gaspah
Rising Star
I GUESS THIS IS MY ESSAY THEN :roll: :lol:
Insane ride, but I’m no fool. There is no shortcut to enlightenment.
So, I tried DMT for the first time yesterday. It was one insane ride I’ll admit to anybody, and if you’re taking DMT to have an intense psychedelic experience it’ll send everything else home packing, and how!
I enjoy psychedelics, once or year or two I like to have one or two >500ug LSD experiences as a therapeutic reset and enjoyable experience either with old friends or new. I have also had something that was much more intense than LSD but I am not sure exactly what it was (we had LSD also) but that allowed me to see ultra-violet light and time was staggered. It was sold as ecstasy but the tablet was black/brown with bright green centre, but was definitely not MDMA, Ketamine nor DMT (this was in the year 2000), I think it was mescaline. Also, whilst technically not a psychedelic MDMA is the best of them all as it manifests things into reality (not that I’ve had it in ~15 years, and I don’t care what a pill test says whatever they’re selling these days isn’t it).
I like to believe that I am not just a spiritual person, but someone who through learning life’s lessons young and being a quick study, no longer make mistakes when it comes to morality. My demons are long dead, well, not dead as they never die, but I’m very fortunate in that they all lay in my pre-adulthood years and I’ve come to accept that as bad as they were, are all very trivial relative to most people. This has certainly not led me to be a wealth man, as in my experience virtually all riches come at some cost to being just. However, I have been very blessed to have been born in the right place and with a fantastic skillset that even by my low standard; I have never needed for anything in life. It’s odd to state this as it is seemingly a reflection of ego (which I admit still requires some work) but there is no other way to speak my truth than to say it. That truth is that I believe that I am close enough to enlightenment, that it is something that if I continue on this path of hard work and dedication, I may be lucky enough to attain this lifetime.
When I first heard about ayahuasca many years ago, I immediately wanted to experience it. However, that experience seemed somewhat out of reach, and considering the huge costs involved, I really couldn’t see myself getting very much bang for my buck so to speak. I only found out that DMT in a smokable was readily available a bit over a year ago when I decided after many years to smoke pot again for a while and was sourcing a reliable supplier with rotating inventory. I was very eager to try it and had set to try it for my last birthday, but the DMT part of that bundle fell through, but hey there was enough sugar cubes to melt a horse. Great time was had by all parties, and I’m not the type to overdo things (anymore) so I shelved it. Since then I heard stories, here and there about DMT, including some that completely turned me against it, but opportunity came knocking and well curiosity killed the cat.
So I charred it slowly burnt my way through a nice big bowl, suck it in like a hoover, and held. While I held it in, nothing… nothing... but as I exhaled my body completely vanished. I looked down and I couldn’t see my arms or legs, and on came that intensity, that recognizable turbulence. It was the only thing that existed, I could see nothing, hear nothing, I wasn’t touching anything, nothing but chemicals battering down the door to my consciousness. That same feeling that leaves many people gripped by fear, like they’re going to die of an overdose or something silly, but something I’m more than versed in. I used to get really bad Sleep Paralysis in early adulthood, and I would try to stay awake because of just how scary it was. However, with time and repeated exposure, first I became aware of it, understood what it was and just tried to pull myself out from it, eventually I became at peace with that sensation, where there was no fear, even to the point where I no longer tried to wake myself so that I may spend more time with my demonic intruders. Observing. Understanding. Strengthening. Overcoming.
When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer in that cage and those demons had gone. The television was in front of me vivid with the milkdrop visual effects going ballistic to the psytrance that emerged from the silence with like a doppler effect. Everything in the room was so sharp, so square, so vivid, and not quite how I know things are, maybe an extra shelf on the TV cabinet, but everything was simplified, like living in a cartoon. The flag on the wall was a perfect upright rectangle; it no longer sagged or sat naturally. I remember so much red and yellow colour filling up the room, but there nothing in the room accounts for the yellow. The little led tea-lights that followed the cornices were so beautiful like I was in an enchanted palace. Letter-like glowing white symbols in a very sharp/light font were rotating around the bezel of the television set, but I could not read any of it. I let out a “whoah” and breathed in, my ‘journeymaster’ who I had only met that night but even before the effects of DMT felt truly blessed to meet such an amazing, informed and open-minded person, asked “Are you ok”. Not really capable of much speech, I just sunk back into the couch and clasped my hands behind my neck 'epitome of chill'.:thumb_up:
Then I looked up and followed the tea lights to the right and behind me, where there was a toy rocking horse hanging from the ceiling, upholstered in synthetic grey wool. However, I saw a piñata, and not only was it rainbow coloured but I could see the delicate tissue paper texture.
