My strategy for healing. I think this one really could work.

[q21q21]

So I'll just keep it really short. I was obsessed with "the solution" to my paradoxical reactions to drug and psychedelics which indirectly caused me to lose my job, use drugs almost every day for several months and accumulate an annoying debt.

After taking enough time off all drugs to become clean and sober I was frustrated to find that I still had a hard time with energy, motivation and ANXIETY.
Anxiety has been a driving force in my life since middle school. I once chose to leave my $1600 bike unlocked instead of going home and getting the lock I forgot (and being a little late for work). Also the option of taking it on the bus was not an option because last time I didn't know how to use the bike holder on the front. So I left it at the bus stop for 6 hours. 2 guesses what happened to it...

I have had some results using CBT specifically for social anxiety but just like any of the chemicals I have used the effects are not consistent, nor are they helping with my excessive daytime sleepyness or motivation at all, only the anxiety. Which in an ironic coencidence cause IMMENSE emotional anxiety so terrible I just yesterday was scared to walk up and talk to a group of people who I had dinner with 2 weeks ago and was very entertaining as well as 2 people I just met who greeted me with smiles and excellent conversation because of the SHAME and anxiety I felt about being alone in a park on a Sunday.

But alas, I have locked my psychedelic/drug cupboard shut except one thing.
I was on the fence about this but upon stating the facts it seemed the better choice to keep this one thing out instead of nothing.
It is of course, my DMT.

Now the DMT will only be half of the strategy. The other one being Qigong which I am listening to an audiobook about and will continue to pursue as likely the MAIN strategy.

DMT is something that is very odd for me. People that see my tek might be very surprise to hear that I have never broken through on DMT. Not really.
I thought I did on 3 or 4 different occasions but I never let go, I just got really high and really scared on >40mg of DMT.

Also I have only smoked DMT ~10 times in the last year. 2 being over 15mg and none over 25mg. It makes me very anxious and very scared and I don't have an addictive personality, I stopped the drugs I was taking for so long and went through withdrawal but no cravings. Not a single one. So I feel that having that as my option (that or nothing), something that makes me anxious but I know can be healing and something that can help people work out deep-routed issues could benefit. Believe me when I say that the experiences I had on >40mg still have me scared to "Just go for it" so diving too-deep-too-soon is very unlikely to happen.

I am addicted to knowledge and the mysterious which conflicts greatly with my tendency towards anxiety of course. So whether I receive the most benefit from DMT or Qigong, or both synergistically I don't know. But I feel like an obese person jumping from one diet to the next and crushed by failure each time because they neglect to exercise at all as I am jumping from one chemical to the next and I need to realize that strategy is not likely to work with the 52nd or 53rd chemical I've tried.
(I do exercise nearly everyday by the way and I am in excellent physical health)

Wish me luck!

 

[tele]

Whoa! I was expecting that you would be at least monthly D smoker... That's why I never mentioned DMT on your previous topics about anxiety.

I have said this many times, but DMT has incredible amount of healing power. It has made my core much stronger, I have faced some fears and have gained good amount of knowledge(or at least witnessing) of the "unknown", that having changed some attitudes in my life.
If you feel anxious before smoking(many of us do), just take a warm up dose of 5-15mg first, that's what I have found to be very good technique.
Another thing to reduce any anxiety about smoking it: Take sublingual caapi extract, 15-30mg. It does make the experience somewhat easier to handle and makes smoother and a bit more "forgiving", also helps to relax. Another thing to keep away anxiety is good music for me.
1-4 DMT sessions per month is not a bad idea if one looks for it's knowledge and healing powers.
It's no wonder ayahuasca has been used for loong time for healing.

Damn, that bike thing was quite something, BTW!

 

[MelCat]

Your DMT usage sounds very similar to mine as well q21.

Since I moved into my current place (around 14 months ago) I've smoked spice maybe 15 times. I've had a few near breakthroughs but never a full on breakthrough. I'll smoke a couple of really small hits out of the GVG maybe once every two months.

