mooai
Rising Star
Have been wanting to get in the habit of writing down my trips so I figured I'd start here.
This trip was rue only with no DMT. I ended up taking 0.6g of what seemed to be reasonably pure mix of harmalas obtained from a long boil and then a crude manske. Product was a tan color.
I hadn't taken a high dose harmala trip yet but had been dosing them in small to medium amounts for the past few weeks before this, up to 3-4g of 30x caapi extract. Hadn't got any nausea or been incapacitated at all like I've heard many say, so I wanted to try a high dose and experience a harmala only trip. Was night time and I sprinkled some extract in my tea to get started and waited till I felt it. Started getting more and more relaxed/happy like usual, and started to feel a little harder to move around. I was sitting at my chair and started feeling it quite significantly and wanted to lay down, so I prepared everything. Laid down and continued ingesting more till I was at a the desired level. Started feeling it quite a lot and lights/sounds became quite overwhelming. Had to turn off the music and set my laptop aside as I no longer wanted to listen to it. Laid down for a bit and enjoyed very subtle patterns and faces. Didn't feel like I was on a psychedelic really but I felt kind of sleepy and dreamy. I was thinking about the 'plant consciousness' theory many people have. Haven't experienced it yet but was wondering of something would try to communicate with me. I imagined/saw a feminine presence and at a certain point got the thought/saw the female presence smoking a pipe seeming to signal to me. The visuals were quite subtle if any so it's hard to call them full visuals. Was more just a dreamy imaginary type state. They were also much influenced just by what I was thinking or wondering about, so I think that played into it. Anyway, I saw that and thought it might be a good idea to get my pipe incase I wanted to smoke a little DMT on this. Got that together and took the rest of what I had planned to, then laid down and closed my eyes.
This is when the real trip started. I had only been taking small amounts so far so I didn't have a good gauge as to how long it took to kick in. After sitting in bed 20 minutes I realized I was feeling a little overwhelmed with body load/nausea but was still coming up and had a while to go until I peaked. Quickly realized that DMT was not going to get smoked as I spent the next few hours struggling and meditating through the experience, although it wasn't bad, just quite a lot of body load and not something I want to do often. Mentally it was quite a nice trip. It became very hard to move and the first thing I noticed was, oddly, how it felt a bit like ketamine which I used to use. I felt dissociated from my body, a little differently from how it happens on K. If I closed my eyes a while I could forget where my arms were and not feel I was on my bed anymore. I also found the spinny/drunk feeling a bit similar to K. My body felt a bit distorted at times and I kind of lost track of it. I also noticed similar visuals to K in some aspects, I closed my eyes and saw these kind of 'vortexes' that are typical for me on K that seem to get bigger or smaller as I dissociate. The other thing it felt quite similar to is sensations I have got while trying to WILD while lucid dreaming, or meditating before bed.
I was enjoying that for a bit but unlike K the body load just kept rising higher and higher. At a certain point, I noticed I could make the body load go away entirely if I 'meditated' correctly. Easier said than done though. This meant staying aware in the moment, not losing consciousness/falling asleep, and not letting my thoughts drift at all. The moment my thoughts would drift or I started getting sleepy, I would be shocked with intense nausea and body load. It felt like I was only allowed minimal thoughts, the bare minimum of what was necessary and beneficial, all other thoughts were not tolerated in this space. Lol. My thoughts also could not be a part of 'long trains.' Instead any thoughts I had must either arise organically or I must kind of realize something spontaneously, no A+B=C so then I'll do D, and then that means tomorrow I can do P. No easily driven, directed trains of thought like my usual internal monologue. It was instead more of an open awareness where things could pop up and leave, but if I tried to grasp a thought or hold on to something too long, the nausea would come. In that sense it felt like it was 'teaching' me to meditate.
I had some back and forth with learning this meditation to keep the nauseating effects under control, and started to get some muscle memory and become used to it. The meditation kept the nausea under control, but also it seemed to make things more intense in a way when I did it too. I was still coming up, so as I learned to meditate and keep it under control, more and more body load kept coming my way. At a certain point I started getting a very vivid hallucination/feeling of someone rocking me back and forth, as if sliding me across the surface of my bed very quickly from the bottom where my feet were to my headboard. I meditated through this too though it became more challenging. I saw/envisioned (hard to tell difference on harmalas, very dreamlike) an asian/ethnic type of lady you might see in a village working with her hands on some sort of machine made out of wood, rubbing something back and forth, just doing her daily work as she has done all her life. It was all very routine and her rhythm was very regular as if she had done it every day for years just as a standard village job. But it was me who she was rubbing, it seemed like some sort of purifying motion or task. I saw that in a flash and it was creating that intense rocking motion. When I meditated through it properly, I felt things stabilize a bit more but instead of rocking it turned into this intense energy running through me. I could no longer feel my bed. It felt like I was floating up into the air and spinning at the same time. The most noticeable part was the intense energy flowing through me from all these sensations.
