Introducing myself

[SjonBalloon]

Howdy! After being a lurker for months and using the nexus as a resource for getting to know DMT, I felt like finally joining and sharing some of who I am back to you.

I'm quite new to the realm of substances, having only started my adventure last year. I grew up in a home that wasn't positive or negative towards substances, but I can't say the same for what I got from the media. For a long time I was adamantly against substances, believing they are dangerous and lead down a path of self destruction. To keep a long story short, a friend of mine took me to a festival in which I met amazing people. I met people who were enjoying life, exploring their consciousness and simply trying to spread love to each other. This lead me to try my first substance, MDMA.

That festival and my first time trying a substance opened my eyes to what the 'other side' had to say. I then delved deeply into researching MDMA and many other substances, going down the erowid vault, reddit threads, psychonaut wiki and other online resources such as PsychedSubstance, Triptips, DrugsLab, etc. Over time I started experimenting with more substances, eventually leading me down the path of psychedelics. So far I've been able to try out LSD, 2CB and DMT.

I found psychedelics to give an experience that is so awe-inspiring, but also very humbling. I often read tips such as 'let go', 'let it happen' and a comparison to a rollercoaster, where you have to let the ride take you where it wants to. I truly didn't understand this until psychedelics challenged me, showing me memories I would rather forget than accept and feelings I'd previously pushed down. Once I allowed these feelings to flow freely and let psychedelics to take me where they wanted me to go, I felt they truly rewarded me. I remember on one particular trip I was shown colors more vibrant and colorful than anything I'd ever seen on our world. The colors also struck me emotionally, making me smile and have some tears of happiness. I felt that was a reward I was given for facing my negative emotions head on.

After that particular trip I became very curious about DMT, a substance that (as far as I can tell) has been gaining a large amount of popularity recently. In my country most people were specifically interested in the Ayahuasca retreats as transformative experiences, which really wasn't a phenomenon I would've even heard about on national news a year ago. 3 months ago I got my first gram of DMT, but I hadn't the courage to try it until 2 months ago. I'll be quite honest, I was still intimidated by DMT the first few times I tried my hand at it. My first three trips I dosed quite conservatively, as I was unsure of jumping into the water if you will. It took me until my 4th attempt to truly allow DMT to show me what it wants to and not be intimidated, trusting that it has the right intentions. To this day I am still absolutely in awe at what that trip showed me. I'd like to not delve into further detail about that trip, it's quite recent and felt like a very personal experience.

Since then I've tried to contribute more towards helping other people explore various psychedelics, which for me means LSD, 2CB and DMT as those are the ones I've tried. I had 2 real life friends tell me they're curious about exploring DMT, so I introduced both of them to the best of my ability. Both of them discussed their trips very enthusiastically afterwards and are very positive about it. I am very happy I was able to help my friends' enthusiasm! I truly believe I owe it to help people explore the world of psychedelics. It is, in my experience so far, one of the most rewarding paths you can go down.

The next step on my personal journey is to learn extraction, which I'll be starting very soon (I'm intending this week!). I think this will make my journey within DMT more fulfilling, while also allowing me to share something I created with people close to me. What truly activated my interest is seeing my friends inhale the vapor, close their eyes and suddenly get a massive smile on their face. The feeling of being able to share an experience with a person like that is incredible!

I'll leave it at that, as I've been rambly enough. I can be a bit of a mess when writing, so please do excuse me if I wrote something in a very confusing way!

 

[Fantasy]

I just signed up here myself, but welcome. Your story is very relatable and I appreciate you sharing it. I don't blame you for wanting to keep your personal trip to yourself, but if you do ever feel like sharing some details of your trips, I would be happy to hear them. And good luck on your future DMT-related endeavors!

 

[endlessness]

Welcome to the Nexus!

Indeed your story is relatable, thanks for sharing

What extraction method are you planning on using?

You mentioned about the interest in ayahuasca retreats in your country.. Were you ever curious in trying it out? What about taking oral DMT on your own setting?

Be well!

 

[Achilles]

Howdy mr balloon . As others said your story was relatable and fun to read . Welcome and I look forward to reading your future posts.

 

[Allegro Vivo]

Really interesting intro. And well written, especially for someone whose first language is likely not English.(?)

Anyway, this seems like a remarkable place for all of us to be. Hope we both find everything we want!

 

[SjonBalloon]

I just signed up here myself, but welcome. Your story is very relatable and I appreciate you sharing it. I don't blame you for wanting to keep your personal trip to yourself, but if you do ever feel like sharing some details of your trips, I would be happy to hear them. And good luck on your future DMT-related endeavors!

I certainly do hope to eventually share that particular DMT trip. But I do have some vivid memories of one particular 2CB trip, which I think might be worth sharing:

About 2 hours after ingesting 45mg of 2cb I had decided to lie down, close my eyes and put on music to help me clear my mind. It started quite vividly with bright colors in various Aztec patterns surrounding me. At one point an Aztec mask started to form in front of my face. I wasn't entirely sure why, but the mask absolutely filled me with a feeling of dread. I wanted to look away and open my eyes, but I decided to face the mask head on. The mask collided into me, and I started to feel like I was falling. As I fell, masks came flying at me and colliding, showing me memories I'd otherwise just push away. Specifically, it showed me all my memories of times I'd had embarrassed myself in social situations that I still feel embarrassed about. I've always been very low on confidence and get very aware of every little thing I do in social actions I might think someone would perceive as awkward, a real people pleaser who wants everyone to like him.

