Sex and Love Addiction Support and Healing Thread

[Xagan]

Hi everyone,

I have suffered with sex addiction for a good few years now - these days my compulsive acts tend to centre around last minute arrangements to visit sex workers/escorts. I’m always most at-risk at the end of my working week when I have free time on my hands - that’s why you’ll see a lot of my comments referring to my behaviour at the end of my week at work, which are mainly to keep a log and to act as a source of motivation after hopefully building up some momentum of positive behaviour. I thought it would be good to post it on here to add a level of accountability to my actions.

Anyone can feel free to post on here if you wish to discuss or log your own compulsive and addictive tendencies related to sex or love. Please use this space to help try to facilitate healing and to share your stories!

Much love to everyone.




End of Working Week one
First evening: abstinent

 

[Xagan]

Second day: abstinent

 

[PedroSanchez]

care to share more details?
i get the idea from the title, but only an idea.

good luck

 

[Xagan]

care to share more details?
i get the idea from the title, but only an idea.

good luck

Yes no problem at all! I have edited my original post with more information - hopefully this thread can facilitate some healing for people in need. Thank you friend

 

[Xagan]

Third day: abstinent
Week one: complete

 

[Xagan]

End of Working Week two
First evening: abstinent

 

[Xagan]

Second day: abstinent
Third day: abstinent
Week two: complete

This week has been difficult. Technically, I have been abstinent but it's been far from perfect. I've spent a lot of time looking at escort profiles online and even initiating contact, which is all a part of the addictive process. I came way too close to caving in - at one point if it wasn't for the battery on my phone running out, then I think I would have done it. But alas, another week has gone by and I haven't fully acted out in a negative way. This coming week is going to be very difficult because my libido is very high. Of course I will allow myself relief and to enjoy my sexual side, but I just need to try and ensure I don't overly indulge to unhealthy levels and to try to stick to my self-imposed guidelines.

Everyone please feel free to start logging/sharing your own compulsive tendencies to help bring about healing.

 

[SynKyd]

Addiction is a tough topic for most, truly hope you get what you’re needing from this journal to overcome things.

Get to the root cause of your behavior, and deal with it would be my advice.

Outpatient programs can be very effective, as can group therapy (Anon) in helping one understand the brain processes and triggers you have.

Just started my annual sober month actually, it helps keep things in perspective.........best of luck!

 

[Icyseeker]

10/03/2020

 

[PedroSanchez]

Yes no problem at all! I have edited my original post with more information - hopefully this thread can facilitate some healing for people in need. Thank you friend

thank you for sharing.
i havent been around but it looks like you have been doing great up until the last post. i hope you are still doing well.

i recently noticed in myself that my attitude towards sex has been wrong my whole life and i need to change that about myself. it has not hit a point where i am too concerned yet, but i do definitely need to rein it in.
i have been doing quite well but i have also been juggling a lot of other things in life so have been distracted. maybe finding something to do to distract you could help take your mind off the temptations? you could start a new hobby or you could revisit an old one.
sounds like you have a much bigger battle on your hands than i do though so i can only wish you the best of luck.

be strong

 

[downwardsfromzero]

I can't help noticing that the acronym of this thread would be "SLASH"; whether that's relevant or not, I'm grateful that this thread has helped me in taking a healthy look at my own sexuality at just the right time in my life.

 

[Jin]

Suppressing sexuality is not really a good idea , being a celibate is perfectly fine if it's natural for oneself

I have gone an year before being totally celibate , but it did'nt feel natural at that time

Right now again I am celibate however it feels just so right this time , it produces vivid dreams , more energy and a feeling of lightness through the day , for me I've realised sexuality to be trivial pursuit , it's something so ordinary that it's meaningless to me , Deep down I am a psychonaut in my heart and an explorer and I've explored sexuality to its full potential as best I could , finally I got bored and moved on to other pursuits namely my consciousness and entheogens , dreams

I would say explore and get bored and then move on

Edit: I would advice against escorts , it's best to do it with loving partner

 

[PlantTraveller]

Physical affection and sexual expression are very natural, human activities and needs. Babies literally die if they aren't touched!

There's nothing at all wrong with visiting an escort. In fact, it can be a very respectful way to have consensual sex with an expert in their field. It's good to support sex workers: many of them are single parents, supporting vulnerable family members, paying for education, and we should all do what we can to remove the stigma around this. I have friends who are sex workers and although most people are very quiet about it, I can _guarantee_ you that each of us personally knows people who reguarly engage escorts. It's always been that way and always will be.

Our sexuality has been used to control us by those who wish to wield power for thousands of years. We are all deeply hurt by the repercussions of this, there is so much intergenerational trauma and societal and cultural ugliness from it. Each of us must live with our own issues and try to be respectful of the other people around us, that is the best we can do. Sex is a great way to pass the time when everyone involved is safe, aware of their boundaries and consenting, and it even boosts your immune system whether you are alone or with a partner.

