My first dmt trip: i went to hell

[The Traveler]

Without trying to replug my initial controversial statement, the only thing I ever found that worked for me was believing in Christ, I was annoyed at first when I experienced it, gate keeper behaviour I do not like.

Usually religious straws are the last straw people grab on, since they are a well thought out doctrine, perfected over thousands of years, that they can present you with, with a well layed out meaning to 'safe' you (not per se truth, though it can be a strong placebo combined with lots of attention from church members, since it's often literally the last chance to hold on this straw). I do not see this as truly benign or malevolent, more like a machine doing it's thing, and for some it works (although the indoctrination is another huge 'trap' that you should be aware off).

Church loves to bath you into their indoctrination when you are weak and gullible. Easy pray as they would say.

Eventually, and still to this day I even put Christ at arms length cause, like you, I am a man of logic and reason and also started to pick up on sinister behaviour in the church.

So do I bend the knee to have peace? Or stand at attention in fear.

I’m not running or hiding from a normal life, it’s just not a card that’s been handed out to me as of yet.

You have a been holding the 'help-myself- card' since forever, most people give that card little value since it can be played any day, right? While in reality it is THE card that enables your life to start your jouney into something truly transformational, and hopefully it will be a positive transformation for you.


Kind regards,

The Traveler

 

[LuxObscura]

Fear of being open about breaking the law on a website where I’m easily traceable because I like my freedoms.

Fear of not being constructive because I’ve read articles about easily available tek knowledge causing really old mother tree’s to be desecrated by the uninitiated.

There are actually ways to protect oneself from traceability.
You can find them easily in the internet.
For myself, I do not have this fear even when I would participate in a traceable way.
I think there is no benefit in breaking my head about something I can not control.
Filtering out these thoughts helped me in the past.
It is not easy but the more often I found myself in these thoughts the easier it gets to filter them out.
But security is not an unimportant topic and would not harm to apply it.

There is also the concept of public, private and secret life.
I think of psychodelics belonging in the my layer of secret life.
But I handle it as a sphere where I allow myself to interact in that space or with selected people.

It also felt like the mates who introduced me to this stuff were a bit sinister, one guy literally said to me once “when you figure out how to make it I’ll chop your hands off and lock you away so you can just make us dmt with your knubs”

I’ve purposely sabotaged my efforts in learning because then my existence becomes a liability and it honestly felt like a borderline environmental hazard as well at times.

It also might be worth mentioning I collect and distribute blotter art very openly online and have done so for 15+ years, at my place I have thousands of sheets of blotter, some really special, when I dove into that scene I had to sacrifice a lot of things in my life just in case I got checked out.

I’m not sure, I just don’t think I was really ready, like I’m almost certain I could do it quite successfully but it just felt like I wasn’t supposed to, have ended up with red soup spraying allll over my kitchen once, it looked and felt like a murder scene and was enough to freak me out.

It is very good that you are aware of your own state of not feeling ready.
This is an important aspect because every insecurity or even a sense of not feeling ready will likely slip into the trip.
Also associating the brewing phase with a scene of murder provides a high risk of bad trip.

Yes this precisely, like I’ve used my real email address to make my account cause I don’t feel as though I need to hide anything and even if it was a fake email that’s not going to make much difference.

I suggest you to change your mail address.
It should not harm and would be an additional security layer.

Generally speaking I would also recommend you to visit a therapist.
I think of therapist as people experienced with the topic of psyche and mind.
They are good with sorting ones thoughts.
Also thinking that every people, also healthy individuals will benefit from therapeutic sessions.
It could be viewed as a new experience.
I wish you the best!

 

[Crystal Licker]

Usually religious straws are the last straw people grab on, since they are a well thought out doctrine, perfected over thousands of years, that they can present you with, with a well layed out meaning to 'safe' you (not per se truth, though it can be a strong placebo combined with lots of attention from church members, since it's often literally the last chance to hold on this straw). I do not see this as truly benign or malevolent, more like a machine doing it's thing, and for some it works (although the indoctrination is another huge 'trap' that you should be aware off).

Church loves to bath you into their indoctrination when you are weak and gullible. Easy pray as they would say.

Absolutely everything you’ve said is accurate and true, but despite all that being true, there is something there, hiding in plain site, and if I could deny it I would because what I found really bothers me sometimes, it’s ancient ritual blood sacrifice.

I’m still an active member of my local church despite that fact that it’s a snake nest, I work the sound desk and prepare communion, it’s so crazy that around the time I was teaching myself to prepare communion I also taught myself how to lay acid, super weird synchronicity.

Am constantly confronting the church about how I don’t think the organisational structure is ethical and is borderline corrupt, it’s essentially a platform built off the backs of volunteers with a small group of people at the top getting most of the money and support, I started to tell them I’ll be sending them an invoice for my time on the sound desk, communion I’ll lay for free, it caused quite a stir and is yet to fully settle.