I've been feeling the call to smoalk moar but the timing just never seems right. I was planning on taking a camping trip to really trip but all of this occupy stuff started happening and that's way more important.

I really wish you luck on your Qigong. Which audio tape are you using? Does it seem any good so far?

All the best man!

 

[BecometheOther]

Q2121, DMT does have enormous healing potential, but I really think natural AYAHUASCA would be a much better route for "healing". Ayahuasca can lead to direct revelations about your current problems, whereas its highly possible pure spice will just blast you striaght into hyperspace, which bears little relevance for your daily life.

For me at least, dmt is an adventure, a portal to a mysterious dimension. Great for discovery, but for healing and introspection, ayahuasca reigns supreme.

Whatever you decide i wish you the best of luck! Don't dismiss the suggestion of ayahuasca, really look into it, do it for yourself, you WILL NOT REGRET IT.

 

[universecannon]

daily microdosing of caapi has helped me enormously with my anxiety.(or rue harmalas when i don't have any)

This approach used in conjunction with higher doses every week or so (preferably with mimosa or fumerates), a diet of mostly fruits and vegetables, exercise and plenty of yoga and pranayama meditation (sometimes with low changa doses) everyday has made me feel literally better than i ever thought i could, both physically and mentally. There are other herbs like st. johns wort that can also aid with anxiety problems

These things can help a lot in creating a balanced body and psyche but obviously the key thing you really need to look into is yourself..love yourself, forgive yourself, forget about what others think of you and take responsibility for your actions that YOU want to put into the world, not the actions that others would rather see..sure plants and chemicals can help, but as you know, endlessly clinging for some external solution to an internal conflict can be pretty useless sometimes..To laugh often, act out of love, acceptance, and compassion for not only everything around you but yourself as well is a great thing to strive for imo

 

[kyrolima]

I wonder if social anxiety is "curable". I don't think so, because you don't need a cure! You need to shift to the reality you want!
What I believe is to be learned: subcommunication. To watch what you send and receive and decide your prefered state!
It doesn't matter how many times you loose it. But in the end all of what you experience and feel is your decision! I recognize this, still sometimes i choose to not believe it.
When I'm "cured" I probably will try to sumup the way!

Love and Awareness!

Mr_Kyrolima

 

[SpartanII]

I can relate to the anxiety. I always see anxiety as a warning alarm that something isn't right on a deep level. For me it's repressed emotion. The more I have, the more anxiety I have towards many things in life, including pre-flight anxiety before smoking Spice. I think the Qigong and DMT would make an lovely couple! A few Aya sessions or an Iboga lesson initially seem like a good idea. I would stay away from smoking crystal for a while though if you're having anxiety.

daily microdosing of caapi has helped me enormously with my anxiety.(or rue harmalas when i don't have any)

This is what I plan on looking into for my depression, anxiety, and habits/addictions. I've also heard it opens up psychic ability too.:d

What's your daily dose, and what form do you take it in, universecannon?

 

[q21q21]

Well here is an update. A journal entry.
I am really confused right now, it was like the door to positive thoughts and emotions had been locked right now...

Here is my journal entries

"10:04 AM 10/11/2011
Well I woke up (3 times, a few hours apart) *yawn* and I was feeling meh, not too bad, not too good.

I then chose to go listen to some of the qigong tapes to learn some more.
I decuded I would first smoke another 10mg of DMT which was very interesting, much more than last time.

Wow, it is still bringing up strong feelings just thinking about it.

It was good, I relaxed at first and just watched then I opened my eyes when it was on the way down and made some tracers and I got the absurb idea to use that to direct my emotions. It seemed to work.

Then as I was smiling and feeling very peaceful I saw in my CEVs a little girl about 5 years old with dark hair and a ponytail and I quickly thought to myself "My future daughter" then she came towards me. jumping in my arms with "Daddy" and I started to smile and then I began to weep.

At first I though 'This is so good, I'm crying with happiness of what is going to come" but then the crying clearly changed my emotions to sorrow and negativity. I had to wade my way through the negative thoughts and repeat some rational statements to keep me from feeling TOTALLY TERRIBLE.