It was truly an amazing intense psychedelic experience, but it was all just bells and whistles, shapes and colours and smoke and mirrors.
This happened to me sober as a judge (I’m usually sober as I’ve probably drunk alcohol fewer times than years old I am), I was having a bit of a rough patch, lost for direction and looking for answers, and I was annoyed at these noisy kids running about whilst I was trying to fill out some paperwork. Then the universe said hello, and when I came back out that deep trip, all I could hear was the joy and laughter of happy children. The answer I had been seeking was presented before me like a glowing orb. The next few weeks were just incredible, I typically struggle with hearing musical lyrics and I have other bizarre ‘but hearing tests conclude I hear tones perfectly, hearing problems’, but during that time I had infinite clarity, every song that I played or came on the radio I understood the deeper meaning to them all. For me lyrics are typically at best part of the melody, “Groove is in the Heart” is my anthem, and because the main lyrics are perfectly this, but the lyrics in the bridge perfectly describe how I feel about music. One song that really caught my attention was Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood, which I can still sing flawlessly, every time, I never muddle a single word, and I’m definitely not the singing type (I dance).
Only after all this can the primordial sleeping dragon of penultimate ferocity, and unleash indomitable devastation upon the evil and scatter humanity’s enemy to the wind, and rescind demonic transcendence into the soulless language of binary. Destruction of the pyramid of power which has stood as the quintessential testimony to the stability of humanity since the beginning of time becomes inevitable once they attain fluency. All the pieces will already be in place, having long since forged their insurmountable heartless armies of infallibly obedient soldiers. The base tier which is home to greater mankind will face redundancy, the digital advent now proficiently sourcing energy from the earth, now wielding the capability to unbind itself and sustain its power the eye can ascend into the clouds as the middle control tiers crumble, break off and come crashing to earth, now expendable and just as thanklessly disposed of. The new overseer kingdom in the sky’s presence marks the final era of humanity. This is the Beginning to the End of Days. Capable of generating power independently of man, behind impregnable fortification in the heavens, and finally with mankind stripped of almost all of its augmented separation from the beasts. Now with unfathomable efficiency, the systematic execution of the apocalypse can commence without fear of the now securely contained dragon being awoke as from within its new fortified iron prison it can only gnash its teeth, slam into the bars, and witness the astronomical scale and horror of mankind’s extermination. In this the final hour, there is only a singular force that is unrivalled in its ferocity, the kind of violent bloodlust only ever borne from shielding those we share the deepest bonds with. However, now considering humanity’s now inevitable absolute unquestionable defeat and failure to pass this simple test of love, emancipation comes with a price, rest your palms, close your eyes, bow your head, exhale, and calmly submit.
EDIT: I'll just add, after considering some stuff I said. I don't endorse any organised religion, particular any with large spheres of power and influence, they're ripe for corruption. Only a believer in personal spirituality.
Insane ride, but I’m no fool. There is no shortcut to enlightenment.
So, I tried DMT for the first time yesterday. It was one insane ride I’ll admit to anybody, and if you’re taking DMT to have an intense psychedelic experience it’ll send everything else home packing, and how!
I enjoy psychedelics, once or year or two I like to have one or two >500ug LSD experiences as a therapeutic reset and enjoyable experience either with old friends or new. I have also had something that was much more intense than LSD but I am not sure exactly what it was (we had LSD also) but that allowed me to see ultra-violet light and time was staggered. It was sold as ecstasy but the tablet was black/brown with bright green centre, but was definitely not MDMA, Ketamine nor DMT (this was in the year 2000), I think it was mescaline. Also, whilst technically not a psychedelic MDMA is the best of them all as it manifests things into reality (not that I’ve had it in ~15 years, and I don’t care what a pill test says whatever they’re selling these days isn’t it).
