Neither dead or alive, apnea and other questions

[Teamleary]

Hey everyone,

so, quick report to get feedbacks if you can give me some : )

I use the e-mesh technique and I decided to go for 40mg this time. I never took so much.

I took it all in one toke, but, probably because I wasn’t sure I could, I made an extra effort (respiratory wise). I think it lead to a feeling of discomfort (more on that at the end of the message).

I almost have no memories of anything previous to what we call the hyperspace (if I’m not wrong) : moving rooms and corridors filled with presence and meaning, of a mind-blowing complexity. A SHIT TON of esoteric symbols and sometimes incredibly sophisticated machinery. Maybe that’s the « waiting room »?

It’s hard to follow all the meanings of the words commonly used here. I was reading Andrew Gallimore’s book, Alien Information Theory, and in the chapter that describes the hyperspace, a ton of the thing he said has never happened to me… and since he presents those as « recurrent experiences among others », it’s quite confusing.

For instance, I don’t think I ever saw a « clear cut entity ». By that I mean that I see bodies and faces, but their shape is not absolutely defined, it’s like they’re part of the decor, of the walls… I’ve never heard nor felt any « cheering » regarding my arrival. I’ve never been guided…

But mainly, the thing that triggers most of my curiosity, in the way he describes things and in some reports I read here, is the remaining of a self conscious.

When I read « the entities were cheering me as I came through the vail », I’m super confused because when I do DMT, I kinda lose any idea of myself.

For instance, and that’s something else I wanna ask you about: I think I did some light apnea. Does that ever happen to you? like 2 or 3 times, I could hear/be conscious of my body’s reflex to open its mouth and breathe. And I was surprised because I didn’t understand « what body » was doing that?

I never thought explicitly « I’m dead » but it did feel like I was thinking « breathing ? why ? are we still alive ? aren’t we dead ? » (I write « we », because I don’t think I felt « I » )

So, in general, most of the things I read here and there seem « very conceptualizable » when every time I open my eyes again, I feel like I was in a non-conceptual place (by that, I mean that there was no room for discursive thinking, for any linear thoughts), almost like no word or idea could ever emerge there (and yet, there is not doubt in my mind that this is « it », this is the true meaning of it all).

I came back with one insight, that resonates a lot with Gallimore’s book, so who knows if it’s connected: everything’s a big Game and the entities invited me to play.

A part of me knows that I’m experiencing exactly what I’m supposed to experience. But a part of me is also filled with utter curiosity for this world and wants « more »… but that’s part of the journey!

Safe travel to all of you

 

[Ramma]

Safe travels bud I have seen clear cut entities, cheered on, and have both lost connection to my body and been totally aware of my body. When I had my Cheeree On by Machine Elves Under the Dome breakthrough, the most stunning breakthrough Ive ever seen, I was aware of my body, could play back the song on my mp3, could open my eyes...and its incredible cause the vividness of the visions...you would think wouldnt allow for that. I knew who I was, why I was there, why the machine angels knew me, and why they cheered me on. But that was like my 100th breakthrough.

The first breakthroughs I had I went further than the dome, realized the whole of existence as empty, lacking any essence or self, founded on pre existing conditions, sustaining itself off of clinging & ignorance. It was utterly beautiful and shocking. And in that emptiness, and what seemed to be reincarnation, I totally lost my body. The realization that you lost your body and previous life immedietly make you go back into the body just like excitment makes a lucid dream come to an end--infact, it is the same excitment, that of realizing youre totally unbounded, which works both in lucid dreaming and hyperspace to jolt you back into the ego. Excitment is fear, so it is fear that binds one.

The ways Ive brokenthrough and stayed deep in that space with no connection to my body is through smoking dmt and hpynotizing myself into falling asleep, letting go, so you just veer off. As Ive read your reports since you came on here, it is evident to me that your trips are different in their visual aspect, and you seem to see things as less clear cut and defined. However, this recent trip you describe esoteric symbols, and to see these symbols the vision has to be pretty clear, so i dont know

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

I consider the DMT experience to be a meditation. On low doses DMT allows me to ease into a deep trance that always sends me to the stars. The "entities" fade into the background for me sometimes too. They like to move when I'm trying to focus on a pattern. It usually freaks me out and makes me laugh. I've also seen entities that were more realistic looking than anything I've ever seen before. I've had experiences of entities that were IMMENSE and felt true terror in their presence. I've had countless meetings with dead relatives and friends which led me to the understanding of how truly PRECIOUS and SPECIAL this substance is. The DMT experience does not deserve the injustice of being put in a box.

I am able to have a conversation with myself while I am "there". Some people interpret this as an "entity" speaking to them telepathically. Is this what you mean? Even on the high doses when I fly into the white light I do not feel lost, I feel eternal. It became pretty obvious after initial DMT experiments that I was the one projecting the experience and I truly hope that every individual's experiences are different.

