blacksarcophagus
Esteemed member
This version was edited afterwards for readability, but it is based on the live notes I took during the trip.
The start
18 g of Mexicana truffles as a lemon tek, alone.
Soaked them for about 40 minutes before ingestion.
Prepped the room: dark room, windows shut, lamp in the corner, incense to purify the space, yoga mat and meditation pillow ready.
I drink about half of the lemon tek and eat half of the truffles soaked in it. They're very hard to get down, and I have to drink a huge amount of liquid just to manage it. Right away I get a strong stomach ache, as if I'm about to vomit.
10 minutes in
Bucket ready just in case, and I want to wait for the nausea to pass before taking the rest. Ten minutes have gone by since I started drinking and I feel nothing but the stomach ache.
22 minutes
The nausea is bad and I'm spitting constantly. At 22 minutes I'm still spitting.
30 minutes
The nausea is strong, but my perception has shifted slightly and my mind feels more present. That's all, and I keep spitting.
I'm not sure that amount will be enough for a breakthrough dose. It's Mexicana, supposedly a weak strain, and I hope those won't turn out to be famous last words. I also went into this trip not with much of a spiritual focus this time.
The nausea stays the same, neither better nor worse, and I keep spitting.
40 minutes
For a while I have the sensation that things are breathing, like the blanket, and then it stops. I'm still nauseous, especially when I move. I try closing my eyes and it makes me want to throw up even more, and lying on my side makes the retching worse too.
Nausea intensifies and I feel cold. My mouth starts to vibrate, as if it were numb.
50 minutes
I'm under the blankets, warm, and it feels slightly better, but I'm still spitting and I feel no particular effect. Did I really trip for nothing, just to get sick? Then I notice that if I don't move, it's okay.
The come-up
Holy f§§k.
I'm laying down in the blankets and I can swallow my saliva easily again, and with my eyes closed the visions start: powerful, emerging, beautiful symbolic imagery and scenery.
I remember a cartoonish three-faced monkey creature while I'm thinking about the nature of the self. Then come constantly changing lines forming different human faces... as if to tell me that the real nature of the self is illusory, constantly transforming, taking new shapes... but nothing stable.
Beautiful psychedelic art just flowing with my eyes closed.
REM-like third-eye visions were about to start, but they were blocked by a stop in my chest, the heart chakra. I felt the blockage energetically.
There's a vision of bipedal creatures, different from us, with hands, technology of their own.... their brain physically split in two and separate... two brains... the head shape like a hammer head shark more or less. Feeling like I'm having a glimpse of real conscious creatures from a far-away planet. They trip on psilocybin too.
Immense cherubin all-eyes creature.
I also feel my mind constantly trying to describe everything, as if to report it. That's an obstacle, and I need to let go of the verbal mind.
I feel called, as if the psychedelic yoga might be starting.
I'm doing a "fentanyl collapsing" thing, slumping at random. Trying to get myself back in a respectable posture and not taking the slumping too far.
I have a strange vision of an immense sandstorm approaching and the knowledge that will be the extinction of humankind. Like the last humans will die like that.
I seem to be moving through dark tunnels, the inside of the human body, or maybe inside energy channels.
The mirror
I begin to look at myself in the mirror, and the visions vary. I realize that I don't accept myself as I am: I always want to be more this, more that, never enough. I realize that my image of myself isn't updated to the present. I see myself as younger, an adolescent, weaker than I'm perceived from the outside.
When I stare into my own eyes, after a while the distortions begin. My eyes do spontaneous things. One of them closes or half closes, and where I'm looking changes. My gaze doubles, and various other things happen. I see myself wearing a white mask. Then half of my face is a wolf. Then an owl like face.
The floor
Everything is fine, with a general lightness. I need to pee, but waves of "eyes half-closing and visions" keep arriving. Standing up, I feel total relaxation, and if I fix my gaze on something I now see outer visions, with my eyes open, of patterns and so on. I notice I'm off balance, so I go back and sit on the floor on the yoga mat.
I look at a tile, a corpse skeleton pattern forms.
Why does the floor always lead to devilish visions, to death? It happened also last trip, when I focused on the ground.
Now I'm smiling, light, and in witness mode, as I was in the previous trip.
In an earlier wave there was also a vision of having to fight myself: my inner self, seen as another me, opposing the letting go. Maybe ego death?
I imagine a fight to myself and the idea I could actually tripping so hard and start to hurt myself (like in fight club). The idea makes me laugh.
Psychedelic Yoga
I'm trying to remember and describe everything, and I can't let go of the verbal mind.
Spontaneous psychedelic yoga.
