Newbie with a doozy of an expirience(s)!

[RadicalDeviation77]

​

First things first! I want to thank everyone here for providing such a sincere atmosphere to those of us who have been desperately seeking insight, wisdom, and nonjudgmental support. I have finally come to a point in my journey where seeking others of simular mind and their potential support is where I truly need to be. I have one heck of a story, as do many others on here I noticed, and am looking forward to sharing. I Have been refered to as being "crazy, nuts, psycho, delusional, and brain damaged" by the majority of my loved ones, and especially my Dear husband, Bless his Heart!

All my life, (I am about to have my 38th b-day,) I have been somewhat of a misfit, a day-dreamer and believer of magic on her own path without the constant need of reason to push any sort of generic rhymes that try to define anothers jist on what is considered 'normal'. I have been labeled, jailed, committed to funny-farm, and doubted to heartbreaking extent. This wild ride, this amazing journey of mine became quite active, more so than ever before, during the Spring/Summer of 2013. And, while I continue onward, treading on shaky ground weakened by my husband of 16yrs (ultimately myself really, in that I allow such things to penetrate my heart still, although the more I visit my inner light center the more confidence I have gained, but struggle still)
and his judements, doubts, accusations, and overall quite negative feelings, expressions, acts, and such things that tend to acompany closed minds or the unawakened. Bless Him Still!

Anyway, I am a chatty kathy with volumes of Spiritual, Health and overall general psychonaut experience that has been nothing less than a huge blessing, despite the reactoons of my beloved. And I am quite excited to have found this page, and hope to be an asset just as much as a benefiturary. I am in such a state of profound seeking, learning, sharing, etc. . And cannot wait to gain the heart felt insights and ideas shared in such a community of love based souls!

Ps. Please do let me know if I am posting in wrong areas or over sharing, this is my first ever attempt at online group seeking and sharing!

Thank you all once again, I appreciate any/all support!

♡

 

[Alisoka]

Welcome to the site. I just signed up myself. I'm sorry that you've had to face so much doubt and rejection in life! I lost some of my closest friends after high school because they couldn't agree with my psychonautic life choices. I can definitely tell you at least that you won't face such criticisms in a place like this. And you're definitely not over sharing! Telling your story is a good thing.

What are your entheogens of choice?

 

[cosmictaylor]

You can't go wrong with being kind and loving, things are grooving better than ever

Have fun out there

 

[DreaMTripper]

Welcome to the nexus, you've found the right place alright! Who is the crazy one, the people who see through the bullshit and posit there is more to existence and dont think the same as the majority or the ones who are stuck within societies boundaries and think meat and mechanics are all there is?

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Thanks guys! I have been at such a rough crossroads as of recent months, I never in our 18 year happy and strong relationship that my husband, married 16 of those years would one day become so unsupportive, unwilling even to learn, (he is of pretty strict Christian upbringing and the Spiritual aspects of this journey freaked him out...although he willingly and lovingly married me whilste I was already 8 years into a Wiccan practice, that continued up until I was blessed with a higher perspective) but the worst shift in his behavior towards me occured when I was jailed for 41days. He holds much resentment, blame, accusations of false flirtations.....yaddayadda...soooo much to it all!

I will hopefully be able to bring more light unto this experience as this night rambles onward, I am so stoked to have found the right place at the right time! My Spirit guides, higher soul selfs and source have stressed my sharing among like minded people for the last 2 months, I am happy I finally balled up and took the plunge into this new to me way of connecting!

Once again thank you all so much!

Oh yeah! As for my entheogens of choice?! Dmt is my top dog, and boy do I miss that Spirit (husband cut ALL my ties while I did jail time..*sigh*) I also absolutely LOVE a variety of Mushrooms and enjoy seeking new flavors every chance I have, good, clean lsd is is also appreciated, as well as Mdma. I Look forward to one day expanding my experiences further!

