My Painful Crisis and a Tough Decision

[jamie]

"Fractial, you mentioned "Fair trade..environmental sustainability..oppostion to wal-mart style slavery..REAL equality and abolishement of social classes, royal families ets..REAL multi-culturalism..freedom of speech..freedom of conciousness..these are all things that the current infastructure at large DOES NOT support."

None of these things really have much to do with Joe's problem, which is summarized by a statement in his first post: "I know I am obsessed about DMT". He is having trouble because DMT is making him unhappy by causing him to neglect parts of his life which he values, "It occupies much of my attention for most of the day... I am starting to think there some dark linings in this cloud."

That is a problem of obsession, which could be remedied by a decrease in usage or not using at all. "

and when I am not thinking about psychedelics I am thinking about how fucked up the system is, how much my life is shaped by consumerism and materialism,

 

[narmz]

Which he suggests is a result of his obsession with DMT...

Acolyte - really good advice! actually something concrete that seriously can improve your life - I've been working on this myself and I find I am far more focused and able to handle mental tasks much better when I have been active during my day. I'd add to that trying to look at screens less during your days too (I know some peoples jobs make this hard, but it really does open up many more possibilities for you)

 

[VisualDistortion]

It occupies much of my attention for most of the day, and when I am not thinking about psychedelics I am thinking about how fucked up the system is, how much my life is shaped by consumerism and materialism, and how this whole damn existence is some sort of pointless mechanistic game where I am damned to seek pleasure and avoid pain.

In relation to my earlier post, I'd say these thoughts are sitting upon your heart like a stone and it is bubbling to the surface. You can push these thoughts away and convince yourself that all this thinking was a fanciful dream born of spare time, or you can embrace it and come to terms with the fact that the only thing you can do is live the happiest life possible and try to give good energy to others.

I chose the second option. I think it is really fun being alive even if we are all just biological machines with no intrinsic purpose to our existence.

I wish you much peace and a reastful nights sleep

 

[narmz]

I think it is really fun being alive even if we are all just biological machines with no intrinsic purpose to our existence.

You are awesome, this gave me a great big smile

 

[jamie]

Which he suggests is a result of his obsession with DMT...

Really? I think thats too easy an answer personally...its too easy to blame it all on DMT..it's like a cop-out of the reality of the situation..as if not smoking DMT is going to make the reality of western society change?...

Take a break from DMT by all means..but still..it doesnt take a rocket scientist to take a look around and see where the problems of our times are..I cant even believe that people want to debate this on here.. you dont think that western culture is kinda fucked up, and shaped by consumerism and materialsim?..I mean, come on.

I just dont see how taking a break from psychedelics is going to change that..it's liek your saying that without psychedelics were all stupid apes that just follow the crowd..and only when we smoke DMT we can see how backwards alot of our cultural ideals are.

 

[jamie]

Joebono..taking a break from DMT it will probabily do you some good..but I doubt that your feelings about this scoiety and the faults you seem to percieve in it are going to magically dissapear..becasue those faults actaully do seem to be there..and the more and more people that can acknowledge that the more we will be able to move foreward as a culture..thats evolution..

Dont be sad though or angry..the world needs more love right now not more angry people..walk with the light and give it away to others..you have seen where the darkness lies now go out there and light it up with a smile.

Dont worry about pleasing others by giving in to their ideals..be you, be an individual.

Im done with this thread.

 

[narmz]

Naw man, nobody is debating that, we are trying to help someone who is having a tough time, that's probably why nobody really wants to debate how fucked up western culture is. And I agree with you, it's fucked up, but I don't really think debating it fits this thread; this thread is about someone who is depressed because there life has been negatively influenced by their usage of a psychedelic drug. It really can be quite consuming, and that isn't such a healthy thing in some peoples minds.

 

[۩]

Take a break to integrate. Now that you know, your memories can empowers you. Ask yourself, and listen to your heart.

 

[obliguhl]

It sounds to me like it's your loved ones who need to integrate. Just make it as painless for them as possible.

That's what I'm thinking. Taking a break doesn't mean giving in, it means to give your loved ones the time they need. You might also find, that the spice continues to heal you while off it in ways you can't imagine now.

 

[88]

I think we have spheres of perception and interaction:

The first is our sense of self, the idea of 'I', the inner dialogue that makes us and shapes our perception of reality. this is personal reality.

The second layer is our relationships with those we trust and love: family, friends, neighbours. We are brothers, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers. This is shared reality.

The third is our interface with the outside - our work; buying a car; going to the shop, making appointments with the dentist, dealing with strangers. This is outside reality.

And the fourth is our concept of The World: the financial system, philosophy, creation myths, cosmology, history, etc. This is abstract reality.

Spice kicked as hole in every one of my realities. But I try to deal with that change in different ways for each, if that makes sense.

On a personal level, I'm trying to address uncomfortable truths about myself. This is hard.

