Purging for emotional release on spice

[InfinSpirit]

When I journey with spice, with good prep, in a setting that feels safe & comfortable, I have reliably deep healing experiences. One aspect of these experiences that has been happening more and more lately, is the need to purge. This always felt like it was more characteristic of my journeys with ayahuasca rather than spice, however lately I find myself going through very physical purges with spice.

It feels like the act of purging is part of a process of connecting to an energy within myself that needs to be released and by touching that place within my consciousness I connect to the feelings I’m holding surrounding a particular past experience and find myself going into an intense process of retching, which from the outside appears like I'm trying to vomit, yet all that comes out is a bit of water and a lot of noise. Internally however, it feels like the energy surrounding what needs to be released is stored in my body and as I go into this retching process, tears beginning to run down my face, snot coming out of my nose and the retch, I am reaching into the parts of my gut that are holding emotion and with the sound of the purge and the very physical act in my body, they are being transmuted and released outwardly.

Other external aspects of the purge include yawning, coughing, sighing, shaking and different forms of movement but the predominant external physical symptom is this deep retching. It may sound like its unpleasant but actually it feels amazing, like an allowing and letting go into a release that i’ve been needing for a long time. Almost like when you’re tired and you have a big yawn, or when you need to sneeze and finally you do and afterwards you're like 'damn that felt good; I was waiting for that to come out for a while' .

I tend to do spice on my own these days and i think this is helpful as I’m not then concerned as to how strange or intense it might appear to someone else sitting for me and I can just get on with what feels natural to me at the time.

I had a spice journey this morning and purging was a big part of that and inspired me to write this post. I smoalked and although I hadn’t broken through into hyperspace, my state of consciousness was that of what I would describe as a medium dose spice journey yet pre-breakthrough. I was content with the level I found myself at on this occasion. The CEV’s were of expansive landscapes & geometric forms folding in on themselves, and OEV’s were very crystalline and colourful in nature. I was concious of the presence of compassionate supportive guidance from this realm and felt comfy within myself.

I became aware of how much anxiety I’ve been carrying around lately and how that sense of anxiety impacts my choices and also my relationship with myself. I felt connected to that anxiety but in a detached manner, as in not feeling anxious in that moment but observing how the energy surrounding anxiety plays a role in my life. I felt its weight in my chest & a realisation of the need to purge. Reaching for a bowl, I began to retch. It felt like I was turning myself inside out, that this anxiety was stored somewhere deep in my cells and it was as if I was delving into my body to unlock a place where it is held. Coughing, retching, sighing & spitting were allowing the energy to be moved & released as much as possible. I dont want to imply some quick fix removal, but rather thhis being part of a longer process of letting go of that which i’ve accumulated over a lifetime. As I witnessing the weight of it, how much it has overcome me at times, the challenges of the mind with worries and over thinking, I was seeing it, touching it within the medicine space & enabled to release parts of that. The purge was guttural & seemed to go on for a long time. The sounds that accompanied the purge were roars of the trauma I’d been holding, rushing up and out of me, from a place deep within that was indicative of pain and struggle. Tears flowed and I started to breathe deep long slow breaths as the purge subsided. I felt an incredible lightness envelop me, an understanding of the origin of the anxiety i had been holding and a sense of freedom surrounding that. To ground me I sang loud instinctive sounds & tones. Coming out of the experience I was filled with a sense of peace, connection & relief. As mentionned, I don’t feel like this is some quick fix and that now moving forward in life I’m forever free of anxiety - if only it were that easy - but i do feel like during this experience I was able to touch a place within myself where i held a lot of this energy, to let some of it go and to release in ways that feel really beneficial. It feels like purging during these experiences is one of the tools that I find most useful for this kind of releasing. I also wanted to mention that I like to smoalk spice in the morning and do it on an empty stomach so its very rare that physically there’s anything other than a bit of water that comes out.

I’m intrigued as to whether other people have a similar experience with using purging on spice to release the energy from past experiences & emotions that have been held onto? If purging plays a role in your experiences at all and if it does, whether that is beneficial for you? Or whether something similar occurs but in a different form, such as through song, movement or any other tool or technique that helps to release emotion or energy that you have been holding onto?

It feels good to share. I look forward to hearing any thoughts anyone has on this. Many thanks:thumb_up:

 

[Voidmatrix]

Beautiful post and I'm thankful you shared it.