 

[RadicalDeviation]

​

Okay folks! Here I shall present, as best as I can via the written word, an expirience that was the catalyst to a series of life changing experiences, events and lessons learned. As I had mentioned earlier, last night, I had described how I had come upon an opportunity to finally experience the oh so precious Spirit Molecule; aka, dmt.

I chose to inhale my first taste at home base, all 3 teenagers away at friends houses, my husband, when he was still cool and himself, cozy in bed with tunes gracing our enviroment as well as wonderfully sented insence and candles. The setting, for my own comfortable tastes were perfect!

Now, the hubby enoys...err..did enjoy fungi and other common local treats, but insisted that he was not yet ready to embark on this particular journey and was quite content and as usual, back then, happy to be my rock and most beloved company sans Spirit on this night of my introduction.

I proceeded to commence as instructed by my dear and trust worthy friend. T
And, my Gawd! Did I have a beautiful visual spectacle combined with instant relief of ALL physical pain, and followed by profound relief, elation, and utter awe. I felt suspended in midair, and didn' t dare try standing, not then, not my 1st night anyway. I was overjoyed with the results and indulged in 3 more takes prior to sleeping.

By the afternoon of day 2 I was getting into sync and began to manipulate and navigate my body without stumbling or any discombobulation. It was absolute heaven for me physically and continued on to also be an absolute blessing in the emotional, mental, and psychological arenas in general. My lifelong anxiety seemed to dissolve into a mere memory, a new found bravery had taken it's place, I often describe this welcome blessing as though it wereas if my inner lioness had finally eaten the pesty damned mouse that had for too long hindered my wellbeing. I felt as though I finally and for the 1st time ever, other than while in seclusion, was happy to have my true self exposed and began to fall in love with ME, my really fer reals Me! A very liberating and invigorating experience to say the least, and ocuring in increasingly more profound intervals as the days began to swiftly merge into weeks, continuing regular daily usage, anywhere from 3-11 takes per day. This amazing magical experience went along as stated for a period of about 2 months, straight, missing not even a day, when I was once again knocked for a glorious loop beyond any previous experience with the Spirit or any such like treats. My life was thrust into a fastforward divine drive!

So, I conclude this post, describing my 1st deem experience. My physical pain had reached an all time comfort level, I achieved my 1st ever cartwheel, among many other feisty stunts and discovered a new accute nack for energetic and healing dance, intuitive dance of sorts with bells and whistles that were quite shocking, magnificantly so, for me anyway, my husband and many other family members were spooked though, didn't understand and took it as either mental illness and/or possible demonic possession. And it is with that odd perspective I shall begin my next account.

I can't describe how freeing it is to finally be able to share, some details that I intend on sharing have remained between me, my self, and I, and creator and oldest Son, and all to fleeting really, for the last 2 years straight! Again! Many thanks and blessings to you all!

☆♡☆

 

[AcaciaConfusedYah]

Hi there!

This is a great place to share your experiences!
Many of us have gone through similar scenarios, and if we haven't, we have empathetic hearts.

My wife was weary of my DMT use, at first. I don't know exactly what you are going through with the husband.... but it was an uphill battle to explain DMT to my wife. At some point it caused a divide. We've since come to common grounds and don't let it effect us. I have limited advice, but if you have questions, I'll do my best to answer.

 

[hadoq]

Hi and welcome to the nexus. reading your post moves me quite a bit. and I can relate to some extent.

First, as said above, you can't go wrong with love. Marriage can become very complicated, and I find that truth, trust, honesty are amongst the most important keys.

It's sad that your husband does not even try to understand and share a little of what's so important to you. Being a christian myself (and singer in the church's choir!) I find that spiritual experiences within psychedelics are perfectly relatable to honest bible studies. It's the same thing, but in very different words.

Admittedly, I'm a psychedelics newbie (took my 1st steps with DMT a few weeks ago as a first psychedelic). But even from reported experiences, you can easily relate to unbiased bible readings (and it may be true with other sacred books/other religions as well).

and again, Love is the key, allways, everywhere.