I am not sure exactly what to take from this. Is thinking about things distracting me from feeling emotions and even causing negative emotions.
Is the fact that I cry uncomntrollably during happy parts of films a sign that there is a blockage in the ability to feel empathy in a postive way..

I don't really know. I'm kinda on the fend over whether to smoke again cause I'm sitting really on-edge and a little down.

I think I will.

10:31 AM 10/11/2011
Huh *yawwwwwn* ....

Well I smoked 15mg this time. There was much less anxiety and aprehension but that was because there was much less emotional effects (none) far moer thinking and analysing depite my attempts to calm down.

I even worried about whether someome on the street would think critically of me, not smoking but SITTING.

So once again I'm not sure exactly what to take from this. I seem to be just BURIED by negative experiences to a point where I can remember the positive experiences...

But seriously it was like I was smoking something different. The OEVs were the same, maybe a bit stronger but the CEVs and the emotional aspect was just MUTE. "

Well I am going to go for a walk and listen to the Qigong audiobook (Ken Cohen) and while I would like to think that the walk will make me feel better and really believe it, that last 20 times or so I tried that I was really harshly proved wrong...

 

[jamie]

personally, mediation etc does not help at all with social anxiety for me..I alwyas had anxiety-I used to run away from the classroom crying and hide outside or try to run home in kindergarden and grade one. I have always had bad anxiety but not so bad anymoe like I used to..I am still shy though.

Taking a few really large doses of ayahuasca has helped me to realize that I should not feel the need to owe anyone anything. I dont need to put on any sort of show or act a certain way for anyone. I dont owe them a thing. I only owe myself something and that is to be me and not someone else..when I get anxious around other people it is because all I do is think about how I am through the eyes of them..it is never about how I really am as just me through my own eyes..I HAVE to be me for the anxiety to go away. Large doses of psychedelics that shatter your ego helped me, but they are not a "cure"..neither is mediation or anyting like that. These things are good and can make me feel better and more calm and centered when I am alone..but I cant meditate etc in social situations..

For me the only way to learn to deal with social anxiety is to go out and be social, reguardless of how firghtening that sounds. You cant learn to drive in heavy traffic without actaully going out and driving in heavy traffic..I think this is the same thing.

 

[q21q21]

personally, mediation etc does not help at all with social anxiety for me..I alwyas had anxiety-I used to run away from the classroom crying and hide outside or try to run home in kindergarden and grade one. I have always had bad anxiety but not so bad anymoe like I used to..I am still shy though.

Taking a few really large doses of ayahuasca has helped me to realize that I should not feel the need to owe anyone anything. I dont need to put on any sort of show or act a certain way for anyone. I dont owe them a thing. I only owe myself something and that is to be me and not someone else..when I get anxious around other people it is because all I do is think about how I am through the eyes of them..it is never about how I really am as just me through my own eyes..I HAVE to be me for the anxiety to go away. Large doses of psychedelics that shatter your ego helped me, but they are not a "cure"..neither is mediation or anyting like that. These things are good and can make me feel better and more calm and centered when I am alone..but I cant meditate etc in social situations..

For me the only way to learn to deal with social anxiety is to go out and be social, reguardless of how firghtening that sounds. You cant learn to drive in heavy traffic without actaully going out and driving in heavy traffic..I think this is the same thing.

Yes I agree with all you say about anxiety but anxiety is not really a big problem for me as long as I am feeling neutral or good (about myself). When I begin to feel fatigued, bored or lacking in motivation/willpower which happens EVERY DAY I begin to feel poorly about myself and that just starts a slipperly slope of thinking poorly about myself which leads to shame and when I am at the point of shame my anxiety is get-out-now anxiety.

This process happens at different rates and different frequencies in different situations. It happens in less than a minute with most adults. When by myself it varies hugely. When at work it almost never happens but when I am out in public (shopping, working out in the park) it varies but most often I feel anxious about something when I go out, it is just whether it "sticks"

I am also watching the series on Real Social Dynamics which seems to be very well direct towards accepting yourself and not "doing pickups". My history shows that chances are that despite it's advice to "go out all the time" which is exposure therapy (somewhat) that I will put it off as long as I have a little tiny excuse again and again especially when I feel poorly about myself, which is very often.