In terms of my relationships with those I love, I am really far more loving, attentive and grateful for their love. This has been a really wondeful consequence of using spice, but it requires focus, to not forget and become too wrapped up in either myself or the abstract reality of 'The World' that has so obsessed me for my adult life.

So it is possible to consider what is wrong with the world, society, at large, the human species, and to be angry or keen to change it. But you can still focus on the close relationships that sustain us all, because I think it's a most precious thing to have people who love us, and this shoudl be nurtured.

Hope that helps in some way

 

[corridors of my cells]

My friend this is a typical syndrom for psychedelic/DMT users. Observing verything with a very wide and clear perspective can be destructive sometimes. I have been through those stages and im sure most other ppl also have been through them. So my advice take things slowly, take psychedelics less frequently, enjoy your great life dont hate anything about ur life, Dont read too much philosophic books kinda stuff, most articles and tv programmes nowadays are very subliminal and cause you to get depressed while understanding them. I am so thankful i passed the stage you are living at the moment few months ago. I myself never read a single book in my life other than the ones i had to read in school. But im not an illiterate person compared to the majority.

Another thing is ur not goin insane, but if u keep thinkin about it and see urself abstracted from people and cant see the beauties in life u may go insane. We know the good and bad things/events in life but we shouldnt get obsessed about it. We all know the materialist system sux, monetary system sux. But nothing we can do about it, so without denying the truths we should learn to enjoy living it this way.

Trust me ur not the only one having this problem, i have seen many ppl like that on nexus lately. My advice; use DMT very rarely like i do and wait for the right time that it calls you, if you are smoking weed i suggest u to quit smoking weed. Spend more time with ur family and relatives. Even the simplest things you share with others in ur life are "events", cant always expect to have deep conversations with ppl about exstance and get confirmation about your ideas. Because the moment you share deep thoughts with ppl is gud, but when you leave the conversation and you are alone you keep thinkin and thinkin and getting lost in the mazes of your mind. So that can ruin your day.

This is like a personality test you are facing when u do psychedelics, waking into the realities of this life, and trust me its hard for everyone to handle them sometimes, but when you learn to enjoy them as a part of this complicated existance you will feel inner peace for sure.

Do some sports if you are not doing, have yourself some hobbies, stop getting too obsessed with DMT and other entheogens, Nexus is a perfect source when u wanna learn anything just ask here, dont get lost in wikipedia and search engines chasing information all the day. First you should start by doin less research and taking less DMT and other substances.

When you hear something in the news and you know that Big Brother is doing something to mess up the world, or watchin a documentary about how the world is dyin, dont feel so bad or blame yourself or think like "there must be something i can do". If there is then there is but if theres nothing, u cant be the guy who is going to fix everything about the world. And dont blame people for being so ignorant about this planet and other people, because they are also some monkey who doesnt know where did they come from or why do they exist, so they want to hold on something before the river takes them away. Just live and learn to enjoy the simple moments of life.

Enjoy life without thinking about dmt or other substances, learn to feel the confidence of having that ticket to the trip always in ur drawer without abusing it. Dont name anything you do as simple things and go antisoccial, because even if you solve hardest math problems everyday or send a rocket to moon it will not change anything, Life is short and it will end someday for all of us. I dont know what else to say if you can give more spesific problems i will be so happy to help.

Peace

 

[Ayawasqero]

My advice is to...

 

[mattimus]

Joe,
We are over 500 years into this ego based society with such terribly corrupt biological imprints. Our natural instincts have shifted from supporting communal growth to a greedy money grab with people unknowingly hurting those surrounding them. An infinite cycle of of Peter robbing Paul to pay back John.
Changing these imprints is fairly easy, as you and others here can tell, it simply requires a realization and an awakening from these habitual imprints.
Once awakened, all we need to do is worry about ourselves. The path is there for all to seek and sometimes the path finds us. As you see, your actions are noticed by those closest to you.
So instead of feeling hatred or contempt towards society, embrace it with compassion. Help others to feel this connection to infinite love you have found.
While you do not need to tell anybody directly about your spiritual work, let yourself become your spiritual work... Let hyperspace flow through your thoughts, words, and actions into others' lives.

It is only to the extent that one casts themselves out from this society that one becomes too far out to function.
Life is a blessing, and it sounds like you are living a blessed one (a good job and wife, etc).
Part of existing in reality is living within this society and integrating, but not necessarily assimilating. Change starts on an individual level. It's about all of us making small changes to free society from these illusions, while still maintaining all the current positive benefits.

A break can be a very good thing. During my last pharma experience I was shown many aspects of hyperspace within my own life. Reality and Hyperspace forever meshed into one.
I constantly see God in all aspects of my life. I was forever re-assured of my life path, and guess what, my path exists within this current society. I was even asked, "why do you feel the need to keep coming back here, we've already shown you everything you'll ever need." And it was true, I haven't gone back since but I feel God's presence now more than ever.

There are powers far beyond our control. It is an amazing ability to be able to surrender to God and let our entire thoughtspace be filled with this flow of infinite compassion, grace, understanding, and healing. Life simply becomes about flowing with this energy and many rewards follow. God is always with us, lending us a helping hand, with or without spice. Spice is simply the shortcut to this realization.