I don't know how close you are to your husband devotion, but maybe giving him some credit there can help you to get closer therefore also bring him closer to sharing your experiences.

Maybe you should give it a try, communicate your own experiences but using his words, create, or rather highlight the link.

Being a devout christian is also, afterall, a sign that one is at least looking into the idea of some sort of universal bound, something that would make sense of this crazy thing we call "life".

I wish you the very best in your future endeavours, try and don't go back to jail tho

 

[TheLostAbyss]

Hello there and welcome to the Nexus!

First of all I would like to say that, although I myself am not married, I understand that relationships with anybody (especially marriages) can be confusing, difficult and require an amazing amount of effort on both ends.

Also growing up in a Christian household, I can tell you that a majority of people in my old parish would cringe if you were to mention that you enjoy spice. That is understandable seeing as most people fear what they do not understand.

I hope your husband will tolerate your use of spice as it is an amazing catalyst in any one persons spiritual search. I have only indulged in the spice once (so far in this life) and plan on continuing the indulgence.

Once again, welcome and although your husband might not be as supportive as he once was, love him and continue to put an effort in your marriage and maybe an old seed will start to grow out of that. :d

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Hi there!

This is a great place to share your experiences!
Many of us have gone through similar scenarios, and if we haven't, we have empathetic hearts.

My wife was weary of my DMT use, at first. I don't know exactly what you are going through with the husband.... but it was an uphill battle to explain DMT to my wife. At some point it caused a divide. We've since come to common grounds and don't let it effect us. I have limited advice, but if you have questions, I'll do my best to answer.

​

Howdy! Thank you for responding! :d I do love his guts to the moon n back, but over a year has passed, with I trying his anti-spice approach, I am a very patient person, but have been to feeling more and more that I should trust my heart and hope like heck that he can see past my own rhyme and reason and embrace the unconditional nature of love that can appreciate our differences, trust the reason for this season, LOVE, without conditions or controlling habits. I respect him for choosing to dislike it, but I also respect the fact that I DO enjoy and benefit from it, I mean, I do not push my personal tastes or ideas upon him, I love him regardless of what he thinks about it, but am ready to return to my TRUE and HAPPY and HEALTHY way of being and loving. I do hope he can soon see me for the truth, not the assumptions or society opinions/white coat science/diagnosis... **Sigh** Bless that Man! Dammit! Haahaa!

I am ready to reunite with my old spicey friend, Spirit, he is free to choose, he will know he is still loved regardless of my choice, or he will make distance. Either way I am absolute in my heart that my choice, for me and my journey is the right one, it resonates, it feels RIGHT and magical, it inspires such positive, benevolence and breathes a reviving life light into a stagnation that must be stirred up for the sake of self love, love of our creator and to be the best example for the better of ALL. An action of confidence in my belief in unconditional love and self appreciation that allows me to embrace ALL with the same TRUE confidence without doubt.

Now. To return to my dance party's and find some old true blues to enjoy energies with, not to be disrespectful or untrusting of his opinions,I value them! And love his spin Spirituality as well, and dig Jesus fer sure, however, I MUST (It feels RIGHT) trust MINE.

How to approach him in a loving and gentle way, I feel the importance of he being informed of my honest truth of my journey thus far. CHOICES!!! Gotta love 'em!! :d

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Hi there!

This is a great place to share your experiences!
Many of us have gone through similar scenarios, and if we haven't, we have empathetic hearts.

My wife was weary of my DMT use, at first. I don't know exactly what you are going through with the husband.... but it was an uphill battle to explain DMT to my wife. At some point it caused a divide. We've since come to common grounds and don't let it effect us. I have limited advice, but if you have questions, I'll do my best to answer.

