My last 2 breakthroughs have been rough and I seek the communities advice. I'll start with 2 detailed reports.
My second to last breakthrough I ingested 150ug of lsd at noon and went to a concert with my friends T and J, returning to my campsite after 10pm I took 100mg harmaline/harman with my friend T. 1hour after taking the maoi we started vaping changa out of a cvg. With eyes closed I was in a green tile room with soft indirect lighting that extended forever and there was a pink scarf running from the center of the floor to right and left corners of the ceiling. Their folds would depict flowers or it would briefly look like the scarf was held against a beautiful womens face. I then opened my eyes feeling blessed and grateful. I turned the changa in the bowl because I expected more force than that tasteful reassurance I now find myself pursuing. I took 1 hit thinking the 3 of us had finished it, held it in for 20seconds. When I exhaled everything crystallized into blinding light and the carrier wave was all I could sense. An entity danced from the left into my vision he was incredibly hyperactive, he looked and joked like a jester but I knew it was something infinitely wise. Felt like getting abducted by an alien who documented the whole universe and more only to upload 100% of it directly into me. It was in the bottom right side of my vision and anytime I looked at it, it would split into 2 identical copies of itself until eventually it was endless and all around me shouting at me in hyperactive tongues in unison. Every second felt like an entire lifetime I would get born live a life die see the jester he'd divide endlessly then say 1 word and I would be reborn and live a new life totally convinced it was real because it felt like hundreds of days. I was translating the jesters tongues he was saying "find my brand. Find me." While showing me sculptures and machines as examples. Just 1 machine or sculpture per word. He was inside of an infinite palace like fractal structure that seemed to be made up of copies of himself stacking like acrobats. The whole experience felt simultaneous as far as chronology goes. Something i did not experience after the flash was the jesters gibberish triggering deja vu to me waking up from nightmares as a really young child in cold sweats. It was how they made it clear they knew me. I did not sleep.
My last breakthrough I took 150ug lsd early in the morning, once I peaked I took 750mg aniracetam and 200mg mdma, once I peaked on everything I took 1 large rip of dmt and held for 20 seconds. I dont remember exhaling the flash happened the exact same way it did in the previous report everything was the same, same jesters, same language, same message, same reincarnation, same experience. The exact same thing is happening to me that happened weeks earlier which is strange because i've never had that happen with dmt. This time there are 2 sober people observing me and one of them says "he's not ok." The jesters turn to me and say "we know you dont know who we are. But you fucked with dmt so we will take everything from you." They said this once. Then in silence I watched the jesters enter the real world take all me and my friends furniture and clothing then they loaded us onto a convoy. They drove the convoy onto a huge ship and travelled deep into space they started chanting their mantra again and I died of neglect on the passenger floor of a vehicle. When I died white light flooded my vision like the initial flash and I associated the initial flash with this death before it happened when my friend said "he's not ok." I thought it was a flashback to before I died of neglect and we all got abducted.
Dmt has been the most useful tool of them all for me personally but I havent been able to breakthrough since. I see the beauty and value in these experiences now and when they occured but I cant get past 2 tokes anymore without worrying about my expectations influencing the following experience. I really miss travelling. I want to make my peace with the jesters and visit them more because nothing has captivated me like they have but I fear this may be impossible. Any tips for reducing the fear? I usually use harmaline to breakthrough in 1 hit so I dont have to think about it harmaline also behaves kind of like a shepherd. Since these experiences even on harmaline I cannot bring myself to breakthrough.
My second to last breakthrough I ingested 150ug of lsd at noon and went to a concert with my friends T and J, returning to my campsite after 10pm I took 100mg harmaline/harman with my friend T. 1hour after taking the maoi we started vaping changa out of a cvg. With eyes closed I was in a green tile room with soft indirect lighting that extended forever and there was a pink scarf running from the center of the floor to right and left corners of the ceiling. Their folds would depict flowers or it would briefly look like the scarf was held against a beautiful womens face. I then opened my eyes feeling blessed and grateful. I turned the changa in the bowl because I expected more force than that tasteful reassurance I now find myself pursuing. I took 1 hit thinking the 3 of us had finished it, held it in for 20seconds. When I exhaled everything crystallized into blinding light and the carrier wave was all I could sense. An entity danced from the left into my vision he was incredibly hyperactive, he looked and joked like a jester but I knew it was something infinitely wise. Felt like getting abducted by an alien who documented the whole universe and more only to upload 100% of it directly into me. It was in the bottom right side of my vision and anytime I looked at it, it would split into 2 identical copies of itself until eventually it was endless and all around me shouting at me in hyperactive tongues in unison. Every second felt like an entire lifetime I would get born live a life die see the jester he'd divide endlessly then say 1 word and I would be reborn and live a new life totally convinced it was real because it felt like hundreds of days. I was translating the jesters tongues he was saying "find my brand. Find me." While showing me sculptures and machines as examples. Just 1 machine or sculpture per word. He was inside of an infinite palace like fractal structure that seemed to be made up of copies of himself stacking like acrobats. The whole experience felt simultaneous as far as chronology goes. Something i did not experience after the flash was the jesters gibberish triggering deja vu to me waking up from nightmares as a really young child in cold sweats. It was how they made it clear they knew me. I did not sleep.
My last breakthrough I took 150ug lsd early in the morning, once I peaked I took 750mg aniracetam and 200mg mdma, once I peaked on everything I took 1 large rip of dmt and held for 20 seconds. I dont remember exhaling the flash happened the exact same way it did in the previous report everything was the same, same jesters, same language, same message, same reincarnation, same experience. The exact same thing is happening to me that happened weeks earlier which is strange because i've never had that happen with dmt. This time there are 2 sober people observing me and one of them says "he's not ok." The jesters turn to me and say "we know you dont know who we are. But you fucked with dmt so we will take everything from you." They said this once. Then in silence I watched the jesters enter the real world take all me and my friends furniture and clothing then they loaded us onto a convoy. They drove the convoy onto a huge ship and travelled deep into space they started chanting their mantra again and I died of neglect on the passenger floor of a vehicle. When I died white light flooded my vision like the initial flash and I associated the initial flash with this death before it happened when my friend said "he's not ok." I thought it was a flashback to before I died of neglect and we all got abducted.
Dmt has been the most useful tool of them all for me personally but I havent been able to breakthrough since. I see the beauty and value in these experiences now and when they occured but I cant get past 2 tokes anymore without worrying about my expectations influencing the following experience. I really miss travelling. I want to make my peace with the jesters and visit them more because nothing has captivated me like they have but I fear this may be impossible. Any tips for reducing the fear? I usually use harmaline to breakthrough in 1 hit so I dont have to think about it harmaline also behaves kind of like a shepherd. Since these experiences even on harmaline I cannot bring myself to breakthrough.
hope it helps observe.
