While death is the ultimate trip, this post otherwise has no reference to psychs. And if this post is not very cogent, I blame it on lack of sleep. All this went down after a long work day and I've still not slept at 6:00 am being off and on the phone all night giving permissions and talking to doctors. And I'm not taking today off. It's gonna be a fun day. Thank god for caffeine.
So I'm driving home last night, when a call comes in, seeing the number I pick it up and pull into a parking lot to take the call. It's for the case manager of my dear friend Heidi and she tells me that Heidi had "an accident" and was in hospital, but stable. Oh great, I think and decide to continue home and call from there. The phone rings again and this time it's the nurse staff and I'm informed that Heidi is on life support after having choked on a sandwich and was in cardiac arrest for 45 minutes, but they had her intubated and on a breathing machine. I was suddenly tasked with giving the order-or not- to allow her to die.
I am the closest person to her and the only contact she has listed. We talked about this. If I had not been able to do that for her, the doctor planned to put her (body) thru a procedure in which it's cooled down over the course of several hours, kept on ice for 24, then warmed back up and then they wait and see if she wakes up and what she's like then.
It angers me-I think, right now I'm in shock and not feeling anything- that this is considered. Let my friend die in peace. Which she did, last night at 11 pm PST. I went home and prayed for her to find her way through the bardos to the light. I know she wouldn't want to suffer another round of karma. But knowing the burden she had, I'm sure she will face another incarnation. I just hope it's more pleasant than her last stay on this fucking rock.
She had D. I. D. - otherwise known as "split personality" popularly. A controversial diagnosis, I never doubted her veracity. She had suffered sever trauma in her childhood at the hands of abusive parents and was bullied, and her adult life was marked by severe depression, PTSD and suicidal ideation. She made a valiant fight to survive, but succumbed to her main vice- food. I will honor her life by letting y'all know that a beautiful soul has passed the veil and will keep her name on my lips.
So what do I do now? I have to make funeral arrangements, and she had no money, living on SSI with a payee, I have no clue how to proceed and the hospital doesn't have much information. I haven't slept yet, I just got off the phone with the tissue donation people answering questions so that her eyes can be used to hopefully give another two people sight, and have just been up thinking.
Man, I hadn't seen her for six months and just recently gained access to a car and went down to her place 50 miles south a couple weeks ago to get in touch since I'd list her number. That's why the hospital had my good contact info. I'm so glad I got to see her again, and just two days ago I called her just to say hi and that I loved her, so...that's better than my last friend who passed to whom my last words were "leave me alone!" Even if it was not said in anger.
Oh jeez y'all. This is so heavy, but she's at peace. I haven't been this close to death for a long time. This time I feel like death's ally, and I'm glad I could be of service to her this one final time.
You just don't ever know, y'all.
So I'm driving home last night, when a call comes in, seeing the number I pick it up and pull into a parking lot to take the call. It's for the case manager of my dear friend Heidi and she tells me that Heidi had "an accident" and was in hospital, but stable. Oh great, I think and decide to continue home and call from there. The phone rings again and this time it's the nurse staff and I'm informed that Heidi is on life support after having choked on a sandwich and was in cardiac arrest for 45 minutes, but they had her intubated and on a breathing machine. I was suddenly tasked with giving the order-or not- to allow her to die.
I am the closest person to her and the only contact she has listed. We talked about this. If I had not been able to do that for her, the doctor planned to put her (body) thru a procedure in which it's cooled down over the course of several hours, kept on ice for 24, then warmed back up and then they wait and see if she wakes up and what she's like then.
It angers me-I think, right now I'm in shock and not feeling anything- that this is considered. Let my friend die in peace. Which she did, last night at 11 pm PST. I went home and prayed for her to find her way through the bardos to the light. I know she wouldn't want to suffer another round of karma. But knowing the burden she had, I'm sure she will face another incarnation. I just hope it's more pleasant than her last stay on this fucking rock.
She had D. I. D. - otherwise known as "split personality" popularly. A controversial diagnosis, I never doubted her veracity. She had suffered sever trauma in her childhood at the hands of abusive parents and was bullied, and her adult life was marked by severe depression, PTSD and suicidal ideation. She made a valiant fight to survive, but succumbed to her main vice- food. I will honor her life by letting y'all know that a beautiful soul has passed the veil and will keep her name on my lips.
So what do I do now? I have to make funeral arrangements, and she had no money, living on SSI with a payee, I have no clue how to proceed and the hospital doesn't have much information. I haven't slept yet, I just got off the phone with the tissue donation people answering questions so that her eyes can be used to hopefully give another two people sight, and have just been up thinking.
Man, I hadn't seen her for six months and just recently gained access to a car and went down to her place 50 miles south a couple weeks ago to get in touch since I'd list her number. That's why the hospital had my good contact info. I'm so glad I got to see her again, and just two days ago I called her just to say hi and that I loved her, so...that's better than my last friend who passed to whom my last words were "leave me alone!" Even if it was not said in anger.
Oh jeez y'all. This is so heavy, but she's at peace. I haven't been this close to death for a long time. This time I feel like death's ally, and I'm glad I could be of service to her this one final time.
You just don't ever know, y'all.
We fought for good, stood side by side
Our friendship never died
On stranger waves, the lows and highs
Our vision touched the sky
Immortalists with points to prove
I put my trust in you
-Ian Curtis
Rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb, you know better but I know him.
Like I told you, what I said, Steal your face right off your head.
Now he's gone, now he's gone, Lord he's gone, he's gone.
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, gone, nothin's gonna bring him back...He's gone.
Nine mile skid on a ten mile ride, hot as a pistol but cool inside.
Cat on a tin roof, dogs in a pile,
Nothin' left to do but smile, smile, smile!!!!
Now he's gone, now he's gone Lord he's gone, he's gone.
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, gone, nothin's gonna bring him back...He's gone.
Goin' where the wind don't blow so strange,
Maybe off on some high cold mountain chain.
Lost one round but the prize wasn't anything,
A knife in the back and more of the same.
Same old, rat in a drain ditch, caught on a limb,
You know better but I know him.
Like I told you, what I said,
Steal your face right off your head.
Now he's gone, now he's gone Lord he's gone, he's gone.
Like a steam locomotive, rollin' down the track
He's gone, gone, nothin's gonna bring him back...He's gone.
Ooh, nothin's gonna bring him back.
-Robert Hunter