You have a been holding the 'help-myself- card' since forever, most people give that card little value since it can be played any day, right? While in reality it is THE card that enables your life to start your jouney into something truly transformational, and hopefully it will be a positive transformation for you.

Yes self medication and taking responsibility for my own mental health and actions has been the goal despite this whole time having people and places try to indoctrinate me into their meds or way of life, it’s been an interesting journey and I’m so grateful for you kind internet strangers who have given me your time and expertise, you don’t know how much I deeply appreciate this.

 

[Crystal Licker]

There are actually ways to protect oneself from traceability.
You can find them easily in the internet.
For myself, I do not have this fear even when I would participate in a traceable way.
I think there is no benefit in breaking my head about something I can not control.
Filtering out these thoughts helped me in the past.
It is not easy but the more often I found myself in these thoughts the easier it gets to filter them out.
But security is not an unimportant topic and would not harm to apply it.

There is also the concept of public, private and secret life.
I think of psychodelics belonging in the my layer of secret life.
But I handle it as a sphere where I allow myself to interact in that space or with selected people.

Thanks for your advice from your experiences, it is an interesting aspect of the journey that doesn’t get much air time, I mean at the end of the day we are all taking a risk for a cause but it does help to not be sloppy.

Yep I kind of blew that sphere concept out of the water, whoops, in my life I have no layers, somewhere a long the way I started to think that trying to hide what I’m doing is an admission of wrong doing, if I openly express my interests and actions in a way where I’m still safe and protected I feel like that’s the way I feel most comfortable, but yes that does reduce my ability to be productive as it then becomes all about timing and careful planning.

It is very good that you are aware of your own state of not feeling ready.
This is an important aspect because every insecurity or even a sense of not feeling ready will likely slip into the trip.
Also associating the brewing phase with a scene of murder provides a high risk of bad trip.

Thank you for making me feel ok about this, it’s been difficult to hold myself back, denying myself of my true calling in life because of external and internal factors, the journey has been long and gruelling but I’m happy that I’ve been patient and attentive to the process.

 

[LuxObscura]

Yep I kind of blew that sphere concept out of the water, whoops, in my life I have no layers, somewhere a long the way I started to think that trying to hide what I’m doing is an admission of wrong doing, if I openly express my interests and actions in a way where I’m still safe and protected I feel like that’s the way I feel most comfortable, but yes that does reduce my ability to be productive as it then becomes all about timing and careful planning.

I can really relate to your way of handling things, I used to approach life in a similar way.

What resonated most with me was the idea of not having layers.
That raw openness can feel freeing, especially when hiding something starts to feel like admitting guilt.
But I’ve also come to see this whole idea of "layers" from a different angle.

On one hand, it does feel wrong to put on a mask, like betraying who you really are just to meet social expectations that often aren’t even explained.
Why should I act or speak in a way others expect, especially when they can’t tell me why they expect it?
It can feel like losing your sense of identity or uniqueness.

On the other hand, I realized that being authentic doesn’t necessarily mean being fully transparent all the time.
Instead of calling it "layers" or "masks", I started thinking in terms of filters.
Within this context I don’t change who I am, what I think, or how I act, I just choose where and with whom I share certain things.
That helped me a lot.

For example:
I wouldn’t talk about psychedelics in a group that has no idea what I’m talking about and if I did, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got side-eyed.
Same with walking around sharing my bank account details, not really a smart move.

So this is just what worked for me: being true to myself, but also strategic about context.
Maybe there’s something in there that resonates with you too.

 

[Crystal Licker]

I can really relate to your way of handling things, I used to approach life in a similar way.

What resonated most with me was the idea of not having layers.
That raw openness can feel freeing, especially when hiding something starts to feel like admitting guilt.
But I’ve also come to see this whole idea of "layers" from a different angle.

On one hand, it does feel wrong to put on a mask, like betraying who you really are just to meet social expectations that often aren’t even explained.
Why should I act or speak in a way others expect, especially when they can’t tell me why they expect it?
It can feel like losing your sense of identity or uniqueness.

On the other hand, I realized that being authentic doesn’t necessarily mean being fully transparent all the time.
Instead of calling it "layers" or "masks", I started thinking in terms of filters.
Within this context I don’t change who I am, what I think, or how I act, I just choose where and with whom I share certain things.
That helped me a lot.

For example:
I wouldn’t talk about psychedelics in a group that has no idea what I’m talking about and if I did, I wouldn’t be surprised if I got side-eyed.
Same with walking around sharing my bank account details, not really a smart move.

So this is just what worked for me: being true to myself, but also strategic about context.
Maybe there’s something in there that resonates with you too.