Sarvangasana and various explorations of this position.
Insights on sexual energy and energy perception on psilocybin.
Vision of an alien robotic microchip-like, insect-like creature with a DMT-like vortex-producing thing in the center, as if they're doing something to me from far above/away. Just a glimpse.
Back to the mirror
Something about power in the right eye: when I raise my eyebrow i see a kaleidoscopic DMT vortex appearing out of my right eye. It's surprisingly consistent, stops when my eyebrow is down, activate when is up. Maybe it's a portal, or some sort of power / siddhi.
I keep watching myself in the mirror, with little smiles. I wonder what I look like, what animal I look like. Earlier I asked for a guide, so maybe this is how you get your spirit animal.
I made a joke in the dmt-nexus chat and I'm laughing a lot. Pretending to be possessed by someone else.
Is this the trickster archetype? Reflection on the trickster archetype, which has always be very strong in me, especially as a child.
In general, the whole journey has been very Jungian.
2 hours 30
Without headphones and music, everything changes.
In the mirror, I see hardness in my eyes and realize the hardness might be a manifestation of sorrow.
2 hours 50
I start meditating in front of the mirror, with a lot of introspection.
Deep breath, surprisingly clear mind. All of this, as always, spontaneous.
I use a specific mudra: my left hand embraces my right thumb, and my right hand embraces and protects my left. It radiates extreme heat through my whole body. I feel I've entered an inner space where the voice of wisdom is present, with answers. Maybe it still is. I realize that I have never had outside mentors, but I have always had a connection to this inner voice. Inner guru.
Upon researching online while editing this, it seems to be the Raj Kriya Mudra... but there's only one source on the entire internet and very little information.
kind of like this:
It really feels like being in a special place I could only access after three hours of riding visions and other stuff... like I'm in the presence of a deep ancient wisdom... coming from within.
I get answers to all the questions I had, or rather, the thing troubling my mind.
On my back pain, the answer is to get it checked, and not to try to treat it myself to save money. Taking care of yourself and valuing yourself means spending money to fix health issue. (post-note: i know, that should be common sense)
On accepting myself: I want the small imperfections to be different, and each time they send signals of rejection and of not being enough, unconsciously... so I guess learn to accept you as you are?
I feel the block in my chest and throat, but again I don't cry.
On my wife, I almost cry, but I don't. Won't get into the specifics. But the insights is beautiful: in life and for the people around me, be like a sun that radiates warmth, like water that nourishes, like a breath of fresh oxygen. You nourish the others and help them grow, seeing them as flowers. The people around me are flowers that I either nourish or poison.
Then strange phenomena. I see "Islamic" art style visions and think of "Allah", and I realize that religions, and stories in general, are entities, maybe egregores. It's as if the entity of Islam is there, watching that space, and maybe wants to try to "take" me. I ignore it and go back to the center, and it goes away.
About the center and the nature of the self: it's like a void, a magnetic one, with spheres of different colors around it, the archetypes or parts of the self. There is almost always one at the center of that void, piloting. But at that moment I see them from the outside, surrounding that void at the center. So I am that void, or can I be that void?
I'm that void but I can wear masks and identify with the mask?
I ask about money, what to do about the money situation. I feel as if "eyes" open and look at me... like external entities start to check what's going on here, attracted by the topic money... like parasitic entities ready to jump in.
I ignore them. No answer comes, I lose the signal with that place, and I recognize that I'm coming down.
My vision and perception are still distorted. I think that I should start looking at things in terms of balance and equilibriums.
Coming down
Maybe I should eat something. Over in the other room there's some left over: a hybrid of lemon tek and tea, and a good amount of truffles that have been soaking for hours. Since it's only 2 p.m. and the day is dedicated to this, I want to finish it, but I want to avoid another hour of nausea.
I keep craving them, the mystical experiences.
I sense that there are levels here. I don't know how other people reach certain states or experiences right away, like the dissolution of the ego or union with the all. For me, what comes are practical suggestions about real problems, and important introspection. Maybe it's because of my blocks? The block in my chest appeared at the beginning and again at the end: chest and throat chakras blocked. The energy below the chest I feel flowing.
Unlike the last time, I don't feel the desire to read texts or anything else. Maybe because I haven't had a mystical experience? Or rather, this time it isn't my first time and I know how to navigate that "yogic" state.
I eat something.
While I eat it I have a really good conversation in the dmt-nexus chat with two users.
I decide to drink the leftover lemon tek at about 5 hours in.
And yes, too many expectations. I figure I'll just finish it and chill out in bed with the computer, with no search for mystic things this time, just chilling.