It resonates with me seeing as I have this experience often also. I commonly try to be at least 2 hours fasted so there's not much to come up and I can focus on the actual purging of unnecessary energies rather than physical stuff.

At first it was a little alarming when I began to experience this. I love spice and had wondered if it was something that would hinder my use. But like you, I now find it beneficial, even when I fight against it. It's most often a guttural burp or a few, every so often something actually comes up. I carry stress and anxiety in my throat and gut, which is where I can feel energy blockages when disembarking on spice. While not a quick fix as you've stated, I find it a great exercise in learning how to ameliorate unbalanced states and emotions.

Life is suffering, and I am presently healing from a handful of detrimental and unfortunate events. In an effort to heal and grow from these experiences, I had a healing Spice ritual with some changa. I didn't quite wait long enough after eating, so the purge in this session was very physical, but once it was over I felt very well. Knowing that my healing is not through, there nevertheless is the feeling of progress.

While I don't consider it part of purging necessarily, I have found the the Spice will encourage fluid movement as of late. I will dance fluidly, stretch deeply, work on mental balance through physical balance, etc.

It seems that purging could sometimes hinder focus and engagement with the depths of the experience. I overall consider it a beneficial aspect of some of my journeys. Sometimes I am able to hold it at bay, which is an exercise in purging the same energies in a different way, necessitating an inner management and expulsion of deleterious energies.

One love

 

[Tomtegubbe]

I'm not a big fan of vomiting, although the release does feel good.

I have learned to control the nausea by exhaling. By exhaling I can relax my stomach and get past the urge to throw up. It's quite crazy how you can control such a thing. This way exhalation also functions as a way of purging heavy energies. If the vomit has to come, it will come.

 

[Voidmatrix]

I'm not a big fan of vomiting, although the release does feel good.

I have learned to control the nausea by exhaling. By exhaling I can relax my stomach and get past the urge to throw up. It's quite crazy how you can control such a thing. This way exhalation also functions as a way of purging heavy energies. If the vomit has to come, it will come.

Awesome first sentence

A particular focus on breath is also how I manage it, breathing over and through the energies and baggage. It works often, but as you stated, if it has to come, it will.

One love

 

[InfinSpirit]

Beautiful post and I'm thankful you shared it.

Thank you

I carry stress and anxiety in my throat and gut, which is where I can feel energy blockages when disembarking on spice. While not a quick fix as you've stated, I find it a great exercise in learning how to ameliorate unbalanced states and emotions.

Lately I also finding my gut and throat are areas of my body where I hold a lot of blocked energy & bringing my focus to these parts of my body, when going through a release has been v.helpful. Regarding my throat, I find toning and singing has been a great way of releasing tension in my throat, and in general can be really grounding for me. Also singing or toning during the height of a spice experience certainly effects my experience, often really deepening the journey, help me connect with entitites/guides/spirits & enabling me to more easily navigate the experience. I find singing and using my voice in different ways during spice is a great way to help purge different energies and move through different states.

While I don't consider it part of purging necessarily, I have found the the Spice will encourage fluid movement as of late. I will dance fluidly, stretch deeply, work on mental balance through physical balance, etc.

Absolutely. When I first started exploring spice I would smoalk and then lay back, eyes closed, pretty stationary. Over time I have found that I prefer to sit up with my back straight and when it feels right, to move, dance & stretch my body during the session, and often towards the end of the journey, to do some yoga stretches and like yourself to do some balance postures.

It seems that purging could sometimes hinder focus and engagement with the depths of the experience. I overall consider it a beneficial aspect of some of my journeys. Sometimes I am able to hold it at bay, which is an exercise in purging the same energies in a different way, necessitating an inner management and expulsion of deleterious energies.

I agree that it's a beneficial aspect of some of my journeys too. I dont want to give the impression that I spend all my time in hyperspace or otherwise, coughing, spitting and retching Of course, there's lots of trips where it doesn't feel necessary in the moment and I'm having a wholly different experience, but for sure there are often times where it's been a useful tool to help move through things. I think it could potentially be useful for me to try to use singing/toning, breath & movement as a different way of doing the same thing I'm acheiving through purging in the ways I mentionned.

Thanks for your reply 8)

 

[InfinSpirit]

I'm not a big fan of vomiting, although the release does feel good.