Thank you so much for taking the time to express your thoughts, I’m so encouraged to hear we are both contemplating this quite deeply and similarly.

I’ve been thinking about this aspect of the process a lot over the past few days and I really started to develop a perspective
much similar to yours.

As much as I/we like to wave that flag wide and high!! Without compartmentalising and filtering your target audience, you can definitely end up with the wrong kind of attention.

Personally I think I had to prove to myself that I was genuine and actually who I was claiming to be before I felt comfortable, mature and responsible enough to implement my own filters and compartments.

This was only made possible by first having dematerialised the original layers and or filters that were in place. Then after having sat in raw transparency for an extended period of time, I found that I started to trust and support myself in a whole new way.

This process is taking the concept of transparency and responsibility to a whole new level I’m not sure I even knew existed despite always hoping it did.

 

[northape]

@Crystal Licker, I owe you an apology. While your writing sometimes felt selfish and aggressive, your willingness to engage in dialogue and work on yourself is truly noteworthy. After all, we are all human, and I may have been too hasty in my judgment of you. Many people come and go here, but you seem intent on staying.
Welcome, and all the best.
May you find healing and peace

 

[Crystal Licker]

@Crystal Licker, I owe you an apology. While your writing sometimes felt selfish and aggressive, your willingness to engage in dialogue and work on yourself is truly noteworthy. After all, we are all human, and I may have been too hasty in my judgment of you. Many people come and go here, but you seem intent on staying.
Welcome, and all the best.
May you find healing and peace

Thank You This made me cry in the best way possible. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this heard and understood in my life and I’m so grateful for you and everyone here.

Please don’t feel as though you need to apologise, my initial approach was definitely immature to say the least, showing up like a stray dog and biting anyone that tried to care about me.

Everyone has been extremely patient and understanding and I would like to apologise to you and to everyone for being arrogant, rude and well let’s face it, psychotic.

My grip on reality definitely needs strengthening, I know these are only the first steps in a very important direction and I look forward to sticking around and adding value where I can.

Today has been so surreal, with rainbows, an empty birds nest, alien search party’s, Gods and Goddesses.

 

[LuxObscura]

Thank You This made me cry in the best way possible. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt this heard and understood in my life and I’m so grateful for you and everyone here.

Please don’t feel as though you need to apologise, my initial approach was definitely immature to say the least, showing up like a stray dog and biting anyone that tried to care about me.

Everyone has been extremely patient and understanding and I would like to apologise to you and to everyone for being arrogant, rude and well let’s face it, psychotic.

My grip on reality definitely needs strengthening, I know these are only the first steps in a very important direction and I look forward to sticking around and adding value where I can.

Today has been so surreal, with rainbows, an empty birds nest, alien search party’s, Gods and Goddesses.

@Crystal Licker, I owe you an apology. While your writing sometimes felt selfish and aggressive, your willingness to engage in dialogue and work on yourself is truly noteworthy. After all, we are all human, and I may have been too hasty in my judgment of you. Many people come and go here, but you seem intent on staying.
Welcome, and all the best.
May you find healing and peace

Take care bro and protect your energy.
It is not the responsibility for a single individual to take the complete burden.
I think if something fails or also when something works out within a party then every single individual has the same amount of responsibility, independently if they acted or chose not to do so.
Based on what I observed here, I also think that it is probably required and sufficient when everyone looks on their own side what went wrong and what could have been gone better.

But at the end we are all human and mistakes are part of the process of learning.
As long as it stays real and things do not repeat.

 

[narcrypsy]

