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puking fractals in sub-breakthrough

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Daft Monkey

Daft Monkey

Rising Star
3 sub-breakthrough trips. Will try to write this all in order. Some parts are just thrown in.

First two trips didn't have any scales. In hindsight with scales looks like I did 10mg maybe less. Room dissolved into fractal patterns quite intense. For a brief moment I'm repeating "this is what I wanted...". Until we get back to the room with fractals polys. One shaped and moved like a monkey hence the name.

2nd weaker, much more enjoyable. Patterns printed on flat surfaces. This trip enabled me to remember what happened in the first trip. How reality was replaced with fractals. But that didn't happen this time. Was able to stand up walk around and enjoy my surroundings. Was in a colorful place.

3rd. Scales arrived. 30mg, we can do this, 1 maybe 2 hits I got this. Good mood, excited, calm as you can be. Just keep your eyes closed try not to focus on any crazy looking patterns we don't want to get distracted and stop our sling shot into hyper. Remember getting a tattoo? how we zoned out from the pain. We didn't let ourselves focus on the pain and we didn't focus on not feeling the pain we just zoned out. We can do that we got this.

By the second hit only fractal patterns exist. From this point I'm just going to throw thoughts I remember possibly not in order. Notes and after thoughts in brackets.

Why have I done this again, not again. Must remember this is what happens. Done what? I don't understand, what don't I understand. There is a question and I don't understand the constructs of the world (or existence or universe or life). Must be why I don't understand the question. Once I remember constructs I'll remember the question..

I'm supposed to have my eyes closed.

Why

I'm supposed to have my eyes closed.

elephants

eyes? *no idea if my eyes are open or closed.

poison. need to escape. escape what? I don't know constructs. *I throw up fractals and am now aware of my head as it's buried in fractal puke sick*

why am I here again.

I'm trying to escape something but I don't understand what. When I get back must remember this.

Hyperslap? (a word seen on this site)

There is a reason I'm being shown this (I think this thought came from Graham Hancock explaining ayahuasca. Good or bad ayahuasca shows you what you need to see).

There is a reason I'm being shown this

There is a reason I'm being shown this

There is a reason I'm being shown this

There is a reason I'm being shown this

reason? reason for everything? is there a reason for everything? (this makes me happy I start to cling to this) There is a reason.

As I start to come back I wonder about what went wrong. Pleased to find I haven't puked. Disappointed and glad to be back'ish I notice a tiny bit in the pipe. Better not to waste, I hit that expecting the mild enjoyable light show of the 2nd trip. Everything dissolves to fractals I quickly sit down.

Not again, this time much shorter I'm back in the room. Instead of enjoying the mild light show I start to think about how to best explain this to the nexus.

Think of Patricio Dominguez (DMT: The Spirit Molecule) saying he hated the lower doses.

I burp a lot. Was that it did I burp in real life making me think I puked. Was I so high on the 2nd hit that I swallowed air?

pushed for time so will have to wrapped it up.

At this point it seems to me the sub-breakthrough trips are not pleasant at all. Also I can still feel what it was like to puke fractals. Urgh
 
Nice report daft monkey,
A quality scale is definitely a very important piece of the paraphernalia,
Once you breakthrough, there is a lot less anxiety, as there is no body to have anxiety, in my experience.
Letting go and accepting whatever comes with respect, humbleness and surrender is one of the most important
And hardest things to learn to get the most out of the experience, for me at least.

Don't let one experience deter you from a future experience, as they are all so different.
Someone might have the worst time ever, but the next might be pure trancendental ecstasy.
Remember it can't hurt you, the right set and setting make all the difference.

I enjoyed reading that, hope you have a wonderful experience in the future.

Good luck!
See you in hyperspace!
AcidShard
 
Thanks for all the replies. OP was written 15 minutes after touch down. Wanted to convey the hopelessly confusing nature of that trip. Fingers crossed my other reports will be less jarring.

If you asked me yesterday I would have said this wasn't me being ego blocked. As I had no idea of me I'd dissolved into geometric blocks then melted into the geometric room. Today; yes definitely ego blocked that's what happened.

AcidShard said:
Nice report daft monkey,
Letting go and accepting whatever comes with respect, humbleness and surrender is one of the most important
And hardest things to learn to get the most out of the experience
Click to expand...