:lol: No me neither; in general, I also do my best not to vomit in most situations and i suppose if this felt like a full on vomitting up my breakfast kind of thing, I'd prob be a bit more averse to it, though the release is nice indeed.

I have learned to control the nausea by exhaling. By exhaling I can relax my stomach and get past the urge to throw up. It's quite crazy how you can control such a thing. This way exhalation also functions as a way of purging heavy energies. If the vomit has to come, it will come.

It's definitely something I'm going to work on to utilise my breath more and I do already find that bringing my awareness to my breathing and using different rhythms of breathing is really helpful and as you say a good way to control nausea. However, it's not that I'm feeling nauseas when purging, which might sound like a contradiction, but what i mean is, I'm not feeling dizzy or sick so to speak but rather I'm aware in the moment that there's an energetic shift required within my body and by retching, coughing or spitting into a bowl beside me, it helps facilitate that shift. I suppose, it's an allowing of whatever needs to occur for those shifts and sometimes that's a purge, but what form that takes is up to the traveller. Your suggestion about relaxing the stomach & working with my breathing is appreciated and I'm going to try to bring more attention to my breathing in coming sessions.

 

[Th3_tRuTh]

Purging is incredibly healing. Everything that you have said and everything that has been said in the comments are all resonating. In some of the workshops I have participated in over the last few years, deep grief work sometimes leads to purging even when sober. You go deep enough with grief work, and your body will purge that which you have been holding onto. I have yet to get that deep with it but my changa breakthrough, during the comedown phase (wherein my emotions were being stirred and triggered through heavy waves of emotion accentuated by certain color and visual patterns), I ended up feeling a wave of nausea. I felt like the medicine was giving me the choice to purge if I wanted to. I did not and the feeling passed, and I felt like maybe I should have taken that opportunity but I still got a lot out of it and came out of the experience feeling hyper aware of my body and feelings. It was one of the most healing experiences I have had so far. The fact that some are reporting feeling these purgative effects more and more is an indication of the healing power of these medicines, especially when used with healing intentions. We continue to dive deeper and deeper into our subconscious and stir up more and more of the deep emotional wounding from our past. OP, your post was beautiful and thoughtful, the comments are awesome, and I feel like reports and discussions like these are remarkable examples of the potential of these substances. Thank you all for sharing. This is also a beautiful example of what it means to compare DMT use with months or years of therapy in a 20 minute session. Some people spend years in therapy to achieve the level of healing we are gifted with by simply smoking a psychedelic substance with an open mind/heart and a genuine intent to heal. One love, y'all.

 

[Tomtegubbe]

I have to add, that one reason why I nowadays have less need for aggressive purge may be that many of the things I have been holding up have already come out. There is lots of grief I still go through, but I'm more open to feel those kind of emotions compared to the times I began the DMT journey.

So, I agree that the purge is very significant emotionally, but it's role may change as we progress.

 

[fatherseb]

Thanks for sharing.

My experience is very similar. It mostly occurs with Changa with a higher Caapi content. I always have my favorite bucket next to me. You described it very well. Sometimes it feels like an overflow of information and emotions when the experience becomes too strong. Like a valve to release pressure. The noises are loud and animalistic. There is no nausea, it comes on very quickly. It actually feels like tensions and negative energies are leaving the body. I welcome it and don't try to defend myself against it.

 

[metta-morpheus]

This is cool. I always wondered if it was just me, as no one in my circle that has tried it Gets the nausea like I do. I would say about 70% of the time I will purge. And like most of you, it’s often just screaming at the bucket, with little physical matter coming up.

 

[InfinSpirit]

Thanks for your reply

In some of the workshops I have participated in over the last few years, deep grief work sometimes leads to purging even when sober. You go deep enough with grief work, and your body will purge that which you have been holding onto.

It's amazing the states of consciousness that can be reached and the depth of process that can accompany them, simply by using the breath for example. I also experienced purging and deep releases during a holotropic breathwork training I attended and my process was a lot to do with grief as well.

I felt like the medicine was giving me the choice to purge if I wanted to. I did not and the feeling passed, and I felt like maybe I should have taken that opportunity but I still got a lot out of it and came out of the experience feeling hyper aware of my body and feelings. It was one of the most healing experiences I have had so far.