I haven't read Andrew Gallimore's book but have read DMT Dialogues in which he espouses his theories and I uh do not buy into them but they sound interesting. I liked the way he explained the way we create models of our reality. I like to remember that these substances are considered hallucinogens for a reason. Questioning these things in an extremely scientific way is a good thing to do.

Do you have a specific reason you are using DMT?

 

[Teamleary]

Safe travels bud I have seen clear cut entities, cheered on, and have both lost connection to my body and been totally aware of my body. When I had my Cheeree On by Machine Elves Under the Dome breakthrough, the most stunning breakthrough Ive ever seen, I was aware of my body, could play back the song on my mp3, could open my eyes...and its incredible cause the vividness of the visions...you would think wouldnt allow for that. I knew who I was, why I was there, why the machine angels knew me, and why they cheered me on. But that was like my 100th breakthrough.

The first breakthroughs I had I went further than the dome, realized the whole of existence as empty, lacking any essence or self, founded on pre existing conditions, sustaining itself off of clinging & ignorance. It was utterly beautiful and shocking. And in that emptiness, and what seemed to be reincarnation, I totally lost my body. The realization that you lost your body and previous life immedietly make you go back into the body just like excitment makes a lucid dream come to an end--infact, it is the same excitment, that of realizing youre totally unbounded, which works both in lucid dreaming and hyperspace to jolt you back into the ego. Excitment is fear, so it is fear that binds one.

The ways Ive brokenthrough and stayed deep in that space with no connection to my body is through smoking dmt and hpynotizing myself into falling asleep, letting go, so you just veer off. As Ive read your reports since you came on here, it is evident to me that your trips are different in their visual aspect, and you seem to see things as less clear cut and defined. However, this recent trip you describe esoteric symbols, and to see these symbols the vision has to be pretty clear, so i dont know

Hey! Thank you so much for the reply and sorry for my late answer, I got very busy this past week.
Your message is both exciting and encouraging I guess. I've only had a few BT and they're getting clearer every time. You're right about that. I would have never seen such clear cut esoteric symbols back then.

I guess, I just need to continue my journey and see where it takes me. So far, it's been nothing but mindblowing. The only thing that tends to put my experiences in perspective is reports I read here and there, and things like what you described that seems even more mind blowing than what I went through. I'll probably increase the doses progressively. But I should take my time and integrate each experience. For instance, I probably still need to process that last one! Every time it's a travel to another dimension! it SHOULD take time to get ready to go back!

I'm confident we experience exactly what we need to experience. Every experience is complete and perfect in its own way.

I think your point on fear is very interesting: it is what keeps us one/separated from everything. To love is to connect, to fear is to disconnect, and only through disconnection can one feel it's own unity...

EDIT: funny thing, when I read what you write, I feel that it's true. By that, I mean that it's like I "know enough" about DMT to know that what you describe is truth!

 

[Teamleary]

I consider the DMT experience to be a meditation. On low doses DMT allows me to ease into a deep trance that always sends me to the stars.

Do you have a specific reason you are using DMT?

Thank you for your answer! sorry my reply is so late!

When you say "on low doses", how low are we talking about?

A specific reason I'm using DMT... woaw, that's a tough one: nothing else than the feeling that my spiritual journey lead me there and that it makes total sense. I feel a call, I feel the need to "open my eyes" : )

 

[Ramma]

40mg this time. I never took so much.

Pharmacologically the levels of DMT experience pero miligram are pretty straightfoward. Clear Cut Machine Angels Throw A Party For Me! was mullein and Caapi leaf changa of 100mg DMT, 70mg Harmalas, rolled in a joint with CBD Weed and Tobacco, after drinking a Caapi brew and smoking Mapacho. So thats a lot of things and will make you buzz very high. I smoked half the joint before I brokethrough, but you get the idea. And almost everytime Ive smoked DMT Ive only ever used +50mg DMT plus harmalas. Smoked so much as 100mg with harmalas through a bong. Its not good to be forceful though. Things just have to align for it to really work as it should. The DMT experience is about reaching a singularity, the point of highest condensed energy, of shock, and then riding the wave all the way down.

Every time it's a travel to another dimension!

Ever go to the same place or see the same entity?

P.S; Highly recommend drinking Caapi tea before smoking.

 

[Teamleary]

40mg this time. I never took so much.

Pharmacologically the levels of DMT experience pero miligram are pretty straightfoward. Clear Cut Machine Angels Throw A Party For Me! was mullein and Caapi leaf changa of 100mg DMT, 70mg Harmalas, rolled in a joint with CBD Weed and Tobacco, after drinking a Caapi brew and smoking Mapacho. So thats a lot of things and will make you buzz very high. I smoked half the joint before I brokethrough, but you get the idea. And almost everytime Ive smoked DMT Ive only ever used +50mg DMT plus harmalas. Smoked so much as 100mg with harmalas through a bong. Its not good to be forceful though. Things just have to align for it to really work as it should. The DMT experience is about reaching a singularity, the point of highest condensed energy, of shock, and then riding the wave all the way down.

