I don't recommend doing anything you're about to read. I have completely broken through twice, within the same year, achieving ego death on two different substances, neither of which was DMT although, the second time came on fast like DMT can. I have read about many similar experiences, but these were my own. There is a lot of contradiction, the sort that only someone who has been there can truly understand, and words are an extremely poor medium to convey experience but I will try to describe them in as much detail as I can.
The first time was several years ago, while at a friends house. He had been experimenting with MXE. I had tried a small amount with him once before, each of us sniffing a small bit, before proceeding to stand facing each other in front of his stereo for the next hour, talking the entire time and listening to a new Mastodon album. Time and space were greatly affected. You can read about that elsewhere, this is more about my trip. The next time I did it with him, I cut out a couple lines, larger than what I had done before, for both of us. He then told me he didn't want any so I did both lines and sat on the couch. Within a minute or two, I was in another place. Later he would tell me that after sitting down I vomited on myself. What I began to see was the lines of the corner of the room starting to skip. Slowly, almost rhythmically at first, but then violently as if driven by static. Soon my entire field of vision was skipping, like a scratched CD skips. I can't tell you what I "saw" in the next phase. It was more feeling.
There was an intense realization that I was no longer me. There was no me. All that had ever been was merely a dream, or a passing thought. None of anything I knew had ever been real- not trees, air, light bulbs, people, words, worlds, grass, fish or books. None of it. No concept from this world survived this "stripping", going into the new reality. Nothing I know had ever really been, and the words "It has always been this way and it will always be this way" kept going through my head. This thought continued for the rest of the experience. I completely believed this and it was utterly terrifying, yet not at all, all at the same time. I was a free floating entity, but floating through what, I did not know. With no body, I couldn't figure out what it was that I was thinking with. It was as if I WAS thought.
The next thing I remember I was outside, laying on his patio looking up at the sky. The grass started in my peripherals but soon was as tall as trees. It was enveloping me, getting higher. It looked like a crazy wide-angle lens. My friend was there and his face had taken on a mildly cartoonish look at first, and then he was Dan Halen from Squidbillies- almost all head. This was also terrifying, yet not. The next thing I remember was sitting in his shower, in my underwear, legs crossed. The water was pouring over me. I remember looking down at my underwear, seeing the cloth, the stitching. None of it looked normal, as if the shape of it all was wrong, completely alien but familiar all at once. Soon I was able to walk with assistance. I had to hold on to his counter to stand unassisted and if I let go I would have fell into eternity below. I couldn't tell if the floor and my feet, which I eventually was able to see, were 4 inches or 400 feet away. I also had no reference for how long each stage took. My friend said it was hours until I started to come to. To me, it might have been seconds and it might have been years. After I was lucid, I spent the rest of the evening contemplating what I experienced.
The second time, an acquaintance handed me a bowl at a party and I took a hit. Ten seconds later I was completely surrounded by what I can only describe as a kaleidoscope of red, orange and yellow fire, but each was liquid, with different densities so it looked kind of like oil blobs. It was all constantly moving and mixing. Unlike a transition into bodylessness like the previous experience, this was immediate. I knew right away that nothing had ever been, and I was not any sort of thing. I could hear deafeningly loud voices around me with a reverb-like echo (it was a small crowd that had gathered around me), and I could also hear a monotone voice calling out complex mathematical equations. They were maneuvers being ordered at me and each time one was called out, I was compelled to turn this way or that. I knew that I must not miscalculate my turns or something terrible would happen, but I didn't know what. I just knew I had to obey and comply. Between the extremely loud echo chamber voices, the realization that nothing ever existed and the maneuvering, my mind's processing power was completely taken up and I remember realizing that but also realizing that I was working with complete efficiency, but it was taxing. All of the aforementioned thoughts were happening simultaneously towards the end for sure, but may have been going on like that from the beginning. After a while I came out of it and realized there were people around me. The whole trip lasted about fifteen minutes. They thought I might have had a seizure, but I don't believe so. I was able to walk with assistance and after a time I vomited. After an hour or so I was more or less back to normal. Turns out, it was some kind of weed substitute "spice" and the guy didn't bother to tell me. He apologized profusely and told me after I took the hit, I started to walk away and then just hit the ground.
Both experiences left me in a state of contemplation for days. I got a small glimpse of the pale shadow that is our brain's ability to comprehend eternity and its timelessness. The terror of no longer being alive by any standard that I had previously understood caused me to gain a new appreciation for life in general, but especially for what I do with my own. The way I effect everything around me- because its all tied together. Its like an infinitely complex knot and every single living thing is a string that is tied to its central point, and each and every living thing IS the central point. Its a tesseract of life.