​

Howdy! Thank you for responding! :d I do love his guts to the moon n back, but over a year has passed, with I trying his anti-spice approach, I am a very patient person, but have been to feeling more and more that I should trust my heart and hope like heck that he can see past my own rhyme and reason and embrace the unconditional nature of love that can appreciate our differences, trust the reason for this season, LOVE, without conditions or controlling habits. I respect him for choosing to dislike it, but I also respect the fact that I DO enjoy and benefit from it, I mean, I do not push my personal tastes or ideas upon him, I love him regardless of what he thinks about it, but am ready to return to my TRUE and HAPPY and HEALTHY way of being and loving. I do hope he can soon see me for the truth, not the assumptions or society opinions/white coat science/diagnosis... **Sigh** Bless that Man! Dammit! Haahaa!

I am ready to reunite with my old spicey friend, Spirit, he is free to choose, he will know he is still loved regardless of my choice, or he will make distance. Either way I am absolute in my heart that my choice, for me and my journey is the right one, it resonates, it feels RIGHT and magical, it inspires such positive, benevolence and breathes a reviving life light into a stagnation that must be stirred up for the sake of self love, love of our creator and to be the best example for the better of ALL. An action of confidence in my belief in unconditional love and self appreciation that allows me to embrace ALL with the same TRUE confidence without doubt.

Now. To return to my dance party's and find some old true blues to enjoy energies with, not to be disrespectful or untrusting of his opinions,I value them! And love his spin Spirituality as well, and dig Jesus fer sure, however, I MUST (It feels RIGHT) trust MINE.

How to approach him in a loving and gentle way, I feel the importance of he being informed of my honest truth of my journey thus far. CHOICES!!! Gotta love 'em!! :d

Hello!! I so appreciate your input! And your Spirituality of choice! I LOVE Jesus and what he stood for, he among many other love incarnate masters, timeless and wise fer sure! :d

And there had been a 2 year or so period prior to my blessing/awakening in which I merged what I loved about Wicca with what I loved about Jesus/Christianity, and he was totally cool with it, unafraid and supportive as well as funner to share with. I will soon write about my sort of personal 'big bang' expirience which, upon immediately, frantically, and in great awe of this huge expansion on truth, brought him into the expierience, to SHARE my journey, in the hopes that his heart would *feel* mine, and he too would become more trusting in at the very least my sanity and honesty. Fear can sure be a tough character to push aside sometimes, frusterating but each day less so....

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Hello there and welcome to the Nexus!

First of all I would like to say that, although I myself am not married, I understand that relationships with anybody (especially marriages) can be confusing, difficult and require an amazing amount of effort on both ends.

Also growing up in a Christian household, I can tell you that a majority of people in my old parish would cringe if you were to mention that you enjoy spice. That is understandable seeing as most people fear what they do not understand.

I hope your husband will tolerate your use of spice as it is an amazing catalyst in any one persons spiritual search. I have only indulged in the spice once (so far in this life) and plan on continuing the indulgence.

Once again, welcome and although your husband might not be as supportive as he once was, love him and continue to put an effort in your marriage and maybe an old seed will start to grow out of that. :d

Hello!! I so appreciate your input! And your Spirituality of choice! I LOVE Jesus and what he stood for, he among many other love incarnate masters, timeless and wise fer sure! Very happy

And there had been a 2 year or so period prior to my blessing/awakening in which I merged what I loved about Wicca with what I loved about Jesus/Christianity, and he was totally cool with it, unafraid and supportive as well as funner to share with. I will soon write about my sort of personal 'big bang' expirience which, upon immediately, frantically, and in great awe of this huge expansion on truth, brought him into the expierience, to SHARE my journey, in the hopes that his heart would *feel* mine, and he too would become more trusting in at the very least my sanity and honesty. Fear can sure be a tough character to push aside sometimes, frusterating but each day less so....

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Hi and welcome to the nexus. reading your post moves me quite a bit. and I can relate to some extent.

First, as said above, you can't go wrong with love. Marriage can become very complicated, and I find that truth, trust, honesty are amongst the most important keys.