The truth is that everything is on track. You should consider yourself one of the lucky ones. You are able to experience the joys of both realms.
Consider everything you have a blessing from this world and express complete gratitude and endless blessings will come.

Hopefully this helps add some thought food for your pondering Joe. I try to use general metaphors so you can adapt to your own belief system of these metaphors.
Many blessings,
A fellow ponderer, Matt

 

[joebono]

Wow. I read every post in this thread and I thank everyone for their input. There are some great people on this forum with amazing insights and profound advice. The fact that many of you have felt the exact same emotions and thought the same ideas lets me know that I am in good company. I think that I will lay off psychedelics for a while and not subject my loved ones to too much of my negativity about things. I will continue on my journey and try to balance my frustrations with a conscious and frequent appreciation of my blessings.

 

[corridors of my cells]

Wow. I read every post in this thread and I thank everyone for their input. There are some great people on this forum with amazing insights and profound advice. The fact that many of you have felt the exact same emotions and thought the same ideas lets me know that I am in good company. I think that I will lay off psychedelics for a while and not subject my loved ones to too much of my negativity about things. I will continue on my journey and try to balance my frustrations with a conscious and frequent appreciation of my blessings.

Thats it man hehe. thats what u should do... Find the balance, give it some time and you will see the dmt will call you oneday when everything feels right. Thats so nice to hear we were helpfull

Peace

 

[D_Juggz]

Great idea my friend, I think thats exactly what you need.
I hope you have the strength to stick to your word, its not easy to combat obsession.
Make sure you get yourself some new hobbies/sports, get out, see the world see your family. There is no point knowing everything and not taking the time to appreciate it, and see it all in action.
A break from psychedelics will hopefully clear your mind and stop with the god nonsense, atheism is the way to go if you are interested in sciences and discovering the unbiased logical truth about the universe.

Psychedelics are tools, not meant to be used frequently, they dont show you truths, they show you your own mind, shines a different light on thoughts you have had in the past or that you will have in the future. When abused they do make you think abnormally, takes away reason or logic sometimes, due to the depletion, and remodeling of neuro-chemistry in different regions of the brain.

Good luck

 

[Virola78]

Sometimes I think I spend too much time criticizing the way things are and forgetting how fortunate that I am. Or as my mom says, "You're shitting on everything!" I need some balance.

Mr Myagi might say : “you must defeat shadow.. use knowledge to advantage.. stay humble”
“And now get me some wood and water.”

Just put the “radical, negative, and paranoid” stuff into some very sweet or harsh reflections on life and feed them to us. So they may spark beautiful threads. But don’t bother your mom or colleagues too much with that most interesting stuff lol. At best they will think you are ‘strange’. So just drop the cynism

Most robots think i am strange.
Bleep, bleep.

 

[joebono]

Sometimes I think I spend too much time criticizing the way things are and forgetting how fortunate that I am. Or as my mom says, "You're shitting on everything!" I need some balance.

Mr Myagi might say : “you must defeat shadow.. use knowledge to advantage.. stay humble”
“And now get me some wood and water.”

Just put the “radical, negative, and paranoid” stuff into some very sweet or harsh reflections on life and feed them to us. So they may spark beautiful threads. But don’t bother your mom or colleagues too much with that most interesting stuff lol. At best they will think you are ‘strange’. So just drop the cynism

Most robots think i am strange.
Bleep, bleep.

Yes, great advice. Let me gift my radical, negative, and paranoid ideas to those who will appreciate them most and save my sugar and spice for Mom! She deserves it.

 

[DMTripper]

Just always seek to see the positive side of things. Aim your mind to the positive side of life. DMT let's you access power you need to be able to take.

 

[ohayoco]

Joebono, there are both good things and bad things in existence. It is good that you have seen the uglyness, but now that you've seen it, don't spend all day staring at it! If you want to fixate, fixate on what is beautiful, and make more of it happen around you now that you have seen how tragic is the alternative. We are all in it together, we must just enjoy what we have and help each other to get the most out of our lives.

You say you have a great job and a great wife, it sounds like you are a lucky man. Be grateful. Don't self destruct like a child having a tantrum screaming "it's not fair". Life isn't fair. As Sartre said, the only real philosophical question is suicide... yet most of us persist in our existence, so obviously the beatiful moments in life make it all worthwhile.

Reduce your vaping if it's messing with your mind too much, you don't need to trip often to benefit maximally. Enjoy what you have, and be a good person to make yourself feel like you are doing your little bit to reduce the bad in your own way.


P.s. what's wrong with radical? Negative and paranoid you'd be good to drop, but radical is neither good or bad, that would depend on what your radical idea actually involves. I'm radical, but still happy! Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. You have experienced the darkness, now you must step out of it and walk in the light, with your light reducing the darkness around you as you journey. Use your knowledge as a memento mori to encourage you to live a good and happy life.