicht weniger als die Bäume und die Sterne:
Du hast ein Recht da zu sein.
Und ob es dir nun bewusst ist oder nicht,
das Universum entfaltet sich ganz sicher so, wie es ihm bestimmt ist.
Lebe daher in Frieden mit Gott, wie auch immer du ihn dir vorstellst.
Und worauf du deine Anstrengungen auch richtest,
was es auch ist, das du erstrebst, im lärmenden Durcheinander des Lebens,
sei mit dir selbst im Reinen.
Trotz allen Trugs, aller Mühsal und aller zerbrochenen Träume
ist die Welt doch wunderschön.
Lebe glücklich darin und nutze deine Zeit.
...Sie sind noch nicht fertig. Willkommen zum Nexus.
Geh deinen Weg gelassen im Lärm und in der Hektik dieser Zeit,
und behalte im Sinn den Frieden, der in der Stille wohnt.
Bemühe dich, mit allen Menschen auszukommen, soweit es möglich ist,
ohne dich selbst aufzugeben.
Sprich das, was du als wahr erkannt hast, gelassen und klar aus,
und höre anderen Menschen zu,
auch den Langweiligen und Unwissenden, denn auch sie haben etwas zu sagen.
Meide aufdringliche und aggressive Menschen,
denn sie sind ein Aergernis fuer den Geist.
Vergleiche dich nicht mit anderen, damit du nicht eitel und bitter wirst,
denn es wird immer Menschen geben, die größer sind als du,
und Menschen, die geringer sind.
Erfreue dich an dem, was du schon erreicht hast, wie auch an deinen Plänen.
Bleibe an deinem beruflichen Fortkommen interessiert,
wie bescheiden es auch sein mag;
es ist ein echter Besitz in den Wechselfällen der Zeit.
Sei vorsichtig in deinen geschäftlichen Angelegenheiten,
denn die Welt ist voller Trug.
Lass dich jedoch dadurch nicht blind machen für die Tugend, die dir begegnet.
Viele Menschen haben hohe Ideale, und wo du auch hinsiehst,
ereignet sich im Leben Heldenhaftes.
Sei du selbst, und was ganz wichtig ist, täusche keine Zuneigung vor.
Hüte dich davor, der Liebe zynisch zu begegnen,
denn trotz aller Dürreperioden und Enttäuschungen
ist sie beständig wie das Gras.
Nimm den Rat, den dir die Lebensjahre geben, freundlich an,
und lass mit Würde ab von dem, was zur Jugendzeit gehört.
Stärke die Kraft deines Geistes, so dass sie dich schützt,
wenn ein Schicksalsschlag dich trifft.
Doch halte deine Phantasie im Zaum, damit sie dich nicht in Sorge versetzt.
Viele Aengste wurzeln in Erschöpfung und Einsamkeit.
Uebe gesunde Selbstdisziplin, doch vor allem sei gut zu dir.
Du bist ein Kind des Universums, nicht weniger als die Bäume und die Sterne:
Du hast ein Recht da zu sein.
Und ob es dir nun bewusst ist oder nicht,
das Universum entfaltet sich ganz sicher so, wie es ihm bestimmt ist.
Lebe daher in Frieden mit Gott, wie auch immer du ihn dir vorstellst.
Und worauf du deine Anstrengungen auch richtest,
was es auch ist, das du erstrebst, im lärmenden Durcheinander des Lebens,
sei mit dir selbst im Reinen.
Trotz allen Trugs, aller Mühsal und aller zerbrochenen Träume
ist die Welt doch wunderschön.
Lebe glücklich darin und nutze deine Zeit.
...Sie sind noch nicht fertig. Willkommen zum Nexus.
Psilociraptor
Rising Star
Bud suicide will not take you back home. Home is here and now when you so decide it to be. I spent the past 15 years or so with severe depression, slowly losing friends. Then came drug addiction and more friends were lost. Then came lyme disease and I have almost no friends at this point. But honestly man, something in there saved me. It wasn't anything that was given to me. It wasn't any dramatic change to my external environment or my situation. But some little glimpse of divine beauty. Nothing the world had ever offered me spoke as loudly as this one and I have spent every day since cultivating a relationship with it. I wish I had the words to share it with you, but all I can say is sometimes you have to hit the very bottom before you can turn things around. But when you hit the bottom you have to be still and listen. Let go of the noise inside your head and let the world reach you. There is an inherent intelligence in all things that will guide you if you let it. For me it helped me identify everything that was toxic in my life from my eating and lifestyle habits, to my living situation, drug use, relationships, career choices, etc. And I found that redefining my relationship to these different aspects of my life helps bring me closer to that center where paradise exists. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful, but all I'm saying is your depression is part of a process. You can end that process abruptly or stick it through for the transformation. I will not judge your choice, but I am glad to have chosen "love" myself. It has brought me to unspeakable places out of what seemed like total despair