It is possible to engage in just about any behaviour in a compulsive and unhealthy way. Eating, shopping, and exercising are also all necessary normal activities that we all need to do, but they can be just as damaging as compulsive sexual behaviours. Repressing one compulsive behaviour without addressing the root cause will only kick the can down the road for your mental health.

 

[Xagan]

Addiction is a tough topic for most, truly hope you get what you’re needing from this journal to overcome things.

Get to the root cause of your behavior, and deal with it would be my advice.

Outpatient programs can be very effective, as can group therapy (Anon) in helping one understand the brain processes and triggers you have.

Just started my annual sober month actually, it helps keep things in perspective.........best of luck!

Thank you for your input - it's much appreciated! Yes, I am trying all forms of healing methods. These past few weeks have been difficult but I'm getting there! Best of luck to you my friend

Yes no problem at all! I have edited my original post with more information - hopefully this thread can facilitate some healing for people in need. Thank you friend

thank you for sharing.
i havent been around but it looks like you have been doing great up until the last post. i hope you are still doing well.

i recently noticed in myself that my attitude towards sex has been wrong my whole life and i need to change that about myself. it has not hit a point where i am too concerned yet, but i do definitely need to rein it in.
i have been doing quite well but i have also been juggling a lot of other things in life so have been distracted. maybe finding something to do to distract you could help take your mind off the temptations? you could start a new hobby or you could revisit an old one.
sounds like you have a much bigger battle on your hands than i do though so i can only wish you the best of luck.

be strong

Thanks so much for your response. A few weeks have passed and I haven't seen an escort, but I've been far from perfect. Finding something to distract myself is a great idea - when all this covid stuff is over, hopefully it will be a lot easier to keep myself busy such as doing classes etc. Thank you for the support. Best of luck to you too

I can't help noticing that the acronym of this thread would be "SLASH"; whether that's relevant or not, I'm grateful that this thread has helped me in taking a healthy look at my own sexuality at just the right time in my life.

I'm glad you've found this thread to be somewhat beneficial And I hadn't noticed that acronym! :lol:

Suppressing sexuality is not really a good idea , being a celibate is perfectly fine if it's natural for oneself

I have gone an year before being totally celibate , but it did'nt feel natural at that time

Right now again I am celibate however it feels just so right this time , it produces vivid dreams , more energy and a feeling of lightness through the day , for me I've realised sexuality to be trivial pursuit , it's something so ordinary that it's meaningless to me , Deep down I am a psychonaut in my heart and an explorer and I've explored sexuality to its full potential as best I could , finally I got bored and moved on to other pursuits namely my consciousness and entheogens , dreams

I would say explore and get bored and then move on

Edit: I would advice against escorts , it's best to do it with loving partner

You are right; it's not good to supress sexuality, and for me this is very important. I'm not trying to totally abstain from all sexual stimuli or release - I'm trying to reach a point where it doesn't dominate my entire life and I don't overly indulge all the time. Hopefully I too will find myself getting bored of negative sexual encounters in place of something more healthy! Thanks so much for your comment

 

[Xagan]

Physical affection and sexual expression are very natural, human activities and needs. Babies literally die if they aren't touched!

There's nothing at all wrong with visiting an escort. In fact, it can be a very respectful way to have consensual sex with an expert in their field. It's good to support sex workers: many of them are single parents, supporting vulnerable family members, paying for education, and we should all do what we can to remove the stigma around this. I have friends who are sex workers and although most people are very quiet about it, I can _guarantee_ you that each of us personally knows people who reguarly engage escorts. It's always been that way and always will be.

Our sexuality has been used to control us by those who wish to wield power for thousands of years. We are all deeply hurt by the repercussions of this, there is so much intergenerational trauma and societal and cultural ugliness from it. Each of us must live with our own issues and try to be respectful of the other people around us, that is the best we can do. Sex is a great way to pass the time when everyone involved is safe, aware of their boundaries and consenting, and it even boosts your immune system whether you are alone or with a partner.

It is possible to engage in just about any behaviour in a compulsive and unhealthy way. Eating, shopping, and exercising are also all necessary normal activities that we all need to do, but they can be just as damaging as compulsive sexual behaviours. Repressing one compulsive behaviour without addressing the root cause will only kick the can down the road for your mental health.

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply, and this is something I've thought a lot about in recent months. It benefitted me greatly when I first realised that visiting sex workers isn't inherently bad - it's the compulsion and addiction that's bad, and feeling powerless to it. I plan on doing a lot of self improvement over the next few months and no, I'm not planning to abstain from sex workers 100% of the time, but I do need to gain some more control over my actions and for it to be more of a conscious decision. Be well and thanks again

 

[PlantTraveller]

Thanks so much for your thoughtful reply, and this is something I've thought a lot about in recent months. It benefitted me greatly when I first realised that visiting sex workers isn't inherently bad - it's the compulsion and addiction that's bad, and feeling powerless to it. I plan on doing a lot of self improvement over the next few months and no, I'm not planning to abstain from sex workers 100% of the time, but I do need to gain some more control over my actions and for it to be more of a conscious decision. Be well and thanks again

I wish you all the best in your healing!!

