slight problem

[brokenChild]

I had your exact issue about a year and a half ago, the first few weeks just incessant racing thoughts at 1 million thoughts a second, very powerful mental suggestion... just be aware of it and watch it, it will settle in time. You know the dumb and retarded thoughts, don't act on those, use your own judgement (apart from mind) and find a way to relax your whole being if you can... as often as you can, till it settles.

The question of material items or "religious gain" or any other dimensional desire for prestige is irrelevant (it doesn't have to be material desire) the basic question is of desire itself, the nature of it, not the object of desire (whether it be heaven or a fancy car doesn't really matter, the root bottom is desire) but that's sort of irrelevant at the moment, fix your condition first. Focus first and foremost should be on wellbeing and stability (and awareness of your situation), once you get some normalcy back into your life then you can work on dismantling the other things.

Also be aware of your anger in the situation, the more you're aware of it the less you will act out of anger.

As far as the self-hate goes, you're just upside-down right now, that too will settle. No need to be hard on yourself, when it happened to me it kinda blew me into pieces too and I didn't have much of a directional understanding on it, I honestly didn't even know wtf happened lol it'll pass tho, and you'll get your bearing back soon enough, no worries just take it one step at a time and be patient with yourself.

 

[brokenChild]

Here's some links/videos that should help get you some healthy bearings in the meantime :thumb_up: ;

[YOUTUBE]

and

[YOUTUBE]

and

[YOUTUBE]

and

[YOUTUBE]

and particularly this one

[YOUTUBE]

You can also go on youtube and google and find other material by these masters if you would like, video and written, on any topic of life (and death)

Best of luck brother, they make it easier to climb out of the hole 8)

 

[ledsmoke]

Thank you for being so helpful I appreciate it.

My only concern is I think of beliefs and my mind instantly tries to battle it at the moment. Things I know to be true. It amazes me how we can go from bliss to this so quickly but I guess time will heal myself and everything will regulate back as well as my beliefs and what not.

I just want to be able to flow and have my racing mind be on my side again

 

[brokenChild]

It sounds like you're fighting with the mind. Don't fight with the mind, if you fight with it, you accept it as equal. If you accept it as equal, then you are no longer the master. It's just a tool (a beautiful and intricate, powerful tool, but a tool nonetheless). Don't give it power over you... it will settle with time. If it decides to go in some direction, just sit quietly, meditate, watch it, and let it go wherever it pleases. It has no power to go anywhere without your participation, so mind is not the problem

Yes, it will be a little crazy until it settles, but that's just the nature of it. Give it time and all will sort itself out, patience is really your best friend I cannot stress this enough.

One more thing, there's no such thing as a belief that you know to be true. There is belief, and there is knowledge, and there is knowing. Knowledge is gathered from outside sources, like if I tell you that most lawnmowers run on gas, and you've never seen or used a lawnmower before, that would be knowledge to you... things like chemistry, biology, those are all knowledge. Knowing is something that's from your own direct experience. You stuck your hand on a hot stove, burned it, and now you KNOW not to do that again. Not because I told you, or someone else told you, but because it came out of your own direct experience.

Belief is me telling you that Jesus Christ is your Lord and Savior and is the only true God, and if you worship him you will go to heaven, and that is the only way to escape damnation from eternal pits of hell flame. That is belief

Just be clear about your own understanding and awareness, and all will settle.


edit- I guess the extension of a belief that you know would be true, is if you directly experienced Jesus Christ's saving grace after I told you that, and had your direct experience of heaven, so I retract my argument, I guess it's possible to have a belief that you know to be true. But then it becomes knowing, and is no longer a belief. (by the way these are just examples, in no way am I asserting any organized religious truth)

 

[ledsmoke]

so just let the mind be. I've been trying reprogram and accept. I also thought about using DMT as this will make me accept it rather quickly? Could be a bad idea?I think destruction of the ego and getting back to the space I find comfortable and one of healing could potentially help. I do understand it will make me submit and accept it which is why I thought about it. I would rather like to get through this quickly since i instigated it so but you might be right patience is key.

 

[brokenChild]

You cannot destroy the ego in the first place, it is just an idea composed of your own behavioral patterns and unnatural tendencies. Ideas cannot be destroyed, they can be understood thoroughly (through and through) and with that understanding it drops simultaneously.