The first time was several years ago, while at a friends house. He had been experimenting with MXE. I had tried a small amount with him once before, each of us sniffing a small bit, before proceeding to stand facing each other in front of his stereo for the next hour, talking the entire time and listening to a new Mastodon album. Time and space were greatly affected. You can read about that elsewhere, this is more about my trip. The next time I did it with him, I cut out a couple lines, larger than what I had done before, for both of us. He then told me he didn't want any so I did both lines and sat on the couch. Within a minute or two, I was in another place. Later he would tell me that after sitting down I vomited on myself. What I began to see was the lines of the corner of the room starting to skip. Slowly, almost rhythmically at first, but then violently as if driven by static. Soon my entire field of vision was skipping, like a scratched CD skips. I can't tell you what I "saw" in the next phase. It was more feeling.
There was an intense realization that I was no longer me. There was no me. All that had ever been was merely a dream, or a passing thought. None of anything I knew had ever been real- not trees, air, light bulbs, people, words, worlds, grass, fish or books. None of it. No concept from this world survived this "stripping", going into the new reality. Nothing I know had ever really been, and the words "It has always been this way and it will always be this way" kept going through my head. This thought continued for the rest of the experience. I completely believed this and it was utterly terrifying, yet not at all, all at the same time. I was a free floating entity, but floating through what, I did not know. With no body, I couldn't figure out what it was that I was thinking with. It was as if I WAS thought.
The next thing I remember I was outside, laying on his patio looking up at the sky. The grass started in my peripherals but soon was as tall as trees. It was enveloping me, getting higher. It looked like a crazy wide-angle lens. My friend was there and his face had taken on a mildly cartoonish look at first, and then he was Dan Halen from Squidbillies- almost all head. This was also terrifying, yet not. The next thing I remember was sitting in his shower, in my underwear, legs crossed. The water was pouring over me. I remember looking down at my underwear, seeing the cloth, the stitching. None of it looked normal, as if the shape of it all was wrong, completely alien but familiar all at once. Soon I was able to walk with assistance. I had to hold on to his counter to stand unassisted and if I let go I would have fell into eternity below. I couldn't tell if the floor and my feet, which I eventually was able to see, were 4 inches or 400 feet away. I also had no reference for how long each stage took. My friend said it was hours until I started to come to. To me, it might have been seconds and it might have been years. After I was lucid, I spent the rest of the evening contemplating what I experienced.
The second time, an acquaintance handed me a bowl at a party and I took a hit. Ten seconds later I was completely surrounded by what I can only describe as a kaleidoscope of red, orange and yellow fire, but each was liquid, with different densities so it looked kind of like oil blobs. It was all constantly moving and mixing. Unlike a transition into bodylessness like the previous experience, this was immediate. I knew right away that nothing had ever been, and I was not any sort of thing. I could hear deafeningly loud voices around me with a reverb-like echo (it was a small crowd that had gathered around me), and I could also hear a monotone voice calling out complex mathematical equations. They were maneuvers being ordered at me and each time one was called out, I was compelled to turn this way or that. I knew that I must not miscalculate my turns or something terrible would happen, but I didn't know what. I just knew I had to obey and comply. Between the extremely loud echo chamber voices, the realization that nothing ever existed and the maneuvering, my mind's processing power was completely taken up and I remember realizing that but also realizing that I was working with complete efficiency, but it was taxing. All of the aforementioned thoughts were happening simultaneously towards the end for sure, but may have been going on like that from the beginning. After a while I came out of it and realized there were people around me. The whole trip lasted about fifteen minutes. They thought I might have had a seizure, but I don't believe so. I was able to walk with assistance and after a time I vomited. After an hour or so I was more or less back to normal. Turns out, it was some kind of weed substitute "spice" and the guy didn't bother to tell me. He apologized profusely and told me after I took the hit, I started to walk away and then just hit the ground.
Both experiences left me in a state of contemplation for days. I got a small glimpse of the pale shadow that is our brain's ability to comprehend eternity and its timelessness. The terror of no longer being alive by any standard that I had previously understood caused me to gain a new appreciation for life in general, but especially for what I do with my own. The way I effect everything around me- because its all tied together. Its like an infinitely complex knot and every single living thing is a string that is tied to its central point, and each and every living thing IS the central point. Its a tesseract of life.
Very nice reading, we think it may have moar to do with your interesting personality and who you are, then just MXE or synthetic cannabinoids. 