It's sad that your husband does not even try to understand and share a little of what's so important to you. Being a christian myself (and singer in the church's choir!) I find that spiritual experiences within psychedelics are perfectly relatable to honest bible studies. It's the same thing, but in very different words.

Admittedly, I'm a psychedelics newbie (took my 1st steps with DMT a few weeks ago as a first psychedelic). But even from reported experiences, you can easily relate to unbiased bible readings (and it may be true with other sacred books/other religions as well).

and again, Love is the key, allways, everywhere.

I don't know how close you are to your husband devotion, but maybe giving him some credit there can help you to get closer therefore also bring him closer to sharing your experiences.

Maybe you should give it a try, communicate your own experiences but using his words, create, or rather highlight the link.

Being a devout christian is also, afterall, a sign that one is at least looking into the idea of some sort of universal bound, something that would make sense of this crazy thing we call "life".

I wish you the very best in your future endeavours, try and don't go back to jail tho

Hello!! I so appreciate your input! And your Spirituality of choice! I LOVE Jesus and what he stood for, he among many other love incarnate masters, timeless and wise fer sure! Very happy

And there had been a 2 year or so period prior to my blessing/awakening in which I merged what I loved about Wicca with what I loved about Jesus/Christianity, and he was totally cool with it, unafraid and supportive as well as funner to share with. I will soon write about my sort of personal 'big bang' expirience which, upon immediately, frantically, and in great awe of this huge expansion on truth, brought him into the expierience, to SHARE my journey, in the hopes that his heart would *feel* mine, and he too would become more trusting in at the very least my sanity and honesty. Fear can sure be a tough character to push aside sometimes, frusterating but each day less so....

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Thank you! Thank you all! I cannot express enough how much your insight is appreciated! This is the first time I have felt the need to seek relationship AND spiritual aid.

Bless you all for taking the time to read and respond! And I promise you that there is much more to my experiences than only drama with my old man and other loved ones, such as siblings, mother father, and the siblings significant others. Soon you will see why, as this story is still quite incomplete!

I have barely scratched the surface as far as how very chaotic yet beautiful these last 5 years or so have been, last 2-3 especially! Although, also heart wrenching in how my beloved husband has and is still reacting. For instance, I have been described as being a "burden, crazy, junky, selfish, lazy and so much more," he, has never before used hurtful speak and actions towards me, 18 years we have enjoyed each other's loving and very meaningful and what I always thought as unconditional love, well, it certainly was nothing less than that up until 5ish years ago, and more so the past 2 years. It feels foreign.

His resentment, blame, anger, and unfortunate need's to place judgements as weĺ as punishments, are all so painful for me to witness, let alone be the scapegoat that has been for the last year lovingly, patiently, compassionately, experiencing this. I love him, truly, and believe that Spirit/God/Creator/Source will awaken the light pf unconditional love within. Mostly to free him, allow the love within to bring his precious, yet stubbornly difficult and strong hold of an ego that for lack of self love, TRUE self love, is patiently waiting to embrace. *sigh* I pray daily that he can push ego aside and feel the bliss that lays behind. To know the divine magic that forgiveness, understanding, co p
Compassion and trust can, does, embodie. Blessings!!!

I do love this Man, unconditionally, true and for reals! But, I am finally experiencing an unconditional love for myself as well, and am only willing to allow so much negative and closed minded hurtful accusations keep pulling me down, it is tough enough to be so empathetic without having the one you had always been over the moon about foresake such a gift for fear of being wromg...*sigh*

I have been waiting, wondering, wishing, praying, hoping, and ever so badly

yearning for my husband to awaken and know the beauty, bliss and power that unconditional love, true blue has for us all, so he too can be free and feel God's love and light within. ♡♥♡♥♡☆

With that said, how long do I subject myself to hurtful, belittling, mean, and uncaring enervies? How do I release when unconditional love for this Man is present and alive?