At a certain point when I hit a balance in the meditation type thing, I held it for a little while and let the energy build up. I saw this blue flame emanating off me, of just this intense energy smoldering off me cooking in me, challenging me. It did feel like a burning, how much I was struggling to maintain this calmness. I think I had some visuals but they were very much overshadowed by these intense sensations so I didn't pay much attention or bother to remember. I remember seeing nature like scenes, and some quite serene visions of going through a tunnel. Another time I closed my eyes and was meditating, (which by the way, closing my eyes made it very intense, I had to carefully balance relaxing and closing them, to putting in the energy to open them) and when I closed my eyes I initially was meditating but accidentally almost fell asleep, but was jolted awake with an intense energy throughout my entire body, and this intense spiritual feeling aura everywhere, and in my face in the form of a quite beautiful multicolored...something.. some sort of organic type of visual pattern that seemed to be taking form with energy flowing through it.
Another thing that is a common theme with harmalas for me, is that I often start out being scared of the mental aspect of the trip, but it always ends with me not giving a shit about any sort of demon or negativity and just shooing them away and totally not caring about them when instead the far more difficult part of the trip becomes the intense body load. In that sense the body load is quite nice as I feel it stops a lot of mental negativity which can be much worse than throwing up or nausea for hours on end.
That was most of the trip. I'm sure I left some things out, probably should have wrote it down sooner. After the peak was over, I felt like I might throw up. I didn't want to as I read about people dry heaving for hours on rue. I didn't try to force myself not to, but meditated and breathed through it. I wasn't seeking out barfing my guts out but if I needed to I was ready, it would have been a drag though.
I think there was more, but that was most of it. The next day I had a bit of a hangover and was tired, partially from tripping half the night but definitely felt off for a couple days. I feel like this might have been because of the harmaline. I'm going to try a visionary caapi dose or see if I can remove the harmaline from my rue to see if that changes things. If that is just part of the experience, it's not something I want to do very regularly.
This trip was rue only with no DMT. I ended up taking 0.6g of what seemed to be reasonably pure mix of harmalas obtained from a long boil and then a crude manske. Product was a tan color.
I hadn't taken a high dose harmala trip yet but had been dosing them in small to medium amounts for the past few weeks before this, up to 3-4g of 30x caapi extract. Hadn't got any nausea or been incapacitated at all like I've heard many say, so I wanted to try a high dose and experience a harmala only trip. Was night time and I sprinkled some extract in my tea to get started and waited till I felt it. Started getting more and more relaxed/happy like usual, and started to feel a little harder to move around. I was sitting at my chair and started feeling it quite significantly and wanted to lay down, so I prepared everything. Laid down and continued ingesting more till I was at a the desired level. Started feeling it quite a lot and lights/sounds became quite overwhelming. Had to turn off the music and set my laptop aside as I no longer wanted to listen to it. Laid down for a bit and enjoyed very subtle patterns and faces. Didn't feel like I was on a psychedelic really but I felt kind of sleepy and dreamy. I was thinking about the 'plant consciousness' theory many people have. Haven't experienced it yet but was wondering of something would try to communicate with me. I imagined/saw a feminine presence and at a certain point got the thought/saw the female presence smoking a pipe seeming to signal to me. The visuals were quite subtle if any so it's hard to call them full visuals. Was more just a dreamy imaginary type state. They were also much influenced just by what I was thinking or wondering about, so I think that played into it. Anyway, I saw that and thought it might be a good idea to get my pipe incase I wanted to smoke a little DMT on this. Got that together and took the rest of what I had planned to, then laid down and closed my eyes.
This is when the real trip started. I had only been taking small amounts so far so I didn't have a good gauge as to how long it took to kick in. After sitting in bed 20 minutes I realized I was feeling a little overwhelmed with body load/nausea but was still coming up and had a while to go until I peaked. Quickly realized that DMT was not going to get smoked as I spent the next few hours struggling and meditating through the experience, although it wasn't bad, just quite a lot of body load and not something I want to do often. Mentally it was quite a nice trip. It became very hard to move and the first thing I noticed was, oddly, how it felt a bit like ketamine which I used to use. I felt dissociated from my body, a little differently from how it happens on K. If I closed my eyes a while I could forget where my arms were and not feel I was on my bed anymore. I also found the spinny/drunk feeling a bit similar to K. My body felt a bit distorted at times and I kind of lost track of it. I also noticed similar visuals to K in some aspects, I closed my eyes and saw these kind of 'vortexes' that are typical for me on K that seem to get bigger or smaller as I dissociate. The other thing it felt quite similar to is sensations I have got while trying to WILD while lucid dreaming, or meditating before bed.