That's great that your experience was so rewarding nonetheless though. I feel like there is often a choice to move into certain inner material that wants to be processed & even if we're in a really intense enhanced state of consciousness where it might on the one hand feel like we're not making choices but been guided through an experience, I think that choice can come from a subcious willingness within to either look at and allow certain emotions or territory to arise, or not. I've mostly found that if that does relate to specific inner material or teachings about my human experience, it's usually better that i surrender and allow whatever is coming up to be looked at and moved through. I like the idea that our shadows can appear vast when seen from one perspective but when we shine a light on them from another angle, they're really the size of a mouse.

OP, your post was beautiful and thoughtful, the comments are awesome, and I feel like reports and discussions like these are remarkable examples of the potential of these substances.

Thanks :thumb_up: Indeed, I have no doubt in the vast potential of spice and also other psychedelic medicines. I'm yet to find anything else on this human journey that has such potential for inducing such fascinating enhanced states of consciousness, allowing for deep inner healing, teachings & guidance, and humility in the face of awe and wonder...And generally a pretty darn cosmic time 8)

 

[InfinSpirit]

I have to add, that one reason why I nowadays have less need for aggressive purge may be that many of the things I have been holding up have already come out. There is lots of grief I still go through, but I'm more open to feel those kind of emotions compared to the times I began the DMT journey.

So, I agree that the purge is very significant emotionally, but it's role may change as we progress.

I think I felt like I'd worked through a lot of the 'stuff' I'd been holding years back, only to find that as i reach one platue of peeling back the layers of the onion of things I perceive im holding, there underneath is another layer . I don't really see it as a process where I reach a peak of letting go of the stuff I've accumulated holding in this lifetime, as I feel like there's always going to be the ever changing relationship I have with myself and those people I interact with in my life from which i will take on things that need processing, my thoughts and feeling about the world we live in, or even ancestral trauma. I do know what you're saying though, in that the material i was looking at in my 20's was a lot heavier in some senses than that which i'm exploring in my 40's & I'm certainly more willing to feel my emotions now so i would assume that means I'm not holding so much, though it doesnt always feel that way.

 

[InfinSpirit]

I always have my favorite bucket next to me.

:lol:

Sometimes it feels like an overflow of information and emotions when the experience becomes too strong. Like a valve to release pressure. The noises are loud and animalistic. There is no nausea, it comes on very quickly. It actually feels like tensions and negative energies are leaving the body. I welcome it and don't try to defend myself against it.

For me it's not that the experience is too strong which induces it, as it often occurs when it's less strong, almost as though when it's a full on breakthrough experience, there's so much expansion occurring and with that depth of journey my concept of 'self' is reduced to the point that it's doesn't become about my material or energy that needs purging but rather about an experience of overwhelming cosmic proportions where I'm purely witnessing something that often feels ineffable.

However, yes indeed a good purge does feel like a valve to release the pressure! And some of the noises that can come out about pretty intense (In the past I would record my spice experiences to capture any singing that occurs or if i wanted to say something during the experience to then look back on later. I've def got some recordings of monumental purging sounds in those files - maybe they're destined to be sampled onto some track or other . Sounds I make also really feel like a part of the purge, a releasing of energy through sound. Thanks for your reply :thumb_up:

 

[InfinSpirit]

it’s often just screaming at the bucket

:lol:
Man, that bucket has been given a real hard time of it, with all the gutteral roars that have headed in its direction

 

[monsoonext]

I’m intrigued as to whether other people have a similar experience with using purging on spice to release the energy from past experiences & emotions that have been held onto? If purging plays a role in your experiences at all and if it does, whether that is beneficial for you? Or whether something similar occurs but in a different form, such as through song, movement or any other tool or technique that helps to release emotion or energy that you have been holding onto?

Purging has played a role in a handful of my experiences, though it's certainly played a distinct role than it did in yours. Albeit, I have not purged on any true psychedelic, so perhaps purging would feel more like an emotional release to me in such a context...

Instead, I've purged twice on dextromethorphan (two different 3rd plateau trips). In both of those cases, the purging played the exact same role: as a transition from the 2nd to the 3rd plateau. For those who aren't familiar with dextromethorphan, I'll add a note that the drug is understood to have 4 distinct sets of effects at 4 dose ranges, called plateaus. On my two 3rd plateau trips, I had felt 2nd plateau effects right up until I felt compelled to purge, and, upon doing so, immediately transitioned into the much more entheogenic/shamanic and overwhelming 3rd plateau effects. In both those cases, the purging was neither pleasant nor unpleasant, but rather felt more like a ritual physically representing a significant mental transition. To me, it was very interesting how consistent this ritual was between the two experiences, despite the distinctness of each 3rd plateau experience.