This is excellent advice. Have read similar things on this site. Think what's happening here is I'm finding the difference between knowing theory, practice and expectation. And what I'm about to write ties in with:-

sparrow95 said:
Great report. I've been thinking I need to do higher doses, but I'm scared to because of what the lower doses have been like.
Click to expand...

It's like we're holding a gun, our aim true or false is already set. Hitting the pipe is just pulling the trigger.

Yesterday was a miss. As geometric patterns replaced reality with my above post my ego at the last moment scrambled to make sense of it all. I didn't know who, what or where I was. Where I'd come from or Where I wanted to go or why. Everyone of those questions was my ego clinging tooth and nail to itself. The last shred of me was able to say "I" don't understand constructs (any of this).

side note on constructs: Few years back I read a funny post about things overheard at Cambridge University. In the cafeteria someone was offered cake to which they replied (best pretentious British accent) "I don't eat cake anymore, cake is just a social construct".

The theory which I was aware of advising me to relax, let it happen, clear your mind of expectation, try ignoring the patterns. Too late for that my consciousness was a muzzle flash in the dark.

To go back to what Sparrow95 said. For me upping the dosage won't work unless I can let go. Feel like I had inhaled enough to break through already. I believe that forcing it with a higher dosage just doesn't sound like the right idea. Plus just reading "100mg" turned my stomach yesterday :lol: Not that I would up it to that, next level is 40mg.

Positive things to take away from this

Unlike my first trip I remember everything, Vividly. Staying with the gun metaphor I know what the recoil feels like, the deafening sound a shot makes.

I've learned to respect it, I feel confident that remembering means I'll be able to relax and let go.

My technique of burning is good. I've never had any harsh taste no coughing. No brown goo left in pipe. Did I swallow air or my last hit? maybe. My stomach still feels delicate today as if I was physically sick.

Going Forward

Wait till I feel like hitting it. Right now I just don't. Stick at 30mg If I can calmly exist in the geometric (waiting room?) and not break-through, that would be a success. And maybe a sign that perhaps I need to up it to 40mg.

To other newbies reading this. If there is one thing to take away from my experience. It's the difference between knowing theory and practice. If you're like me you might just have to learn the hard way.
 
That was really very interesting.

Don't know if it's too offtopic, but will write it anyways, please forgive me, if it is:

It seems I have a similar problem. I already had ego deaths, once on trypts (high dose shrooms) as well as several on phens. But on trypts (only done shrooms and DMT) the way there seems in my experience very hellish. It seems I have a strong ego.
Doing DMT, until now, I always get stuck in very fast moving fractalish spaces (red dominant), with repeating patterns in quick succession, and something like an evil noise (some kind of fast voice not understandable).
This always gets me the feeling, that some "evil" tricked me into doing this, and that I'm going to die/get insane, because of this.
E.g. I then get the feeling that all this DMT-Nexus people, and other forums, friends, etc. were all just a big evilish plan to get me doing this. 😁
In this moment it seems reasoning doesn't make any sense anymore, as it is the ego, that makes the problems. And it seems the ego uses my cultural imprints that are the deepest rooted to make me frightened. So memories get up from the childhood, where some people told that friends of them got stuck on such a drug and remained crazy, etc. So as if to say: You have been warned many times before, if you do it anyways you will see what you get...

I'm well aware that this is the best way for my ego to push me away, but it's annoying.
The funny thing is, that when in this state and I say to myself: Relax and let go, immediately the visuals get much brighter (whiter) and closer and the noise pitch gets much higher and the optical speed gets much much faster, so that I immediately get thrown back.

IMHO also quite funny is, that when I'm in a mood where I have no anxiety at all (e.g. on MDMA) the ego tries instead to distract me with visual or thought stuff. So like "look here, look here, isn't that fascinating, [...], this is important, you have to remember this, etc.", so that I rather concentrate and don't let go and go further.

The one time on high dose shrooms where I did break through I really needed a big dose and I remember being in exactly the same state as with DMT, but then I finally did accept death and did let go, and then the middle of the visuals got brighter and brighter and I got into the famous light tunnel (as described from NDEs). From there I have a complete white out. I only remember shortly before coming back.