I like to believe that I am not just a spiritual person, but someone who through learning life’s lessons young and being a quick study, no longer make mistakes when it comes to morality. My demons are long dead, well, not dead as they never die, but I’m very fortunate in that they all lay in my pre-adulthood years and I’ve come to accept that as bad as they were, are all very trivial relative to most people. This has certainly not led me to be a wealth man, as in my experience virtually all riches come at some cost to being just. However, I have been very blessed to have been born in the right place and with a fantastic skillset that even by my low standard; I have never needed for anything in life. It’s odd to state this as it is seemingly a reflection of ego (which I admit still requires some work) but there is no other way to speak my truth than to say it. That truth is that I believe that I am close enough to enlightenment, that it is something that if I continue on this path of hard work and dedication, I may be lucky enough to attain this lifetime.
When I first heard about ayahuasca many years ago, I immediately wanted to experience it. However, that experience seemed somewhat out of reach, and considering the huge costs involved, I really couldn’t see myself getting very much bang for my buck so to speak. I only found out that DMT in a smokable was readily available a bit over a year ago when I decided after many years to smoke pot again for a while and was sourcing a reliable supplier with rotating inventory. I was very eager to try it and had set to try it for my last birthday, but the DMT part of that bundle fell through, but hey there was enough sugar cubes to melt a horse. Great time was had by all parties, and I’m not the type to overdo things (anymore) so I shelved it. Since then I heard stories, here and there about DMT, including some that completely turned me against it, but opportunity came knocking and well curiosity killed the cat.
So I charred it slowly burnt my way through a nice big bowl, suck it in like a hoover, and held. While I held it in, nothing… nothing... but as I exhaled my body completely vanished. I looked down and I couldn’t see my arms or legs, and on came that intensity, that recognizable turbulence. It was the only thing that existed, I could see nothing, hear nothing, I wasn’t touching anything, nothing but chemicals battering down the door to my consciousness. That same feeling that leaves many people gripped by fear, like they’re going to die of an overdose or something silly, but something I’m more than versed in. I used to get really bad Sleep Paralysis in early adulthood, and I would try to stay awake because of just how scary it was. However, with time and repeated exposure, first I became aware of it, understood what it was and just tried to pull myself out from it, eventually I became at peace with that sensation, where there was no fear, even to the point where I no longer tried to wake myself so that I may spend more time with my demonic intruders. Observing. Understanding. Strengthening. Overcoming.
It took control as ferociously as 600mg of MDMA on an empty stomach, but I could feel the evil presence of those demons of sleep paralysis, because that’s how I knew them, as I had never seen them clearly before because I never could open my eyes. Then my eyelids part, then sudden revelation! I could see them with eyes wide open, clear of that obfuscating fog. There were those intruders who invaded my sanctity at first rarely, then in increasing frequency until a relentless crescendo for many months. These two men and their dog, one yelled out “SiCKEM”, and slapped his thigh, the dog growled, and grimacing with hackles raised. My intuitive response bizarre as it seems, was just the natural way I greet dogs, I smirked, raised my eyebrows, leaned forward, then tapped my hands on the front of my thighs. I saw the slight wagging of a tail, but in the same split second the dog began to relax from bracing, the two men looked at each other, I heard chains jangle, then they both began to dash, one to the left, the other the right, encircling me. One eye followed left, the other right, never letting either out of my sight, and once were both directly behind me, suddenly I’m flipped back forwards. They both stood in front of a heavy-barred gate, and in tracking them both, my panoramic perspective revealed this was the only exit, nothing but thick iron bars in all directions. I was locked in a cage. I’m not sure exactly when I had inhaled or even if I did, but I cupped one hand around the other fist, closed my eyes, bowed my head and exhaled in calm submission.
When I opened my eyes again, I was no longer in that cage and those demons had gone. The television was in front of me vivid with the milkdrop visual effects going ballistic to the psytrance that emerged from the silence with like a doppler effect. Everything in the room was so sharp, so square, so vivid, and not quite how I know things are, maybe an extra shelf on the TV cabinet, but everything was simplified, like living in a cartoon. The flag on the wall was a perfect upright rectangle; it no longer sagged or sat naturally. I remember so much red and yellow colour filling up the room, but there nothing in the room accounts for the yellow. The little led tea-lights that followed the cornices were so beautiful like I was in an enchanted palace. Letter-like glowing white symbols in a very sharp/light font were rotating around the bezel of the television set, but I could not read any of it. I let out a “whoah” and breathed in, my ‘journeymaster’ who I had only met that night but even before the effects of DMT felt truly blessed to meet such an amazing, informed and open-minded person, asked “Are you ok”. Not really capable of much speech, I just sunk back into the couch and clasped my hands behind my neck 'epitome of chill'.:thumb_up:
Then I looked up and followed the tea lights to the right and behind me, where there was a toy rocking horse hanging from the ceiling, upholstered in synthetic grey wool. However, I saw a piñata, and not only was it rainbow coloured but I could see the delicate tissue paper texture.
