Seeking advice in the outside world.

[Mystic0]

I'm a fairly passive person, I don't like aggresion or breaking of friendships however, I have a "friend" at the minute who is seriously beginning to test even my own patience with people, the person is beyond self centered.

The person is an incredibly bossy and controlling person, need's to be the centre of attention and has even (in my eyes) lied about there experiences with DMT, they have dismissed anything I've spoken to them about my own experience and acts like a child when questioned about there own.

They are really beginning to test my patience, I do nothing but give to them and rarely get anything back, I never expect anything in return.

I know I should let these things pass through me and let them have their way but I can't seem to let it go at the minute.

 

[SmoovPnCali]

MysticO,

Unfortunately, the world is littered with these types of people. The one thing you must not do, is let these types of people bring you down or let them transfer their negativity to you. If you must put distance between you, so be it. When they find themselves alone, they will see the error of their ways. At that point, perhaps change will occur and you can accept them back. Until then, maintain your positive outlook! Your the only one who can change you...

...and just smile....

 

[Mystic0]

thank you, similar to what I was thinking myself, It feel's like I'm trying to be dragged down to their level which is exactly what I'm trying not to do. It's not fair that I be made to come down to their vibration because of their problems.

Thank you for the advice

 

[TheBridge]

Mystic0, I'm sorry to hear about your friend being like that. Smoov has some good advice, as unfortunately I've had numerous issues with friends in my life. The distance Smoov mentioned can be good(or see it as a planned time out), but you may also want to be careful how it is done to keep it from resembling any permanent burning of bridges. Those can feel good, and sometimes may even be the best move, but I've found when you do it too much you may need to put effort into seeking new friends or just become more content with a lot more alone time. But yeah, sometimes these friends will come around on their own if they are bright enough to figure out the reason(s) you are avoiding them. Others are just too dense or don't care enough to make any changes. All you can control is how you carry yourself. When I can consciously think about it, I like to view it as a test/challenge, and that sometimes takes away some of the negative and even makes it a tad bit fun/interesting in my mind.

 

[Botanical Bliss]

I can relate. (lol I feel like I've said that in many threads I've posted in, but it's true) Not in the same exact situation, but with people and friends in general. I am alone most of the time because the friends that live around here that I've been friends with for years, are mostly just "yeah drugs, let's get fucked up," kind of people. Hell they can do that, I don't care, we see drugs differently.

However, that said, I feel like the things I've learned with entheogens have brought me to realizations that these friends haven't. I have fun with them, but a lot of times they talk racist and negatively about people and it's like they're closed in a box, and sometimes when I'm with them and they're talking about such things, I feel isolated and want to leave them forever. I too am a passive kind of person, but I'm working on that. Just don't let them bring you down. I've done that for too long, now I'm just trying to be positive in life, and I feel great right now.

 

[fairbanks]

I've had my whole group of friends act in that way and I understand how hard it is to make a decision on what to do. The attachment is hard to break through to make the right decision for your well being, especially when you've had mind altering connecting exps with them.

I agree that taking a break from this friend might be the best move on your part. Even over telling them what's wrong which could possibly make it worse. This person sounds like someone if told off would throw it right back in your face. If you take a break from them they will hopefully get the hint and realize that you don't appreciate the way they treat you. If they reach back out to you with an apology then maybe you can get back together with them, but if they just hit you up acting like nothing happened then take it as a test of your attachment and make the best decision for yourself.

After awhile you realize that you are better off and that those kind of personalities are truly energy leeches. You're putting everything into being a good and honest friend and receive nothing but a big fat ego back.
Good luck

 

[Mystic0]

You've all grasped so much of what's going on from so little, this is something to me that proves we are all truly connected in ways we cannot fathom or understand, it's beautiful, thank you all for your advice.

I had an argument with this person last week, the argument resulted from me asking them "If they were ok at the minute" It's felt to me like they are having a very hard time with certain things right now and they're beginning to take it out on other people not just themselves, because I am in a happy place in my life I've often found people don't like that you are happy and they aren't so try to bring you down to their level.

Everything that has been said is completely true to the situation and I think I'm going to bridge some distance between me and said person untill they can understand how they have treated me in return, it's all choice. I don't want to abandon them because I know they are having troubles in there own life but they are beginning to hurt me and are completely disrespecting me and disregarding a lot of the thing's I've done for them...