As these memories replayed in front of me, eventually a hand reached out and caught me. It was... well... me. Another version of me was sitting on this raft, floating in what I can only describe as a void. He was holding on to me, and me onto him. I quite honestly can't tell you what I would've seen if I looked up further, as I instinctually looked down. Beneath me there appeared to be a tunnel that didn't seem to end. Looking at the tunnel made me feel afraid and unsure, and I felt like I had a choice: hold on or let go. I had previously spent a lot of time (before the trip) thinking to myself 'let go, let go, let go' and that thought kicked in at that very moment. I let go and fell further, continuing the replaying a few more memories I felt badly about.

Eventually it stopped, and I saw a row of boxes in front of me. I saw orb-like figures, basically like those crystal balls like snowglobes, filled with all these memories going into the boxes. It felt like a literal embodiment of 'giving the feelings a place'. Once the boxes were filled and nicely tidied up, I felt this feeling of absolute calm. I looked at the boxes and knew what was in them, but the memories weren't bothering me or making me feel ashamed. I felt it is what it is, which is alright. At that moment, when I felt 'alright, a massive wave of colors flooded my vision from directions. I can only describe it as a rainbow that was freely flowing, changing colors constantly to colors I hadn't ever seen in my life. These colors didn't only look incredible, but they filled me with this sense of euphoria and happiness.

That sequence of moments is what truly sold me on the power of psychedelics. Up to that point I'd done 2 LSD trips and 4 2CB trips, but all of them felt more recreational to me. I felt for this particular trip I was far more willing to truly let the trip happen, as I'd previously had trouble truly letting myself be immersed into the experience. Looking back at those memories right now (1 year later) I still don't feel bothered by them. They're what they are, and I am now a different person than I was when I made those memories.

Welcome to the Nexus!

Indeed your story is relatable, thanks for sharing Smile

What extraction method are you planning on using?

You mentioned about the interest in ayahuasca retreats in your country.. Were you ever curious in trying it out? What about taking oral DMT on your own setting?

Be well!

After speaking to a different user on the DMT subreddit I think I'm trying Cybs' Hybrid ATB 'salt' Tek. This is also part of the reason I decided to sign up here, as I am pulling the information required straight from resources made by users on here. Felt like it only makes sense to be here myself!

I am certainly interested in Ayahuasca, but I'm not sure I'd participate in a retreat myself. I haven't delved into it, but I'd want to participate in private or with few people I trust. The only time I hear about it in the news is discussing group retreats over the weekend, which doesn't appeal to me. Taking it in my own setting does sound wonderful, especially with a trusted trip sitter!

Really interesting intro. And well written, especially for someone whose first language is likely not English.(?)

Anyway, this seems like a remarkable place for all of us to be. Hope we both find everything we want!

English is indeed not my first language, it's my third actually. This does seem like a interesting spot, so I'll be sure to check it out!

 

[Fantasy]

Thank you for sharing your 2C-B experience, SjonBalloon, it sounds very powerful and therapeutic indeed, and I am also happy for you that you have gained from your experience. I also believe very strongly that psychedelics can be used to help us with these sorts of problems and it made me happy to see that you had such a penetrating experience on a psychedelic with as much of a reputation for being light as 2C-B has, as it is also my belief that even these psychedelics typically called lighter can also be expected to produce experiences such as this for those who seek them out by simply treating the substance with respect and patience, and accepting that not all substances work the same way, don't necessarily help to impart the same lessons nor require, or not require, the same sorts of inputs from the user, but can reveal themselves to be quite grand and intellectual as any other if simply given the opportunity to do so.

I look forward to hearing more of your experiences in the future as well.

 

[endlessness]

After speaking to a different user on the DMT subreddit I think I'm trying Cybs' Hybrid ATB 'salt' Tek. This is also part of the reason I decided to sign up here, as I am pulling the information required straight from resources made by users on here. Felt like it only makes sense to be here myself!

I am certainly interested in Ayahuasca, but I'm not sure I'd participate in a retreat myself. I haven't delved into it, but I'd want to participate in private or with few people I trust. The only time I hear about it in the news is discussing group retreats over the weekend, which doesn't appeal to me. Taking it in my own setting does sound wonderful, especially with a trusted trip sitter!

CYB's tek should be fine Soak in the information, use the search function, read the FAQ, etc.. And if there's anything you can't find the answer to, feel free to ask. You can also join the chat for quick help or just random discussions.

As for the ayahuasca, I totally get you, it's tricky and risky to join a random retreat with unknown people.. A smaller group with people you are familiar with, and someone to sit, is prob more ideal.

 

[AliRadicali]

That was an amazing trip report SjonBalloon. I can only imagine how mind-blowing the experience must have been if just the description is this vivid. While I can't fully imagine what it must have felt like, I could totally imagine it as a short animation set to music. There's some very powerful, evocative visuals there as well as a very relatable theme of overcoming insecurities and dealing with past trauma.