Goodness! I have MUCH to figure out! What a blessing it is to have such journeys with so much to expirience, learn and share!♡♡♡

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Soooo! There is still the question of why the negative onslaught towards myself during ciated Spiritual journey. While happily with Spirit, I received an awakening that is difficult to describe with words alone.

I am an Artist, I enjoy creating within all mediums; I paint, acrylics are my fave, but I alsoenjoy watercolor, oils, pencil, spray/ggraffiti, pyrography, and simply doodling. I have always loved making art! Drawing in the coastal sand, building tree houses and sand castle's, and bad ass blanket forts were all a big part of my passion not only as a child, while growing up, the passion to create stayed with me. I have always fe
t an up most importance to stay true to yourself and inner calling, to choose NOT to followyour heart is to me, a very sad and ultimately painful dis service to oneself. A damn tragidy really.

So, back to my story....I was raised by the most loving mountian people, not only were my folks quite cozy with Gaia, and blessed with survival instinct, the were/ARE also fun loving hippyish bikers, with a zest for living, free and with grace, appreciation was and still is a staple within my families essence.

Never judging, but steadfast in thier own ways, we, myself and my 3 sibs, were raised on buck meat, Morel mushrooms, berries, garden greens and tidbits from the market for fun. We were taught to never hate, have compassion for all, no matter how ill/deformed/unfortunate, and to live and let live. I was not subject to uber strict ways in religion, beliefs, or societies mandated preconceived idea of normalcy. My parents believed in God, that God IS LOVE, and taught us the common sense jist; Basically the tried n true, no matter how one connects with a higher power, it was, is, and always will boil down to; Loving thy neighbors, treat others as you would like to be treated, give the gift of giving, and Love All, unconditionally.

My Mama and Daddy also allowed freedom of choice Spiritually, including baptism. We had freedom to express ourselves, and were always loved for being us, never pushed to chase the dollar, as far as allowing us and loving us regardless, to push forth in schooling and potential career choices.

So, it did not take long for me to decide to delve into the creative artform of Tattoo. My bearded biker Daddy is an amazing artist! As a child I watched in awe while he created drawings of myself, my sibs, wildlife, and our favorite cartoons. He had a few tattoo's, and also owned many tattoo flash art magazines and such. Hook, line, sinker, tattoo became my primary passion, only second to being a mommy, my #1 gig!♡

And so, once my children were old enough to go to school, my Dad then taught me how to tattoo. I refused the art form for several years, choosing to paint, draw, and such, create my finished works to sell on Ebay, which allowed me the freedom to be a stayat home Mom while my Children were young, a blessing of profound meaning and gratitude.

Then the day came when all 3 of my children were happily enrolled in school. That same year, my Husband gifted me my very first tattoo machines and gear. At this point in time I was still very much consumed by anxiety and irrational fears. Yet the desire to tattoo outweighed the small 'painfully shy' part of me, and it wasnt long before I found the courage to ask my husband to find new skin for me, people willing to allow a novice tattoo them in exchange for a free tattoo.......

And so this is the very beginning of this journey, about 10 years ago....amplified in 2009 when I courageously enrolled in tattoo school, after 6 years of enjoying the artform from home base. My confidence had reached a point that excited me, I was thrilled and finally able to express myself while joyfully helping others, I was over da moon! However, and to my surprise, many of my beloved family members and especially my husband weren't quiye as enthusiastic, although he did well in keeping his worrys/concerns hidden, I could not deny the feeling of angst, displeasure, or upsets held within him. Bless his heart! Tis was my first away from home gig, around people, and successful.

Boy! How I tend to ramble.....but it just felt right to bring into light the entire kittenkaboodle in order to share without loose ends, or womderments before I continue onward to the juicy stuff.......

Until next time......

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Soooo! There is still the question of why the negative onslaught towards myself during ciated Spiritual journey. While happily with Spirit, I received an awakening that is difficult to describe with words alone.

