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Looking Back At Anguish

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TGO

Music is alive and in your soul. It can move you.
I'd like to share a piece with all of you. It is something I wrote about 6 years ago when I had my heart ripped open and spat on by a girl I was deeply in love with. I am not posting this for advice on that situation but merely posting because it was an emotionally devastating time in my life and if any of you are going through a hard time right now, due to relationships, than maybe you can find some light in this. As always, any thoughts, critiques, or comments are very welcome:

FALLEN

The grim reaper and slow death is personified as
People who are actually just altered perceptions

She lay on the couch and I speak to her
except she is no more than a pile of blankets...nowhere...

And all the voices, oh, all the voices, my brother outside the door
saying something but is gone before you really see him...shadows...

And all the voices, all will echo and all will NOT cease....loudly of course!
these animals move but remain untouched by my hand or my mind for that matter

Fallen and defeated, I lay everything and anything on the line for you...or at least to those who listen well
But the line always seems to be drawn too soon while another line of sorts, takes over

And that baffled everyone endlessly

Overpowered, I underestimated what was known as unity
Honesty was no more, no longer with us

And the justifications you use
Are no longer legitimate so I settle and wait...for what? I ask

But no one answers

Watching you spiral, I will extend a hand
But you have to learn (and never did) how to accept it because I AM real...

You used to be.

Your innocence fades and my defenses are breached
you are the blackbird while I thought I was little more than nothing

I became numb and took it all for granted...and lost
I lost...everything

Everything became nothing and nothing became tears
and tears became everything and then everything was something again

A terrible, terrible something indeed, something that is (was) eating my soul

No response...no response, I drift closer to the end, it beckons me!
How do I fight it, blackbird? oh how my heart would ache...and ache!!

But you and I are gone, I alone am grieving though! Mistakes mistakes!
Floyd you fool, you fucking fool...what have you done?

You, as in "ME" let her fly so far away
But she felt caged...trapped...imprisoned with me, she said...

But I was always wrong for the most part, as in 95%...
I guess that is " for the most part...."

They said to just let her be free...let her fly...but how??
Always climbing in my mind...constantly flowing through every fiber and atom of "me."

Every minute, every second, every hour, every day, every night
Every damn moment THEN was spent...missing her

Missing her smile, laugh, touch, compassion, unconditional love, her eyes, and her voice...
and simply having companionship was something I didn't used to understand...

It was beautiful and beyond compare...longing sets in for what seems like forever!
Why was something so special ruined by ignorance and youthfulness?

That I will never know

But I found that my Blackbird must be free and choose her own path
And as long as that brings about happiness...

I can die without regret......"​



So, yeah...it was a pretty terrible time in my life but it taught me many lessons about love and life. She was my first and at the time I thought she could be the only one. Of course, that wasn't true, and I find myself here today with a beautiful young woman who truly supports me in all that I do and loves me unconditionally. And the kicker (kikker...😁 ) is that she is just as enthusiastic about psychedelics, music, and everything in between as I am. I couldn't ask for anything more than that...hardships come and hardships go, it is really more about how you deal with them and integrate the experience into the way you live now. Learn from your mistakes. Be the best person you can be. Live. Love. Laugh. Be free. But most importantly, be yourself. It never matters what everyone else thinks unless you think low of yourself to begin with.

I love you all and hope you can find hope and inspiration in these words. Have a blessed day!

:love: :love: :love:
 
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