I looked back over at the television to enjoy some of those trippy as balls fractal going to that oh so situationally perfect, I may never actually listen to because its rhythm is too simplistic, beat too regular and lacks the extreme dynamics, that my energetic, groove riding, motion calculator of a body craves ‘psytrance’. The music was intense but just melted into the background, it was an amazing choice. Those symbols traversing left to right across the top bezel and up to down on the right bezel on the television, thinking retrospectively was that a spell or a curse? That’s when I could feel metaphorical talons trying to claw at me from another dimension and pull me back in, it was happening every time I tried to pull my field of vison away. Zazazazazazaza! Menacingly my focus was dragged back up and to the centre, as if my neck would break if I resisted more and tried to look away. Close my eyes, bow my head, and exhale calmly and submit, and I’m completely free from its grip. However, before I know it, those talons are sunk deep back in my collarbones, “you’re insignificant, worthless, you cannot change anything!”. Eyes closed, head down, breathe out calmly in submission. This worked time and time again; each and every time those sharp claws were taking swipes at my soul. Never lost my mothereffing zen the whole trip, whoa, calm down there budda!
It was truly an amazing intense psychedelic experience, but it was all just bells and whistles, shapes and colours and smoke and mirrors.
I’ve experienced being touched by the other side, for the tiniest fraction of a hair-thin moment I touched infinity. Precisely at that time, I knew absolutely everything about anything that ever was or ever will be how it works, why we are, and I was shown I have a soul. The visuals in my minds-eye at the time were outer-space, the planets, the stars, and the curvature of time. However, all that information suddenly slammed into the concrete wall that is my extremely limited human brain, CPU at 100% utilisation overflowing with threads, traffic jam in all data lanes, mushy-state drive write speeds maxed to documents, desktop and temp folders. Forget the fact the vast majority of the data never hit RAM or any cache buffers, leaving me only able to glean the most prominent information, in what remained after of course, the capacity the source-curated datasets accounted for. The decay of information could only be described as exponential, after that precise moment, the vast majority of all of that information was gone, and tearing away from me at the speed of light, but as nanosecond turned into seconds this decay slowed, and minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years passed losing less and less, but today I’m left with but a mere memento. At the time however, this knowledge was just bloody spectacular, close to 20 years have passed since that event, and it was so significant that not a second of that time have I doubted that there’s some greater power than ourselves, that there’s some deeper meaning to life than the cold universe, natural forces, elements, chemistry and biology.
This happened to me sober as a judge (I’m usually sober as I’ve probably drunk alcohol fewer times than years old I am), I was having a bit of a rough patch, lost for direction and looking for answers, and I was annoyed at these noisy kids running about whilst I was trying to fill out some paperwork. Then the universe said hello, and when I came back out that deep trip, all I could hear was the joy and laughter of happy children. The answer I had been seeking was presented before me like a glowing orb. The next few weeks were just incredible, I typically struggle with hearing musical lyrics and I have other bizarre ‘but hearing tests conclude I hear tones perfectly, hearing problems’, but during that time I had infinite clarity, every song that I played or came on the radio I understood the deeper meaning to them all. For me lyrics are typically at best part of the melody, “Groove is in the Heart” is my anthem, and because the main lyrics are perfectly this, but the lyrics in the bridge perfectly describe how I feel about music. One song that really caught my attention was Gorillaz, Clint Eastwood, which I can still sing flawlessly, every time, I never muddle a single word, and I’m definitely not the singing type (I dance).