 

[bransondude]

I can relate to your struggle, though on a smaller scale perhaps. I eventually was able to get over my social anxiety for the most part but I have anxiety still. I struggle with self-esteem as it appears you do too. I have been on the same search for help from chemical aids. Some just bandaids, but some seem to offer real release. Changa helped me for weeks, but it's not exactly easy to come by due to my environment situation. At some point I'll just have to go for broke and try a full ayahuasca dose, which I have yet to do.

 

[universecannon]

I can relate to the anxiety. I always see anxiety as a warning alarm that something isn't right on a deep level. For me it's repressed emotion. The more I have, the more anxiety I have towards many things in life, including pre-flight anxiety before smoking Spice. I think the Qigong and DMT would make an lovely couple! A few Aya sessions or an Iboga lesson initially seem like a good idea. I would stay away from smoking crystal for a while though if you're having anxiety.

daily microdosing of caapi has helped me enormously with my anxiety.(or rue harmalas when i don't have any)

This is what I plan on looking into for my depression, anxiety, and habits/addictions. I've also heard it opens up psychic ability too.:d

What's your daily dose, and what form do you take it in, universecannon?

5g in the morning for anxiety/depressions, 4g 4 times a day for addictions, 10g morning and night for psychic abilities!!! :twisted:

i'm kidding of course. it depends for me on how much caapi i have, and right now i don't have any.. so i'm taking unknown amounts of that 4:1 forestrx powder everyday in smoothies(usually a spoonful) or in capsules(maybe 5 grams?), and usually some rue harmalas at doses anywhere from 20mg to 200mg at night with melatonin.

when i am able to get caapi though i usually sip about 5-10g or more at night before sleep..but if i had a good amount of caapi brewed i would take about the same amount in the afternoon before a low dose of changa, often coupled with some music and meditation/yoga/wierd dancing :twisted:

 

[q21q21]

I tried caapi, rue and extracted harmine for 3-4 days in small and/or micro doses with nothing more than 1-2 hours of a mild "neutral buzz" ever.

Maybe it could be supplimentary but I don't know..

 

[tele]

I tried caapi, rue and extracted harmine for 3-4 days in small and/or micro doses with nothing more than 1-2 hours of a mild "buzz" ever.

Maybe it could be supplimentary but I don't know..

Personally I don't know about plain harmalas... But I can recommend taking 15-30mg of caapi extract sublingually before blasting off. It lenghtens the experience somewhat and kind of slows it down a bit. Brings out another element to the DMT experience, a very important one. Therefore I don't wonder why they say that caapi is the cave and DMT is the flashlight... I blast off with plain DMT rarely as the sublingual caapi brings out a very important aspect for my journeys.

 

[q21q21]

@tele

Yes, in combination with DMT it lengthens and smooths the experience very reliably when taken sublingually and I think orally too.

As an antidepressant, not really much.

 

[tele]

@tele

Yes, in combination with DMT it lengthens and smooths the experience very reliably when taken sublingually and I think orally too.

As an antidepressant, not really much.

Yeah, I was just suggesting it in case you haven't tried it yet with the D.

Anyway, I wish you all the best and success to get rid of any unpleasant matters.

 

[mrwiggle]

blah blah spice blah blah ayahuaska...now i know this is kindof counter to your topic of not doing drugs for such and such purpose, exept dmt, now there is a very fine line between drugs to medicine to food...etc etc blah blah moral of the story goes, dmt is expansive, which doesnt nessisarily help with anxiety, natural forms of mesceline however is very centering, if you were to make a tincture of san pedro or other obtainable cactus, it would be very mild compared to a "drug" it can be very healing take a few ounces of this in some green tea or something anxiety will melt though your conciesness will not drift

 

[byallmeansart]

Q2121, DMT does have enormous healing potential, but I really think natural AYAHUASCA would be a much better route for "healing". Ayahuasca can lead to direct revelations about your current problems, whereas its highly possible pure spice will just blast you striaght into hyperspace, which bears little relevance for your daily life.