Thank you all for your advice, it's been very helpful and extremely appreciated.

Much love,

 

[SmoovPnCali]

I had an argument with this person last week, the argument resulted from me asking them "If they were ok at the minute" It's felt to me like they are having a very hard time with certain things right now and they're beginning to take it out on other people not just themselves, because I am in a happy place in my life I've often found people don't like that you are happy and they aren't so try to bring you down to their level.

....Hmmmm......:?

...now how does that wise old quote go again......

....Oh Yeah....I remember....

"Misery enjoys Company"

Don't be Company....except here....with us....

Always glad to help!

 

[Guyomech]

Smoov is right, I hate to say it. I think there are people in this world who are not just miserable, but are actually misery; they have no intention of changing this about themselves and tend to just get deeper into this role as they get older. I too am a person who avoids conflict at almost any cost, and in cases where a long term friend has become harder and harder to be around, my reaction is just to quietly and gradually build some distance. In some cases this has led to a reframing of the relationship, where my needs are taken into account (for example, one long term friend had a bad habit of needing to get on the phone often and talk endlessly, which drives me insane... I don't have time to spare. He got it, and we now send entertaining texts back and forth instead). But when it comes to the energy vampire types, these folks are basically incurable. Don't waste your time. It's not a failure to make a break and move on- not all friendships are destined to last a lifetime, and some people really will drag you down without even trying.

In my 44 years I've had to purposefully drift away from quite a few people. It's awkward. But I will not live a life where I am obligated to spend time with someone whose company I dread. That would be downright silly.

 

[exovargonklocale]

I think the answer lies in how much you are willing to sacrifice for that person. How much do you want to help them? How much do you think you can help them?
It seems pretty obvious that your friend is suffering. I know that you know that he doesn't have to suffer, so why should he? You know that you don't have to suffer and so your preferred choice is to avoid the suffering altogether. That is maybe the most reasonable approach, but it also disregards the suffering of your friend somewhat. You are showing compassion to yourself by relieving yourself of suffering. But does your friend not deserve compassion as much as you?
I have been struggling with this dilemma recently. Your friend is actually capable of not suffering in that way, even if he is unaware of it. You ARE aware of it. Then are you ethically obliged to try to help him expand his awareness to be able to quell his suffering?
It just depends on how much you want to help him, or how much you think you are capable of helping him. Left to his devices, he may see through his faults, or maybe he will replace his interactions with you with interactions with another stimulus and never learn and die blinded by his ego.
Something I have learned recently is that patience is required if you want to form any sort of relationship with anything in the universe, and humans seem to require especially infinite quantities. But if you can learn to not be annoyed, not to be frustrated, not to allow your ego to fire on its hair-pin trigger, then maybe you can teach him to do the same.
That being said, it is very hard to learn that sort of discipline when you don't have enough time to consider it from a removed perspective before it confronts you again.
Your mind works like a muscle. When you stress it, it creates microfractures at its weakest points. Once it has time to rest, it repairs those fractures with tissue which is stronger than it was before. If you don't give it time to rest though, it just continues to degrade until eventually it cannot support its load.
I am certainly not suggesting you are obliged to do anything. I just thought I'd share my thoughts as I have been thinking about them recently.

 

[The Observer]

I have left all of thses type of people in the dust........

Much better in keeping my energies positive..................

There are many self centered, selfish, unrealistic coma victims out there, more impressed with themselves and their concocted stories than reality.........whatever that is..........

I would much prefer to have a much smaller group of awake, aware, and "real" friends, than people that just want to take, take, take.............

IMO

 

[Parshvik Chintan]

I think the answer lies in how much you are willing to sacrifice for that person. How much do you want to help them? How much do you think you can help them?
It seems pretty obvious that your friend is suffering. I know that you know that he doesn't have to suffer, so why should he?

i am reminded of the song "sleeping beauty" by a perfect circle

Delusional
I believe I can cure it all for you, dear
Coax or trick or drive or
drag the demons from you
Make it right for you sleeping beauty
Truly thought
I can magically heal you
Drunk on ego
Truly thought I could make it right
If I kissed you one more time to
Help you face the nightmare
But you're far too poisoned for me
Such a fool to think that I can wake you from your slumber
That I could actually heal you..