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Marriage

Migrated topic.
Bodhisativa said:
I'm a romantic, but I also see myself as a lifelong bachelor. I don't have commitment issues, but many of my life goals are incompatible with most women. I don't think a potential mate would approve of me as a partner if I told her my goal is to be a hermit in the jungle till the day I die, which is true. I'm not sex driven, but more love driven. I've done the whole "getting laid" thing, and it's boring. I'd rather make love. But I'd also rather live my life in isolation. I'm complicated.
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Aside from the jungle aspect, we're pretty similar in every other area.


On a sidenote though, the best times of my life have been when I focused on my own development (physically and mentally) and had set aside good chunks of time for solitude. Don't get me wrong, I love meeting people and talking with like-minded people (as rare as they are in pertaining to my interests), as imo we as humans definitely have the social aspects which need nurtured and fed. Although, for me personally I greatly prize the stillness and ease of mind that comes with reasonable amounts of solitude, especially in combination with psychedelics, time immersed in nature, exercise, etc.

That being said, there's definitely 'others' out there, even of the opposite sex, that can cross paths with you and change your world in a short period of time. Easy to talk against it though when it's not happening to you, until those moments come where you 'so happen' to stumble into the world of another, and the rest is history. :)
 
Sphorange congratulations :thumb_up:
I wish you all good and well.

I've never married myself, no kids, 2 very long relationships so far.
I think people transform seriously over time, and the one you marry will change, and you change too. Marriage can survive it all, or it can't. Future will tell.

The pagan approach I know of (in ritual context) they marry [handfasting] for a test period like one year and than can choose again to proceed or not. This is not state law of course, but they look at it a bit more pragmatic.
 
Jees said:
marry for a test period like one year and then can choose again to proceed or not.
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me and second husband actually did something like that.
before we got married we agreed to re-negotiate at the 7 yr mark.


a good percent of people are gonna see multiple marriages.
i dont know why we dont plan it like that in the first place.
 
Nathanial.Dread said:
Biawak said:
Would not recommend it if you are a male living in the US.
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Why do you say that?
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I know why he says that. The same applies for Canada.

He's most likely thinking of the ridiculous legal trappings that can be involved with divorce. The courts heavily favor women and with even just a half-way decent divorce lawyer she can ram you through a cheese grader and hold your toes to the fire for many, many, many years. Especially if child support is also a factor.

Where I live in Canada there have been many men who were driven to bankruptcy and even suicide because of their ex-wives endless pursuit of litigation. There's an organization in Ontario called the FRO that will pursue some really outrageous litigation until men literally kill themselves. Reminds me of Dave Foley's story that I heard on Joe Rogan's podcast a while back:
[youtube]

No sex for 11 years, $17,000 dollars in child support a month. Possible life sentence in jail for not paying child support. Can't see his kids, can't return to Canada or he'll be jailed. It's absolute insanity. Not every ex wife is insane, of course. But you'd be surprised how quickly the crazy comes out once you're married or more importantly, divorced.

I knew a guy who was the happiest guy with his girlfriend. No big arguments, they had a lot in common, decided to have a kid together. Seemed like everything was very good between them for quite a few years. They get married and she changes overnight. It's like, now that we're married I know you're not going to leave me (and if you do I'll drag you through the courts and try to ruin you financially) so *click* flip that crazy switch. He went from being really happy and loving his child and long time girlfriend to being miserable because she decided to start treating him like a bag of crap. So you can definitely be at the mercy of someone's whim.

Should you never get married? Well that's a choice you have to make for yourself. Just be educated on what can and does happen when marriages collapse and an angry ex-wife wants to hold your chestnuts over the fire, legally speaking, for as long as you can handle it.

Personally, the whole concept of marriage is a very bizarre thing to me. It's an antiquated ceremony that was used to basically declare a woman the property of a man, for the rest of his life. That's why the wife traditionally changes her surname to the husband's. Everything she owned, or earned, was legally her husband's. Things have changed over time, of course, but it's hard for me to think romantically about marriage once I read all the history of it. Ever wonder where the term "Honeymoon" came from? Apparently couples would receive a big jug of mead and get drunk and have sex for a full lunar cycle after being married.

If you truly love each other then there are no legal documents in the world that can change your relationship. If a woman keeps pushing for marriage you really have to question the motivations behind it. I'm not averse to commitment but many women are brought up with the notion that they simply must get married and have kids to lead a fulfilling life. And then there are those who can be perfectly happy up until some of their friends start getting married and having kids... :d

Just be careful guys. You never know if or when your cute, loving wife will metamorphose into a psycho hose beast.
phb.gif
 
I have been married to my wife for about a year and a half now and we also have 2 daughters. I agree with some points about marriage being limiting to personal freedom, and to some extent that may be true. Also it may very well not be natural for humans to have 1 lifelong parter, but i do feel as if it is natural, not just to look to mate (have sex) but also natural to seek a more permanent parter (like dolphins, the only creature who uses more of their brain then us). I think marriage evolved from this natural type of lasting relationship.

I also think it can be extremely important for the children, and that is another reason for marriage. It creates a more stable lifestyle for the kids, and although not easy, makes the best family situation in my opinion. I know for me, seeing my daughter every other weekend simply would not cut it.

It should go without saying that you must simply be really careful about who you make that kind of commitment to. Every couple has their fights, but if excessive fighting is part of your relationship, and your companion has the tendancy to flip out and try to hurt you (Im going to call the cops on your mushroom grow!) Then they are not a good canidate for a lifelong companionship.

I think the best partner is not necessaraly someone who is like you and shares your interests and all that. It definetly can help but most important is a kind warm hearted personality, that cares for you and your offspring too much to hurt them.