Every time it's a travel to another dimension!

Ever go to the same place or see the same entity?

P.S; Highly recommend drinking Caapi tea before smoking.

Beautiful message Ramma, thank you : ) And thank you for the dosage precision.

When i said "Every time it's a travel to another dimension!" I meant "another" as opposed to "every day reality". But yes, the last 3 times, I was in the same place, pretty much. My first BT was with changa and was very different. It wasn't so much the hypersplace than the garden in front me that had changed into a palace of jewelry (ok, the words are lame but I know you get it!).

I need to find caapi tea, then! I have harmaline ACL because I plan on trying pharmauasca soon, would that work? like, should I take some (how much?) into OJ 30 mins before smoking?

 

[Ramma]

300mg Harmaline HCL would be a full dose. Probably wanna build up to it though, you know how it is But think about it, maybe its that drinking a hot beverage with a herbal scent is good, like even a herbal sleep aid tea would have beneficial effects for me just cause of the warmth of the herbs. But I definitley gotta report my experiment that a 30g and up Caapi brew before smoking DMT may promise a higher margin for deva contact in heavenly realms--this could be for a number of reasons; because of harmalas, known or unknown alcaloids and such, or hot teas aiding in a number of biochemical processes such as digestion, or aiding relaxation, to name a few.

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

man first off I just want to say I'm glad you broke through and this was a good trip report that opened up a lot of different paths for discussion.

I consider a low dose to be 15 mg or less. Practicing meditation with eyes closed on lower doses is less stressful, more memorable and less confusing. It's like taking a high dose of mushrooms but the duration is obviously shortened considerably. This allows more integration at a personal level IMO that high dose experiences lack IME. If you are after that "what the ****" reaction that high dose experiences elicit I completely understand because I was exactly the same but with further experimentation have found low doses to be much more therapeutic because I am able to write coherent thoughts and ideas instead of the classic trip report "i experienced something that words cannot describe". I feel like those kinds of experiences are special of course but from my experience this molecule can be used in a much better way.

I second Ramma's suggestion and suggest trying a lower dose in combination with harmalas and a pen and paper to write questions as they arise and you may be surprised at how "easy" the answers come to you.

Good luck and safe travels!!!

 

[Teamleary]

300mg Harmaline HCL would be a full dose. Probably wanna build up to it though, you know how it is But think about it, maybe its that drinking a hot beverage with a herbal scent is good, like even a herbal sleep aid tea would have beneficial effects for me just cause of the warmth of the herbs. But I definitley gotta report my experiment that a 30g and up Caapi brew before smoking DMT may promise a higher margin for deva contact in heavenly realms--this could be for a number of reasons; because of harmalas, known or unknown alcaloids and such, or hot teas aiding in a number of biochemical processes such as digestion, or aiding relaxation, to name a few.

hey! thank you for that!

30GRAMS of caapi!? woaw! that's gonna be expensive! But okay, yeah, I will definitely try that. Before I'll try the herbal sleep aid tea

As for the caapi, how long do you let it infused in water? and when do you drink it? 30 mins before? an hour?

 

[Teamleary]

man first off I just want to say I'm glad you broke through and this was a good trip report that opened up a lot of different paths for discussion.

I consider a low dose to be 15 mg or less. Practicing meditation with eyes closed on lower doses is less stressful, more memorable and less confusing. It's like taking a high dose of mushrooms but the duration is obviously shortened considerably. This allows more integration at a personal level IMO that high dose experiences lack IME. If you are after that "what the ****" reaction that high dose experiences elicit I completely understand because I was exactly the same but with further experimentation have found low doses to be much more therapeutic because I am able to write coherent thoughts and ideas instead of the classic trip report "i experienced something that words cannot describe". I feel like those kinds of experiences are special of course but from my experience this molecule can be used in a much better way.

I second Ramma's suggestion and suggest trying a lower dose in combination with harmalas and a pen and paper to write questions as they arise and you may be surprised at how "easy" the answers come to you.

Good luck and safe travels!!!

hey! Thank you for that very interesting message. To be honest, it resonates with some intuitions I had about small doses and their specific interest.
It's not so much the "what the hell happened" reaction that I aim... it's more like "I wanna go further/know more/I feel like they're calling for me".
But yeah, my next try will be around 12mg... probably tonight!