 

[Xagan]

End of Working Week three
First evening: abstinent

Second day: abstinent

Third day: abstinent
Week three: complete


End of Working Week four
First evening: abstinent

Second day: abstinent

Third day: abstinent
Week four: complete



The multiple uses of the word 'abstinent' makes it sound like my behaviour has been perfect the last few weeks - this is far from true. Had fate had different ideas, I would have visited sex workers a number of times. I tried to, but random things occurred that led to it not being possible, such as my phone battery almost running out of charge on one occasion! The universe conspiring to help me or just coincidence, whatever the case I didn't 'act out', and this is a quest of actions, not intentions. I have also masturbated too much in recent weeks and days, and ideally I'll now go through a period of no ejaculations to try and gain some self-control and to balance things out. We'll see how it goes. Not masturbating isn't a part of being abstinent for me, in fact I actively encourage myself to enjoy masturbation, but I try to limit it to twice a week so that I can reap the benefits of increased energy and confidence.

 

[Jin]

There's nothing at all wrong with visiting an escort. In fact, it can be a very respectful way to have consensual sex with an expert in their field. It's good to support sex workers: many of them are single parents, supporting vulnerable family members, paying for education, and we should all do what we can to remove the stigma around this. I have friends who are sex workers and although most people are very quiet about it, I can _guarantee_ you that each of us personally knows people who reguarly engage escorts. It's always been that way and always will be.

I understand this totally , I've some friends who are escorts aswell and totally understand the why's, I just advice against it due to the emotional disconnect it induces as sometimes it's just about sex when it should be also about connection and bonding , which can happen with escorts aswell , one should seek that connection

 

[PedroSanchez]

Physical affection and sexual expression are very natural, human activities and needs. Babies literally die if they aren't touched!

There's nothing at all wrong with visiting an escort. In fact, it can be a very respectful way to have consensual sex with an expert in their field. It's good to support sex workers: many of them are single parents, supporting vulnerable family members, paying for education, and we should all do what we can to remove the stigma around this. I have friends who are sex workers and although most people are very quiet about it, I can _guarantee_ you that each of us personally knows people who reguarly engage escorts. It's always been that way and always will be.

Our sexuality has been used to control us by those who wish to wield power for thousands of years. We are all deeply hurt by the repercussions of this, there is so much intergenerational trauma and societal and cultural ugliness from it. Each of us must live with our own issues and try to be respectful of the other people around us, that is the best we can do. Sex is a great way to pass the time when everyone involved is safe, aware of their boundaries and consenting, and it even boosts your immune system whether you are alone or with a partner.

It is possible to engage in just about any behaviour in a compulsive and unhealthy way. Eating, shopping, and exercising are also all necessary normal activities that we all need to do, but they can be just as damaging as compulsive sexual behaviours. Repressing one compulsive behaviour without addressing the root cause will only kick the can down the road for your mental health.

very well said. i agree with this 100%
if the root is not addressed people can often shift to another addiction. putting your foot down with the addiction is still very important, and is a great way to prove to ourselves that we are strong enough to beat it before we give in, but once you start to get a grip on it its important to address the root before enjoying your victory.

unfortunately there are a lot of people in the world with "addictive personalities". i personally dont like that phrase because i think it is used as a crutch and i think it is far more definable than we can currently agree.
everybody i know who is under the impression that they have an addictive personality (usually learnt from a medical professional) has had a tough life, particularly childhood, to some degree. i think it is important to address the past problems as the root, not the persons personality.

edit:
that last paragraph felt relevant when i started writing it, but now reading it back it feels like a rant (which i guess it is). really that whole paragraph can be wrapped up as the root of the problem mentioned by PlantTraveller.

 

[PedroSanchez]

End of Working Week three
First evening: abstinent

Second day: abstinent

Third day: abstinent
Week three: complete


End of Working Week four
First evening: abstinent

Second day: abstinent

Third day: abstinent
Week four: complete



The multiple uses of the word 'abstinent' makes it sound like my behaviour has been perfect the last few weeks - this is far from true. Had fate had different ideas, I would have visited sex workers a number of times. I tried to, but random things occurred that led to it not being possible, such as my phone battery almost running out of charge on one occasion! The universe conspiring to help me or just coincidence, whatever the case I didn't 'act out', and this is a quest of actions, not intentions. I have also masturbated too much in recent weeks and days, and ideally I'll now go through a period of no ejaculations to try and gain some self-control and to balance things out. We'll see how it goes. Not masturbating isn't a part of being abstinent for me, in fact I actively encourage myself to enjoy masturbation, but I try to limit it to twice a week so that I can reap the benefits of increased energy and confidence.

great to hear youre doing so well
dont beat yourself up too much over the little slip ups, youre doing amazing!
stay strong, brother