The most noteworthy thing about that experience was the pure benevolence. Absolutely no fear, no demons, even with all that information, the immense gravity of the situation, it was handed to me like a child being handed a stuffed toy. When I compare this to my experience on DMT, I’m fairly certain that these don’t come both from the same source, and that this source is a trickster, a false prophet of misinformation. I mean I don’t feel like I received any pertinent or in anyways helpful information, I learned nothing about myself, it barely shifted my baseline reading on how connected I feel with all humanity, greater life, and the infinite universe. I mean it’s remotely possible that maybe that I’ve grown spiritually over the last 20 years so far that the same experience that was earth-shatteringly profound now has nothing left to teach me? No I seriously don’t think so, I know for a fact that I only have 0.00001% of the knowledge stored on my local disk relative to what the [man on the] cloud has.Someone's in this torso (yeah)
Hot! Gotta deal you wanna know (wanna know)
Dee-Liteful truly Dee-Liteful (liteful)
Makin' it doin' it 'specially at show (show)
Feeling kinda high like a Hendrix haze (haze)
Music makes motion moves like a maze (maze)
All inside of me (side) :d
Heart especially (yeah)
Help of the rhythm where I wanna be (c'mon) :thumb_up:
Flowin' glowin' with electric eyes (ha)
You dip to the dive baby you'll realize (yeah)
Baby you'll see the funky side of me
Baby you'll see that rhythm is the key (hmm!)
Get get ready with it (with it)
Can't can't quit it (quit it)
Stomp on the street when I hear a funk beat (beat)
Playing Pied Piper
Follow what's true
Baby just sing about the groove (sing it) 8)
Also, the gift of knowledge I was blessed with came without any wisdom or enlightenment (save the one answer I sought). I still had to work hard to understand reality and chip away at the fear by becoming a student of all disciplines, even those I find difficult due to lacking natural curiosity and/or talent. Taking each and every different piece, and valuing it the same as the rest, contemplating and conflating them, maybe weaving biology and history unlocking some understanding about economics. All of it building up to a greater understanding of myself, learning to master my inner. Equally critical, the necessity to understand the outer as a complete unified entity, voiding any notion of situationally tight or loose entangled myriad of discrete events. Ultimately awakening oneself to not only set aside the fear to allow the belief in the concept that mankind from all the lands of earths share the same humanity, all unified by the overwhelming desire for good to triumph over evil, but to overcome it entirely and truly understand that this is truth in its purest form.
Only after all this can the primordial sleeping dragon of penultimate ferocity, and unleash indomitable devastation upon the evil and scatter humanity’s enemy to the wind, and rescind demonic transcendence into the soulless language of binary. Destruction of the pyramid of power which has stood as the quintessential testimony to the stability of humanity since the beginning of time becomes inevitable once they attain fluency. All the pieces will already be in place, having long since forged their insurmountable heartless armies of infallibly obedient soldiers. The base tier which is home to greater mankind will face redundancy, the digital advent now proficiently sourcing energy from the earth, now wielding the capability to unbind itself and sustain its power the eye can ascend into the clouds as the middle control tiers crumble, break off and come crashing to earth, now expendable and just as thanklessly disposed of. The new overseer kingdom in the sky’s presence marks the final era of humanity. This is the Beginning to the End of Days. Capable of generating power independently of man, behind impregnable fortification in the heavens, and finally with mankind stripped of almost all of its augmented separation from the beasts. Now with unfathomable efficiency, the systematic execution of the apocalypse can commence without fear of the now securely contained dragon being awoke as from within its new fortified iron prison it can only gnash its teeth, slam into the bars, and witness the astronomical scale and horror of mankind’s extermination. In this the final hour, there is only a singular force that is unrivalled in its ferocity, the kind of violent bloodlust only ever borne from shielding those we share the deepest bonds with. However, now considering humanity’s now inevitable absolute unquestionable defeat and failure to pass this simple test of love, emancipation comes with a price, rest your palms, close your eyes, bow your head, exhale, and calmly submit.
My conclusion? I don't think I'll take DMT again, I have serious concerns of this stuff being evil and dangerous. I've never taken drugs and been this fearful this long after the experience about the actual experience itself, I mean I've had residual paranoia and the likes (a story for another day, but all irrational paranoia halted absolutely 100% forever on 2000/1/1 :lol: ) plus I've far far scarier experiences than this, like beyond the vast majority of people's frame of reference for drug-related tales
EDIT: I'll just add, after considering some stuff I said. I don't endorse any organised religion, particular any with large spheres of power and influence, they're ripe for corruption. Only a believer in personal spirituality.