The second round yield no effect.
This is the end of my third trip.
The start
18 g of Mexicana truffles as a lemon tek, alone.
Soaked them for about 40 minutes before ingestion.
Prepped the room: dark room, windows shut, lamp in the corner, incense to purify the space, yoga mat and meditation pillow ready.
I drink about half of the lemon tek and eat half of the truffles soaked in it. They're very hard to get down, and I have to drink a huge amount of liquid just to manage it. Right away I get a strong stomach ache, as if I'm about to vomit.
10 minutes in
Bucket ready just in case, and I want to wait for the nausea to pass before taking the rest. Ten minutes have gone by since I started drinking and I feel nothing but the stomach ache.
22 minutes
The nausea is bad and I'm spitting constantly. At 22 minutes I'm still spitting.
30 minutes
The nausea is strong, but my perception has shifted slightly and my mind feels more present. That's all, and I keep spitting.
I'm not sure that amount will be enough for a breakthrough dose. It's Mexicana, supposedly a weak strain, and I hope those won't turn out to be famous last words. I also went into this trip not with much of a spiritual focus this time.
The nausea stays the same, neither better nor worse, and I keep spitting.
40 minutes
For a while I have the sensation that things are breathing, like the blanket, and then it stops. I'm still nauseous, especially when I move. I try closing my eyes and it makes me want to throw up even more, and lying on my side makes the retching worse too.
Nausea intensifies and I feel cold. My mouth starts to vibrate, as if it were numb.
50 minutes
I'm under the blankets, warm, and it feels slightly better, but I'm still spitting and I feel no particular effect. Did I really trip for nothing, just to get sick? Then I notice that if I don't move, it's okay.
The come-up
Holy f§§k.
I'm laying down in the blankets and I can swallow my saliva easily again, and with my eyes closed the visions start: powerful, emerging, beautiful symbolic imagery and scenery.
I remember a cartoonish three-faced monkey creature while I'm thinking about the nature of the self. Then come constantly changing lines forming different human faces... as if to tell me that the real nature of the self is illusory, constantly transforming, taking new shapes... but nothing stable.
Beautiful psychedelic art just flowing with my eyes closed.
REM-like third-eye visions were about to start, but they were blocked by a stop in my chest, the heart chakra. I felt the blockage energetically.
There's a vision of bipedal creatures, different from us, with hands, technology of their own.... their brain physically split in two and separate... two brains... the head shape like a hammer head shark more or less. Feeling like I'm having a glimpse of real conscious creatures from a far-away planet. They trip on psilocybin too.
Immense cherubin all-eyes creature.
I also feel my mind constantly trying to describe everything, as if to report it. That's an obstacle, and I need to let go of the verbal mind.
I feel called, as if the psychedelic yoga might be starting.
I'm doing a "fentanyl collapsing" thing, slumping at random. Trying to get myself back in a respectable posture and not taking the slumping too far.
I have a strange vision of an immense sandstorm approaching and the knowledge that will be the extinction of humankind. Like the last humans will die like that.
I seem to be moving through dark tunnels, the inside of the human body, or maybe inside energy channels.
The mirror
I begin to look at myself in the mirror, and the visions vary. I realize that I don't accept myself as I am: I always want to be more this, more that, never enough. I realize that my image of myself isn't updated to the present. I see myself as younger, an adolescent, weaker than I'm perceived from the outside.
When I stare into my own eyes, after a while the distortions begin. My eyes do spontaneous things. One of them closes or half closes, and where I'm looking changes. My gaze doubles, and various other things happen. I see myself wearing a white mask. Then half of my face is a wolf. Then an owl like face.
The floor
Everything is fine, with a general lightness. I need to pee, but waves of "eyes half-closing and visions" keep arriving. Standing up, I feel total relaxation, and if I fix my gaze on something I now see outer visions, with my eyes open, of patterns and so on. I notice I'm off balance, so I go back and sit on the floor on the yoga mat.
I look at a tile, a corpse skeleton pattern forms.
Why does the floor always lead to devilish visions, to death? It happened also last trip, when I focused on the ground.
Now I'm smiling, light, and in witness mode, as I was in the previous trip.
In an earlier wave there was also a vision of having to fight myself: my inner self, seen as another me, opposing the letting go. Maybe ego death?
I imagine a fight to myself and the idea I could actually tripping so hard and start to hurt myself (like in fight club). The idea makes me laugh.
Psychedelic Yoga
I'm trying to remember and describe everything, and I can't let go of the verbal mind.
Spontaneous psychedelic yoga.
Sarvangasana and various explorations of this position.