I was enjoying that for a bit but unlike K the body load just kept rising higher and higher. At a certain point, I noticed I could make the body load go away entirely if I 'meditated' correctly. Easier said than done though. This meant staying aware in the moment, not losing consciousness/falling asleep, and not letting my thoughts drift at all. The moment my thoughts would drift or I started getting sleepy, I would be shocked with intense nausea and body load. It felt like I was only allowed minimal thoughts, the bare minimum of what was necessary and beneficial, all other thoughts were not tolerated in this space. Lol. My thoughts also could not be a part of 'long trains.' Instead any thoughts I had must either arise organically or I must kind of realize something spontaneously, no A+B=C so then I'll do D, and then that means tomorrow I can do P. No easily driven, directed trains of thought like my usual internal monologue. It was instead more of an open awareness where things could pop up and leave, but if I tried to grasp a thought or hold on to something too long, the nausea would come. In that sense it felt like it was 'teaching' me to meditate.
I had some back and forth with learning this meditation to keep the nauseating effects under control, and started to get some muscle memory and become used to it. The meditation kept the nausea under control, but also it seemed to make things more intense in a way when I did it too. I was still coming up, so as I learned to meditate and keep it under control, more and more body load kept coming my way. At a certain point I started getting a very vivid hallucination/feeling of someone rocking me back and forth, as if sliding me across the surface of my bed very quickly from the bottom where my feet were to my headboard. I meditated through this too though it became more challenging. I saw/envisioned (hard to tell difference on harmalas, very dreamlike) an asian/ethnic type of lady you might see in a village working with her hands on some sort of machine made out of wood, rubbing something back and forth, just doing her daily work as she has done all her life. It was all very routine and her rhythm was very regular as if she had done it every day for years just as a standard village job. But it was me who she was rubbing, it seemed like some sort of purifying motion or task. I saw that in a flash and it was creating that intense rocking motion. When I meditated through it properly, I felt things stabilize a bit more but instead of rocking it turned into this intense energy running through me. I could no longer feel my bed. It felt like I was floating up into the air and spinning at the same time. The most noticeable part was the intense energy flowing through me from all these sensations.
At a certain point when I hit a balance in the meditation type thing, I held it for a little while and let the energy build up. I saw this blue flame emanating off me, of just this intense energy smoldering off me cooking in me, challenging me. It did feel like a burning, how much I was struggling to maintain this calmness. I think I had some visuals but they were very much overshadowed by these intense sensations so I didn't pay much attention or bother to remember. I remember seeing nature like scenes, and some quite serene visions of going through a tunnel. Another time I closed my eyes and was meditating, (which by the way, closing my eyes made it very intense, I had to carefully balance relaxing and closing them, to putting in the energy to open them) and when I closed my eyes I initially was meditating but accidentally almost fell asleep, but was jolted awake with an intense energy throughout my entire body, and this intense spiritual feeling aura everywhere, and in my face in the form of a quite beautiful multicolored...something.. some sort of organic type of visual pattern that seemed to be taking form with energy flowing through it.
Another thing that is a common theme with harmalas for me, is that I often start out being scared of the mental aspect of the trip, but it always ends with me not giving a shit about any sort of demon or negativity and just shooing them away and totally not caring about them when instead the far more difficult part of the trip becomes the intense body load. In that sense the body load is quite nice as I feel it stops a lot of mental negativity which can be much worse than throwing up or nausea for hours on end.
That was most of the trip. I'm sure I left some things out, probably should have wrote it down sooner. After the peak was over, I felt like I might throw up. I didn't want to as I read about people dry heaving for hours on rue. I didn't try to force myself not to, but meditated and breathed through it. I wasn't seeking out barfing my guts out but if I needed to I was ready, it would have been a drag though.
I think there was more, but that was most of it. The next day I had a bit of a hangover and was tired, partially from tripping half the night but definitely felt off for a couple days. I feel like this might have been because of the harmaline. I'm going to try a visionary caapi dose or see if I can remove the harmaline from my rue to see if that changes things. If that is just part of the experience, it's not something I want to do very regularly.