Whether you choose to use DMT, or mushrooms, or LSD again is inconsequential, nothing can bring you back to your previous state. That state is in the past, so it is dead. Be greatful that it happened, and carry on with the present. The more your present moment awareness grows, and consciousness about yourself and your inner spaces, the more your energies will expand and the possibility to open that state of being that you seek may come to fruition.

Forget about the past tho, it's irrelevant, you cannot go back into the past. Nor can you go forward into the future... you are given the present, one moment at a time, use it wisely

Accept whatsoever you are in the present, that is what you are given to work with, and that is how you found yourself. Anything that can be done, can only be done with that which you are, or your current condition. Nothing can be done about the past, learn from it and leave it

 

[ledsmoke]

So I must first figure out my core of the anxiety then it will drop.

I think the acceptance part is what's killing me. I do not like this state of stupidity, dullness of mind, and psychoanalysis. Questioning my beliefs and spinning everything up in my head. Shit i started to convince myself of things that were not true.

I just don't know how to let go... I'm fearful of it I guess. I fear what i've already said my memories, feelings, thoughts, insights, beliefs, my self (which I can't lose). I fear without them my life will fall and my life will be put on pause.

You are extremely right though, this all derives from being hung up on the past and as soon as I come to accept this moment I have a feeling all my anxiety will stop.

Best way to just let go though?

 

[brokenChild]

You don't need to "let go of thoughts"


Just watch them, and don't get identified. Like pictures on a film strip, or watching cars go by on the side of the road (red cars, blue cars, cheap cars, fancy cars... good thoughts, bad thoughts, interesting thoughts, etc)... eventually the traffic will die down, and if you watch long enough, die off. Then comes clarity


The more thoughts (any kind of thought, good or bad doesn't matter) the less clarity. The less thoughts, the more clarity, but clarity is not an attainment that you have to do something to achieve, when thoughts settle, clarity naturally arises (or insight, semantics are irrelevant). Let thoughts settle, patience is key, just be gentle with yourself in the meantime

 

[ledsmoke]

if the thoughts are becoming harder to hear?

 

[brokenChild]

Thoughts are your energy. Expressions of different aspects of your mind, some fragmented, some related to previous concepts/experiences or learned behaviors/beliefs or perceptions. You had some experience, which left you in a bit of a turmoil, so your system is in a chaos of its own right now. Let this chaos settle, and you will have clarity. If you start fighting with thoughts, or identifying with thoughts, then you're fighting with yourself. Withdraw your energy, don't get identified with the thoughts, and they will settle on their own. It's not that you won't be able to think afterwards, you will just have more clarity and insight into your mind. At the moment it's too hot, just let it cool and settle down... in the meantime in between time find something peaceful to do, anything that settles you and relaxes you

It'll just take a little time and patience

 

[ledsmoke]

My appreciation for you is immense. I can't thank you enough for coming back and helping me through all of my negativity.

I hope you find what you seek in this adventure we have before us.

Thank you once more. I'll be back in a few days and let you know how it goes.

 

[brokenChild]

No worries :lol: I've been in that exact situation, except at the time everyone "normal" thought I went crazy... which, I guess by definition one could say I did. It just takes a little time to get the bearings back, and it helps to understand how


Just be aware of the nuances and be patient. Best of luck, thanks for the warm wishes

 

[ledsmoke]

hehe I'm glad you understand "normal". Insanity is sexy and we are insane by nature so I'll stay put in that:grin:

My thoughts are harder to hear which I do not know if it's a good or bad thing. Maybe it's the pace has lessened.

My one problem which I think is the whole cause for all this is learning to let go. I need to let go and simply be but i'm struggling in doing so

Also from what I have gathered is that my previous self had a high level of energy and by being negative and dwelling on something I started dropping energy rather quickly, hence getting sick and debilitated. So now I must regain my energy to get to that state? or rather love myself and truly accept and be secure.

This is all theory just asking your opinion

 

[brokenChild]

No problem. What are you clinging to? the past experience? it's a dead carcass, there's no life in it any more, just memory.