The problem as it seems to me is, that "letting go", as has been said before, is really not that simple at all, especially if you have a strong ego.
It also seems my ego has learnt in the meantime and doesn't anymore focus on the dying aspect but more on the getting insane aspect, for it learnt that it's easier for me accepting death than this.

What I thought is really funny is, that ego deaths on phens (as well as LSD) were for me completely different. There I always had the feeling that I expand more and more and unite with everything until "I" didn't exist anymore. This was never scary for me in any way.

I'm really wondering about these strong differences in ego dissolution.
 
Not too off topic at all, this bit was very similar.

Aum_Shanti said:
This always gets me the feeling, that some "evil" tricked me into doing this
Click to expand...

The other stuff was quite different to my experience. As I couldn't conceive of anything outside my small geometric room.

Think I've figured it out and I'm almost embarrassed to admit, it's so silly. Felt queasy for two days after 3rd trip which made me think again.

Used a yellow flame lighter. The soot is bad enough but the sparks from the flint. That stuff is highly toxic and I think I flicked my lighter on and off couple times. Instead of moving it away. Also sparked my lighter under the pipe which is a mistake.

No wonder I felt poisoned, trapped and may have been coughing or retching in real life. Puking geometric shapes in my trip.

Gonna go for either a vaporizer or blue flame torch. Know GVG's are king round here but they cost a pretty penny. Maybe when I'm on first name terms with my entity buddies :d

If you're using a yellow flame lighter best practice is to flick it on. Wait 5 seconds move to pipe. I never heated the spice directly more just moved it around the outer edges till it liquified. I should have kept lighter on and moved away. Basically you don't want to spark that flint and inhale.

Thanks to the good people of the nexus I found info on what the soot and flint sparks are in an old thread.
 
Small parts of this trip have been coming back to me. One was of an elephant head built from geometric shapes, including jewelry and ear rings. Very next day I'm watching youtube a none-DMT related video someone mentions Ganesha "The God of Beginnings, The Remover of Obstacles, The Lord of Thresholds, Ekadanta or Bowing to the Truth".

lor34h.jpg

Could it be? Quick google landed me on this thread compiling first time DMT experiences that included Ganesha.


Feel much better about this trip now.

This week I've meditated everyday, had zero alcohol, even gone NoFap. I feel great.

Just waiting for a quiet day off 😁
 
sparrow95 said:
Great report. I've been thinking I need to do higher doses, but i'm scared to because of what the lower doses have been like.
Click to expand...

A breakthrough experience is much more enjoyable than non-breakthrough experience. Once you let yourself go, there's no discomfort.
 
I'm very interested in the fractal aspect of the perception.
Do you think it is something to do with the mind ultimately being aware of matter being near infinitely divisible?
Something to do with the framerate of our vision? In normal waking hours we cannot see the quantised nature of light. Our minds trick us into seeing a smooth stream of input.
Is it that DMT shuts that part down and so we begin to see things as still frames on top of each other?
Another hypothesis is that the fractal patterns so many see could be a visual representation of the physical structure of the mind.
 
5A8R3 said:
I'm very interested in the fractal aspect of the perception.
Do you think it is something to do with the mind ultimately being aware of matter being near infinitely divisible?
Something to do with the framerate of our vision? In normal waking hours we cannot see the quantised nature of light. Our minds trick us into seeing a smooth stream of input.
Is it that DMT shuts that part down and so we begin to see things as still frames on top of each other?
Another hypothesis is that the fractal patterns so many see could be a visual representation of the physical structure of the mind.
Click to expand...

Since posting this I realize I should have used "geometric" instead of "fractal". It's easier to observe on lower doses how this happens.

First a pattern is printed onto all flat surfaces. This pattern is changing all the time. Then the objects break to geometric shapes that closely resemble the object they were printed onto. Then in the next iteration it could be any shape. Nothing resembles the place you're in.

The waiting room as it's referred to is often described as being like a toy room. It certainly feels that's. Ever changing colour shape. With objects that remind you of toy windmills, jack in the box, toy monkey. The Elephant head I saw.

The thing that made the Elephant head stick out was that once remembered it didn't match the colour scheme of everything else. The room and objects were pulsing in iridescent colour, then out of nowhere a grey elephant head with gold jewelry. Only for a split second then it was gone.

Interestingly a small dose taken whilst on the computer showed me that the pattern printed onto objects within the game. Was playing Skyrim at the time.
 
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