And while I've never purged from it, I've noticed that the nausea I experience on mushrooms always feels as if it's serving this exact same ritualistic purpose. It's always distinctly unpleasant, physically, and yet there's always a certain comfort to it. It seems to grow with the come-up and to subside just as the trip is really kicking in, which I think provides a sensation of relaxation and relief that really facilitates engagement with the headspace. It definitely feels beneficial because of this, in spite of the physical unpleasantness.

Nevertheless, I can absolutely imagine someday using purging as a spiritual release of energy. Reading your post, I definitely related to the intense emotional experience of yawning/shaking on certain substances. In fact, reflecting on other physical sensations I've had on psychedelics, I suspect that if I do ever purge on psychedelics, then it will end up being a similarly emotionally/spiritually cleansing experience.

I guess maybe I should try ayahuasca or cacti? I've just never done a psychedelic that's traditionally associated with purgative experiences.

 

[Voidmatrix]

The synchronicity of this post with a recent experience warrants sharing...

I'm dealing with a handful of things that are presently emotionally difficult for me. Midweek last week I had a changa healing ritual (with one of my stronger blends; I usually have more than one blend at any given time, currently:3). I lit some incense and sage, meditated, and then hopped on my bed. I set my intention: to heal, find balance, and reopen my heart. I took my first hit, was up, but only mildly so, and hit it a few more times until I was where I wanted to be.

It was a sub-breakthrough, but a powerful one. I was riding it out just fine, experiencing the space I was moving through and pondering. One of the pieces of emotional baggage was seen as a tragic loss, and in many ways that is the case. I began to ball, tears tearing ass down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away, well at least not until I knew I was going to vomit. When I could feel the weight coalesce in my gut, I opened my eyes and thought to myself, "alright, let's do this!"

I sat up, flipped my mala and hair back (locks passed my tushy), grabbed the trashcan I always have near, and let loose! I had eaten in a while, so there was very little food. The mainly clear liquid seemed red as it forcefully expelled itself from my system, each heave more refreshing than the last. The red hue made me uncomfortable, seemingly symbolic of its toxic nature. When it was pretty much over, I lay back in my bed and close my eyes, embracing the space embracing me. A step towards true acceptance of the various life situations scratching my mind.

I was up for about 35 minutes, and had to purge a couple more times during. It was odd to me how much came up, but assume I had that much gunk to unload.

One love

 

[InfinSpirit]

And while I've never purged from it, I've noticed that the nausea I experience on mushrooms always feels as if it's serving this exact same ritualistic purpose. It's always distinctly unpleasant, physically, and yet there's always a certain comfort to it. It seems to grow with the come-up and to subside just as the trip is really kicking in, which I think provides a sensation of relaxation and relief that really facilitates engagement with the headspace. It definitely feels beneficial because of this, in spite of the physical unpleasantness.

Thanks for sharing that. I'd never heard of dextromethorphan before. It's certainly true that when i feel nausua during an experience on any substance, as it subsides whether through the purge or othherwise, there is a real relief. I really associate intense nausea with ayahuasca, rather than spice where i dont so much feel nauseous when purging, but rather needing a release and the purge faciliattes that.

 

[InfinSpirit]

I began to ball, tears tearing ass down my face. I didn't bother to wipe them away, well at least not until I knew I was going to vomit. When I could feel the weight coalesce in my gut, I opened my eyes and thought to myself, "alright, let's do this!"

Sounds like a really worthwhile emotional connection & release!

The mainly clear liquid seemed red as it forcefully expelled itself from my system, each heave more refreshing than the last. The red hue made me uncomfortable, seemingly symbolic of its toxic nature.

I've also found when looking down into the bowl there are various colors around whatever is it there but as I'm also having lots of OEV's at that time I'm often unsure of the relevance of the color of what I'm looking at, seperate to the fact there's colors & fractals filling my feild of vision. I can definitely see that the color could also could be symbbolic of the toxic nature of what your purging energetically and emotonally though.

embracing the space embracing me. A step towards true acceptance of the various life situations scratching my mind.

Mmm I'm liking your phrasing here :thumb_up: