My First Bad Trip ~~ DMT Experience ~~ 200mg of Changa

[northape]

i use to say those words until i was in a bad trip.

I'll say it one more time: You decide if something is bad or not. A properly integrated bad trip could be the most beneficial of experiences.
Further, any real work only starts after a hard experience, and everything before it is just preliminaries, ime.

i took some acid at some party with very close friends. amazing acid, by the way, at some point, full tripping, all sweet, i sniff a line that a friend pass me, and was ketamine. i simply dont do ketamine. no tolerance. was a big one, and 20 mins after i was in that nothingness, everything was stripped away, something bad was stealling the reality itself by pieces, from me.... was the worst place ive been, my first bad trrip in 25 years of trips and took me 4 hrs to come back and i lost completely the notion of what is real or not... i thought i died and went to some limbo of nothingness. totally alone, nobody else existed. was despair.

Ketamine is a well-known dissociative, so I guess these effects are to be expected. I get that it was a hard lesson for you, which most likely opened some doors you'd rather have closed.

september, another party, same place year before, i try some changa from a friend... uff, something owned my thoughts, and controlled my movement, and was demonic, all the images passing through my brain were evil, werent mine, i was invaded, lets say, by some really evil shit, so i came outside, struggling to control my movements, was dawn, raining, i walked just holding the" its only 10 mins". i was at war with some entity and she was winning and she was bad and that shit humbled me down...the other two girls that smoked with my, good friends, they went to a very dark place too, and one of them, went to that nothingness...
i wanted to share and read opinions, cause my bad experience wasnt like locked out, but something passed through, like if it was waiting for me.... and there was some residue of the same energy of the year before, with the ketamine incident place... this place of nothingness might be acceded through many ways, not only dmt. considering this realms they do exist, and some arent comfortable, some entities are evil and they are there and they are waiting for us to open some door... so now i dont use changa or dmt since then... i believe at some point she will search me, and i will know if its the moment....
thoughts??

Sorry you went through all that. I see how you can easily label it as bad. I think ketamine just opened those parts of your subconscious mind that you were not ready to face. There is nothing truly demonic in life, and these images are the most common representation of difficult, repressed inner material. Sure, you can see them as external entities and even work with them that way, but ultimately all of it is still your mind. Don't run from it, but face it all head-on. Ask these entities what they want and why they are here. You're an embodied existence given this life by the cosmos and have every right to be here. You have much more power than some mental apparitions. Check out IFS (Internal Family Systems) or Feeding Your Demons practices depending on your inclination. The first one is closer to traditional psychotherapy, and the second one is based on the spiritual practice of Chöd. All these "dark forces" are scared of basic love and acceptance too. In the end, they are parts of you that need to be reintegrated and balanced. Take some time off medicine, but please don't create more scary stories for yourself. Just accept it all as it is. Stay firm and feel all these energies in your own body. Nothing can hurt you.

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
— Frank Herbert, Dune

 

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the other two girls that smoked with my, good friends, they went to a very dark place too, and one of them, went to that nothingness...

Is it possible that the changa had some other substance besides or instead of DMT and harmalas? Given that the three of you had a similarly very negative experience and the setting was good for you.