three cups in, feeling nothing but intense nausea
then all of a sudden...
wham! my surroundings of an apartment in the united states magically transforms into the amazon rainforest, with visions of amazonian natives dancing wildly around a fire and chanting in ancient tongues.
electricity and being is all that is felt, feeling plugged into the cosmic outlet, information being downloaded rapidly while the surrounds keep changing and morphing.
my so-called guide says nothing more than: "it's just a hallucination, it's not real..."
but to me it is more real than REAL, i feel guided by spirits of the jungle, but without a valid guide, feel helpless and trapped. I keep absorbing information with spectacular visions of the alive and deceased, feeling one with everything while at the same time alone and in despair.
then dread sets in.
the energy becomes sickening, and i am glued to the floor out of fear of what is happening and what MAY happen.
Panic.
no guide, no instruction. Intense sickness, and purging from both ends. Egyptian and Jungle motifs abound.
"you're just tripping on HAYA-waska, its no big deal."
yes, it is a HUGE deal, i think it myself.
people enter and leave the apartment like it is an all-night bodega.
the whole while i am trying to make sense of what is happening to me, what i am being shown, and why.
at one point the knowledge of endless universes pours into my being, and i dread what i understand and am being shown.
more fear.
my body is over-heating, i feel hot with terror and anticipation. What will happen next? what is the point of this? what am i getting out of this? is this a miraculous healing and divinatory medicine, or have i simply poisoned myself to an ungodly extent?
i fight and resist.
more sickness, extreme purging, and fear multiplied exponentially.
now you've done it, i think to myself. You accessed knowledge you weren't meant to receive, and now the spirt of the brew is punishing you for it.
i fight and resist some more.
being uncontrollably sucked down a wormhole of information is NOT what i would consider a spiritual experience.
and yet the entire experience had a spiritual undertone to it.
total blackness ensues... and then peace. Peace of the highest and holiest magnitude.
i forget all my questions and lay in the total blackness, feeling at one with whatever primeval force it was that brought about this profound change in consciousness.
----------------------------------------------------------
this was what my first and only ayahuasca experience was like. I did not even retain any of the "knowledge" that i gained through it, it was fleeting and temporary. And i feel like my body was poisoned, which is why i was having these fantastic visions, thoughts, feelings, and "revelations."
would i do it again? i wish i had an experienced guide who could help me process, digest, and release my sicknesses and fears so that i could be free of them, rather then everything just coming to the surface all at once and staying there. After my experience and much research i feel i MUST do this, but i need to be in the appropriate setting.
for what it's worth, thanks for reading.
then all of a sudden...
wham! my surroundings of an apartment in the united states magically transforms into the amazon rainforest, with visions of amazonian natives dancing wildly around a fire and chanting in ancient tongues.
electricity and being is all that is felt, feeling plugged into the cosmic outlet, information being downloaded rapidly while the surrounds keep changing and morphing.
my so-called guide says nothing more than: "it's just a hallucination, it's not real..."
but to me it is more real than REAL, i feel guided by spirits of the jungle, but without a valid guide, feel helpless and trapped. I keep absorbing information with spectacular visions of the alive and deceased, feeling one with everything while at the same time alone and in despair.
then dread sets in.
the energy becomes sickening, and i am glued to the floor out of fear of what is happening and what MAY happen.
Panic.
no guide, no instruction. Intense sickness, and purging from both ends. Egyptian and Jungle motifs abound.
"you're just tripping on HAYA-waska, its no big deal."
yes, it is a HUGE deal, i think it myself.
people enter and leave the apartment like it is an all-night bodega.
the whole while i am trying to make sense of what is happening to me, what i am being shown, and why.
at one point the knowledge of endless universes pours into my being, and i dread what i understand and am being shown.
more fear.
my body is over-heating, i feel hot with terror and anticipation. What will happen next? what is the point of this? what am i getting out of this? is this a miraculous healing and divinatory medicine, or have i simply poisoned myself to an ungodly extent?
i fight and resist.
more sickness, extreme purging, and fear multiplied exponentially.
now you've done it, i think to myself. You accessed knowledge you weren't meant to receive, and now the spirt of the brew is punishing you for it.
i fight and resist some more.
being uncontrollably sucked down a wormhole of information is NOT what i would consider a spiritual experience.
and yet the entire experience had a spiritual undertone to it.
total blackness ensues... and then peace. Peace of the highest and holiest magnitude.
i forget all my questions and lay in the total blackness, feeling at one with whatever primeval force it was that brought about this profound change in consciousness.
----------------------------------------------------------
this was what my first and only ayahuasca experience was like. I did not even retain any of the "knowledge" that i gained through it, it was fleeting and temporary. And i feel like my body was poisoned, which is why i was having these fantastic visions, thoughts, feelings, and "revelations."
would i do it again? i wish i had an experienced guide who could help me process, digest, and release my sicknesses and fears so that i could be free of them, rather then everything just coming to the surface all at once and staying there. After my experience and much research i feel i MUST do this, but i need to be in the appropriate setting.
for what it's worth, thanks for reading.