I am an Artist, I enjoy creating within all mediums; I paint, acrylics are my fave, but I alsoenjoy watercolor, oils, pencil, spray/ggraffiti, pyrography, and simply doodling. I have always loved making art! Drawing in the coastal sand, building tree houses and sand castle's, and bad ass blanket forts were all a big part of my passion not only as a child, while growing up, the passion to create stayed with me. I have always fe
t an up most importance to stay true to yourself and inner calling, to choose NOT to followyour heart is to me, a very sad and ultimately painful dis service to oneself. A damn tragidy really.

So, back to my story....I was raised by the most loving mountian people, not only were my folks quite cozy with Gaia, and blessed with survival instinct, the were/ARE also fun loving hippyish bikers, with a zest for living, free and with grace, appreciation was and still is a staple within my families essence.

Never judging, but steadfast in thier own ways, we, myself and my 3 sibs, were raised on buck meat, Morel mushrooms, berries, garden greens and tidbits from the market for fun. We were taught to never hate, have compassion for all, no matter how ill/deformed/unfortunate, and to live and let live. I was not subject to uber strict ways in religion, beliefs, or societies mandated preconceived idea of normalcy. My parents believed in God, that God IS LOVE, and taught us the common sense jist; Basically the tried n true, no matter how one connects with a higher power, it was, is, and always will boil down to; Loving thy neighbors, treat others as you would like to be treated, give the gift of giving, and Love All, unconditionally.

My Mama and Daddy also allowed freedom of choice Spiritually, including baptism. We had freedom to express ourselves, and were always loved for being us, never pushed to chase the dollar, as far as allowing us and loving us regardless, to push forth in schooling and potential career choices.

So, it did not take long for me to decide to delve into the creative artform of Tattoo. My bearded biker Daddy is an amazing artist! As a child I watched in awe while he created drawings of myself, my sibs, wildlife, and our favorite cartoons. He had a few tattoo's, and also owned many tattoo flash art magazines and such. Hook, line, sinker, tattoo became my primary passion, only second to being a mommy, my #1 gig!♡

And so, once my children were old enough to go to school, my Dad then taught me how to tattoo. I refused the art form for several years, choosing to paint, draw, and such, create my finished works to sell on Ebay, which allowed me the freedom to be a stayat home Mom while my Children were young, a blessing of profound meaning and gratitude.

Then the day came when all 3 of my children were happily enrolled in school. That same year, my Husband gifted me my very first tattoo machines and gear. At this point in time I was still very much consumed by anxiety and irrational fears. Yet the desire to tattoo outweighed the small 'painfully shy' part of me, and it wasnt long before I found the courage to ask my husband to find new skin for me, people willing to allow a novice tattoo them in exchange for a free tattoo.......

And so this is the very beginning of this journey, about 10 years ago....amplified in 2009 when I courageously enrolled in tattoo school, after 6 years of enjoying the artform from home base. My confidence had reached a point that excited me, I was thrilled and finally able to express myself while joyfully helping others, I was over da moon! However, and to my surprise, many of my beloved family members and especially my husband weren't quiye as enthusiastic, although he did well in keeping his worrys/concerns hidden, I could not deny the feeling of angst, displeasure, or upsets held within him. Bless his heart! Tis was my first away from home gig, around people, and successful.

Boy! How I tend to ramble.....but it just felt right to bring into light the entire kittenkaboodle in order to share without loose ends, or womderments before I continue onward to the juicy stuff.......

Until next time......

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Soooo! There is still the question of why the negative onslaught towards myself during ciated Spiritual journey. While happily with Spirit, I received an awakening that is difficult to describe with words alone.

I am an Artist, I enjoy creating within all mediums; I paint, acrylics are my fave, but I alsoenjoy watercolor, oils, pencil, spray/ggraffiti, pyrography, and simply doodling. I have always loved making art! Drawing in the coastal sand, building tree houses and sand castle's, and bad ass blanket forts were all a big part of my passion not only as a child, while growing up, the passion to create stayed with me. I have always fe
t an up most importance to stay true to yourself and inner calling, to choose NOT to followyour heart is to me, a very sad and ultimately painful dis service to oneself. A damn tragidy really.