 

[Ramma]

300mg Harmaline HCL would be a full dose. Probably wanna build up to it though, you know how it is But think about it, maybe its that drinking a hot beverage with a herbal scent is good, like even a herbal sleep aid tea would have beneficial effects for me just cause of the warmth of the herbs. But I definitley gotta report my experiment that a 30g and up Caapi brew before smoking DMT may promise a higher margin for deva contact in heavenly realms--this could be for a number of reasons; because of harmalas, known or unknown alcaloids and such, or hot teas aiding in a number of biochemical processes such as digestion, or aiding relaxation, to name a few.

hey! thank you for that!

30GRAMS of caapi!? woaw! that's gonna be expensive! But okay, yeah, I will definitely try that. Before I'll try the herbal sleep aid tea

As for the caapi, how long do you let it infused in water? and when do you drink it? 30 mins before? an hour?

In the US the market price for Caapi bark is $10 for 4 ounces (112gr). I cook Caapi for like 6-9-or 12hs, but if I'm using Caapi leaf I'll just let it steep in hot water for 10min. I drink the Caapi tea right before, so yeah like 30mins or an hour, cause I have to get mentally ready and breathe a lot before smoking

 

[Teamleary]

300mg Harmaline HCL would be a full dose. Probably wanna build up to it though, you know how it is But think about it, maybe its that drinking a hot beverage with a herbal scent is good, like even a herbal sleep aid tea would have beneficial effects for me just cause of the warmth of the herbs. But I definitley gotta report my experiment that a 30g and up Caapi brew before smoking DMT may promise a higher margin for deva contact in heavenly realms--this could be for a number of reasons; because of harmalas, known or unknown alcaloids and such, or hot teas aiding in a number of biochemical processes such as digestion, or aiding relaxation, to name a few.

hey! thank you for that!

30GRAMS of caapi!? woaw! that's gonna be expensive! But okay, yeah, I will definitely try that. Before I'll try the herbal sleep aid tea

As for the caapi, how long do you let it infused in water? and when do you drink it? 30 mins before? an hour?

In the US the market price for Caapi bark is $10 for 4 ounces (112gr). I cook Caapi for like 6-9-or 12hs, but if I'm using Caapi leaf I'll just let it steep in hot water for 10min. I drink the Caapi tea right before, so yeah like 30mins or an hour, cause I have to get mentally ready and breathe a lot before smoking

yeah, I'm afraid prices are more expensive in Europe... can't even find caapi leaves...

because of what happened in the original post, I must ask you: what do you, breathing wise, before smoking? particular techniques?

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

Drink a cup of tea(I prefer 0 caffeine) with a tablespoon of raw honey..The honey will coat your throat and will make smoking very pleasurable.

 

[Ramma]

At times I have been so terrified laying with the pipe that I would shiver uncontrollably. In order to regain composure I would breathe with the diafragm, mentally noting "breathing"

 

[Ramma]

Tea with honey is fantastic. Its what opium addicts in Afghanistan drink to be able to smoke all day.

 

[Teamleary]

Drink a cup of tea(I prefer 0 caffeine) with a tablespoon of raw honey..The honey will coat your throat and will make smoking very pleasurable.

thanks for the tip!

 

[Teamleary]

At times I have been so terrified laying with the pipe that I would shiver uncontrollably. In order to regain composure I would breathe with the diafragm, mentally noting "breathing"

i can relate so much to that post!

 

[Teamleary]

man first off I just want to say I'm glad you broke through and this was a good trip report that opened up a lot of different paths for discussion.

I consider a low dose to be 15 mg or less. Practicing meditation with eyes closed on lower doses is less stressful, more memorable and less confusing. It's like taking a high dose of mushrooms but the duration is obviously shortened considerably. This allows more integration at a personal level IMO that high dose experiences lack IME. If you are after that "what the ****" reaction that high dose experiences elicit I completely understand because I was exactly the same but with further experimentation have found low doses to be much more therapeutic because I am able to write coherent thoughts and ideas instead of the classic trip report "i experienced something that words cannot describe". I feel like those kinds of experiences are special of course but from my experience this molecule can be used in a much better way.

I second Ramma's suggestion and suggest trying a lower dose in combination with harmalas and a pen and paper to write questions as they arise and you may be surprised at how "easy" the answers come to you.

Good luck and safe travels!!!

hey mate!

just wanted to thank you again for that message. I've been trying to work with low doses and it's very very interesting. A part from an unintentional (but very welcomed) breakthrough, I've had some very fascinating experiences, half lucid, half dreaming, 100% moved by the feeling of The Other.

(yeah, unintentional BT because of a new bong I bought, WAY MORE effective than the previous one, I loaded a tiny pinch of changa and boum! hyperspace! when I think of all the time I intentionnaly tried and failed ahahah! I love how the spice is the one deciding what you're gonna experience!)

 

[Seeingisbelieving]

I figured you would enjoy! Were you able to write up some trip reports? I'm looking foreword to reading about what you have to say.