I have no regrets about entering the union of marriage and I am proud to be a family man. If only muggles (non nexians) are reproducing and having families, then the world will be full of even more idiots! a joke, but it is our duty to contribute to the future of the human race.
 
Marriage is a beautiful thing in terms of what it represents, how individuals choose to represent their love through celebration is wonderful and showing their interests are to be with one another til death do us part, is quite inspiring.

However, the obsessions made towards one day which is funded by material interests and "showing Off" kills the deeper meaning of marriage, its a matter of where the two individuals are at, where they're coming from. To love one another unconditionally forever and ever and want to spend a lifetime together is wonderful, but you can have other alternate motives.
 
My partner and I are considering it. We have been together eleven years and we are soul mates. We have been engaged for some years now but have put it off because of what western culture has turned marriage into. It is not a thing associated with money, the beautiful idea of 'marriage' has been corrupted so much. We are currently thinking of going to get registered and have a gathering at my parents with close family and friends.
:)
 
thymamai said:
Let every moment pass equally, and cherish each with undivided attention.

Cherish also your time apart.

Please be thoughtful always of what you are saying.

If you can't read her, you can't lead. Be the leader.

Have confidence, integrity, respect, and faith in yourself and your intelligence as an individual.

"And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course."
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:love:
 
Thanks for all the words guys, I love how this place drums up all manner of perspective.
The ceremony went well, nice humble pagan affair.
We nailed our dance we've been practising.
It was a 40c degree day, went through more water than wine.
And I watched the sunrise with my wife :)
 
My wedding was the best day of my life - I wouldnt have changed a single thing.

Kinda had two weddings in a way.... Before we were married my wife and I were hiking in the Redwoods when we both saw the most magical tree we had ever witnessed. We saw it glowing in the distance and without saying a word both of us knew the other could see it too. We ran towards the tree and as soon as we both touched it we went out of body and experienced the same vision - the tree married us. Was incredibly magical.

About 2 years later we got married with our families. This was a small wedding and was totally for us. We got married in Peru at the Temple of the Moon. My San Pedro teacher/shaman married us and a Q'ero shaman performed an offering and blessing for us. We were barefoot and didnt wear normal wedding clothes - we just wore really fun clothes we loved. My wifes ring is not a diamond, but a garnet ring.

The wedding in Peru was so magical because it brought our families down to Peru and totally changed our relationship with our families. Suddenly they understand us so much more, and suddenly they are are really open to and interested in plant medicines (my dad is coming to Peru to drink San Pedro with me this summer). Also brought us really close to my teacher/shamans family - they are like our second family now and I visit her every year. I think counting my wife and I there were 16 people at the wedding and it was not very expensive at all - maybe $1000 total. Incredible blessings from this wedding that I couldnt imagine my life without.

Easily the best day of my life and the best decision I ever made. I wouldnt change a thing. (been with my wife for a little over 5 years now and we keep getting closer and closer each year - she is my greatest teacher and my greatest medicine)

:love:
 
I guess you'll get a variety of opinions based purely on the experiences that everybody has either been through or seen others go through.

I got married at 25 to the girl I'd been with since I was 17. At 27 I found out that she had an affair, I moved out weeks later, bought my own house, became accustomed to living alone, fell in love with the freedom of single life. I'm 30 in a few months, I've never been happier.

Sure, it was a bad time going through the separation. Yes, it has seriously changed my opinion of marriage (DON'T BE A FOOL!), but these are all life experiences that make us the people that we are today.

All I will say is this: The person that you are at 18 isn't the person that you are at 25. You go through huge changes in your personality and cognitive abilities/preferences during this phrase of life, at 18 you're still a boy, at 25 you're a man. The same goes for your partner (18 = girl, 25 = woman). Don't marry too young, it is the final and ultimate commitment to a person and don't for one minute think that marrying somebody will change anything.

The perfect partner is out there, there is somebody for everybody. Don't settle for second best, life doesn't have to be one big conflict or argument. If you're even 1% reserved about wanting to marry somebody, then she isn't the right person for you. If you are lucky enough to find your soulmate then stick a ring on it and don't look back.
 
travsha said:
My wedding was the best day of my life - I wouldnt have changed a single thing.

Kinda had two weddings in a way.... Before we were married my wife and I were hiking in the Redwoods when we both saw the most magical tree we had ever witnessed. We saw it glowing in the distance and without saying a word both of us knew the other could see it too. We ran towards the tree and as soon as we both touched it we went out of body and experienced the same vision - the tree married us. Was incredibly magical.

About 2 years later we got married with our families. This was a small wedding and was totally for us. We got married in Peru at the Temple of the Moon. My San Pedro teacher/shaman married us and a Q'ero shaman performed an offering and blessing for us. We were barefoot and didnt wear normal wedding clothes - we just wore really fun clothes we loved. My wifes ring is not a diamond, but a garnet ring.

The wedding in Peru was so magical because it brought our families down to Peru and totally changed our relationship with our families. Suddenly they understand us so much more, and suddenly they are are really open to and interested in plant medicines (my dad is coming to Peru to drink San Pedro with me this summer). Also brought us really close to my teacher/shamans family - they are like our second family now and I visit her every year. I think counting my wife and I there were 16 people at the wedding and it was not very expensive at all - maybe $1000 total. Incredible blessings from this wedding that I couldnt imagine my life without.

Easily the best day of my life and the best decision I ever made. I wouldnt change a thing. (been with my wife for a little over 5 years now and we keep getting closer and closer each year - she is my greatest teacher and my greatest medicine)

:love:
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That's awesome. :)
 
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