So, back to my story....I was raised by the most loving mountian people, not only were my folks quite cozy with Gaia, and blessed with survival instinct, the were/ARE also fun loving hippyish bikers, with a zest for living, free and with grace, appreciation was and still is a staple within my families essence.

Never judging, but steadfast in thier own ways, we, myself and my 3 sibs, were raised on buck meat, Morel mushrooms, berries, garden greens and tidbits from the market for fun. We were taught to never hate, have compassion for all, no matter how ill/deformed/unfortunate, and to live and let live. I was not subject to uber strict ways in religion, beliefs, or societies mandated preconceived idea of normalcy. My parents believed in God, that God IS LOVE, and taught us the common sense jist; Basically the tried n true, no matter how one connects with a higher power, it was, is, and always will boil down to; Loving thy neighbors, treat others as you would like to be treated, give the gift of giving, and Love All, unconditionally.

My Mama and Daddy also allowed freedom of choice Spiritually, including baptism. We had freedom to express ourselves, and were always loved for being us, never pushed to chase the dollar, as far as allowing us and loving us regardless, to push forth in schooling and potential career choices.

So, it did not take long for me to decide to delve into the creative artform of Tattoo. My bearded biker Daddy is an amazing artist! As a child I watched in awe while he created drawings of myself, my sibs, wildlife, and our favorite cartoons. He had a few tattoo's, and also owned many tattoo flash art magazines and such. Hook, line, sinker, tattoo became my primary passion, only second to being a mommy, my #1 gig!♡

And so, once my children were old enough to go to school, my Dad then taught me how to tattoo. I refused the art form for several years, choosing to paint, draw, and such, create my finished works to sell on Ebay, which allowed me the freedom to be a stayat home Mom while my Children were young, a blessing of profound meaning and gratitude.

Then the day came when all 3 of my children were happily enrolled in school. That same year, my Husband gifted me my very first tattoo machines and gear. At this point in time I was still very much consumed by anxiety and irrational fears. Yet the desire to tattoo outweighed the small 'painfully shy' part of me, and it wasnt long before I found the courage to ask my husband to find new skin for me, people willing to allow a novice tattoo them in exchange for a free tattoo.......

And so this is the very beginning of this journey, about 10 years ago....amplified in 2009 when I courageously enrolled in tattoo school, after 6 years of enjoying the artform from home base. My confidence had reached a point that excited me, I was thrilled and finally able to express myself while joyfully helping others, I was over da moon! However, and to my surprise, many of my beloved family members and especially my husband weren't quiye as enthusiastic, although he did well in keeping his worrys/concerns hidden, I could not deny the feeling of angst, displeasure, or upsets held within him. Bless his heart! Tis was my first away from home gig, around people, and successful.

Boy! How I tend to ramble.....but it just felt right to bring into light the entire kittenkaboodle in order to share without loose ends, or womderments before I continue onward to the juicy stuff.......

Until next time......

 

[HippingTrippY]

Welcome to the Nexuus. You have the coolest avatar on here. I really like the coloring and the look of the open bottle of dreams.








"Further up and Further In"
Aslan

 

[RadicalDeviation]

Thanks!!! I sure do like like yours as well!! GOTTA keep that jar o' Dreams open, chasing them all keep me ALIVE!

 

[Bill Cipher]

Welcome. I'd be lying if I said that I couldn't relate to some part of your story. However...

If no one else is going to ask the obvious question here, I guess I will.

Why were you in jail for 41 days?

I only ask as it seems like it's both a pivotal part of your story and one that you are avoiding spilling for some reason - and while I'm not suggesting that this is the case with you, sometimes the fears and concerns of loved ones are actually valid and warranted.