Hi, my name is Mike. I have been regularly using DMT through the use of vaporizer pans for quite a while. I recently obtained a crystallized form of the substance and I had, you know, never done it in this kind of way so I went and got what people smoke meth out of a glass pipe with a bubble at the end and I put in about I would say a third of the gram you know planning on hitting it several times like I do the vaporizer pan. Well, I took a gigantic, just a huge hit and immediately my head went back and everything turned like a fluorescent green like I was inside of a bubble that was just outside of my body. The bubble started spinning backwards, and I had complete loss of control of my body, and I was spinning in a circle in a circle when I was, I was grunting then I started to feel like I was throwing up and the throw up was passing for my stomach out of my mouth and back through my ass in a vicious circle, and it gets stronger and stronger and stronger. It got so strong that I could literally feel myself dying. I was immediately pulled down through a tunnel in where I arrived into a intake area in another realm where I was informed that I had just died and that it was over. the person talking I didn't see them, but I could hear their voice and they told me that my mother that I had let my mother down who was a Christian woman and that has passed away 4 years ago and that I had also let God down then a toilet appeared in front of me and they pulled my soul out of my body and threw it into the toilet and it splattered like shit, and I was told that I was filth and that I was going to spend the rest of my life in hell and eternity I started to see every bad thing or thought that I had ever done was flashing before me is clear as crystal. This wasn't just a haze of a trip. This was brutal and very real. All I can do is curl up on on a ball on the floor. I started to cry and wish I were dead and the voice told me, but you're already dead. This is for eternity. I was sitting in my truck. I wasn't very prepared for this trip. I was sitting in front of a sporting goods store with the air conditioner blowing not expecting this at all when I came to I had driven out to the middle of the street and stopped traffic. Not a very smart place or time to do this knowing full well had to prepare for a DMT trip luckily I was able to get the vehicle reverse and back it back into the parking lot. This is something that I've never experienced before and I know some people call it an ego, death or something like that I don't know. I felt like a huge sense of shame and guilt and like that I got this overwhelming feeling that God had given me another chance of life. You know that I wasn't dead and I was back and I can just say that this was very scary. It wasn't like any of the other DMT experiences I've ever had before and I don't know if there's anyone out there that has ever actually died and then gone to hell like this, but that's exactly what happened to me. I'm very scared to try a dosage this large again like I feel like maybe I'll just stick to the vapor pens because those are usually metered and you know not too heavy but I wanted to go there and I wanted to take it. You know as you know, I wanted to breakthrough as they say and I broke through right it just wasn't a pleasant experience like I really felt my body die and I just can't explain how clear it was when I got down to that place. I was just amaze me and I'm still stuck. I've been researching online all day for other people that had similar experiences and that's why I'm on here. Hopefully someone can read this and maybe have had a similar experience and can get back to me on it.

Dosage for a decent trip if your not doing it daily is. .05 or so. I use it daily and my dosage is usually around a .1 avg. .7 is insane... I have died a few times on it as well. But I guess it's a choice if you want to come back because they always allow me too... I think I've died on it 4 or 5 times

 

[mcgettums]

My first breakthrough was also quite terrifying. After i did the dmt, i closed my eyes and saw a wormhole in front of me and i fell into it. After falling for what seemed like days, i was dropped into the room that i was sitting in with my wife (did not do any dmt) and mother in law (was tripping also) sitting across from me. I looked at my wife, then at my mother in law, and they both started babbling incoherently (imagine two turkeys gobbling) then instantly i was falling through the tunnel again. This pattern of falling into the room kept happening over and over for what seemed like weeks. Each time i would fall back into the chair, i would try to get my wife's attention with increasingly frantic gestures like waving my hands, to no avail. She was surrounded by different auras and they were full of information but it was in languages i couldn't understand. There was a thin membrane between the world i was in and the rest of the room. This and the fact that my wife would not respond to me, got me thinking that i had died and that i was now a ghost that was somehow stuck in between the life and death realm for eternity.

When i opened my eyes, i could not remember a single thing that i had just experienced. The trip just slowly trickled back into my memory, until i was able to piece together the whole thing. I asked if i had been speaking and making gestures, and my wife told me that i sat motionless with my eyes closed the whole time.

To say that it was terrifying is actually quite an understatement, but i feel alot less worried about dying now, as if that trip somehow prepared me for it a little bit.

 

[NeitherHere]

i'm sure the dmt gods don't mind sins, it's probably just bcz you're belgian... joking :b (dr. Evil was raised by belgian parents

This made me chuckle pretty hard

Welcome DVC777, thank you for participating in the nexus and sharing your experience. All experience reports mean something to someone whether it's here and now or later.

It's nice to see you had someone to watch over you while you had this experience. It's always better to be safe than sorry. Going forward I'd recommend using a much smaller dose and slowly going higher. This way you get a familiarity with the DMT and it might make it easier for you to navigate as well as make it much easier to "digest". I'd take some time to integrate your experience before using anymore. It seems like you have some personal understanding of your experience so take some time to take action on it. Often times I find that trips bring emotions and thoughts up from the subconscious that we're less willing or prepared to address. Addressing these things USUALLY leads to some beneficial results. If you find that you're struggling, feel free to stop by and talk about it. Quite a few of us have had some sort of "bad trip" during our time with psychedelics. It's not uncommon. Usually set/setting helps address this before the trip but sometimes it's just an unavoidable event.

Best of luck friend

 

[Sakkadelic]

In case anyone concerned about OP, I had brief contact with them at the time, I can't speak for them and I can't be sure, but they seemed to be doing alright and had processed the experience somewhat. They were looking forward to try again but I don't know if they ever did. It's been a while, I hope they're doing great!

 

[NeitherHere]

In case anyone concerned about OP, I had brief contact with them at the time, I can't speak for them and I can't be sure, but they seemed to be doing alright and had processed the experience somewhat. They were looking forward to try again but I don't know if they ever did. It's been a while, I hope they're doing great!

Thanks for the report. Seems I see a lot of new comers get in over their heads never to update or return. Hopefully OP is well