i only got to use it 3 times. Now let me start with the fact my brother is a fair bit older and tells very graphic stories...I will never try acid....as now im terrified about bad trips..and getting stuck in k holes...ta brother.. Im also asthmatic and was told i should never mix meth with dmt...but thats kinda hard as always on....
so anxiety probably pays a major part here..and physical.. the first time we tried to smoke it in a pipe.. Ewww it taskes like old grannies smell..like you literally are breathing in musty death, makes me want to throw up. but i love smoking so think i'll be fine, then i breathe out and omg i can only see a workshop bench, with a vice to hold something whilst you work on it, but my lungs are in it, and the exhale makes the vice tighten and tighten and its like breathing glass...trully horrendous, and then i cough my guts up, then woah the world has gone 3D movie without your glasses on, any everything is alive and has its own energy and light and kinda buzzes and breaths-fascinating...then its over...in seconds.
so haven't gone anywhere, met anyone or seen anything and feeling kinda bummed..im told i didnt have enough. i try a couple of times, but its like my body just wants to reject this stuff, i cant get enough in, as the moment i need to breathe more in or exhale, its agonizing,
so i'm fighting for air and the taste....sooo gross. i literally dont think i can do it...but then i see everyone else having a ball, and im so boring..always responsible, never fully let go, and i want to see another world...so i decide one more try-and my lungs wont cope with more so this one needs to work...
i breathe out and its hell, i think im gonna suffocte but i close my eyes...and wtf im in the airport waiting room, and sitting on blue chair that is linked to like another 4 blue ones in a line, and its grey with fluro lights, and im like what am i doing here..then i look down the corridor...and i see it...a little forrest with beautiful colours and it looks kinda like wonderland and there is a big table under a giant tree and people sitting down and music.. and i think ooohhh i want to go there! and i start sorta floating towards the forest and the airport starts fading off, and there are little people waving and laughing and beckoning me to come over...then my brother asks if im ok...and im blasted back down the way i came into the airport, and awake sucking in air, lungs killing.
i was so happy to see and experience something but i was also afraid .. im afraid as my bf and i are not being honest and im not seeing anyone else hurt like i am....but weve had meth that day too..
i dont want more old granny, dont think i can do it, and my body is yelling at me not to have it in my lungs... so we go home..
but then my partner and i are with friends few days later and we try..again..but i just cant get enough in, to do anything. its just too vile, so..bf friends have an idea..snow cones type thing, smoke it on a bong...
well i was determined to see what all the others saw, they wanded off, laid in the grass, all came back saying they had the best adventures etc. i went last..they packed too much.. it seemed fine going down...then i breathed out and fk!! it burnt, felt like breathing glass and felt like i was going to puke-i wanted it to stop...it hurt so much and i cant really remember what was going on but i felt so sick, and got bf to take me to his room and laid down in the dark-then bam, airport waiting room for a second, then rushing towards forest and there was a tea party on the table under the tree, very alice in wonderland style-and i was so excited i luv luv alice, and i wanted to go there and be with the cute people and all the colours and they all beckoned me to come, and one of them showed me a seat and then i wondered.. is this what it will be like when i die, is heaven just exactly what you want it to be to be, or is this the start and does it look like what we hope so we dont get scared off when we die and the guardians meet us on the other side.. and the people were so cute and sweet and the bigger one pointed towards the spare seat and then just as i was about to sit down, i had the most guilty thought, i really wanted to be there but thought , what if they realise im not really meant to be here yet? instantly the all glared at me, like they had heard my thoughts, and there faces twisted into scary grey gouls, and they told me im not supposed to be there, and they began chasing me, and i was trying to fly back as fast as i could to get home, but i could see them all flying after me,
and i just had this feeling, i must wake up and get home, they were so terrifying and i really thought they might rip me to shreds or hurt me if they caught up with me, and then it was like time slowed down and the hole i was being sucked up went totally black, like it wasnt made of either world anymore and they were just about to grab me, but it just went on and on and on like that and the fear was unbearable, and i was yelling at myself wake up wake up, and then crying i want to go back home, and then i had the thought..if they catch me i'll get hurt, and then, i thought i dont wanna play anymore,, because even worse than them killing me..what if i get stuck with them and i can never go home again, and i wanted my daughter and home so badly, and worried that something had gone wrong and id be stuck here and i regretted coming, and i started praying to God and said i wanted to wake up, and i wont come again please just let me wake up, and woke up screaming, with 3 people in the room, my bf shoving me wildly begging me to wake up.. and them so relieved...as supposedly i had been unconscious for like half an hour, and they had been shaking me, yelling and i was trashing around but they couldnt wake me up, he had held me and begged me to come back when i started screaming and was awake again....
im a drug enthusiast lol with a very high tolerance to anything eaten, and meth..but that terrified me and i had a huge rock like a golf ball of it for years sitting in my closet...but never tried it again...
interestingly enough, later i died on the operating table, briefly, heart stopped, kidneys failed, major bleeding out, and body had gone into septic shock...and i woke up in the surgery... for ages i was wondering if i was dead..but then i reasoned no guardians, no forest, and i wasnt above my body...i was still in it.. and realised i was in theatre and was determined to open my eyes so they knew i'd woken up! so i didnt feel anything.. and i felt kinda jibbed..no knowledge of any near death experience..i was asleep and then i was not.. and then i again prayed-get me through this please..i need to be around for my baby...then woke up in intensive care. And i was sad , im really spiritual, and always trying to understand, learn, and share, and felt upset that they didnt want me there.
sorry so long...adhd's a bitch
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