For me at least, dmt is an adventure, a portal to a mysterious dimension. Great for discovery, but for healing and introspection, ayahuasca reigns supreme.

Whatever you decide i wish you the best of luck! Don't dismiss the suggestion of ayahuasca, really look into it, do it for yourself, you WILL NOT REGRET IT.

Q21q21, I can say that I truly feel for you. Anxiety used to be one of the ruling factors in my life, as well as bipolar disorder inherited through the male side of my family. I also had a problem with drug addiction, and spent half a year in a residential rehab because of it. I have taken quite a few different medications in the past (anti depressants, anti psychotics, various seizure medicines to try and keep my personality balanced) and none of them have worked. Well, I suppose Seroquel sort of worked in that it made me into a zombie, thus quelling my mania, but I still don't consider that very effective.

Anyhow, enter ayahuasca. She was my introduction to DMT, rather than FB. It instantly became my favorite psychedelic, and will probably forever remain it. It was through my use of ayahuasca and pharmahuasca that I am the person I am today, which I can say with complete confidence is a completely different person than who I was only a year ago. It was over a period of around 2 or 3 months that I took ayahuasca and pharmahuasca generally multiple times a week, but always once at the least. The effects it induces are so unlike that of hyperspace. You remain in the state for a much longer time so you're able to work through issues and contemplate things much better than you can through smoking it. In my experience with vaporizing spice, even in smaller sub breakthrough amounts, the experience doesn't last long enough and everything comes at you waaaaay too fast to make any real dents in your personality.

Sure, smoking spice has led to what are hands down the most intense experiences I have ever undergone in my entire life, but I can't say that they've done too much to change who I am, except maybe make me believe in spirits and consciousness and free will; but those aren't really the things you and I were going for. We're trying to cure ourselves of the ailments that are ruining our lives. I truly feel that aya/pharmahuasca has rewired my personality. I have no problems with the crippling anxiety I used to experience, I have all of the self-confidence and self-esteem that I used to lack, I am infinitely calmer, more reasonable, and more emotionally stable than I have ever been before. Oral use of DMT saved my life. And I mean that, because attempted suicide was the catalyst that put me in rehab. And being in rehab really didn't fix anything at all. I still wanted to die when I got out. But not anymore. I want to live more than I ever have. I have a sense of positivity, of worth, of purpose. I feel like a whole human being after my close relationship with oral DMT use.

So please, consider what Harmolosa and I have to say. DMT's healing properties are amazing, but I think for you to fully and most effectively experience them, you need to be taking it orally in conjunction with an MAOI. Also, for what it's worth, it used to give me a lot of anxiety at times in the beginning, too. But the more and more I ingested it, the more and more pleasant the effects became; so much so that now when I take pharmahuasca the body high is nearly orgasmic. And still completely non-addictive! So much so in fact that I no longer use it nearly as much as I used to, simply because I feel I am whole enough at this point to not need it anymore. And the differences in my personality have remained, regardless of how much DMT I'm using.

Regardless of what you do though, remember that we're all here for you.
love and light

 

[tele]

blah blah spice blah blah ayahuaska...now i know this is kindof counter to your topic of not doing drugs for such and such purpose, exept dmt, now there is a very fine line between drugs to medicine to food...etc etc blah blah moral of the story goes, dmt is expansive, which doesnt nessisarily help with anxiety, natural forms of mesceline however is very centering, if you were to make a tincture of san pedro or other obtainable cactus, it would be very mild compared to a "drug" it can be very healing take a few ounces of this in some green tea or something anxiety will melt though your conciesness will not drift

Instead of blah blah'ing other substances you can just recommend mescaline. You see?

 

[bindu]

to me anxiety are programs of the bodymachine designed to keep it intact

get over anxiety by meeting it full on

dmt is the perfect tool for that

in my book at least