Life is always in the present moment. The past is that which has been lived (and so is dead already, only stored as images/impressions in memory), and the future is just a possibility

Once you thoroughly understand what you're clinging to, letting go shouldn't be an issue


Also, interesting that you say you can't "hear" your thoughts as much anymore... oddly enough I never thought about it that way. I "look" for them, see them in the mind's eye as they appear... so you can say the word "thought" and you can see it mentally in the perception, easier for me to conceptualize it this way, but I guess if I was more attuned to sound (like a musician mayhaps) then I would utilize the hearing utility more. No reason you can't use both tho


Also you only have one self, it just goes through all of these experiences called life. Don't divide self due to difference in experience, experience yourself in all ranges of life, ups and downs

 

[ledsmoke]

Not the past experience but my beliefs, passions, dreams, zest for life, and my in depth understanding of who I was and what I wanted to do. Fearless. I feel demtatured, out of whack with myself and my views, and things I enjoy. numb and depersonalized. I want the me who was secure and had dreams and knew what he was going to do and could do.

Now I still know what these things are i just have no life force? or mind power to instill my beliefs.

Mainly though my intuneness with my thoughts flowing and my intelligence is what you could say I desire. By intelligence I mean not having to think and my oneness with what is. My creativity and comfortable numbness to the world without fear of being me. Those will come back though once I give up since I acquired those due to flow with myself.

I see it all as a loop. What I fear I will lose will come after I stop "trying"
that's how I think it might be perhaps

 

[brokenChild]

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, then it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was.

in any case sometimes we gotta fall apart so we can come together. If you don't lose what you have, you'll never understand its true value, and you may take it for granted.

With time you'll fall back into place, still not sure how you leaked energy. You made a mistake somewhere, some unconscious act or decision, but in any case life always supports us in invisible ways if we just let it

You'll be fine, in due time

 

[ledsmoke]

now how to let go.. i feel more of an ego coming on me everyday. judgements, racing thoughts, very racey in jumping to identifications

 

[Jin]

now how to let go.. i feel more of an ego coming on me everyday. judgements, racing thoughts, very racey in jumping to identifications

dont worry

try listening to music and paying attention to breath at the same time , do this everyday for atleast 1 hour after you wake up , within 1 month you're brain capacity for clarity will quadruple

its not easy to let go , yet if you focus your concentration at external sounds , rather than whats going on inside the head you'll be better in no time , listen to the sounds all the time

don't give in to fear , anxiety and confusion , promise yourself you're going to enjoy each and every moment and make the best of life , listen to music intently and avoid mental chatter

also when tripping are you listening to music ?

when you're out on the road or anywhere where music cannot be played just focus on external sounds like traffic or something , place your attention outside yourself in the very moment you are in ......

do it all the time , and tell me how you feel ?

in anycase when practicing this for some time (a few months atleast ) you'll be beyond yourself and find a new clarity and strength in your life which i can promise you is beyond anything you might have witnessed till now

also i hope you're not underdosing or overdosing on caffiene in any form - coffee , cola , tea as that itself can be a problem , i have found not drinking caffiene leads to a certain issue aswell as overdrinking it

my doseage is 250mg of coffee every 4.5 hours apart atleast 3 times a day ( don't drink 1g as written on the nescafe as that is ridiculous and surely will cause madness ) , no need for cola or tea when doing this as that can increase your caffiene content ..........

 

[ledsmoke]

Not always but usually I listen to music when I trip.

You believe focusing on externals will help me let go and bring my "self" back? I lack that sense of self, my personality and beliefs about things.

Avoid the chatter? I have so many mixed views on that now. I've been told to watch it to accept it and understand it and then to run from it. I do not know which is right.

I drink no caffeine though.

 

[Jin]

You believe focusing on externals will help me let go and bring my "self" back? I lack that sense of self, my personality and beliefs about things.

not really , it will help you get a new self , a self free from everything , also it really does not matter what i believe , what matters is the truth , try focusing on external sounds and know for yourself what the truth is .........don't listen to what i say .....find out for yourself

Avoid the chatter? I have so many mixed views on that now. I've been told to watch it to accept it and understand it and then to run from it. I do not know which is right.

no need to only avoid it , just throw it out of your mind like you would if it was garbage , i know you have mixed views on this yet why not practice sound meditation for yourself and decide for yourself what makes it better

I drink no caffeine though.

as written before 250 mg of coffee 3 times a day spaced 4.5 hours apart from each other , also try for yourself and let me know , also its 250 mg of coffee not pure caffiene , as that would be way too much

no need to have blind faith , find out the truth for yourself