Insights on sexual energy and energy perception on psilocybin.
Vision of an alien robotic microchip-like, insect-like creature with a DMT-like vortex-producing thing in the center, as if they're doing something to me from far above/away. Just a glimpse.
Back to the mirror
Something about power in the right eye: when I raise my eyebrow i see a kaleidoscopic DMT vortex appearing out of my right eye. It's surprisingly consistent, stops when my eyebrow is down, activate when is up. Maybe it's a portal, or some sort of power / siddhi.
I keep watching myself in the mirror, with little smiles. I wonder what I look like, what animal I look like. Earlier I asked for a guide, so maybe this is how you get your spirit animal.
I made a joke in the dmt-nexus chat and I'm laughing a lot. Pretending to be possessed by someone else.
Is this the trickster archetype? Reflection on the trickster archetype, which has always be very strong in me, especially as a child.
In general, the whole journey has been very Jungian.
2 hours 30
Without headphones and music, everything changes.
In the mirror, I see hardness in my eyes and realize the hardness might be a manifestation of sorrow.
2 hours 50
I start meditating in front of the mirror, with a lot of introspection.
Deep breath, surprisingly clear mind. All of this, as always, spontaneous.
I use a specific mudra: my left hand embraces my right thumb, and my right hand embraces and protects my left. It radiates extreme heat through my whole body. I feel I've entered an inner space where the voice of wisdom is present, with answers. Maybe it still is. I realize that I have never had outside mentors, but I have always had a connection to this inner voice. Inner guru.
Upon researching online while editing this, it seems to be the Raj Kriya Mudra... but there's only one source on the entire internet and very little information.
kind of like this:
It really feels like being in a special place I could only access after three hours of riding visions and other stuff... like I'm in the presence of a deep ancient wisdom... coming from within.
I get answers to all the questions I had, or rather, the thing troubling my mind.
On my back pain, the answer is to get it checked, and not to try to treat it myself to save money. Taking care of yourself and valuing yourself means spending money to fix health issue. (post-note: i know, that should be common sense)
On accepting myself: I want the small imperfections to be different, and each time they send signals of rejection and of not being enough, unconsciously... so I guess learn to accept you as you are?
I feel the block in my chest and throat, but again I don't cry.
On my wife, I almost cry, but I don't. Won't get into the specifics. But the insights is beautiful: in life and for the people around me, be like a sun that radiates warmth, like water that nourishes, like a breath of fresh oxygen. You nourish the others and help them grow, seeing them as flowers. The people around me are flowers that I either nourish or poison.
Then strange phenomena. I see "Islamic" art style visions and think of "Allah", and I realize that religions, and stories in general, are entities, maybe egregores. It's as if the entity of Islam is there, watching that space, and maybe wants to try to "take" me. I ignore it and go back to the center, and it goes away.
About the center and the nature of the self: it's like a void, a magnetic one, with spheres of different colors around it, the archetypes or parts of the self. There is almost always one at the center of that void, piloting. But at that moment I see them from the outside, surrounding that void at the center. So I am that void, or can I be that void?
I'm that void but I can wear masks and identify with the mask?
I ask about money, what to do about the money situation. I feel as if "eyes" open and look at me... like external entities start to check what's going on here, attracted by the topic money... like parasitic entities ready to jump in.
I ignore them. No answer comes, I lose the signal with that place, and I recognize that I'm coming down.
My vision and perception are still distorted. I think that I should start looking at things in terms of balance and equilibriums.
Coming down
Maybe I should eat something. Over in the other room there's some left over: a hybrid of lemon tek and tea, and a good amount of truffles that have been soaking for hours. Since it's only 2 p.m. and the day is dedicated to this, I want to finish it, but I want to avoid another hour of nausea.
I keep craving them, the mystical experiences.
I sense that there are levels here. I don't know how other people reach certain states or experiences right away, like the dissolution of the ego or union with the all. For me, what comes are practical suggestions about real problems, and important introspection. Maybe it's because of my blocks? The block in my chest appeared at the beginning and again at the end: chest and throat chakras blocked. The energy below the chest I feel flowing.
Unlike the last time, I don't feel the desire to read texts or anything else. Maybe because I haven't had a mystical experience? Or rather, this time it isn't my first time and I know how to navigate that "yogic" state.
I eat something.
While I eat it I have a really good conversation in the dmt-nexus chat with two users.
I decide to drink the leftover lemon tek at about 5 hours in.
And yes, too many expectations. I figure I'll just finish it and chill out in bed with the computer, with no search for mystic things this time, just chilling.
The second round yield no effect.
This is the end of my third trip.
